SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (67 page)

b. Verbal play must not be so loud that it disturbs other scenes.

c. Please arrive at the party door wearing relatively normal outer clothing.

14. You are responsible for the behavior of your guests.

a. Each person who has been directly invited may bring guests if approved in advance by the Party Director. All guests must have passed their 21st birthday.

b. If you bring guests, you are responsible for making sure they know what kind of a party this is, what the rules are, and that they can emotionally handle being at such an event. You are responsible for their behavior.

15. Drugs, alcohol and tobacco.

a. Intoxication of any kind that leads to unsafe or objectionable behavior will not be tolerated.

b. The Club does not serve alcohol. Guest may bring beer or wine (only). No hard liquor or illegal drugs are allowed.

c. All smoking is to be done outside or in designated areas.

16. You attend at your own risk.

Attendees understand and agree that participating in or being around SM activity and other forms of erotic play is always distinctly risky and agree to assume all risks. With the exception of intentional, malicious misconduct or extremely gross negligence on the part of those most directly and specifically involved, nobody associated with hosting or attending a The Club event is at all responsible or liable for any sort of loss, harm, or other damages.

17. These parties are (only) for the private, personal enjoyment of the attendees.

If you believe someone may be attending for any other reason, please inform the Party Director.

18. Please help keep the space dean.

Please properly dispose of your plates, cups, and so forth. Clean up completely after your scenes.

19. Please share the special equipment.

So that others may enjoy using them too, please limit your usage of special large items of equipment such as slings, posts, and so forth to no more than one hour unless given prior permission by the Party Director.

20. Dress code.

The Club has no special dress code per se, but advises attendees that fetish-type clothing is certainly welcome and admired.

21. Special rules for single-energy parties.

At one-gender-dominant parties, we ask that a person of the dominant gender be in direct, immediate control of any scene in progress. A person of the dominant gender may bottom to another person of the dominant gender. A person of the submissive gender may top another person of the submissive gender only if a member of the dominant gender is in immediate control of the scene. We ask that people of the submissive gender not top members of the dominant gender.

Sample Rules for a “Truth or Dare” Game

1. Spectators, wimps that they are, may be asked to go elsewhere for the duration of the game. Players only!

2. An Umpire is chosen by majority vote. This Umpire is issued “the Wuss paddle.” (Loud whack. Little pain.)

3. The Umpire picks a person to start the round.

4. That person looks at another person and asks “trurh or dare?”

5. The questioned person may respond with “truth,” “dare,” or “your choice.”

6. If “truth” is chosen, the person must answer a “fair” question truthfully. (Cracking a joke will not be considered an adequate answer.) Questions may be probing and pointedbut, because the point of the game is to have fun, may not be harsh, mean-spirited, or violate serious “real world” confidentiality matters. Answers should take less than two minutes. (No filibustering!) If the Umpire rules that the question is unfair, the asked person may either request another question or that the Umpire award them a “pass”.

7. If “dare” is chosen, the person must perform the requested action. A “fair” dare must be something that can be done then and there, and take less than two minutes. Dares may not be physically dangerous. Dares involving explicit sexual contact, including self-play, may be declined without penalty (or, of course, accepted). Dares involving nudity are fair. Dares involving additional people may be done only with their consent. If the Umpire rules that the dare is unfair, the asked person may either request another dare or that the Umpire award them a “pass.”

8. If the Umpire determines that the person has inadequately responded to a fair question or a fair dare, that person has revealed that they are a Wuss. They must then turn their back to the group, expose their bare buttocks, and accept three swats, administered by the Umpire, from ”the Wuss paddle.”

9. After the asked person has successfully completed their ”truth or dare,” or been awarded a “pass,” or “wussed out,” it is then their turn to ask “truth or dare” of someone else. This must be someone in the circle who has not yet been asked that question. (Don’t forget the person who started the round.) The Umpire may either decline to answer a ”truth or dare” or may appoint a ”Deputy Umpire” to manage the game during their turn. A round is over when all (except possibly the Umpire) have been asked “truth or dare.”

10. At the end of the round, if people wish, a new Umpire can be chosen and another round started.

Sample Rules for a Tops & Bottoms Auction

1. Each attendee will be handed an envelope of play money upon admission. Each attendee will receive an equal amount.

2.
[for fund-raising events]
Additional play money will be available for purchase throughout the evening. $5,000 in play money can be purchased for $5.

3. If you would like to be auctioned off, please fill out an Auctioneer’s Information Form. You may choose to be auctioned as a top, a bottom, or a switch. If you prefer to be purchased by men only or women only, please indicate that on the form. Also, please indicate any particular limits or desires, or any special service that you are “selling.”

The form includes space for a brief “marketing statement.” The Auctioneer will be sure to include this statement when he auctions you off. Be creative!

4. Purchasers are buying the “first right of negotiation” with the people they purchase. Having bought someone does not entitle you to exceed their limits, or to do anything beyond what you negotiate with them. Both parties are encouraged to be cooperative and flexible.

5. Any play that is purchased or negotiated may take place here at the event, or at another time and place, at both parties’ discretion.

6. If you are bought, you receive the money spent on you. You can spend that money on purchases of your own lataer in the evening.

7. Trading, bartering, coalition-building, and other underhanded practices are encouraged. Several people may pool their money for a purchase, and share the results of that purchase as they and their acquisition deem fit.

