The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (654 page)

This place is too small of a pasture for so many sheep.

SPEED

If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.

If the land is overstocked, it you be better for you to kill her.

PROTEUS

Nay: in that you are astray, 'twere best pound you.

No: in that you are wrong, it would be best for me to put you in the pound.

SPEED

Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for

No, sir, less than a pound will pay me for
carrying your letter.

Carrying your letter.

PROTEUS

You mistake; I mean the pound,--a pinfold.

You are mistaken; I mean the pound—the pen for stray animals.

SPEED

From a pound to a pin? fold it over and over,

Down from a pound to a penny? Multiply that over and over,
'Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to

It’s three-times too little for carrying a letter to
your lover.

You lover.

PROTEUS

But what said she?

But what did she say?

SPEED

[First nodding] Ay.

[He nods first and then speaks] Yes, she nodded, ‘aye’.

PROTEUS

Nod--Ay--why, that's noddy.

Nod—‘Aye’—well, that’s ‘noddy’, a fool.

SPEED

You mistook, sir; I say, she did nod: and you ask

You misunderstood, sir; I said that she nodded: and you asked
me if she did nod; and I say, 'Ay.'

Me if she nodded; and I say, ‘Aye.’

PROTEUS

And that set together is noddy.

And when you put that together it’s ‘noddy’, which means a fool.

SPEED

Now you have taken the pains to set it together,

You are the one who has troubled yourself to put it together,
take it for your pains.

Take the name as a reward for your trouble.

PROTEUS

No, no; you shall have it for bearing the letter.

No, no; it’s your reward for carrying the letter.

SPEED

Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.

Well, I guess I must carry the name with you.

PROTEUS

Why sir, how do you bear with me?

Well sir, how do you carry with me?

SPEED

Marry, sir, the letter, very orderly; having nothing

By Mary, sir, the letter I carried very properly; being given nothing
but the word 'noddy' for my pains.

But the word ‘noddy’ for my trouble.

PROTEUS

Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit.

Devil take me, you have a very quick mind.

SPEED

And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.

But still my quick mind isn’t a match for your slow money-pouch.

PROTEUS

Come come, open the matter in brief: what said she?

Come on, relate the subject-matter quickly: what did she say?

SPEED

Open your purse, that the money and the matter may

Open your purse so that the money and the subject-matter may
be both at once delivered.

Be given at the same time.

“[PROTEUS gives SPEED a coin]”

PROTEUS

Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said she?

Well, sir, here is payment for your troubles. What did she say?

SPEED

Truly, sir, I think you'll hardly win her.

To tell the truth, sir, I don’t think you’ll win her over.

PROTEUS

Why, couldst thou perceive so much from her?

Why, could you tell that much from her?

SPEED

Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no,

Sir, I could get nothing from her at all; no,
not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter:

Not even a gold coin for delivering your letter:
and being so hard to me that brought your mind, I

And since she was so hard on me, who brought the letter expressing your feelings, I’m
fear she'll prove as hard to you in telling your

Afraid she’ll end up being just as hard on you when you tell her your
mind. Give her no token but stones; for she's as

Feelings in person. Don’t give her any tokens of your affection except for jewels; for she’s as
hard as steel.

Hard as steel.

PROTEUS

What said she? nothing?

What did she say? Nothing?

SPEED

No, not so much as 'Take this for thy pains.' To

No, not even, ‘Take this for your troubles.’ To
testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned

Respond to your gift, I thank you, you have tipped me a six-pence;
me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your

In repayment of that, after this you can carry your
letters yourself: and so, sir, I'll commend you to my master.

Letters yourself: and so, sir, I’ll give your greetings to my master.

PROTEUS

Go, go, be gone, to save your ship from wreck,

Go, go on, go away, go save your ship from wrecking,
Which cannot perish having thee aboard,

Because it cannot wreck if you are aboard,
Being destined to a drier death on shore.

Since you are destined to a death by hanging on the shore.

Exit SPEED

I must go send some better messenger:

I must go send some better messenger:
I fear my Julia would not deign my lines,

I’m afraid that my Julia wouldn’t accept my words,
Receiving them from such a worthless post.

Since she was receiving them from such a worthless messenger.

Exit

 Garden of JULIA's house.

Enter JULlA and LUCETTA

JULIA

But say, Lucetta, now we are alone,

Tell me, Lucetta, now that we are alone,
Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?

Would you advise me to fall in love?

LUCETTA

Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.

Yes, madam, providing that you don’t fall carelessly.

JULIA

Of all the fair resort of gentlemen

Of all the splendid crowd of gentlemen
That every day with parle encounter me,

That meets me with conversation everyday,
In thy opinion which is worthiest love?

In your opinion which is the worthiest of my love?

LUCETTA

Please you repeat their names, I'll show my mind

Please, repeat their names for me, I’ll tell you what I think
According to my shallow simple skill.

Based on my silly simple observations.

JULIA

What think'st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?

What do you think of the excellent Sir Eglamour?

LUCETTA

As of a knight well-spoken, neat and fine;

As a knight he is well-spoken, elegant and refined;
But, were I you, he never should be mine.

But, if I were you, he would never be my lover.

JULIA

What think'st thou of the rich Mercatio?

What do you think of the rich Mercatio?

LUCETTA

Well of his wealth; but of himself, so so.

I think well of his wealth; but of him as a person, he’s so-so.

JULIA

What think'st thou of the gentle Proteus?

What do you think of the noble Proteus?

LUCETTA

Lord, Lord! to see what folly reigns in us!

Dear Lord! To see how silly we women can be!

JULIA

How now! what means this passion at his name?

What’s this! Why this passionate outburst when name him?

LUCETTA

Pardon, dear madam: 'tis a passing shame

Forgive me, dear madam: it’s a supreme shame
That I, unworthy body as I am,

That I, unworthy servant that I am,
Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.

Should pass judgment like this on a loving gentlemen.

JULIA

Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?

Why should you not pass judgment on Proteus as you did for the rest of them?

LUCETTA

Then thus: of many good I think him best.

I will say this: of the many good men, I think he is the best.

JULIA

Your reason?

What’s your reason?

LUCETTA

I have no other, but a woman's reason;

I have no reason but a woman’s reason;
I think him so because I think him so.

I think he’s the best because I think he’s the best.

JULIA

And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him?

And would you have me give him my love?

LUCETTA

Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.

Yes, if you thought your love was not being wasted.

JULIA

Why he, of all the rest, hath never moved me.

Why, out of all of them, he has never made a move on me.

LUCETTA

Yet he, of all the rest, I think, best loves ye.

But out of all of them, I think he loves you the most.

JULIA

His little speaking shows his love but small.

His few words about it show that his love is not that much.

LUCETTA

Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.

Passion that’s kept closest to the chest burns most of all.

JULIA

They do not love that do not show their love.

They are not in love if they don’t show their love.

LUCETTA

O, they love least that let men know their love.

Oh, the ones who let everyone know of their love, love the least.

JULIA

I would I knew his mind.

I wish I knew what he was thinking.

LUCETTA

Peruse this paper, madam.

Read this letter, madam.

JULIA

'To Julia.' Say, from whom?

‘To Julia.’ Tell me, who is this from?

LUCETTA

That the contents will show.

The contents of the letter will tell you that.