The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (409 page)

You found his weakness; the king saw yours;
But I a beam do find in each of three.

But I have found the defect in all three of you.
O, what a scene of foolery have I seen,

Oh, what a ridiculous scene I have witnessed,
Of sighs, of groans, of sorrow and of teen!

Of sighs, of groans, of sorrow and of affliction!
O me, with what strict patience have I sat,

Oh me, I sat there with such strict patience,
To see a king transformed to a gnat!

To see a king transformed into a gnat!
To see great Hercules whipping a gig,

To see great Hercules spinning a top,
And profound Solomon to tune a jig,

And profound Solomon to play a jig
And Nestor play at push-pin with the boys,

And Nestor play a child’s game with the boys,
And critic Timon laugh at idle toys!

And the critic Timon to take delight in mindless entertainments!
Where lies thy grief, O, tell me, good Dumain?

Where is your grief, O tell me, good Dumain?
And gentle Longaville, where lies thy pain?

And gentle Longaville, where is your pain?
And where my liege's? all about the breast:

And where is my liege’s? all over the chest:
A caudle, ho!
These heartsick men could use some hot ale!

FERDINAND Too bitter is thy jest.

Your jokes are too bitter.
Are we betray'd thus to thy over-view?

Are we so betrayed by you over hearing?
BIRON Not you to me, but I betray'd by you:

Not you to me, but I’ve been betrayed by you:
I, that am honest; I, that hold it sin

I who am honest; I who took accountability for my sin
To break the vow I am engaged in;

To break the vow that I am engaged in;
I am betray'd, by keeping company

I am betrayed by keeping company
With men like men of inconstancy.

With unfaithful men.
When shall you see me write a thing in rhyme?

When will you see me write a thing in rhyme?
Or groan for love? or spend a minute's time

Or groan for love? Or spend a minute’s time
In pruning me? When shall you hear that I

In getting myself all dressed to impress? When will you hear that I
Will praise a hand, a foot, a face, an eye,

Will praise a hand, a foot, a face, an eye,
A gait, a state, a brow, a breast, a waist,

A walk, an attitude, a brow, a breast, a waist
A leg, a limb?
A leg, a limb?

FERDINAND Soft! whither away so fast?

Stop! Where are you going so fast?
A true man or a thief that gallops so?

Only a thief runs away like that.
BIRON I post from love: good lover, let me go.

I hasten from love: good lover, let me go
Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARDJAQUENETTA God bless the king!

God bless the king!
FERDINAND What present hast thou there?

What present do you have there?
COSTARD Some certain treason.

Some certain treason.
FERDINAND What makes treason here?
What does treason have to do with us here?

COSTARD Nay, it makes nothing, sir.

Nothing, sir.
FERDINAND If it mar nothing neither,

If it’s nothing then
The treason and you go in peace away together.

The treason and you can go away in peace together.
JAQUENETTA I beseech your grace, let this letter be read:

I ask your grace, please read this letter:
Our parson misdoubts it; 'twas treason, he said.

Our person suspects it; he said it was treason.
FERDINAND Biron, read it over.

Biron, read it aloud.
Giving him the paperWhere hadst thou it?

Where did you get it?
JAQUENETTA Of Costard.

From Costard.
FERDINAND Where hadst thou it?

And where did you get it?
COSTARD Of Dun Adramadio, Dun Adramadio.

From Dun Adramadio, Dun Adramadio.
BIRON tears the letterFERDINAND How now! what is in you? why dost thou tear it?

What’s this! what’s come over you? Why did you tear it?

BIRON A toy, my liege, a toy: your grace needs not fear it.

It’s a toy, my liege, a toy: your grace does not need to fear it.
LONGAVILLE It did move him to passion, and therefore let's hear it.

It moved him to a passion, so now he have to hear it.
DUMAIN It is Biron's writing, and here is his name.

It’s Biron’s writing! And here is his name.
Gathering up the piecesBIRON [To COSTARD] Ah, you whoreson loggerhead! you were

[To COSTARD] Oh, you blockheaded son of a bitch! You were
born to do me shame.

Born just so that you could shame me.
Guilty, my lord, guilty! I confess, I confess.

Guilty, my lord, guilty! I confess, I confess.
FERDINAND What?

What?
BIRON That you three fools lack'd me fool to make up the mess:

That you three fools only lack this fool, to make four fools.
He, he, and you, and you, my liege, and I,

He, he, and you and you, my liege and I,
Are pick-purses in love, and we deserve to die.

Are thieves in love, and we deserve to die.
O, dismiss this audience, and I shall tell you more.

O, dismiss this audience, and I’ll tell you the rest.
DUMAIN Now the number is even.

Now the number is even.
BIRON True, true; we are four.

True, true; we are four.
Will these turtles be gone?

Can these turtle dove lovers leave now?
FERDINAND Hence, sirs; away!

Go, you two; Go on!
COSTARD Walk aside the true folk, and let the traitors stay.

