SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (63 page)

Rape

As soon as you safely can, call 911, a rape treatment center, or a similar resource. Check your phone book under Rape, Battering, and Sexual Abuse Aid. It’s very, very important from a medical, emotional, and legal point of view to seek help as soon as possible after the assault.

Know that an attempted rape can be almost as damaging, and take as long to recover from, as a completed rape. If you can safely do so, have the authorities come to the scene so they can look for valuable evidence. Try not to shower, douche, brush your teeth, or change clothes until you’ve been examined.

If you need support or don’t feel your case is being handled properly, by all means contact a rape crisis center for more help.

Sex Therapy

You don’t necessarily need a formally trained sex therapist to help you cope with sexual problems. Many therapists with broader training do excellent work in this field.

That being said, I want to mention that the organizations listed below help train and set policies for sex therapists. I would imagine that someone representing themselves specifically as a sex therapist would have extensive contact with at least one of them.

Sex therapy is not an exact science. In particular, such issues as the use of surrogates are highly controversial. You should understand that the organizations listed below are far from in total agreement on every issue. AASECT is considered the more conservative.

Society for the Scientific Study of Sex (SSSS)
P.O. Box 208
Mount Vernon, Iowa, 52314

American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT)
435 Michigan Ave., Suite 1717
Chicago, Illinois 60611

Sex and Love Addiction

These are 12-step groups designed to help people achieve “sexual sobriety” by using the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. They have chapters in many parts of the country. If one doesn’t exist in your area, they will help you start one. (Don’t be at all surprised if your initial outreach efforts draw more people than you expected.)

Sexaholics Anonymous
P.O. Box 300
Simi Valley, CA 93062

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
P.O. Box 119
New Town Branch
Boston, MA 02258

Suicidal/Homicidal Feelings

Almost every local community has telephone crisis hotlines. Again, check your telephone book - particularly the first few pages.

Additional Resource Information

San Francisco Sex Information, at (415) 989-7374, offers referrals and a sympathetic ear. They most definitely do not, however, offer phone sex.

References and Resources

Note: This book is updated frequently. If you’re aware of references not listed here, or of changes in contact information for these resources, please let me know so I can include them in future editions.

Another note: To quote Dorothy, “People come and go so quickly here!” SM resources go in and out of business, and move around, at a dizzying rate. I’ve done my best to include current information here, but names, phone numbers, and addresses may have changed by the time you read this.

Gateway Resources

These resources can open doors to a vast number of people, clubs, publications and ideas: hence, I call them “gateways.”

Black Book
P.O. Box 31155
San Francisco, CA 94131
(415) 431-0171

An international compendium of resources for various sexual minorities, particularly leatherfolk. I
highly
recommend this book.

Kink-Aware Professionals
c/o Race Bannon
584 Castro Street #518
San Francisco, CA 94114-2500
e-mail: [email protected],
http://www.bannon.com/-race/kap

Race Bannon, author of “Learning the Ropes,” has compiled a nationwide listing of therapists, physicians and other professionals who have understanding and sympathy for sexual minorities. You can look at the list on his web site, or send him a business-sized SASE with two regular stamps on it.

Academic Books

An Initial Study of Nonclinical Practitioners of Sexual Sadomasochism
by Janet P. Miale
The Professional School of Psychological Studies
San Diego, CA

Sexual Behavior in the Human Female
by Kinsey, Pomeroy, and Martin

Masochism: A Jungian View
by Lyn Cowan
Spring Publications

Masochism and the Self
by Roy Baumeister
Erlbaum Publishers

Academic Articles

Moser,C. Sadomasochism.
Journal of Social Work and Human Sexuality.
Vol. 7(1),
1988, 43-56.

Moser, C. and Levitt, E. An exploratory-descriptive study of a sadomasochistically
oriented sample.
The Journal of Sex Research
, Vol. 23, No. 3, August 1987, 322-389.

Weinberg, M.S., Williams, C.J., and Moser, C. The social constituents of
sadomasochism.
Social Problems,
Vol. 31, No. 4, April 1984, 379-389.

Breslow, N. Evans, L. and Langley, J. (1985). Comparisons among heterosexual,
bisexual, and homosexual male sadomasochists.
Journal of Homosexuality, 13
, (1),
83-107.

Spengler, A. (1977). Manifest sadomasochism of males: Results of an empirical study.
Archives of Sexual Behavior, 6
, 441-456.

Gebhard, P. (1976). Fetishism and sadomasochism. In M. Weinberg (Ed.),
Sex
Research.
New York: Oxford University Press, 1976.

SM and Related Subject Books — Nonfiction

Note. Obviously, I think highly of the books available from my publisher, Greenery Press.
Their books are listed on the last page.

The Complete Guide to Safer Sex,
edited by the Institute for Advanced Study of Human
Sexuality
Barricade Books, Fort Lee, NJ

The Condom Educator’s Guide
Daniel Bao & Beowulf Thorne
Condom Resource Center, Oakland, CA

Different Loving: An Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and
Submission,
by Brame, Brame and Jacobs
Villard Books, New York

Exhibitionism for the Shy,
by Carol Queen
Down There Press, San Francisco

Gay and Lesbian Couple’s Guide
Nolo Press, Berkeley, California
(Nolo Press also publishes many other legal self-help books, which I highly recommend.)

Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely,
by
William A. Henkin, Ph.D. and Sybil Holiday
Daedalus Publishing Co., San Francisco

Learning the Ropes,
by Race Bannon
Daedalus Publishing Co., San Francisco

Leatherfolk.
edited by Mark Thompson
Alyson Publications, Boston

Leathersex,
by Joseph Bean
Daedalus Publishing Co., San Francisco

The Leatherman’s Handbook,
by Larry Toumsend
available from the author at P.O. Box 302, Beverly Hills, CA 90213

The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual,
edited by Pat Califia
Alyson Publications, Boston

The Loving Dominant,
by John Warren
Masquerade Books, New York

My Private Life: Real Experiences of a Dominant Woman,
by Mistress Nan
Daedalus Publishing Co., San Francisco

On the Safe Edge: A Manual for S/M Play
,
by Trevor Jaques
WholeSM Publishing, Toronto
(A useful book, but a fair amount of its content is disturbingly similar to previously
published material - including some of mine.)

Safe, Sane. Consensual - And Fun.
by John Warren
Diversified Services, Boston

Screw the Roses. Send Me the Thorns.
by Philip Miller & Molly Devon
Mystic Rose Books, Fairfield, CT

Sensuous Magic,
by Pat Califia
Masquerade Books, New York

SM: A Player’s Handbook,
by Lady Tanith
Self-published; available fromQSM, San Francisco

A Tangled
Web,
by Lady Tanith
Self-publisher available from QSM, San Francisco

Ties That Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style - Issues. Commentaries and
Advice
by Guy Baldwin
Daedalus Publishing, San Francisco

SM and Related Subject Books -
Not
Recommended

Kink: The Hidden Sex Lives of Americans,
Susan Crain Bakos
St. Martin’s Press

The Q Letters,
by
“
Sir
”
John
Prometheus Books, New York

Welts: Female Domination in an American Marriage,
by Gloria and Dave Wallace
Artemis Publishing

SM and Related Subject Books — Fiction

I don’t necessarily want to include every work that has somebody getting tied up and/
or whipped in it, but the following books have something of a following in the SM
world.

The “Beauty” trilogy,
by A.N. Roquelaure
Dutton Books, New York

Exit to Eden.
by Anne Rampling
Arbor House

The “Gor” science fiction novels,
by John Norman
Published by Daw Books
(Every “Gor” novel comes complete with soapbox.)

The Image
,
by Jean DeBerg
Grove Press
(I’ve met Jean. She’s a fascinating lady.)

The Love of a Master
,
John Preston
Alyson Publications, Boston

Leatherwomen
,
edited by Laura Antoniou
Masquerade Books, New York

Macho Sluts
,
Doc and Fluff, Melting Point,
by Pat Califia
Masquerade Books, New York

The “Marketplace” trilogy,
by Sara Adamson
Masquerade Books, New York

9½ Weeks,
by Elizabeth McNeil
Dutton, New York
(Rings fairly true, but I think they made up the ending.)

The Story of O,
by Pauline Reage
Grove Press

Telepaths Don’t Need Safewords,
by Cecelia Tan
Circlet Press, Boston

The Warrior Within,
by Sharon Green
Published by Daw Books

Periodicals

Note!:
Include I’m-over-21 statement when contacting anybody listed below (or any
other resource in this book).

Bad Attitude
(lesbian)
P.O. Box 390110
Cambridge, MA 02139

Body Play and Modern Primitives Quarterly
(piercing, cutting, branding focus)
P.O. Box 2575
Menlo Park, CA 94026
(415) 324-0543
Sample issue $12.00

Black Sheets
(
pansexual
)
P.O. Box 31155
San Francisco, CA 94131
(415) 431-0171

Boudoir Noir
(
pansexual
)
Box 5, Station F
Toronto, ON M4Y 2L4
CANADA
(416) 591-2387

CuirUnderground
(
pansexual
)
3288 21st St. #19
San Francisco, CA 94110

Drummer
(gay male)
P.O. Box 410390
San Francisco, CA 94141-0390
(415)252-1195

EIDOS
(
pansexual
-
civil liberties focus)
P.O. Box 96
Boston, MA 02137
(617) 262-0096
Current issue $10.00

Kinky People, Places and Things
(heterosexual)
P.O. Box 16188
Seattle, WA 98116

Leather Journal
(primarily gay male)
published by Cedar Publishing Co.
7985 Santa Monica Blvd., # 109-368
West Hollywood, CA 90046
(213) 656-5073
Sample Copy $6.00

Piercing Fans International Quarterly
(pansexual)
c/o Gauntlet Mail Order
2215-R Market St. #801
San Francisco, CA 94114
(800) RINGS 2 U

Prometheus
(
Eulenspiegel Society newsletter; pansexual)
P.O. Box 2783
New York, NY 10163-2783
[email protected]

Sandmutopian Guardian
(pansexual)
The Utopian Network
P.O. Box 1146
New York, NY 10156
(516) 482-1711