The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (652 page)

Or say 'tis not your seal, nor your invention:

Or say it is not your seal, or something you came up with:

You can say none of this: well, grant it then

You can say none of this: well, going from there

And tell me, in the modesty of honour,

And tell me, honorably,

Why you have given me such clear lights of favour,

Why you have made such indication of liking me,

Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you,

Telling me to come smiling and wearing crossed-garters to you,

To put on yellow stockings and to frown

To put on yellow socks and to frown

Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;

At Sir Toby and the less-important people;

And, acting this in an obedient hope,

And, doing as I was told, hoping for reward,

Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,

Why have you allowed me to be imprisoned,

Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,

Kept in a dark room, visited by the priest,

And made the most notorious geck and gull

And been the victim of the worst prank

That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why.

That anyone ever had to deal with? Tell me why.

OLIVIA

Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,

Unfortunately, Malvolio, this is not my handwriting,

Though, I confess, much like the character

Though, I admit, very similar

But out of question 'tis Maria's hand.

But unquestionably it is Maria's handwriting.

And now I do bethink me, it was she

And now it occurs to me, it was her

First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling,

Who first told me you were insane; then came in smiling,

And in such forms which here were presupposed

And in such a way that were hinted at

Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:

To you in the letter. Please, be calm:

This practise hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee;

This prank has very cleverly been done to you;

But when we know the grounds and authors of it,

But when we know the reasons and culprits behind it,

Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge

You shall be both the plaintiff and the judge

Of thine own cause.

Of your own case.

FABIAN

Good madam, hear me speak,

Good lady, hear me speak,

And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come

And let no argument or fighting come

Taint the condition of this present hour,

Ruin the happiness of this time,

Which I have wonder'd at. In hope it shall not,

Which has amazed me. Hoping it won't,

Most freely I confess, myself and Toby

I freely confess that myself and Toby

Set this device against Malvolio here,

Pulled this trick on Malvolio here,

Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts

Because of some stubbornness and rudeness

We had conceived against him: Maria writ

We had dealt with from him: Maria wrote

The letter at Sir Toby's great importance;

The letter for Sir Toby's sake;

In recompense whereof he hath married her.

In return for which he has married her.

How with a sportful malice it was follow'd,

It was all in good fun,

May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;

Please find it funny rather than worth revenge;

If that the injuries be justly weigh'd

If it is considered fair the troubles

That have on both sides pass'd.

That both sides have endured.

OLIVIA

Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

Oh, poor fool, how they have outdone you!

Clown

Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,

Why, 'some are born great, some reach greatness,

and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was

and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was

one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but

a part, sir, of this business; one Sir Topas, sir; but

that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.'

that's all the same. 'By the Lord, clown, I am not insane.'

But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such

But do you remember? 'Madam, why do you laugh at such

a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:'

an unfunny rascal? If you do not smile, he's gagged:'

and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

and in that way the wheel of time brings in his revenge.

MALVOLIO

I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you.

I'll have revenge on the whole bunch of you.

Exit

OLIVIA

He hath been most notoriously abused.

He has been most terribly treated.

DUKE ORSINO

Pursue him and entreat him to a peace:

Follow after him and calm him down:

He hath not told us of the captain yet:

He has not told us about the captain yet:

When that is known and golden time convents,

When that is known and the time is right,

A solemn combination shall be made

A serious union shall be made

Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,

Of our precious souls. Meanwhile, sweet sister,

We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;

We will not separate from here. Cesario, come;

For so you shall be, while you are a man;

For that is what you are, while you are a man;

But when in other habits you are seen,

But when in other clothes you are seen,

Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.

Orsino's wife and his love's queen.

Exeunt all, except Clown

Clown

[Sings]


When that I was and a little tiny boy,

When I was just a little tiny boy,



With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

With a hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

A foolish thing was but a toy,

A foolish thing was just a toy,

For the rain it raineth every day.

For the rain it rains every day.

But when I came to man's estate,

But when I came to be a man

With hey, ho, & c.

With hey, ho, etc.

'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,

Against villains and thieves men shut the gate,

For the rain, & c.

For the rain, etc.

But when I came, alas! to wive,

But when I came, oh no! To marry,

With hey, ho, & c.

With hey, ho, etc.

By swaggering could I never thrive,

By showing off I could never succeed,

For the rain, & c.

For the rain, etc.

But when I came unto my beds,

But when I came to my beds,

With hey, ho, & c.

With hey, ho, etc.

With toss-pots still had drunken heads,

I was still drunk out of my mind,

For the rain, & c.

For the rain, etc.

A great while ago the world begun,

A great while ago the world began,

With hey, ho, & c.

With hey, ho, etc.

But that's all one, our play is done,

But that's all the same, our play is done,



And we'll strive to please you every day.

And we'll try to please you every day.

Exit

DUKE OF MILAN, father to Silvia

VALENTINE, one of the two gentlemen

PROTEUS, one of the two gentlemen

ANTONIO, father to Proteus

THURIO, a foolish rival to Valentine

EGLAMOUR, agent for Silvia in her escape

SPEED, a clownish servant to Valentine

LAUNCE, the like to Proteus

PANTHINO, servant to Antonio

HOST, where Julia lodges in Milan

OUTLAWS, with Valentine

JULIA, a lady of Verona, beloved of Proteus

SILVIA, beloved of Valentine

LUCETTA, waiting-woman to Julia

SERVANTS

MUSICIANS