The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (37 page)
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Authors: Athol Kay
BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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Step 3 – Go for complete emotion with an irrational statement.
“
The fact is, I don’t know why I love you. I just do.”
The fact is, I don’t know why I love you. I just do.”
There’s no possible way she can deflect that statement’s emotional impact. It’s not trying to be a logical argument for love, so all she can do is either accept that it is the truth or deny it. Very little middle ground.
Step 4 – Make it seem even more real and solid. Tell her when you realized that you loved her. You can blow up a quite trivial incident into a maelstrom of flooded emotions here. (Hopefully it’s true and you’re not just a lying sack of shit.)
“
What I can do though, is tell you when I realized that I loved you. We were riding the big rollercoaster at Knoebel's together and about halfway around the track I realize I’m not even paying attention to the fact I’m on a rollercoaster. I’m just watching you and your hair flying in the wind. And you looked over at me and smiled and that was it. I just knew.”
What I can do though, is tell you when I realized that I loved you. We were riding the big rollercoaster at Knoebel's together and about halfway around the track I realize I’m not even paying attention to the fact I’m on a rollercoaster. I’m just watching you and your hair flying in the wind. And you looked over at me and smiled and that was it. I just knew.”
At this point she should be glassy-eyed and all melting inside. Now is a good time to hear she loves you and go for a long slow kiss close.
Of course this is all very vulnerable and Beta to gush all this emotion and wear your heart on your sleeve, so you can always bring everything back down to reality. With a very naughty boy smile and a twinkle in your eye you can redo the entire routine, but in instead of “why I love you”, do it as “why I want to have sex with you”…
“
I also need to tell you why I want to have sex with you.”
I also need to tell you why I want to have sex with you.”
“
I could tell you about your fantastic boobs, the boom in your booty, your slutty lower back tattoo. The fact is, these are just a list of your sexy qualities. I don’t know why I want to have sex with you, I just do.”
I could tell you about your fantastic boobs, the boom in your booty, your slutty lower back tattoo. The fact is, these are just a list of your sexy qualities. I don’t know why I want to have sex with you, I just do.”
“
What I can tell you though, is the moment I realized I wanted to have sex with you. You were at the bar and you deep throated a beer bottle and I just knew I wanted to have sex with you.”
What I can tell you though, is the moment I realized I wanted to have sex with you. You were at the bar and you deep throated a beer bottle and I just knew I wanted to have sex with you.”
This should get you a lot of laughter and it’s a subtle tease in that you’ve obviously been gaming her with the
“I love you.”
version if both that and the sex version have basically the same script format.
“I love you.”
version if both that and the sex version have basically the same script format.
Then gently pull her to you and say that you love her. 100% earnestly with no games, just all heart. Then spank her ass a little as you break the kiss and separate.
*** Disclaimer: Jennifer does not have a slutty back tattoo. She cannot deep throat a beer bottle. ***
(21.2) Speak Her Love Language
Time to play a little game with the wife...
You each get two pieces of paper and a pen. At the top of one piece of paper write,
"if I was really crazy in love with you, I would..."
On the top of the other write,
"if you were really crazy in love with me, I'd like you to..."
"if I was really crazy in love with you, I would..."
On the top of the other write,
"if you were really crazy in love with me, I'd like you to..."
Then go ahead and fill out at least ten things on each paper without peeking at what the other is writing. You can take ten minutes, or an hour, or a day or however long you want to.
Then you compare each other’s lists. Comparing your
"if I was in love with you I would..."
list against her
"if you were in love with me I'd like you to..."
list and vice versa.
"if I was in love with you I would..."
list against her
"if you were in love with me I'd like you to..."
list and vice versa.
The lists would be interesting in and of themselves, but you're also looking for the sweet spot where the same thing turns up on both lists. Meaning if your
"If I was crazy in love with you"
list had buying flowers for her and her
"If he was crazy in love with me, I’d like him to"
list had he would buy flowers for me, well you giving her flowers is a sweet spot.
"If I was crazy in love with you"
list had buying flowers for her and her
"If he was crazy in love with me, I’d like him to"
list had he would buy flowers for me, well you giving her flowers is a sweet spot.
Obviously you do those sweet spot items. That's a no brainer because when you do things that express feelings, it tends to intensify those feelings. Giving flowers not only expresses love, but it strengthens the feelings of love in the giver.
