SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (61 page)

The rectum’s lining “sheds” easily. It only lasts so long even if copious amounts of lubricant are used, then it begins to unpleasantly “bum” if touched. In my experience, the most common cause of needing to end an anal play session before both parties wish to end it is that the rectum begins to burn. Applying lubricant very frequently helps prevent this.

Safety note: Remember that oil-based lubricants rapidly break down condoms, latex gloves, and similar items. (The new polyurethane condoms, and vinyl and plastic gloves, are oil-proof.) If you are in a situation that requires latex condoms, gloves, and similar materials, make sure you use a water-based lubricant. Ifyou are not absolutely sure that a lubricant is water-based (the container should dearly state that) then presume it’s oil-based and act accordingly.

5.
Experience it
yourself.

As is true with almost every other aspect of SM play, you can learn a lot by having a skillful, experienced player do these things to you.

6.
Consider giving the submissive a cleansing enema before an anal play session.

See the section on “Enemas” in this chapter for more information.

One highly regarded book on anal play is:

“Anal Pleasure and Health” (Second Edition)
by Jack Moria
Published by Yes Press
This book contains many safer-sex precautions.

Bisexuality

Bisexual Resource Center
P.O. Box 639
Cambridge, MA 02140
(617) 338-9595

Publishes a “Bisexual Resource Guide” of more than 1500 bisexual groups worldwide for $10.95. Also, scan the Internet for bisexuality resources.

Breath Control

Some people play with choking, suffocation, and other forms of “breath control” The first symptom of oxygen deprivation is often euphoria; also, the idea of this degree of control can be compelling (one submissive woman gasped with delight when she considered that her master might ”control the very air I breathe”). Unfortunately, my research shows that this activity is an
extremely
dangerous type of erotic behavior.

Since this is a fairly unusual activity, I’m not going to take up a lot of space here discussing the medical risks ofbreath control. If you’re considering playing with this, I urge you to read Appendix III, “A Monograph on Breath Control Play.”

Circumcision

NOCIRC
P.O. Box 2512
San Anselmo, CA 94960
An anti-circumdsion organization.

Corsetry

For people who enjoy wearing corsets, and people who enjoy people who enjoy wearing corsets. Also, check out alt.sex.fetish.fashion on the Internet.

B.R Creations
P.O. Box 4201
Mountain View, CA 94040
Ask about their “Corset Newsletter.”

Enemas

A cleansing enema removes feces. This often makes the anal play session more esthetically pleasing. (Those who prefer more “earthy” anal play may skip this measure.) Also, giving a submissive an enema- and therefore controlling this highly personal part of their body-is distinctly dominant. Furthermore, accepting an enema often sends the submissive deep into their submissive headspace. All in all, an enema prior to further anal play has much to recommend it

A few basics: The nervous system is divided into two basic parts: the central nervous system and the peripheral nervous system. The centralnervous system (CNS) consists of the brain and spinal cord. The peripheral nervous system consists of the nerves that branch off them.These branching nerves have three major subdivisions: the sensory, the motor, and (here’s where it starts to get kinky) the autonomic [pronounced auto-NOM-ick].

The autonomic is divided into two subparts: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. The sympathetic nervous system handles the “flight or fight” aspect of the nervous system. It mainly uses epinephrine (adrenalin) and norepinephrine (levophed).

The parasympathetic nervous system covers the “rest and relaxation” aspects of the nervous system. It mainly uses acetylcholine. This aspect of the nervous system comes into play during such activities as salivation, crying, urination, erection, and, more to the point, defecation.

A small amount of parasytnpathetic outflow can cause a feeling of relaxation and contentment. (Thus giving rise to the saying “a good shit is better than a bad fuck.”) More moderate outflow can cause feelings of drowsiness, even up to a slighly hypnotic, suggestable, submissive state. This is the state often played with by people who use enemas in an erotic and/or SM sort of way.

Large amounts of parasympathetic outflow can slow and weaken the heartbeat; in some cases, it can even stop it altogether. Intense straining during a bowel movement can cause such a large outflow - as can compression of the neck, which is what makes strangulation play so dangerous - and it’s not rare for people with weak hearts to be discovered sitting on a toilet in cardiac arrest. (I’ve heard a rumor that Elvis was found in this position.) It’s also the reason why patients in cardiac care units are sometimes put on laxatives.

If I wanted to give someone an enema, I would particularly ask about any history of heart disease and any history of colon disease. If my partner had any history of either, I would procede very cautiously. (Actually, I probably wouldn’t proceed at all.)

There are many different types of enemas, including cleansing, retention, and high colonic. Textbooks written for home health aides and nursing assistants often give excellent, step-by-step instruction on how to administer a standard cleansing enema. (They also include tips on things like how to apply restraints.) The intensity of an enema depends upon factors such as the pressure with which the liquid flows in, the temperature, and the quantity. (Thus giving rise to the “3H” saying: high, hot, and a hell of a lot. None of which I’d recommend for a first enema.) I’d probably start with only very slight elevation of the bag, ordinary tap water (no soap) of baby-bath-water temperature (elbow test it) and no more than 500 c.c. of fluid. I’d place the recipient lying on their left side. From experience, I’ve learned that it’s a good idea to give the enema in a location relatively close to the toilet and without bondage. They may need to get to the toilet
fast.

The major purpose of the large intestine, other than storage, is to absorb fluids. Therefore, anything potentially toxic, such as alcohol or caffeine, should be given very cautiously - if at all. Administering alcohol by enema can be fatal. The practice kills afair number of otherwise healthy people each year. Among other things, it’s a fairly common cause of deaths that occur during fraternity initiations. One little-known danger is the extremely cold enema. Ice-water enemas can cause massive parasympathetic outflow and thus induce cardiac arrest.

