The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (655 page)

JULIA

Say, say, who gave it thee?

Tell me, tell me, who gave it to you?

LUCETTA

Valentine's page; and sent, I think, from Proteus.

Valentine’s servant; and I think it was sent from Proteus.
He would have given it you; but I, being in the way,

He would have given it to you; but since I met him first, I
Did in your name receive it: pardon the

Received it for you: forgive me the
fault I pray.

Mistake, please.

JULIA

Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker!

Now, as I swear by my own modesty, a good go-between!
Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?

Do you dare to hide passionate letters from me?
To whisper and conspire against my youth?

To whisper behind my back and plot against my youth?
Now, trust me, 'tis an office of great worth

Now, believe me, it's a role of great importance
And you an officer fit for the place.

and you are someone fit for that role.
Or else return no more into my sight.

If not, don't let me see you again.

LUCETTA

To plead for love deserves more fee than hate.

To ask for love deserves higher payment than hate does.

JULIA

Will ye be gone?

Will you leave?

LUCETTA

That you may ruminate.

I will so that you may think.

Exit

JULIA

And yet I would I had o'erlooked the letter:

And still I wish I had read the letter:
It were a shame to call her back again

It would be a shame to call her back again
And pray her to a fault for which I chid her.

And ask her to make a mistake that I scolded her for.
What a fool is she, that knows I am a maid,

What a fool she is, who know I am a virgin,
And would not force the letter to my view!

And would not make me read the letter!
Since maids, in modesty, say 'no' to that

Since virgins, in their modesty, say 'no' to whatever
Which they would have the profferer construe 'ay.'

They want the giver to interpret as 'yes.'
Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love

Shame, for shame, how awkward is this foolish love
That, like a testy babe, will scratch the nurse

That, like an irritable baby, will scratch her nurse
And presently all humbled kiss the rod!

And immediately afterward become meek and obedient!
How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence,

How harshly I drove away Lucetta just now,
When willingly I would have had her here!

When I would gladly have her be here!
How angerly I taught my brow to frown,

How angrily I scowled my face,
When inward joy enforced my heart to smile!

When inwardly joy made my heart smile!
My penance is to call Lucetta back

My punishment for this is to call Lucetta back
And ask remission for my folly past.

And ask forgiveness for my mistake just then.
What ho! Lucetta!

Come here! Lucetta!

Re-enter LUCETTA

LUCETTA

What would your ladyship?

What do you need, my lady?

JULIA

Is't near dinner-time?

Is it near dinner time?

LUCETTA

I would it were,

I wish it were,
That you might kill your stomach on your meat

So that you might satisfy your anger with your meal
And not upon your maid.

Instead taking it out on your servant.

"[JULIA bends over and picks up the letter.]"

JULIA

What is't that you took up so gingerly?

What did you just pick up so carefully?

LUCETTA

Nothing.

Nothing.

JULIA

Why didst thou stoop, then?

Why did you bend over, then?

LUCETTA

To take a paper up that I let fall.

To pick up the paper that I dropped.

JULIA

And is that paper nothing?

And is that paper nothing?

LUCETTA

Nothing concerning me.

It's nothing that is of importance to me.

JULIA

Then let it lie for those that it concerns.

Then let it stay where it is for those who it is of importance to.

LUCETTA

Madam, it will not lie where it concerns

Madam, it will not tell lies about its content
Unless it have a false interpeter.

Unless it has a dishonest reader.

JULIA

Some love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme.

Some lover of yours has written you a poem.

LUCETTA

That I might sing it, madam, to a tune.

So that I might sing it as a song, madam.
Give me a note: your ladyship can set.

Give me a melody: you can compose the song, my lady.

JULIA

As little by such toys as may be possible.

I put as little effort into such games as I can.
Best sing it to the tune of 'Light o' love.'

You'd better sing it to the tune of 'Light of Love.'

LUCETTA

It is too heavy for so light a tune.

It is to serious for such a lighthearted tune.

JULIA

Heavy! belike it hath some burden then?

Serious! Perhaps it has a chorus then?

LUCETTA

Ay, and melodious were it, would you sing it.

