SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (65 page)

Flagellation:
The general act of one person striking another, usually in an erotic context. Includes spanking, paddling, and whipping.

Flogger:
A multi-tailed whip in which the tails are long, flat strips of leatheror a similarly flexible material.

Forbidden Zone:
The abdominal area containing the kidneys, liver, spleen, and other organs vulnerable to serious, even life-threatening, damage from a whipping. Runs all the way around the body and from the hip crests to the xiphoid process. (The angle felt at the front of the rib cage.)

Force-me queen:
A submissive who gets off on being “forced” to do something. “Force” play must be carefully negotiated in advance.

Gender play:
Play in which one or both partners assume the role of a sex other than their usual one.

Girl:
A submissive (usually, but not always, female) who relates to their dominant in a child-to-parent mode. More common among gay men and lesbians.

Goddess worship:
A worshipping of divine, feminine images and of women as manifestations of “the Goddess.”

Going under:
Entering a submissive “head space.” Assuming a submissive attitude. See “bottom space.”

Golden shower:
The act of one person urinating on another as an erotic activity.

Gorean:
Male dominant/female submissive interests as portrayed by the “Gor” novels by John Norman. Sometimes used as a “code word” in personal ads.

Go under:
Aslang term meaning to assume the submissive role. Example: “I’d gladly go under for her.”

Heavy:
A somewhat imprecise slang term meaning extreme. Example, “I’m not into heavy pain.” Note well: what is heavy to one player may not be heavy to another.

Humiliation:
Activities which cause the submissive to feel shame, embarrassment, or degradation. Varies widely from person to person. Possibly psychologically explosive.

I’ll call out. You call in:
A safety slogan used to verify phone numbers and location when playing with a new partner.

Infantilism:
An extreme form of age play in which one person assumes the role of an infant. May bring needs unmet while young to the surface. Should, therefore, be done by those prepared to deal with that.

In role:
Assuming a dominant or submissive attitude during SM play. “Please excuse me but I can’t socialize right now, Sir. I’m in role.”

In a scene:
Engaging in SM play. “I can’t talk on the phone right now. Susan and I are in a scene.”

In the scene:
In the SM community. “Guess what? My new boss is in the scene.”

Isolation Syndrome:
The emotional distress, sometimes severe, from believing that you are the only person in the world interested in SM.

Kamikaze:
A submissive who deliberately seeks out possibly dangerous practices or partners. This type of person is not particularly respected within the SM community.

Key word:
An alternative term for a safeword.

Malicious warning:
Deliberately lying to potential play partners that someone is an unsafe player. Best countered by asking the individualin question to provide their own references, and telling them who is spreading “warnings.” Spreading “malicious warnings’ is strong grounds for expulsion from an SM club.

Masochismo:
Pride felt by a submissive or masochist regarding how much pain or other heavy play they can take. Can be competitive. Some masochists collect the paddles, canes, and other devices that have been broken on their body during play. (Have five broken on you and you’re an “ace bottom.”)

Masochist:
Loosely defined within the SM community as a person who specifically enjoys receiving pain. It is quite possible for a person to be masochistic without being submissive, and to be submissive without being masochistic.

Master:
A term for a male dominant. Often used as a term of address, such as “Master Tom.” It is often considered somewhat rude to address a man by this term without being first given permission to do so. (Note: dominants do not usually address each other by such titles.)

Master/slave relationship:
An ongoing SM relationship in which the slave is submissive to a male dominant.

Mistress:
A term for a female dominant. The use of this term often follows certain customs. See “Master” above.

Mistress/slave Relationship:
An ongoing SM relationship in which the slave is submissive to a female dominant.

Mommy:
A dominant (usually although not always female) who relates to submissives in a maternal role.

Monday Morning Rebound Syndrome:
Feelings of remorse, disgust, fear, and so forth that sometimes emerge hours or days after a person willingly, and often lustily, takes part in SM play.

Mummification:
Immobilizing bondage, usually done by wrapping the submissive in many coils of materials uch as plastic wrap, or by placing the submissive in a body bag designed for this purpose.

Munch:
A gathering of SM people, usually in a restaurant, for the purpose of socialization and chat. An Internet term, although it is spreading into general use.

Neck snap:
The involuntary, reflexive act of a submissive snapping back their head and neck after being struck a strong blow on their back or buttocks. Can cause serious injury unless prevented or minimized.

Negotiate:
To discuss (and hopefully agree) on the details of what will and will not be done during a specific SM session.

9½ Weeks:
A “code phrase” sometimes found in personal ads used to indicate an interest in SM, particularly male-dominant/female-submissive SM. Refers to the book by the same name.

Nipple torture:
Singling out the nipples for particular attention; usually with clamps, fingernails, teeth, and other fun items.

Nod:
A nodding of the head by the submissive. Usually used to indicate that they are willing to receive the next whip stroke or other “bit” of pain.

Nonconsensual:
Anything done by one person to another without their agreement.

Novice:
A person just beginning to learn about and explore SM. Often treated with special kindness and attention by the more experienced members of the community.

“Now”:
A verbal signal used by a submissive to indicate that they are ready to receive the next whip stroke or other “bit” of pain.