It’s best to administer the fluid slowly. The recipient frequently develops cramps during the enema, and the flow should be stopped until the cramp passes - which it usually does within a minute or so.

Some people play games with how long the recipient must retain the enema. Again, with a beginner to this practice or with a new partner, I suggest the time be brief.

I’ve enjoyed what enema play I’ve done. An enema can certainly send some people into a deeply submissive head space, and it’s usually fairly safe if you follow precautions. For more information, you might check out the books described above. Also, chiropractors generally receive more enema training than M.D.’s receive - particularly in the more advanced practices. There’s a newsgroup called alt.sex.enemas that you might also want to check out.

Enema play demands specialized knowledge and equipment. Do not attempt this without adequate prior instruction. Try to be taught by someone experienced in this area. Be careful, though; some people into enema play have dangerous misconceptions.

For further information, try your local erotic boutique or SM toy store. Also check local health food stores and read both medical and nursing books on the subject The sections on cleansing enemas are most relevant. Also, Greenery Press may be publishing a book on this topic sometime in 1997.

Fetishism

Not all SM people are fetishists, and not all fetishists are SM people - but there is definitely a large overlap.

Common fetishes in the SM community include, of course, leather and rubber. Many people fetishize garments such as corsets, boots, and high-heeled shoes, or behaviors such as smoking. There are blood fetishists, urine fetishists, and scat fetishists; foot fetishists and ass fetishists; people who have a fetish for hairy bodies and people who have a fetish for naked bodies. People also sometimes refer to a strong preference for a specific SM activity such as spanking or piercing as a fetish.

There are a couple of common misconceptions about fetishism. First, people tend to believe that fetishism is both rare and sick. Arguably, however, almost everybody has at least some fetishes. Anytime you put on an item of clothing or pick up a toy, or see a potential partner doing so, and begin to feel turned on by it, you’re experiencing at least a bit of fetishism.

Also, it’s commonly believed that the fetishist prefers their fetish object to the exclusion of more conventional sexual activities. In my experience, fetishism at this level is almost unknown. The fetishist typically considers their fetish to be “the frosting on the cake.” They are perfectly capable of having and enjoying conventional sex, it’s just more fun if they can indulge their fetish at the same time.

Several fetishes, notably transvestism, age play, and corsetty, are so common among SM people that I’ve dealt with them in their own sections of this chapter.

Fisting

The word “fisting” is a bit of a misnomer. It refers to the practice of inserting the entire hand into the anus or the vagina, but many people (including the author of a recent vanilla sex manual) are misled by the term into thinking that one balls up afist and rams it into the orifice in question. In actuality, fistingis - particularly among novices - an
extremely
gentle and gradual practice, which may take many months to accomplish successfully. It rarely if ever includes sticking a balled fist into anything. (More typically, the hand is introduced gradually in a “swan’s head” shape, as though you were making a shadow picture of a bird on the wall. Once the hand is fully in, it naturally tends to curl into a loose fist.)

Fisting is one of the practices which the vanilla world regards with the greatest horror; many people have a very hard time believing that something the size of a hand could be introduced into a vagina or anus without causing major damage. To the contrary, many people can be successfully fisted, if they and their partners have the desire and patience to do so. Some people are such accomplished fisting recipients that they can accept two hands at once, although this is rare.

Properly done fisting does not harm the tissues involved. It does not make the vagina or the anus “looser” for their other functions. It can also be a deeply, profoundly intimate and erotic experience for the fister and the fistee alike.

A highly regarded book on anal fisting is:

“Trust: The Handbook”
by Bert Herrman
Alamo Square Press
P.O. Box 14543
San Francisco, CA 94114
Send a SASE and a signed, I’m-over-21 statement when you write.

In late 1996 or early 1997, Greenery Press will also publish:

“A Hand In the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting”
by Deborah Addington
Write to them for more information.

Gay and Lesbian Resources

See Appendix II, “Sex and the Internet,” for information on how to use the Internet to locate other gay and lesbian resources.

National Gay Yellow Pages
Box 292, Village Station
New York, NY 10014

The Bob Damron Guidebook
The Damron Company
P.O. Box 422458
San Francisco, CA 94142-2458
(415) 255-0404

Places of Interest to Women: A Guide to Women’s Travel

Ferrari Publications, Inc.
P.O. Box 37887
Phoenix. AZ 85069
(602) 863-2408

Non-Monogamous Relationships (Polyamory)

There are three basic forms of non-monogamous play.

1. ‘Swinging,” which usually consists of a male/female couple meeting similar couples or attending couples-only sexually oriented parties. Many mainstream Americans swing. In fact, so many otherwise-conventional people are into swinging that its sometimes called ”the Republican vice.’ Single women are often welcome in the swinging world, but single men face very sharp restrictions. Most clubs won’t allow single men in at all.

Bisexual women are fairly common in the swinging community. Bisexual men are relatively rare - and often shunned.

North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) puts out a publication called “International Directory of Swing Clubs and Publications.” Their address is:

NASCA
P.O. Box 7128
Buena Park, CA 90622
(714) 821-9953

2. An “open relationship” in which the two people have agreed between themselves as to when and how they will play outside their relationship. (My lady and I have such an agreement.)

3. Multiple partner relationships in which three or more people have a sense of relationship identity similar to that a couple might have. Sexual fidelity within the group, often called “polyfidelity,’ is a common but not universal practice in these relationships. “Poly” group members are often somewhat “new age.”