SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (56 page)

A possible benefit.
Childbirth education classes such as Lamaze or Bradley teach pain processing skills that will stand you in good stead throughout the rest of your life as a pervert. I have on several occasions seen Janet go into the conscious relaxation and breathing exercises she learned in Lamaze during an intense scene. One male dominant/female submissive couple I know took great and perverse pleasure in hearing their husband-coached childbirth teacher instruct the women to “yield to their husbands and accept the pain.”

In summary, the only thing that will stay the same during pregnancy is constant change. Don’t concentrate on the way things were yesterday or last month, concentrate on the way they are now. This is not a good time for pushing limits or setting records; it’s a great time for increased intimacy and giving her nurturing support in whatever way works for the two of you.

When we’re alone, I want you to kneel by the side of my chair while we watch TV.

Common Causes of SM Disasters

The following are frequent causes of SM sessions “going bad.”

1. Playing with strangers, especially someone not “in the scene.
^»

2. Playing with someone toward whom you feel anger, fear, or other negative emotions.

3. Playing without safewords, even if experienced.

4. Playing for reasons other than erotic pleasure or personal growth (for example, from a sense of anger or revenge, or as a substitute for therapy).

5. Playing while intoxicated, ill, or tired.

6. Negotiating inadequately before you begin.

7. Leaving a bound submissive alone.

8. Blindfolding and/or gagging a submissive you haven’t previously played with several times.

9. Disregarding safewords or implying, even jokingly, that you might disregard them.

10. Using worn-out equipment.

11. Engaging in unfamiliar activities without adequate prior education.

12. Escalating the session’s intensity too quickly.

13. Playing with someone other than your steady partner without a silent alarm in operation.

14. Administering unrelenting, increasing pain to a submissive not ready for that.

15. Physical resistance during SM play, unless
very
carefully negotiated beforehand.

First Aid and CPR Training

All SM players should know first aid and CPR The Red Cross offers an excellent basic class called Standard First Aid. The class lasts about seven hours. You should repeat this class every year. Everybody, both dominant and submissive, should take this class. Sometimes SM club members go to the Red Cross and take the class as a group. At least one SM club has all of its officers take the class annually. Some clubs have “in-house” instructors.

Please don’t untie my hands.

I’ve been an instructor for many years, and teach several “all-perv” Standard First Aid classes each year. They’re great fun! (I also teach the more advanced First Responder course to an all-pcrv group about once a year.) Also, about once a year, I hear that one of my former students got into a situation where they really needed what they learned in class.

Note: Other companies also teach good quality first aid/CPR classes. Check your local yellow pages under “First Aid Instruction”.

Nothing about SM is so dangerous as to increase the need for such training. Learning first aid and CPR is a basic act of responsibility, nothing more. It is
not
something SM players have a uniquely high need to know. (But, like everyone else, they do need to know it).

Attention submissives: I would feel doubtful about bottoming to anyone who didn’t have, at a minimum, current first aid and CPR cards. How will they care for me if something goes seriously wrong? It’s entirely proper to ask to see your dominant’s certificates before playing with them. If they can’t produce current cards, I’d consider refusing to play.

Major point: If you haven’t taken first aid and CPR training within the last twelve months, you cannot call yourself a responsible dominant. (I was challenged on this point when I published the first edition of this book, but since then, some of my challengers have had experiences which changed their point of view.)

First Aid Supplies

Only five common conditions kill before help arrives: an obstructed airway, stopped breathing, cardiac arrest, severe bleeding, and a severe allergic reaction. You need no special equipment to manage the first three, but you’ll need dressings and bandages to control bleeding. You could improvise with towels or similar material, but as a responsible player you should have the actual supplies handy. You’ll also need an over-the-counter epinephrine inhaler (Primatene, Bronkaid) and diephen-hydramine tablets (Nytol, Sominex) to cope with a severe allergic reaction. (These are stopgap measures only. If you know that you have severe allergies, contact your physician to obtain an Epi-Pen or Ana-Kit.)

The way to get me to be really submissive is to blindfold me.

For your home, I suggest you keep the following supplies in a portable box, such as a plastic toolbox, in your bathroom.

“In-house” supplies:

- A small flashlight (I recommend a white Life-Lite by Garrity)

- Ten 4x4 gauze pads

- Two rolls of three-inch bandage

- One roll of one-inch tape

- Two triangular bandages

- One pair of paramedic scissors

- Two pairs of vinyl or latex gloves

- Five foil-wrapped alcohol wipes

- A bottle or packets of a broad-spectrum disinfectant containing provodone-iodine. Betadine is the most widely known brand. Besides the above, keep the following supplies in your toy bag.

- A small flashlight (I really like the LifeLite as a toybag flashlight)

- Five 4x4 gauze pads

- One roll of three-inch bandage

- One triangular bandage

- One pair of paramedic scissors

- Two pairs of vinyl or latex gloves

- Five alcohol wipes

- A tube of provodone-iodine disinfectant

Note: You can find a white, bright yellow, or similar colored flashlight much more easily in the dark than you can find a black or dark-colored flashlight.

