The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (412 page)

Remember that you have removed your hat; I ask you, be sure to apparel
head: and among other important and most serious

Your head: and among other important and very serious
designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let

Clothes, and of great cost indeed, too, but let
that pass: for I must tell thee, it will please his

That pass: for I must tell you, it will please his
grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor

Grace, sometimes to lean upon my poor
shoulder, and with his royal finger, thus, dally

Shoulder, and with his royal finger, fix up
with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet

The outgrowth of my mustache; but sweet heart,
heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no

Let that pass. I promise, nothing I have said
fable: some certain special honours it pleaseth his

Is untrue: some certain special honors it pleases him
greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of

To bestow upon Armado, a soldier, a man of
travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass.

Travel, that has seen the world; but let that pass.
The very all of all is,--but, sweet heart, I do

The very most of all of this, --but, sweet heart, I do
implore secrecy,--that the king would have me

Ask you for your secrecy, --that the king would have me
present the princess, sweet chuck, with some

Present the princess, sweet girl, with some
delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or

Delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or
antique, or firework. Now, understanding that the

Antique, or firework. Now, understanding that the  
curate and your sweet self are good at such

Clergyman and your sweet self are good at such
eruptions and sudden breaking out of mirth, as it

Eruptions and sudden breaking out of laughter, as it
were, I have acquainted you withal, to the end to

Were, I have been getting acquainted with you

crave your assistance.

Because I crave your assistance.
HOLOFERNES Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies.

Sir, you should present the Nine Worthies to her.
Sir, as concerning some entertainment of time, some

Sir, when it comes to some entertainment of time, some
show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by

Show in the rear end of this day, to be rendered by
our assistants, at the king's command, and this most

Our assistants, at the king’s command, and this very
gallant, illustrate, and learned gentleman, before

Gallant, good examples and educated gentleman, for
the princess; I say none so fit as to present the

The princess; I say that the best thing you could present
Nine Worthies.

Is the Nine Worthies.
SIR NATHANIEL Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?

Where will you find men worthy enough to represent them?
HOLOFERNES Joshua, yourself; myself and this gallant gentleman,

You will be Joshua, my and this gallant gentleman will be
Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great

Judas Maccabaeus; ths country boy, because of his great
limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the

Limb or joint will be Pompey the Great; the
page, Hercules,--

Page, moth, will be Hercules,--

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOPardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for

Pardon, sir, there’s a mistake, he is not big enough to be
that Worthy's thumb: he is not so big as the end of his club.

That Worthy’s thumb: he is not even as big as the end of his club.
HOLOFERNES Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in

Will you hear me? He shall represent Hercules as a
minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a

Baby: his entrance and exit shall be while he’s strangling a

snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.

Snake; and I will have an explanatory prologue for that purpose.
MOTH An excellent device! so, if any of the audiencehiss, you may cry 'Well done, Hercules! now thoucrushest the snake!' that is the way to make anoffence gracious, though few have the grace to do it.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOFor the rest of the Worthies?—

What about the rest of the Worthies?
HOLOFERNES I will play three myself.

I will play three of them myself.
MOTH Thrice-worthy gentleman!

A three times as worthy gentleman!

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOShall I tell you a thing?

Can I tell you something?
HOLOFERNES We attend.

We’re listening.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADOWe will have, if this fadge not, an antique. I

We will have, if this doesn’t work, an antique. I
beseech you, follow.

Ask you, follow me.
HOLOFERNES Via, goodman Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while.

Hey, good man Dull! You haven’t spoken a word this whole time.DULL Nor understood none neither, sir.

Nor did I understand one, sir.

HOLOFERNES Allons! we will employ thee.

Come on! We will give you work to do!
DULL I'll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play

I’ll be in a dance or something; or I will play
On the tabour to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.

The drum to the Worthies and they can dance in the hay.

HOLOFERNES Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!

How boring, honest Dull! To our task, let’s go!
ExeuntLOVE'S LABOURS LOST

Enter the PRINCESS, KATHARINE, ROSALINE, and MARIA

 PRINCESS Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,

My sweet hearts, we will be rich before we leave,
If fairings come thus plentifully in:

If more of these complimentary gifts keep coming in:
A lady wall'd about with diamonds!

