The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (416 page)

And talk'd apace; and in that hour, my lord,
And talked a bit; and in an hour, my lord,

They did not bless us with one happy word.
They did not say one nice thing to us.

I dare not call them fools; but this I think,
I wouldn’t say they were fools; but I do think,

When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink.
When fools are thirsty they would like to have a drink.

BIRON This jest is dry to me. Fair gentle sweet,

That’s a harsh joke.  Beautiful gentle sweet,
Your wit makes wise things foolish: when we greet,
Your wit makes smart things sound dumb: when we look at each other,

With eyes best seeing, heaven's fiery eye,
Though our eyes see well, the sun’s light,  

By light we lose light: your capacity
dulls our vision: your intellectual ability and beauty

Is of that nature that to your huge store
is of the same nature as the sunlight

Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor.
Causing wise things to become foolish, and rich to appear poor.  

ROSALINE This proves you wise and rich, for in my eye,--
Well, you must be both wise and rich to say such things, because to me--

BIRON I am a fool, and full of poverty.

I’m stupid and poor.  
ROSALINE But that you take what doth to you belong,

If you would take what belongs to you,
It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.

It’s a shame you took the words right out of my mouth.  
BIRON O, I am yours, and all that I possess!

O, I am yours completely, please tell me!
ROSALINE All the fool mine?

All your stupidity is mine?
BIRON I cannot give you less.

That’s all I have.  

ROSALINE Which of the vizards was it that you wore?
Which mask did you wear?

BIRON Where? when? what vizard? why demand you this?

Where? When? What mask? What are you talking about?
ROSALINE There, then, that vizard; that superfluous case

There, then, that mask; that pointless mask
That hid the worse and show'd the better face.

That hid your ugly face and showed a better one.  
FERDINAND We are descried; they'll mock us now downright.

We’ve been spotted; they’ll make fun of us now for sure.
DUMAIN Let us confess and turn it to a jest.

Let’s just own up to it and make a joke of it.
PRINCESS Amazed, my lord? why looks your highness sad?
Are you surprised, my lord?  Why do you look so sad?

ROSALINE Help, hold his brows! he'll swoon! Why look you pale?
Help, hold his hair! He’ll faint! Why do you look so pale?

Sea-sick, I think, coming from Muscovy.
I bet you’re sea-sick, if you came from Muscovy.  

BIRON Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury.

This is how the universe punishes us for breaking our oaths
Can any face of brass hold longer out?

Can any bolder personality hold out any longer?
Here stand I 

Here I stand
lady, dart thy skill at me;
lady, aim your wit at me;

Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout;
Hurt me with your scorn, destroy me with your lack of caring;

Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance;
Stab my ignorance with your sharp wit;

Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit;
Cut me to pieces with the pride you take in yourself;

And I will wish thee never more to dance,
And I will never again ask you to dance,

Nor never more in Russian habit wait.
Or ever again be in attendance wearing Russian clothes.

O, never will I trust to speeches penn'd,
O, never will I trust my own written words,

Nor to the motion of a schoolboy's tongue,
Nor my immature way of speaking,

Nor never come in vizard to my friend,
Nor ever come in a mask to see my sweetheart,

Nor woo in rhyme, like a blind harper's song!
Nor woo you with poems, like a blind man’s harp song!

Taffeta phrases, silken terms precise,
Phrases like taffeta, silky terms chosen carefully,

Three-piled hyperboles, spruce affectation,
Luxurious hyperboles, tidy behavior and feeling,

Figures pedantical; these summer-flies
Academic figures of speech; these summer-flies

Have blown me full of maggot ostentation:
have laid maggot eggs of vulgarity in me:

I do forswear them; and I here protest,
I give them up; and here I beg,

By this white glove;--how white the hand, God knows!--
By this white glove;--how white the hand underneath, God knows!--

Henceforth my wooing mind shall be express'd
From now on, I will only speak my mind

In russet yeas and honest kersey noes:
In simple ‘yeses’ and honest plain ‘no’s

And, to begin, wench,--so God help me, la!--
And, as a start, woman,--so Gold help me, law!--

My love to thee is sound, sans crack or flaw.
My love to you is unbreakable, without a crack or a flaw.

ROSALINE Sans sans, I pray you.

Don’t say “without,” please.  
BIRON Yet I have a trick
Still I have a trace

Of the old rage: bear with me, I am sick;
of the old fever: bear with me, for I am sick;

I'll leave it by degrees. Soft, let us see:
but slowly getting better.  Softly then, let’s see:

Write, 'Lord have mercy on us' on those three;
Write, ‘Lord have mercy on us’ on my companions;

They are infected; in their hearts it lies;
They are sick too; they have sickness in their hearts;

They have the plague, and caught it of your eyes;
They have a plague, which they caught from your eyes;

These lords are visited; you are not free,
These men are infected; you are not free from blame,

For the Lord's tokens on you do I see.
Their love-wounds from you are visible.  

