The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (657 page)

Well, this is it: my heart agrees to this,
And yet a thousand times it answers 'no.'

But still it says ‘no’ a thousand times and is reluctant to leave.

Exeunt

The DUKE's palace.

Enter VALENTINE and SPEED

SPEED

Sir, your glove.

Sir, here’s your glove.

VALENTINE

Not mine; my gloves are on.

It’s not mine; my gloves are on.

SPEED

Why, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.

Well, then, take it anyway, since it’s only one of a pair.

VALENTINE

Ha! let me see: ay, give it me, it's mine:

Ha! Let me see it: yes, give it to me, it’s mine:
Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!

What a sweet article of clothing that was worn by such a lovely woman!
Ah, Silvia, Silvia!

Ah, Silvia, Silvia!

SPEED

Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!

Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia

VALENTINE

How now, sirrah?

What are you doing, man?

SPEED

She is not within hearing, sir.

She’s not within hearing distance, sir.

VALENTINE

Why, sir, who bade you call her?

Tell me, sir, who asked you to call for her?

SPEED

Your worship, sir; or else I mistook.

You did, my lord; or else I misunderstood.

VALENTINE

Well, you'll still be too forward.

Well, you’re always too hasty.

SPEED

And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.

But last time I was scolded for being too slow.

VALENTINE

Go to, sir: tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?

Get on with it, sir: tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?

SPEED

She that your worship loves?

The woman that you love, my lord?

VALENTINE

Why, how know you that I am in love?

Well, how do you know that I am in love?

SPEED

Marry, by these special marks: first, you have

By Mary, by these certains signs: first off, you have
learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreathe your arms,

Learned, like Sir Proteus, to cross your arms,
like a malecontent; to relish a love-song, like a

Like someone unhappy; learned to sing a love-song, like the
robin-redbreast; to walk alone, like one that had

Red-breasted songbird; to walk alone, like one who is
the pestilence; to sigh, like a school-boy that had

Ill; to sigh, like a schoolboy who has
lost his A B C; to weep, like a young wench that had

Lost his school books; to weep, like a young girl who has
buried her grandam; to fast, like one that takes

Just buried her grandmother; to not eat, like someone who’s on a
diet; to watch like one that fears robbing; to

Diet; to stay awake at night, like someone who’s afraid to be robbed; to
speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were

Speak with a whimper, like a beggar on All Saint’s Day. You used to be
wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you

Accustomed to crow like a cock, when you laughed; when you
walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you

Walked, you did so like a lion; when you
fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you

Didn’t eat, it was right after dinner; when you
looked sadly, it was for want of money: and now you

Looked upset, it was because you needed money: and now you
are metamorphosed with a mistress, that, when I look

Have been transformed by a lady, so that, when I look
on you, I can hardly think you my master.

At you, I can hardly recognize my master.

VALENTINE

Are all these things perceived in me?

You can see all of these things in my presence?

SPEED

They are all perceived without ye.

I can see all of them out of your presence.

VALENTINE

Without me? they cannot.

When I’m not around? You can’t.

SPEED

Without you? nay, that's certain, for, without you

When you’re not around? No, that’s for sure, since—unless you
were so simple, none else would: but you are so

Were so simple—no one would; but you are so
without these follies, that these follies are within

Opposed to these silly things, that when you’re doing these silly things
you and shine through you like the water in an

They are as obvious as water is in an
urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a

Urinal, so that not a single person sees you who isn’t a
physician to comment on your malady.

Doctor to comment on your sickness.

VALENTINE

But tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?

But tell me, do you know my lady Silvia?

SPEED

She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?

The woman that you stare at like that while she sits at supper?

VALENTINE

Hast thou observed that? even she, I mean.

Have you noticed that? I mean, her.

SPEED

Why, sir, I know her not.

Well, sir, I don’t know her.

VALENTINE

Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet

Do you only know her from me staring at her, but
knowest her not?

Not know her?

SPEED

Is she not hard-favoured, sir?

Isn’t she unattractive, sir?

VALENTINE

Not so fair, boy, as well-favoured.

At just pretty, boy, but very attractive.

SPEED

Sir, I know that well enough.

Sir, I know that well enough.

VALENTINE

What dost thou know?

What do you know?

SPEED

That she is not so fair as, of you, well-favoured.

That she is not just pretty but very attractive to you.

VALENTINE

I mean that her beauty is exquisite, but her favour infinite.

I mean that her beauty is exquisite, but her attractiveness is endless.

SPEED

That's because the one is painted and the other out

That’s because one of them is artificial on and the other is
of all count.

Beyond measureing.

VALENTINE

How painted? and how out of count?

How is it artificial? And how beyond measure?

SPEED

Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no

By Mary, sir, so painted with make-up to make her pretty, that no
man counts of her beauty.

Man values her beauty.

VALENTINE

How esteemest thou me? I account of her beauty.

What do you think of me? I value her beauty.

SPEED

You never saw her since she was deformed.

You haven’t seen her since she was disfigured.

VALENTINE

How long hath she been deformed?

How long has she been disfigured?

SPEED

Ever since you loved her.

Ever since you began to love her.

VALENTINE

I have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I

I have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I
see her beautiful.

Think she is beautiful.

SPEED

If you love her, you cannot see her.

If you love her, you cannot see her.

VALENTINE

Why?

Why not?

SPEED

Because Love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes;

Because Love is blind. Oh, if only you could see through my eyes;
or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to

Or if you won eyes saw how they used to
have when you chid at Sir Proteus for going

When you would nag at Sir Proteus for going
ungartered!

Without his garters as a love-sick man does!

VALENTINE

What should I see then?

What would I see then?

SPEED

Your own present folly and her passing deformity:

Your own current foolishness and her extreme deformity:
for he, being in love, could not see to garter his

For Proteus, when he was in love, could not see to but on his
hose, and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.

Garters, and you, now that you are in love, cannot see to put on your pants.

VALENTINE

Belike, boy, then, you are in love; for last

Perhaps, boy, then, you are in love; for yesterday
morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.

Morning you couldn’t see to clean my shoes.

SPEED

True, sir; I was in love with my bed: I thank you,

It’s true, sir; I was in love with my bed: I’ll tell you,
you swinged me for my love, which makes me the

You beat me for my love, which makes me all the more
bolder to chide you for yours.

Brave to scold you for yours.

VALENTINE

In conclusion, I stand affected to her.

In conclusion, I stand totally in love with her.

SPEED

I would you were set, so your affection would cease.

I wish you were calmly seated, so your love would end.