But don't neglect to do some of the other items as well. If you like giving flowers, but she is somewhat unexcited about getting them, you should still give them once in a while. Just expressing romantic love will reinforce your feelings for her. It may seem to be a little fake for her to happily accept flowers and make a little fuss about them, but she should do so knowing that you’re expressing yourself to her and your feelings are intensifying towards her.
Likewise if giving flowers is a total zero for you, but she loves them, you should give them to her once in a while. Receiving them reinforces her feelings for you. And yes it is a little fake of you to give them, but it's also saying that in effect you know what she likes and care enough to woo her.
With enough repetition of in-love behavior, it's very possible to rekindle lost feelings of love together. Yes, it does take some effort and seems a little fake at first, but it's really no different than those first few weeks of heading back to the gym to try and get back into shape. Feels weird, sometimes it hurts a little, but you just have to plow it though and the positive feelings will return.
It works because you are both sending and receiving messages of love in the way you are expecting to give and receive them. Sometimes the love has been there the whole time, but it's just like you've been speaking in different languages and not hearing each other.
And of course everything above about buying flowers applies exactly the same for blowjobs. Just sayin' ladies, just sayin’.
(21.3) Expose Weakness with Valentine’s Day Game
If you’re in a very bad place with your relationship – maybe the divorce word has been said, or she’s talking about walking out, you have to say something to her and at least buy some time.
Say to her.
"Listen, sometimes I feel like I'm a stupid man."
Generally this establishes common ground as something you both can agree on and build on. It's okay to pause for a second and just hold her attention there too. You should have her full attention before plowing ahead with the rest of the routine.
"Listen, sometimes I feel like I'm a stupid man."
Generally this establishes common ground as something you both can agree on and build on. It's okay to pause for a second and just hold her attention there too. You should have her full attention before plowing ahead with the rest of the routine.
"And while I love you with all my heart,"
good place for a pause here as well. Let her feel those words. Straight shoot them.
good place for a pause here as well. Let her feel those words. Straight shoot them.
"I don't really have a clue what to do to you, or for you, or with you, to make you feel loved by me, the way I do love you."
Say that "the way I do love you" bit with feeling. Pretend you’re in a movie and this is the turning point of the on screen romance.
Say that "the way I do love you" bit with feeling. Pretend you’re in a movie and this is the turning point of the on screen romance.
"I'm embarrassed to ask, but I am asking for your help, so please help me know how to make you feel loved, the way I do love you."
This just rocks because you're revealing vulnerability to her (and her only) and this automatically will generate a desire in her to open herself to you.
This just rocks because you're revealing vulnerability to her (and her only) and this automatically will generate a desire in her to open herself to you.
"So let’s pretend today is Valentine’s Day. And if today is Valentine’s Day, what is just one thing I could do, that would make you feel like you had a good Valentine’s Day? And make you feel loved, like I do love you."
Then whatever she says, you go do it. Then you ask her to do marriage counseling with you. Marriage counseling is probably not going to work; you’re just using it to buy time to run The MAP more. Try not to book the first appointment too soon.
(21.4) Every Day is Valentine’s Day
You can run the Valentine’s Day game as often as you like. The general rule though is that it is "just one thing" you’re doing and not a permanent slave collar. If she gets greedy, just deflect demands for more than one thing. Say "
sorry honey I forgot the first thing when you told me the second thing, what was the one thing you wanted me to do today?”
If you do this frequently, you will probably find that the first week or so will be item requests, flowers, card, chocolates etc, and over time as her romance need is met, she'll just turn horny on you and you can just coast along on Ten Second Kisses. Oh well,
just cope.
sorry honey I forgot the first thing when you told me the second thing, what was the one thing you wanted me to do today?”
If you do this frequently, you will probably find that the first week or so will be item requests, flowers, card, chocolates etc, and over time as her romance need is met, she'll just turn horny on you and you can just coast along on Ten Second Kisses. Oh well,
just cope.
(21.5) When She Asks “Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?”
There comes a time in every man’s life, when the woman he is involved with asks the dreaded question.
“
Do these pants make my ass look fat?”
(DTPMMALF)
Do these pants make my ass look fat?”
(DTPMMALF)
Guys tend to be simple creatures with basic needs. Feed us, let us have a place to sleep and some form of entertainment and we usually run at 95% of maximum happiness. Most guys will automatically attempt to answer any question with a one word answer. Unfortunately the only words that spring to mind are either
“Yes”
or
“No.”