PRINCESS No, they are free that gave these tokens to us.

No, the ones who gave us these tokens were free of infection.  
BIRON Our states are forfeit: seek not to undo us.

We’ve given up ourselves to you: please don’t destroy that by saying we’re ‘free.’
ROSALINE It is not so; for how can this be true,

It’s not true; How can it be,
That you stand forfeit, being those that sue?

That you are ready to give yourself up, when you are all prosecutors?
BIRON Peace! for I will not have to do with you.
Peace, please!  For I don’t want to have anything to do with you.  

ROSALINE Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.

Neither do I, that’s what I intended.
BIRON Speak for yourselves; my wit is at an end.
You guys speak now; I’ve said all I can say.

FERDINAND Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression

Sweet madam, give us, for our crimes
Some fair excuse.
some kind of pardon.  

PRINCESS The fairest is confession.

Just confess.  
Were not you here but even now disguised?

Was it you that was here before in a disguise?
FERDINAND Madam, I was.

Yes, madam, I was.  
PRINCESS And were you well advised?

And were you in your thinking clearly?
FERDINAND I was, fair madam.

I was, fair madam.  
PRINCESS When you then were here,

When you were here before,
What did you whisper in your lady's ear?

What did you whisper in my ear?
FERDINAND That more than all the world I did respect her.
That I loved her more than the whole world.  

PRINCESS When she shall challenge this, you will reject her.

If I were to disbelieve you, you would reject me.  
FERDINAND Upon mine honour, no.

Upon my honor I would not.  
PRINCESS Peace, peace! forbear:

Calm, calm! Please refrain:
Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear.
Once you break a promise, you won’t hesitate to do it again.  

FERDINAND Despise me, when I break this oath of mine.

If I break a promise, you can hate me.  
PRINCESS I will: and therefore keep it. Rosaline,

I will hate you: so keep your promise.  Rosaline,
What did the Russian whisper in your ear?

What did the ‘Russian’ whisper in your ear?
ROSALINE Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear

Madam, he promised that he loved me
As precious eyesight, and did value me
that I was as precious as sight, and that he valued me

Above this world; adding thereto moreover
above all else in the world; adding also

That he would wed me, or else die my lover.
that he would marry me, or die as my lover.  

PRINCESS God give thee joy of him! the noble lord

Well, enjoy him! The noble lord
Most honourably doth unhold his word.

Will most honorably keep his promise.  
FERDINAND What mean you, madam? by my life, my troth,

What do you mean by that, madam? By my life, my truth,
I never swore this lady such an oath.

I never said that to her.  
ROSALINE By heaven, you did; and to confirm it plain,

By heaven, yes you did; and I’ll prove it,
You gave me this: but take it, sir, again.

You have me this: but take it back now, sir.
FERDINAND My faith and this the princess I did give:

I gave this and my faith to the princess:
I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.

I knew it was her by this jewel on her sleeve.
PRINCESS Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear;

Pardon me, sir, she did wear that jewel;
And Lord Biron, I thank him, is my dear.
And Lord Biron, thankfully, is my love.  

What, will you have me, or your pearl again?
What will it be? Would you rather have me or your pearl back?

BIRON Neither of either; I remit both twain.

I don’t want either; I refuse both together.  
I see the trick on't: here was a consent,

I see the trick you’re playing: here you’ve plotted,
Knowing aforehand of our merriment,

Knowing ahead of time of our happiness,
To dash it like a Christmas comedy:

Only to destroy it like some Christmas play:
Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany,
You are some story-teller, a bootlicker, a stooge,

Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick,
a piece of bad news, a parasite, a Schmo,

That smiles his cheek in years and knows the trick
that smiles so hard he wrinkles his cheeks and knows the plot

To make my lady laugh when she's disposed,
So you can laugh about it when you’re alone,

Told our intents before; which once disclosed,
You guessed what we wanted ahead of time, and once you figured it out,

The ladies did change favours: and then we,
You swapped your garments; and then we,

Following the signs, woo'd but the sign of she.
fell for your trap, since we were so moonstruck by the sight of our beloved.  

Now, to our perjury to add more terror,
Now, to our lies you’ve added more fear,

We are again forsworn, in will and error.
We are again promised, though each to the wrong woman.  

Much upon this it is: and might not you

It must have happned this way: and couldn’t you

To BOYETForestall our sport, to make us thus untrue?

have told us what was going on, so we knew the lies?
Do not you know my lady's foot by the squier,

Don’t you know how to suit my lady’s fancy,
And laugh upon the apple of her eye?

And know how to keep her eye amused?
And stand between her back, sir, and the fire,
And stand between her and the fire,