Appendix II: SM and the Internet

One of the greatest changes that has occurred since “SM 101” was first published has been the explosive growth of the Internet.

This international network of computers has revolutionized the nature of how information moves through society, and its influence is pervasive. Tens of millions of people are “on-line,” and each day sees thousands more joining them.

The Internet offers numerous possibilities. The major benefit for most people seems to be the ability to send and receive electronic mail, called e-mail, quickly and at very little cost.

Another major benefit is the ability to participate in discussion forums called newsgroups, where people post messages relating to various topics. To get an idea of how quickly the Internet is growing, consider that when I went on-line in May of 1994 there were about 5000 newsgroups devoted to various topics. As I write this in September of 1997, there are over 21,000 newsgroups.

(I had been thinking more and more about getting on the Internet for some time, but two events at the 1993 World Science Fiction convention pushed me over the edge. 1. Another SM publisher told me that she was processing at least half a dozen requests for her e-mail catalog per day, and 2. a very attractive lady that I was having a wonderful conversation with gave me her card so that we could stay in touch - and the only contact information on it was her e-mail address.)

A third benefit is the ability to put up what’s called a “web page” that describes yourself, your interests, your company or other matters. If you want to get lots of SM information quickly, use your web browser to search on the phrase “BDSM.”

A fourth benefit is the ability to engage in “chat” with other people who are also logged on at the same time. This can take place in “chat rooms” that exist inside the confines of large Internet service providers such as America Online or Compuserve, or out on the Internet asa whole on what’s called Internet Relay Chat or IRC for short.

Other Internet technologies that may be of use to you are FTP (File Transfer Protocol), which enables you to post and obtain large files and pieces of software, and telnet, which can hook you up to any of the adult computer bulletin board services (BBSs) around the nation that have telnet capability.

Given their tendency to be highly intelligent and adventuresome, it should come as no surprise to learn that a very large number of SM poeple are on the Internet. Indeed, I know of at least four party groups that only send out invitations over the Internet. If you don’t have an e-mail address, you literally can’t be directly invited.

The newsgroups are a special interest of mine. The most popular one is called soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm (an offshoot of a group called alt.sesx.bondage, which became so overrun with unwanted ads that it nearly ceased to function). Newsgroups called alt.sex.femdom and soc.sexuality.spanking also exist. If you’re looking for a kinky partner, check out alt.bondage.personals and alt.spanking. personals to see what they offer. Do a search on the word “personal” to find literally dozens of other newsgroups devoted to personal ads of various types.

Many other sexuality related newsgroups exist. Try searching on the words “gay,” “ lesbian,” “bi,” and “bisex” if those are interests of yours. Leave the comma out. Also try a search on the term “motss,” which stands for members of the same sex.

One thing to keep in mind is that e-mail does not come with the expecta-tion of privacy that regular mail has. Your e-mail may bounce to several different sites before it reaches the sender. That being so, think twice before putting anything in e-mail that you wouldn’t want anybody besides the sender to see.

The business of being an Internet Service Provider (ISP) has become very hotly competitive. Be sure to shop around and compare ratesand policies. Be especially leery of ISPs that charge per-hour charges. As of this writing, good, basic service can be purchased for about $15 to $30 per month in the Bay Area, with unlimited access time. Also, some ISPs are very comfortable when it comes to adult material, while others are much more resistant.

One interesting aspect of the Internet, particularly its interactive venues such as chat rooms and IRC, it that it’s possible to engage in “cyberplay” SM. Indeed, there are many people who have done hundreds of hours of cyberplay SM but have almost no real-life experience. It’s easy to assume that since cyberplay isn’t “real,” you don’t have to negotiate. In fact, though, cyberplay has most of the same emotional (if not physical) risks as face-to-face play; negotiate it as carefully. Cyberplay can also involve real-world danger - I heard of one woman whose “cyber-master” commanded her to chain herself to a park bench, with the key in a block of ice beside her.

One aspect of this is to keep in mind that you can never be entirely sure of who is sitting on the other terminal. Unless you’ve met them, you can’t tell if the other person is male or female, or how old they really are, or anything else about them. Even if you have met them before, you don’t
really
know who is sitting at that other keyboard. It could be someone else using that person’saccount Also, it’s relatively easy to keep permanent logs of cyberSM sessions - logs that could embarrass you later.

Finally, there is a code of on-line courtesy called “netiquette.” Because of the relatively anonymous and impersonal nature of this medium, entirely too many people feel that it’s OK to act like jerks. Keep in mind that (even though it’s not readily apparent) there is another thinking, feeling human being at the other terminal, and behave accordingly.

You’ve heard of a gateway resource? (A phrase I coined which is seeing wider usage). The Internet is the gateway of all gateways.

Appendix III

A Monograph on Breath Control Play

Excerpted from an article posted to alt.sex.bondage in August
,
1996
,
entitled “The Medical Realities of Breath Control Play.
”

For some time now, I have felt that the practices of suffocation and/or strangulation done in an erotic context (generically known as breath control play; more properly known as asphyxiophilia) were in fact far more dangerous than they are generally perceived to be. As a person with years of medical education and experience, I know of no way whatsoever that either suffocation or strangulation can be done in a way that does not intrinsically put the recipient at risk of cardiac arrest. (There are also numerous additional risks; more on them later.)