Let the true folk leave and the traitors stay.
Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTABIRON Sweet lords, sweet lovers, O, let us embrace!

Sweet lords, sweet lovers, O, let us embrace each other!
As true we are as flesh and blood can be:

We are as true as flesh and blood can be:
The sea will ebb and flow, heaven show his face;

The sea will ebb and flow, heaven will show his face;
Young blood doth not obey an old decree:

Young blood does not obey an old decree:
We cannot cross the cause why we were born;

We cannot continue to defy love, the reason we were born;
Therefore of all hands must we be forsworn.

So we must inevitably break our vows.
FERDINAND What, did these rent lines show some love of thine?

What, did these torn verses show some love of yours?
BIRON Did they, quoth you? Who sees the heavenly Rosaline,

Did they, you ask? Who sees the heavenly Rosaline,
That, like a rude and savage man of Inde,

That, like a rude and savage man from India,
At the first opening of the gorgeous east,

At the first dawning of the gorgeous east,
Bows not his vassal head and strucken blind

Does not bow his subordinate head and stricken blind
Kisses the base ground with obedient breast?

Kiss the lowly ground with his obedient chest?
What peremptory eagle-sighted eye

What bold eye, keen as an eagle,
Dares look upon the heaven of her brow,

Dares look upon the heaven of her brow,
That is not blinded by her majesty?

That is not blinded by her majesty?
FERDINAND What zeal, what fury hath inspired thee now?

What crazy madness has gotten a hold of you now?
My love, her mistress, is a gracious moon;

My love, her mistress, is a gracious moon;
She an attending star, scarce seen a light.

She is just a star attending to her, a light that can scarcely be seen.
BIRON My eyes are then no eyes, nor I Biron:

Then my eyes are not eyes, and I am not Biron:
O, but for my love, day would turn to night!

O, without my love, day would turn to night!
Of all complexions the cull'd sovereignty

Of all complexions that are deemed most worthy
Do meet, as at a fair, in her fair cheek,

They meet, like at a fair, in her beautiful cheek,
Where several worthies make one dignity,

Where several excellences make on supreme example of beauty,
Where nothing wants that want itself doth seek.

Where nothing lacks that desires itself seeks.
Lend me the flourish of all gentle tongues,--

Lend me the eloquence of all noble tongues,--
Fie, painted rhetoric! O, she needs it not:

Ugh! Artificial rhetoric! O, she doesn’t need that:
To things of sale a seller's praise belongs,

A seller’s praise belongs to things for sale,
She passes praise; then praise too short doth blot.

She is above praise; any praise of her is inadequate and detracts from her beauty.
A wither'd hermit, five-score winters worn,

And hermit, withered by five years of winter,
Might shake off fifty, looking in her eye:

Might shed fifty years by looking in her eye:
Beauty doth varnish age, as if new-born,

Beauty polishes age, as if new-born
And gives the crutch the cradle's infancy:

And give the crutch the infancy of a cradle:
O, 'tis the sun that maketh all things shine.

It is the sun that makes all things shine.
FERDINAND By heaven, thy love is black as ebony.

By heaven, your love is black as ebony.

BIRON Is ebony like her? O wood divine!

Is ebony liker her? O divine wood!
A wife of such wood were felicity.

A wife of that wood would be pure happiness.
O, who can give an oath? where is a book?

O, who here can swear me to an oath? Is there a bible around?
That I may swear beauty doth beauty lack,

So that I can swear that beauty isn’t beauty at all
If that she learn not of her eye to look:

Unless she learns what beauty is by looking at Rosaline:
No face is fair that is not full so black.

No face is pretty that isn’t so fully black.
FERDINAND O paradox! Black is the badge of hell,

That’s a paradox! Black is the color of hell,
The hue of dungeons and the suit of night;

The hue of dungeons and the cloak of night;
And beauty's crest becomes the heavens well.

And yet you assert that your black-eyed beauty is heavenly.
BIRON Devils soonest tempt, resembling spirits of light.

The devil’s temptation comes in the form of an angel of light.
O, if in black my lady's brows be deck'd,

Of, if my lady’s eyes are dressed in black,
It mourns that painting and usurping hair

It’s because they mourn that painted and false hair
Should ravish doters with a false aspect;

Would drive her suitors crazy for her with a false appearance;
And therefore is she born to make black fair.

And so she is born to make black beautiful.
Her favour turns the fashion of the days,

Her face alters the fashion of the days,
For native blood is counted painting now;
For a natural ruddy complexion is what women paint themselves to look like now;

And therefore red, that would avoid dispraise,

And so red, which wants to be praised,
Paints itself black, to imitate her brow.

Paints itself black to imitate her.
DUMAIN To look like her are chimney-sweepers black.

Chimney sweeps are also trying to look like her.
LONGAVILLE And since her time are colliers counted bright.

And because of her, coal miners are called bright.

FERDINAND And Ethiopes of their sweet complexion crack.

And Ethiopians boast of their sweet complexion.
DUMAIN Dark needs no candles now, for dark is light.