“Yes”
or
“No.”
Answering
“Yes”
is of course a terrible choice. If you can’t figure out why it’s a terrible choice then you’re on your own, you’re probably not salvageable as a male. (Also, those kids calling you Dad probably aren’t yours either – just a heads up)
“Yes”
is of course a terrible choice. If you can’t figure out why it’s a terrible choice then you’re on your own, you’re probably not salvageable as a male. (Also, those kids calling you Dad probably aren’t yours either – just a heads up)
Answering
“No”
is not the relationship suicide that answering
“Yes”
is, but if you watch her face carefully you will not see any enjoyment in hearing a
“No”
answer.
“No”
is not the right answer; somehow you have failed.
“No”
is not the relationship suicide that answering
“Yes”
is, but if you watch her face carefully you will not see any enjoyment in hearing a
“No”
answer.
“No”
is not the right answer; somehow you have failed.
Occasionally someone will attempt to answer DTPMMALF by not answering
“Yes”
or
“No”
and advancing a cautious
“Maybe”
as an answer. The Maybe Gambit does work as an answer, but – and this is important – it works only if you are her girlfriend or a gay friend.
“Yes”
or
“No”
and advancing a cautious
“Maybe”
as an answer. The Maybe Gambit does work as an answer, but – and this is important – it works only if you are her girlfriend or a gay friend.
You answering
“Maybe”
just makes you seem completely developmentally delayed. You are expected to have strong, well formed opinions on the state of her body. Have you been paying attention to her at all?
“Maybe”
just makes you seem completely developmentally delayed. You are expected to have strong, well formed opinions on the state of her body. Have you been paying attention to her at all?
The other attempted answer is the It’s All In Your Head Defense where you explain that she is somehow mentally unstable for asking the question. This is the best of the answers so far, but is an insult at heart and drives the two of you a little further apart. So no.
T
he Actual Question Being Asked
he Actual Question Being Asked
Having covered what
not to
answer DTPMMALF with, it’s time to find out what to answer DTPMMALF with. Let’s break down DTPMMALF into something simple enough for the average guy to understand. When she says,
not to
answer DTPMMALF with, it’s time to find out what to answer DTPMMALF with. Let’s break down DTPMMALF into something simple enough for the average guy to understand. When she says,
“
Do these pants make my ass look fat?”
Do these pants make my ass look fat?”
You should hear,
“
Xx xxxxx xxxxx xxxx xx ass xxxx xxx?”
Xx xxxxx xxxxx xxxx xx ass xxxx xxx?”
Removing the verbal clutter, it is summarized as…
“ass?”
“ass?”
The correct response to that question is your first and natural response,
“Yes of course I’d like some ass.”
Remember how the
“No”
answer didn’t please her? See how you screwed that up now?
“Yes of course I’d like some ass.”
Remember how the
“No”
answer didn’t please her? See how you screwed that up now?
So how do you answer DTPMMALF – and get laid.
Give her your best I’m-a-sly-dog-naughty-boy smile. Hold the smile and make eye contact for at least three to five seconds until she stops whatever she is doing and pays complete attention to you. Then say…
“
I don’t know. I would have to see your ass without the pants.”
I don’t know. I would have to see your ass without the pants.”
Then just wait expectantly, continuing to hold eye contact.
Now What Happens?!?!
One of two things will happen. Either she takes the pants off or she doesn’t. If she takes them off… then close the deal. If she doesn’t take them off she should have at least smiled letting you know you answered the question correctly. That means good things will happen to you from her in the near future. Don’t be a twit and blow it.
Warning about Answering DTPMMALF Correctly.
Women only ask this question when they are in the fertile part of their monthly cycle.
(21.6) Talk Dirty To Her
Most women enjoy dirty talk in bed. Often this is limited to the bedroom and not an all area pass. I.e. calling her a
"hot little slut"
as you are all hot, sweaty and flinging the covers off the top of you and onto the floor is sexy goodness. Calling her a
"hot little slut"
in the checkout line at the supermarket is another thing entirely. The proper etiquette when standing in a checkout line is to not
say
that sort of thing at all, but to text it.
"hot little slut"
as you are all hot, sweaty and flinging the covers off the top of you and onto the floor is sexy goodness. Calling her a
"hot little slut"
in the checkout line at the supermarket is another thing entirely. The proper etiquette when standing in a checkout line is to not
say
that sort of thing at all, but to text it.
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