One to ten:
A way for the submissive to indicate the intensity of the whipstroke or other pain that they are ready to receive. “I did a one-to-ten with him when he bottomed to me last night.”

Orange:
A safeword sometimes used to indicate “I’m getting dose to my limits,” or sometimes “Let’s rest for a while.”

Paddling:
The striking of the submissive, usually on the buttocks, with a flat, rigid instrument such as a hairbrush or paddle.

Pain slut:
A slang term for a masochist. Often used by masochists to describe themselves.

Persona:
A role assumed for the purpose of exploring an aspect of oneself. “I was in my child persona for that scene.”

Pervert:
An SM person. Often used as a term of affectionate recognition within the SM community.

Poignant sensations:
A term used by the Marquis de Sade to describe pain. Gave rise to numerous jokes within the SM community along the lines of, “Well, of course I’m not into pain, but I really love receiving poignant sensations.”

Play:
To engage in SM. Example: “I played with him at a party last week.” Also a term referring to particular activity, i.e. nipple play.

Play piercing:
An SM activity which involves inserting sterile hypodermic or acupuncture needles below the skin, not for the insertion of jewelry but simply for the sensation. Requires considerable knowledge to do safely.

Playroom:
A room especially set up for SM play. Often equipped with eyebolts, slings, whipping posts, blackout lights, mirrors, sound systems, special lighting, and so forth.

Pushing limits:
SM play designed to take the submissive right up to the edge of what they can stand, and then coax them into going “just a little bit further.”

Red:
A safeword indicating “Stop completely and immediately.” The calling of this word usually is a signal that ends the session entirely. Calling “red” is a serious matter, and is not to be done lightly.

Restraints:
Bondage devices, usually made of leather.

Rimming:
A slang term for analingus.

Roissy:
A personal ad “code word” referring to SM, particularly male-dominant/ female submissive SM. Refers to the town mentioned in “The Story of O.” Sadist: As loosely defined with the SM community, a person who specifically enjoys administering pain. A person may be dominant without being sadistic. It’s also possible to be sadistic without being dominant.

Sadomasochism:
A rather vague term referring generally to fantasies and experiences regarding the introduction of domination, submission, bondage, sadism, masochism, humiliation, and related activities into erotic play.

Safeword:
A specific word or other signal used, by prior agreement, to indicate that things are “really” becoming too intense for the person. Usually used by the submissive, but may also be used by the dominant. “Safeword” itself is sometimes used at SM parties to signal a desire for outside intervention.

Scene:
A slang term for an SM encounter. Example, “I had a really hot scene with him the other night.” A synonym for “session.”

Session:
A slang term for an SM encounter. Example: “I shall always remember my first session with Mistress Alice.” A synonym for “scene.”

Scat:
A slang term for feces (shit).

Silent alarm:
A danger signal that requires no effort to activate. For example, if an “I’m all right” phone call is not made by a certain time, the “silent alarm partner” is to assume their friend is in very serious trouble.

Silent alarm partner.
The person who “backs up” the person meeting with a new partner.

SM-positive:
Regarding consensual SM play as a good form of sexuality. Example: “My new physician is SM positive.”

SM virgin:
Somebody inexperienced and/or naive about SM.

Slave:
A person who has an on-going, structured relationship with a dominant. One who assumes the submissive role, often in a highly developed and committed way to a particular person. Calling someone “my slave” generally indicates a relatively sophisticated, ongoing relationship between the two of you.

Spanking:
Striking the buttocks, usually with a bare, or sometimes gloved, hand. Striking the buttocks with an object such as a board specially made for the purpose is more often called “paddling.”

Straight:
From this perspective, usually refers to someone uninterested or unknowledgeable about SM.

Submissive:
One who yields control. One who obeys orders and may permit themselves to be bound or “tortured” if doing so pleases their dominant.

Suspension:
A style of bondage in which the submissive’s body is held off the ground by the bondage. Requires considerable knowledge to do safely.

Switch:
One who switches roles. One who enjoys both the dominant and submissive aspects of SM. (Also, occasionally, a slim tree branch used for flagellation.)

The “Oh My Gods”:
The period of intense emotional reactions that a novice typically goes through during their first year or so in the community. The expressions on their faces can be fun to watch.

Tit torture:
See “nipple torture.” Also sometimes refers to erotic torture of the entire breast area.

Top:
A slang term for a dominant and/or sadist.

Top’s Disease:
An unwarranted attitude of superiority taken by a dominant. Believing that bottoms are somehow inferior and treating them so in either obvious or subtle ways. Usually a sign of insecuriry or ignorance. Dominants who suffer from Top’s Disease often (surprise, surprise) complain about how hard it is to find people willing to playwith them. A mirror image of this syndrome is called Bottom’s Disease.

Top drop:
Feelings of guilt, depression, and so forth that sometimes come up for a dominant after SM play. The dominant may or may not be aware of these feelings.

Topping from below:
Attempting to control the session while ostensibly in the submissive (non-controlling) role. A type of behavior generally frowned upon.

Top space:
A dominant attitude or “head space.”