Key point : In an emergency, you’ll want these supplies
in the room with you
.

These supplies are cheap, simple to use, and take up little room. There is no excuse for not having them available. (Hey submissives! It’s also hot out of line to ask to see the . dominant’s safety equipment.)

paramedic scissors

The paramedicscissors popular with rescue squads are excellent. They are particularly useful if, for some reason, you need to get the submissive free from their bondage
right now.
These bandage-type scissors are curved with blunt tips and large, plastic handles. They rapidly and safely cut clothing, leather, rope, and similar ma terial. You can buy these scissors for about $10.00 at most medical supply stores. (Please note: many stores that sell SM gear also sell paramedic scissors.)

She hates being spanked, and she’ll take a really heavy spanking for me.

If you can’t find them locally, call one of the medical supply companies listed below and ask for a catalog. Quantity discounts are available, so some SM clubs buy in bulk. As always, it’s wise to comparison shop.

Armstrong (800) 323-4220

Dyna-Med (800) 854-2706

Gall’s (800) 477-7766 (puts out good police/fire/EMS catalog)

Life Assist (800) 824-6016

Moore (800) 678-8678 (several catalogs: ask for Medical and EMS)

Common SM Emergencies

Five conditions account for most SM-related emergencies. These are, in rough order of frequency, loss of emotional balance, falls, fainting, electrical power failure, and fire. You can remember them by the “Five-F” memory device: “freakouts, falls, fainting, failure, and fire.”

Loss of emotional balance (“freakouts”).
Loss of emotional balance (freaking out) due to sensory or emotional overload is the most common SM emergency. This is usually due to failure to follow basic safety procedures. (But not always. Sometimes SM play unexpectedly touches an unknown emotional hot spot. Repressed memories sometimes get triggered, phobias get tweaked, and so forth.)

Submissives experience most freakouts, but dominants may also experience them. For example, a novice dominant who has just finished giving their first heavy whipping (even if the submissive loved receiving it) may not be able to deal with learning that they are someone capable of doing that.

SM’s intensity is one of its main attractions for many people. This intensity excites, but it also stresses the bodies and minds of the players. Sometimes that stress is more than a player can stand.

A subtle but very effective way to prevent emotional upsets is to stop the session if you emotionally “lose touch” with your partner. Dialogue, even if it’s only having the submissive nod “yes” at certain points, or other non-verbal communication, helps keep you connected with each other. Remember, always keep SM play interactive.

Submissives can help maintain their emotional balance by using a safeword when they realize they are becoming seriously scared or otherwise emotionally unstable.

Most players who lose their emotional balance will recover it within a few minutes. Be supportive but not intrusive. Follow their lead about whether they want to talk, be untied, and so forth. Listen sympathetically. Touch them only if they want you to touch them. Don’t argue with them, and try not to be too defensive or blaming. Remember, they probably will regain their emotional balance within a few minutes. Let that process happen on its own. Assist it, but don’t think that you can control it.

Afterward, the player may feel embarrassed or ashamed about losing their balance. Reassure them that it happens to everyone now and then (which it does). Let them decide whether or not to continue the session.

If they are having emotional aftershocks for more than a week after the session, consider referring them to an SM-positive psychotherapist. Refer them even sooner if they need that.

Falls.
Most serious SM-related injuries I’ve heard about involved a fall. A strap breaks, an overhead eyebolt pulls loose, or something similar happens, and the victim - usually the submissive - falls. Many falls involve a submissive bring ordered to stand with their hands tied behind their back and their ankles tied together. Obviously, in this unstable position, they can’t use their arms to stabilize themselves or to catch themselves if they fall.

I heard of a woman who was seated on a chair with her hands tied behind her and her ankles bound together. She was not, however, tied to the chair. Feeling “rebellious,” she decided to escape by hopping away. She fell, bashing her face against a doorframe as she did. The accident left a permanent scar on her face.

Submissives wearing high heels face a strong risk of falling if made to stand with their ankles tied together. Even with untied legs and bare feet, a submissive whose hands are tied behind them faces some falling risk (although some submissives become remarkably skillful at moving while bound).
Climbing or descending stairs is particularly risky
.

A submissive with tied ankles risks falling if made to stand, so wise dominants often tie the submissive’s feet last and untie their feet first - thus the saying “feet last, feet first.” Corollary: Submissives with bound-together knees, as opposed to bound-together ankles, are often more stable when standing, and can usually walk somewhat.

The dominant must stay near the submissive to catch them if they start to fall. This is called “spotting.” Also, it’s unsafe to shove or pull when moving a submissive whose legs are bound. Unless they’re resisting,
let the bound player set the pact.

That clamp on my right nipple felt really intense.

Blindfolded submissives are also at increased risk for falling - again, especially on stairs. I once saw a dominant woman (a professional who should have known better) leading a submissive man down a twisting, narrow stairway. She had blindfolded him, tied his hands behind his back, and was leading him by a leash tied to his balls. The only safe thing she did was stand in front of him, and I doubt she did that intentionally. (She, very foolishly, had her back to him.)