The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (650 page)

Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth.



But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness:

But as for you, fellow; fellow, your words are insanity:

Three months this youth hath tended upon me;

This youth has served me for three months;

But more of that anon. Take him aside.

But more of that in a moment. Take him aside.

OLIVIA

What would my lord, but that he may not have,

What does my lord want, but that he may not have,

Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?

Where Olivia may seem enough?

Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.

Cesario, you do not keep your promise to me.

VIOLA

Madam!

My lady!

DUKE ORSINO

Gracious Olivia,--

Dear Olivia,-

OLIVIA

What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,--

What do you say, Cesario? My good sir,--

VIOLA

My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.

My lord wishes to speak; my duty means I must be quiet.

DUKE ORSINO

Still so cruel?

Still so cruel?

OLIVIA

Still so constant, lord.

Still so loyal, Lord.

DUKE ORSINO

What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady,

What, to contrariness? You rude lady,

To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars

To whose ungrateful and unlucky altars

My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out

My soul has given the most faithful offerings



That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?

That devotion ever gave? What shall I do.

OLIVIA

Where goes Cesario?

Where is Cesario going?

VIOLA

After him I love

After him that I love

More than I love these eyes, more than my life,

More than I love my eyes, more than my life,

More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife.

More, by all the more, than I ever shall love a wife.

If I do feign, you witnesses above

If I lie, may Heaven's witnesses

Punish my life for tainting of my love!

Punish my life for spoiling my love!

OLIVIA

Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!

Oh, me, hated! How I am tricked!

VIOLA

Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?

Who tricks you? Who does you wrong?

OLIVIA

Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long?

Have you forgotten yourself? Is it so long?

Call forth the holy father.

DUKE ORSINO

Come, away!

OLIVIA

Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.

Where, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.

DUKE ORSINO

Husband!

OLIVIA

Ay, husband: can he that deny?

Yes, husband: can he deny that?

DUKE ORSINO

Her husband, sirrah!

Her husband, sir!

VIOLA

No, my lord, not I.

No, my lord, not me.

OLIVIA

Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear



That makes thee strangle thy propriety:



Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up;



Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art



As great as that thou fear'st.

Don't be afraid, Cesario, we're safe.

Enter Priest

O, welcome, father!



Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,



Here to unfold, though lately we intended



To keep in darkness what occasion now



Reveals before 'tis ripe, what thou dost know



Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me.

Priest, tell them what we just did.

Priest

A contract of eternal bond of love,



Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands,



Attested by the holy close of lips,



Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings;



And all the ceremony of this compact



Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:



Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave



I have travell'd but two hours.

Less than two hours ago, I married these two.

DUKE ORSINO

O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be



When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?



Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow,



That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?



Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet



Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.

You liar and traitor! Fine then, marry her, take her,

but I never want to see you again.

VIOLA

My lord, I do protest--

My lord, I protest--

OLIVIA

O, do not swear!

Oh, do not swear!

Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.

Have a little faith, even if you have too much fear.

Enter SIR ANDREW

SIR ANDREW

For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently

For the love of God, a doctor! Send one soon

to Sir Toby.

to Sir Toby.

OLIVIA

What's the matter?

What's going on?

SIR ANDREW

He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby



a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your



help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.

He has punched me and given Sir Toby a bloody wound!

I wish I were at home.

OLIVIA

Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

SIR ANDREW

The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for

The count's nobleman, Cesario: we thought he was

a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.

a coward, but he's the very devil himself.

DUKE ORSINO

My gentleman, Cesario?

My servant, Cesario?

SIR ANDREW

'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for

By God, here he is! You broke my head for

nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't

nothing; and what I did, I was put up to

by Sir Toby.

by Sir Toby.

VIOLA

Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you:

Why do you speak to me like this? I never hurt you:

You drew your sword upon me without cause;

You pulled out your sword at me without a reason;

But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.

But I spoke well to you, and did not hurt you.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and Clown

DUKE ORSINO

How now, gentleman! how is't with you?

Hello, gentleman! How are you?

SIR TOBY BELCH

That's all one: he has hurt me, and there's the end

That's not important: he has hurt me, and that's the end



on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?

of it.

Clown

O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes

Oh, he's drunk, Sir Toby, for more than an hour now; his eyes



were set at eight i' the morning.

where set at eight in the morning.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Then he's a rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I

Then he's a rogue, and drunk: I

hate a drunken rogue.

hate a drunken scoundrel.

OLIVIA

Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?

Away with him! Who has made all this confusion and commotion with them?

SIR ANDREW

I'll help you, Sir Toby, because we'll be dressed together.

I'll help you, Sir Toby, because we'll be damaged together.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a



knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!

Will you help?
[
Flood of insults.]

OLIVIA

Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to.

Get him to bed, and let his hurt be looked after.

Exeunt Clown, FABIAN, SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW

Enter SEBASTIAN

SEBASTIAN

I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman:

I am sorry, madam, I have hurt you relative:

But, had it been the brother of my blood,

But, had it been my own family,

I must have done no less with wit and safety.

I must have done just as much with cleverness and safety
.



You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that

You give me an odd look, and by that



I do perceive it hath offended you:

I do see that it has offended you:



Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows

Pardon me, sweet one, even for the promises

We made each other but so late ago.

We made each other just a few hours ago.

DUKE ORSINO

One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,

One face, once voice, one set of clothes, and two people,

A natural perspective, that is and is not!

A strange freak of nature!

SEBASTIAN

Antonio, O my dear Antonio!

Oh Antonio, oh my dear Antonio!

How have the hours rack'd and tortured me,

How the hours have tortured me,

Since I have lost thee!

Since I lost you!

ANTONIO

Sebastian are you?

Sebastian, is that you?

SEBASTIAN

Fear'st thou that, Antonio?

Are you afraid of that, Antonio?

ANTONIO

How have you made division of yourself?

How have you made yourself two people?

An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin

An apple, cut in half, is not more twin

Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

Than these two ones. Which is Sebastian?

OLIVIA

Most wonderful!

How strange!

SEBASTIAN

Do I stand there? I never had a brother;

Do I stand there? I never had a brother;

Nor can there be that deity in my nature,

Nor can there be magic in myself,

Of here and every where. I had a sister,