Yes, and if it has a melody, you would sing it.

JULIA

And why not you?

Why would I sing it and not you?

LUCETTA

I cannot reach so high.

I can't sing that high.

JULIA

Let's see your song. How now, minion!

Let's hear your song. Come on, hussy!

LUCETTA

Keep tune there still, so you will sing it out:

You have the same temper and tune, if you keep it up you’ll finish the song and lose your mood:
And yet methinks I do not like this tune.

And still I don't think that I like this song.

JULIA

You do not?

You don't?

LUCETTA

No, madam; it is too sharp.

No, madam; it is too high-pitched.

JULIA

You, minion, are too saucy.

You, hussy, are too insolent.

LUCETTA

Nay, now you are too flat

No, now you are too low-pitched
And mar the concord with too harsh a descant:

And mess up the harmony with too an accompaniment that is too harsh:
There wanteth but a mean to fill your song.

Your song lacks a middle-part to fill it out.

JULIA

The mean is drown'd with your unruly bass.

The middle-part is drowned out by your rowdy low-voice.

LUCETTA

Indeed, I bid the base for Proteus.

Yes, I’m singing on behalf of Proteus.

JULIA

This babble shall not henceforth trouble me.

This nonsense will not bother me anymore.
Here is a coil with protestation!

Here is the proof of my displeasure!

Tears the letter

Go get you gone, and let the papers lie:

Go, get away from here, and let the papers stay where they are:
You would be fingering them, to anger me.

you would pick them up just to anger me.

LUCETTA

She makes it strange; but she would be best pleased

She pretends to not care; but she would be very happy
To be so anger'd with another letter.

to have another letter make her so angry.

Exit

JULIA

Nay, would I were so anger'd with the same!

No, I wish I were still angry with the same letter!
O hateful hands, to tear such loving words!

Oh, my terrible hand that tore apart those loving words!
Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey

Harmful wasps that feed on such sweet honey
And kill the bees that yield it with your stings!

And kill the bees that make it by stinging them!
I'll kiss each several paper for amends.

I'll kiss each and every paper to make amends.
Look, here is writ 'kind Julia.' Unkind Julia!

Look, here it says 'kind Julia.' Cruel Julia!
As in revenge of thy ingratitude,

In revenge of your ungratefulness, Julia
I throw thy name against the bruising stones,

I’ll throw the name Julia against hurtful stones,
Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.

And scornfully trample on your contempt.
And here is writ 'love-wounded Proteus.'

And here is written, 'love-sick Proteus.'
Poor wounded name! my bosom as a bed

Poor love-sick man! My breast pocket will hold the letter and my hear will hold you
Shall lodge thee till thy wound be thoroughly heal'd;
Until your love is completely healed.

And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.

And so I’ll clean your wound with a healing kiss.
But twice or thrice was 'Proteus' written down.

Only two are three times was Proteus' name written down.
Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away

May the breeze stay calm so it doesn't blow a word away
Till I have found each letter in the letter,

Until I have found every piece of the letter,
Except mine own name: that some whirlwind bear

Except where my own name is written: that some breeze can carry
Unto a ragged fearful-hanging rock

Off a jagged and frightening overhanging rock
And throw it thence into the raging sea!

and throw it from there into the raging sea!
Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ,

Look, here on one line his name it written twice,
'Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,

'Poor desperate Proteus, passionate Proteus,
To the sweet Julia:' that I'll tear away.

To the sweet Julia:' that part I'll tear away.
And yet I will not, sith so prettily

And still I won’t tear it since so prettily
He couples it to his complaining names.

He pairs my name with his pitiful names.
Thus will I fold them one on another:

So I will fold them together:
Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.

Now kiss, hold close, sexually embrace, do whatever you want.

Re-enter LUCETTA

LUCETTA

Madam,

Madam,
Dinner is ready, and your father stays.

Dinner is ready, and your father is waiting.

JULIA

Well, let us go.

Well, let’s go then.

LUCETTA

What, shall these papers lie like tell-tales here?

What, and leave these papers to lie here like little signs?

JULIA

If you respect them, best to take them up.