The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (5 page)

Finding the W ay

Inhale Through Your Nose

When practicing any of the exercises in this book, always inhale through your nose, which filters and warms the air. When you inhale through your mouth, you breathe unfiltered, unwarmed air, which is harder for your body to assimilate.

Exer cise 2

BELLY BREATHING FOR MEN

1. SIT: Sit in a comfortable position and relax your shoulders.
   

2. HANDS ON ABDOMEN: Place your hands on your abdomen just below your belly button.
   

3. INHALE DEEPLY: Breathe deeply through your nose so that your belly pushes out (as if you have eaten a big meal).
   

4. EXHALE FULLY: Keeping your chest relaxed, exhale with some force so that your belly goes back in toward your spine. You should feel your penis and testicles pull up slightly.
   

5. CONTINUE BELLY BREATHING: Inhale and exhale nine, eighteen, or thirty-six times.
   

Exercises 1 and 2 are simple but essential. While you may want to read on and try the additional exercises, the more you practice these two exercises, the easier the more advanced multi-orgasmic exercises will be.

Learning to Control Ejaculation

It is possible to learn to be multi-orgasmic during lovemaking with a partner, but it is much easier to develop this new skill by yourself. Like all skills, becoming multi-orgasmic takes practice to perfect, and it will be much easier to focus on your rising arousal if you are not worrying about your partner’s arousal as well. In addition, it is much easier to develop your
PC
muscle and to stop in time if you do not also have to worry about interrupting your partner’s climax. Eventually, as you learn to become multi-orgasmic, you will simply need to stop momentarily, breathe deeply, and contract your
PC

muscles to stop yourself from ejaculating. While this is a book written for couples, it will help you both if you put in some solo time.

SOLO SEX AND SOLO CULTIVATION

Studies show that almost all men masturbate—even older and married men. In addition, almost all men feel some guilt about masturbating. If you don’t think you have any guilt feelings about masturbating, ask yourself if you would be willing to call out to your partner who had just come home, “Honey, I’m in the bathroom (or bedroom) masturbating. I’ll be right out.” Most of us would have no problem informing our partner that we were “in the bathroom,” the assumption being that we were relieving our bladder or our bowels, but God forbid we should be relieving an equally basic bodily urge.

The shame about masturbation is widespread, especially in Western society, and masturbation has even been called self-abuse. This attitude is so prevalent, in fact, that a U.S. Surgeon General was asked to resign because she said that masturbation “is part of human sexuality.”

The Taoists had no guilt about masturbation. As we have mentioned, for Taoists sex is about medicine and health, not morality. In fact, the Taoists called masturbation
solo cultivation
or
genital exercise
and considered it an important part of learning to control ejaculation and to circulate life-giving sexual energy.

Masturbation, or solo cultivation, can be a satisfying complement to partnered sex and, if you learn to have orgasms without ejaculating, an energizing one as well. As we will discuss in the final chapter, it can also help if your partner is not in the mood or is less often in the mood than you are.

We have two important suggestions regarding learning to self-cultivate:

1. Make love to yourself.
   As we will explain in chapter 6, sexual energy just expands whatever emotions you are feeling. If you are feeling love when you arouse yourself, your expanding sexual energy will increase your love. If you are feeling anger or loneliness when you arouse yourself, your expanding sexual energy will also increase your anger or loneliness. So enter into solo cultivation with a feeling of love and joy at the opportunity to bring such life-giving pleasure to yourself, and the sexual energy will expand this love and joy. In addition, cultivating your sexual energy while you are feeling love and kindness will make it much easier to control your ejaculation. It is much
   

   harder to control your ejaculation if you are feeling anger or impatience.
   

2. Take your time.
   The longer you are able to solo cultivate and prolong ejaculation, the faster you will be able to learn to become multi-orgasmic.
   

   The Taoists called masturbation
   solo cultivation
   or
   genital exercise
   and considered it an important part of learning to control ejaculation and to circulate life-giving sexual energy.
   

   Solo cultivation is something between masturbation and meditation.
   

   Hartman and Fithian, the pioneering sex researchers who have tested numerous multi-orgasmic men, concluded that if a man can learn to masturbate for fifteen or twenty minutes, he can make love for as long as he wants with his partner. Learning to be patient with yourself will allow you to have patience when you are with your partner.
   

   Once you learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation in this chapter and to circulate sexual energy through your body in chapter 3, you will be able to experience waves of orgasmic pleasure and to circulate that energy through your body. As one multi-orgasmic man described it: “It’s something between masturbation and meditation.”
   