A lady surrounded by diamonds!
Look you what I have from the loving king.

Look at what I’ve gotten from the loving king.
ROSALINE Madame, came nothing else along with that?

Madame, did nothing else come along with that?
PRINCESS Nothing but this! yes, as much love in rhyme

Nothing but this! yes, as much love written in rhyme
As would be cramm'd up in a sheet of paper,

As could possible be crammed onto a sheet of paper,
Writ o' both sides the leaf, margent and all,

Written on both sides, in the margins and everything,
That he was fain to seal on Cupid's name.

That he had to place the seal on top of Cupid’s name.
ROSALINE That was the way to make his godhead wax,

That was the way to make his deity increase,
For he hath been five thousand years a boy.

For he has been a boy for five thousand years.
KATHARINE Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too.

Yes, and a wicked mischievous scoundrel who deserves to be hanged, too.
ROSALINE You'll ne'er be friends with him; a' kill'd your sister.

You’ll never be friends with him; he killed your sister.
KATHARINE He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy;

He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy;
And so she died: had she been light, like you,

And so she died: if she was light, like you,
Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,

With a cheerful, nimble, and energetic spirit,
She might ha' been a grandam ere she died:

She might have been a grandmother before she died:
And so may you; for a light heart lives long.

And so might you; since a light heart lives long.

ROSALINE What's your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word?

What’s the dark meaning, little mouse, behind the word ‘light’?
KATHARINE A light condition in a beauty dark.

A lustful temperament and a dark beauty.
ROSALINE We need more light to find your meaning out.

You need to enlighten us to your meaning.
KATHARINE You'll mar the light by taking it in snuff;

You’ll ruin the light by taking offence;
Therefore I'll darkly end the argument.

And so I will darkly end the argument.

ROSALINE Look what you do, you do it still i' the dark.

Whatever you do, you do it still in the dark.
KATHARINE So do not you, for you are a light wench.

And you don’t, since you’re an easy wench.
ROSALINE Indeed I weigh not you, and therefore light.

I don’t weigh as much as you do, so yes, I’m light.
KATHARINE You weigh me not? O, that's you care not for me.

You don’t take me seriously? You don’t care about me.
ROSALINE Great reason; for 'past cure is still past care.'

Well since you are past curing, you are past caring for.
PRINCESS Well bandied both; a set of wit well play'd.

Well said, both of you; a set of wit well played.
But Rosaline, you have a favour too:

But Rosaline, you have a love token as well:
Who sent it? and what is it?

Who sent it? And what is it?
ROSALINE I would you knew:

I wish you knew:
An if my face were but as fair as yours,

And if only my face was as fair as yours,
My favour were as great; be witness this.

My gift would be as great; be witness to this.
Nay, I have verses too, I thank Biron:

And, I have verses too, I thank Biron:
The numbers true; and, were the numbering too,

The meter is true; and, if the reckoning were too,
I were the fairest goddess on the ground:

I would be the fairest goddess on the ground:
I am compared to twenty thousand fairs.

I am compared to twenty thousand beautiful women.
O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter!

With this letter he has drawn an image of me!
PRINCESS Any thing like?

Is it any likeness?
ROSALINE Much in the letters; nothing in the praise.

Much in the actual lettering; nothing alike in the praise.
PRINCESS Beauteous as ink; a good conclusion.

As beautiful as black ink; a good conclusion.
KATHARINE Fair as a text B in a copy-book.

Beautiful like a black printed letter B in a book.
ROSALINE 'Ware pencils, ho! let me not die your debtor,

Have at you in this skirmish of satirical portraits, don’t let me die in your debt,
My red dominical, my golden letter:

My red-faced and golden lettered one:
O, that your face were not so full of O's!

O, if only your face were not so full of O’s!
KATHARINE A pox of that jest! and I beshrew all shrows.

That’s from smallpox! And I curse all shrews.
PRINCESS But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumain?

But, Katharine, what was sent to you from good Dumain?
KATHARINE Madam, this glove.

Madam, this glove.
PRINCESS Did he not send you twain?

Didn’t he send over its twin?
KATHARINE Yes, madam, and moreover