The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (324 page)

your royal speech is the best confirmation

of his epitaph.

KING

Would I were with him! He would always say--

Methinks I hear him now; his plausive words

He scatter'd not in ears, but grafted them,

To grow there and to bear,--'Let me not live,'--

This his good melancholy oft began,

On the catastrophe and heel of pastime,

When it was out,--'Let me not live,' quoth he,

'After my flame lacks oil, to be the snuff

Of younger spirits, whose apprehensive senses

All but new things disdain; whose judgments are

Mere fathers of their garments; whose constancies

Expire before their fashions.' This he wish'd;

I after him do after him wish too,

Since I nor wax nor honey can bring home,

I quickly were dissolved from my hive,

To give some labourers room.

I wish I was with him! He would always say-

it's almost as if I can hear him now; he didn't

throw about his sensible words but planted them

to grow and bear fruit–‘let me not live,’ -

that is how his sweet complaints often began,

when we got towards the end of some pastime or

when it was over-‘let me not live,’ he would say,

‘when my fire has no more fuel, to be a dampener

on younger spirits, whose senses

have contempt for everything but the new; their wisdom

is all spent thinking of their clothes; their loyalties

don't last as long as their fashions.’ This is what he wished;

and I wish the same as him,

since I cannot bring home wax or honey

I should be quickly thrown out of my hive

to give the workers some room.

Second Lord

You are loved, sir:

They that least lend it you shall lack you first.

You are loved, sir:

even those who don't show it would be first to miss you.

KING

I fill a place, I know't. How long is't, count,

Since the physician at your father's died?

He was much famed.

I'm taking up room, I know it. How long is it, count,

since your father's physician died?

He was very well-known.

BERTRAM

Some six months since, my lord.

Six months ago, my lord.

KING

If he were living, I would try him yet.

Lend me an arm; the rest have worn me out

With several applications; nature and sickness

Debate it at their leisure. Welcome, count;

My son's no dearer.

If he were alive I would give him a try.

Give me your arm; the others have worn me out

with their different medicines; nature and sickness

are fighting it out as they please. Welcome, Count;

you are as dear to me as my son.

BERTRAM

Thank your majesty.

Thank you, your Majesty.

Exeunt. Flourish

Enter COUNTESS, Steward, and Clown

COUNTESS

I will now hear; what say you of this gentlewoman?

I'll listen to you now; what have you to say about this gentlewoman?

Steward

Madam, the care I have had to even your content, I

wish might be found in the calendar of my past

endeavours; for then we wound our modesty and make

foul the clearness of our deservings, when of

ourselves we publish them.

Madam, the care I have taken over your happiness I

hope can be seen in the records of the things I have done

in the past; it is immodest, and makes us less deserving,

to boast of our good deeds ourselves.

COUNTESS

What does this knave here? Get you gone, sirrah:

the complaints I have heard of you I do not all

believe: 'tis my slowness that I do not; for I know

you lack not folly to commit them, and have ability

enough to make such knaveries yours.

What is this scoundrel doing here? Get out, sir:

I don't believe all the bad things I've heard

about you: it's stupid of me not to, for I know

that you are daft enough to do them, and have the ability

to get up to that sort of mischief.

Clown

'Tis not unknown to you, madam, I am a poor fellow.

You know, madam, that I am a poor fellow.

COUNTESS

Well, sir.

Well?

Clown

No, madam, 'tis not so well that I am poor, though

many of the rich are damned: but, if I may have

your ladyship's good will to go to the world, Isbel

the woman and I will do as we may.

No, madam, I don't think it's well that I am poor, although

many of the rich will go to hell: but, if I can have

your ladyship's kind permission to go out into the world,

the woman Isbel and I will get by as best we can.

COUNTESS

Wilt thou needs be a beggar?

Will you have to beg?

Clown

I do beg your good will in this case.

I'm begging for your blessing in this case.

COUNTESS

In what case?

In what case?

Clown

In Isbel's case and mine own. Service is no

heritage: and I think I shall never have the

blessing of God till I have issue o' my body; for

they say barnes are blessings.

In Isbel's case and my own. Being a servant

leaves nothing: and I think I will never have the

blessing of God until I have children; for

they say babies are blessings.

COUNTESS

Tell me thy reason why thou wilt marry.

Tell me why you want to get married.

Clown

My poor body, madam, requires it: I am driven on

by the flesh; and he must needs go that the devil drives.

My poor body, madam, demands it: I am driven

by lust; when the devil orders one must obey.

COUNTESS

Is this all your worship's reason?

And this is your only reason?

Clown

Faith, madam, I have other holy reasons such as they

are.

Oh no madam, I have other, holy, reasons; such as they are.

COUNTESS

May the world know them?

Can you tell us?

Clown

I have been, madam, a wicked creature, as you and

all flesh and blood are; and, indeed, I do marry

that I may repent.

Madam, I have been a wicked creature, just like you

and all humans; and so I am marrying

so that I can repent.

COUNTESS

Thy marriage, sooner than thy wickedness.

You will regret your marriage before you regret your wickedness.

Clown

I am out o' friends, madam; and I hope to have

friends for my wife's sake.

I have no friends, madam; I hope people will come

to see me because of my wife.

COUNTESS

Such friends are thine enemies, knave.

Friends like that are your enemies, fool.

Clown

You're shallow, madam, in great friends; for the

knaves come to do that for me which I am aweary of.

He that ears my land spares my team and gives me

leave to in the crop; if I be his cuckold, he's my

drudge: he that comforts my wife is the cherisher

of my flesh and blood; he that cherishes my flesh

and blood loves my flesh and blood; he that loves my

flesh and blood is my friend: ergo, he that kisses

my wife is my friend. If men could be contented to

be what they are, there were no fear in marriage;

for young Charbon the Puritan and old Poysam the

Papist, howsome'er their hearts are severed in

religion, their heads are both one; they may jowl

horns together, like any deer i' the herd.

You don't understand, madam, what great friends they are;

the scoundrels come and do for me the things I am tired of.

Someone who ploughs my land gives my horses a rest

and I can still gather the crop; if he's cheating on me, he's my

dogsbody: the one who sleeps with my wife cares for

my flesh and blood; anyone who cares for my flesh

and blood loves my flesh and blood; anyone who loves

my flesh and blood is my friend: therefore whoever kisses

my wife is my friend. If men would be happy to be honest

about who they are, there would be no anxiety in marriage;

young Charbon the puritan and old Poysam the

papist, however much their hearts are separated

by religion, their minds are the same; they can lock horns

with each other like any other deer in the herd.

COUNTESS

Wilt thou ever be a foul-mouthed and calumnious knave?

Will you always be a foulmouthed and slandering scoundrel?

Clown

A prophet I, madam; and I speak the truth the next

way:

For I the ballad will repeat,

Which men full true shall find;

Your marriage comes by destiny,

Your cuckoo sings by kind.

I am a prophet, madam; and I'm telling the truth in my way;

I will repeat the song

which men will know is true;

your marriage comes through fate,

cheating comes through nature.

COUNTESS

Get you gone, sir; I'll talk with you more anon.

Away with you, sir; I'll talk to you more soon.

Steward

May it please you, madam, that he bid Helen come to

you: of her I am to speak.

If it's all right with you madam, ask him to tell Helen

to come here; I need to speak to you about her.

COUNTESS

Sirrah, tell my gentlewoman I would speak with her;