   Keep in mind that the length of time you solo cultivate should depend on your mood and the moment. As with all lovemaking, there is no right quantity. Everything is about quality. (For additional suggestions and techniques on the Tao of masturbation, please refer to
   The Multi-Orgasmic Man,
   pp. 41–48.)
   

   COOLING DOWN
   

   Now that you have learned to control your
   PC
   muscle and your breathing, you have learned the two essential steps for becoming multi-orgasmic. Still, there are other techniques that will help to cool you down when you feel as if you might boil over.
   

   Stop before the point of no return.
   It is of course better to stop too soon than too late, but most men when they start will need to stop ten to twenty seconds before the point of no return.
   

   Press your penis or your perineum.
   Pressing the tip or base of your penis with your thumb and fingers (
   see illustration on p. 17
   ) can decrease your urge to ejaculate. This helps to focus your attention, which can help to concentrate the expanding energy. This is obviously awkward during lovemaking. A more convenient technique during lovemaking is reaching behind you and pressing on your perineum. This will help to focus your attention and interrupt the ejaculatory reflex. Pressing anywhere on the perineum lightly can help, but pressing the famous Million Dollar Point is most effective. This spot is so called because it cost a million dollars (or at the time a million gold pieces) to have a Taoist master show you where it is. The Million Dollar Point is just in front of the anus but before the root of the penis, which extends behind the testicles (
   see p. 9
   ).
   

   Breathe.
   When you approach the point of no return, you will need to breathe in deeply, as you have practiced in Exercise 2. Obviously, when you are close to ejaculating, you will breathe in much more quickly. Holding your breath for several seconds until the urge to ejaculate subsides will also
   

   help immensely. This deep breath helps to contain the expanding sexual energy. Alternatively, quick, shallow breaths can help to disperse the sexual energy. See which works best for you.
   

   Contract your
   PC
   muscle.
   Once again, your
   PC
   muscle surrounds your prostate, through which your semen must pass during the expulsion phase of orgasm. When you squeeze your prostate during contractile-phase orgasm (when it is contracting involuntarily), you can stop yourself from cresting over from contraction (orgasm) to expulsion (ejaculation).
   

   

   Pressing the head or base of the penis with thumb and fingers can decrease a man’s urge to ejaculate.
   

   Exer cise 3
   

    
   

   

   BECOMING A MULTI-ORGASMIC MAN
   

   1. LUBRICATE: Start by lubricating your penis. (Lubrication, as you may already know, will increase your sensations and make it possible to solo cultivate longer. Oil is generally better than lotion, which dries up more quickly.)
      

   2. SELF-PLEASURE: Self-pleasure however you like.
      

   3. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR AROUSAL: Pay close attention to your arousal rate. Once again, try to notice your increasing levels of arousal: notice the tingling at the root of your penis, notice the stages of erection, notice your breathing change and your heart rate increase.
      

   4. BREATHE AND CONTRACT YOUR PC MUSCLE: As you feel yourself getting close to the point of no return, stop, breathe deeply, and lightly contract your
      PC
      muscle around your prostate. You can press on your penis or perineum, but your breath and your
      PC
      muscle are the most important, as is stopping in time.
      

   5. FEEL ORGASMIC CONTRACTIONS IN YOUR PELVIS: Continue to pleasure yourself, coming increasingly close to the point of no return. If non-arousal is 0 and ejaculation is 10.0, then orgasm is at 9.8, so go slow. Start and stop, arousing yourself more and more (9.0, 9.1, and so on), and let yourself fall back into a contractile-phase orgasm without falling forward into an ejaculation. Notice the involuntary contraction of your prostate (and anus) that occurs during contractile-phase orgasm. Remember that these prostate orgasms may feel like mini-orgasms at first. Eventually they will be indistinguishable from ejaculatory orgasms, but you need to walk before you can run.
      

   6. ENJOY: After you have peaked several times without ejaculating, stop. You will feel peaceful and/or energized afterward. You may even notice the sexual energy starting to rise in your body as tingling or prickling in your torso or head. This is completely natural and the beginning of transforming your genital orgasms into whole-body orgasms.
      

It may take you a few times before you can feel the contractile-phase orgasms without cresting over into ejaculation, but don’t worry; with a little practice and a little patience you will soon be having multiple orgasms that are as intense and as pleasurable as any ejaculatory orgasm.