Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (26 page)

If, like mine, your life does not always unfold ideally, go ahead and jump into that singles pool anyway. Probably near the shallow end. Maybe just deep enough to get your feet wet. But do jump. I hope my suggestions have helped you to prepare yourself to be confident and strong when you begin dating. The stronger you are, the more likely your dating will be pro ductive in a reasonable amount of time (twelve to eighteen months). But even if you are not perfectly prepared, go ahead and begin to get out and about. No matter your level of preparation, I hope you have been working continuously on the various elements that will strengthen you as you seek love and marriage with your Good Man.

The “Lucky Seven” Areas for Development

It is critical to continue to work consciously toward your ideal in the fol lowing seven areas. I call them the “Lucky Seven” because when you prepare yourself well in these areas, you will get lucky. That is, you will attract po tential Good Men to you.

Is it truly luck? Hardly. There is great truth in the saying that luck comes to those who prepare to be lucky. Without the preparation, there is probably little luck. With full or ideal preparation, you’ll be able to choose from among several (or even many) potential Good Men. Let’s quickly review the Lucky Seven development areas:

1. To be positive, optimistic, and happy
   
2. To be relaxed, at ease, and confident (not desperate)
   
3. To be sexually aware of your desires and capabilities
   
4. To be at your most beautiful weight
   
5. To be fit, toned, and healthy
   
6. To be beautiful, feminine, and sexy (Geisha Attractiveness)
   
7. To be dressed well (including makeup, if that’s part of your per sonal style)
   

If you, dear Younger Sister, have approximated your own ideals in these areas, then I feel confident—and you should too—that you will be married to your Good Man in twelve to eighteen months. On the other hand, if you jumped into the dating pool early, before fulfilling your potential, then you should be committed to continuing to work consistently on each of these areas, and you can expect that it will take longer to reach your goal of being happily married. It takes real work and effort to be married to your Good Man in a fairly short time. If the work is done more slowly, expect the re sult to be achieved more slowly.

I took too long (years too long!) to realize the power that I would have to attract potential Good Men by being positive and happy instead of de pressed. By being relaxed and confident instead of desperate. By being sexu ally aware instead of naïve. By being slim and trim instead of obese. By being toned and healthy instead of out of shape and unhealthy. By being beautiful, feminine, and sexy instead of plain and aggressive. And by being well dressed instead of not caring about how I dressed. (Oh, how it hurts to write and to face these truths, even now.) What was I thinking? I wanted to have good relationships with men and to get married, but I kept myself in a condition that I now realize very few men (and, as it turned out, not Good Men for me) would be attracted to.

If You Have Achieved Your Goals

I’ll assume that, motivated both by reading Sex Secrets of an American Geisha and by your strong desire to marry your Good Man, you have developed sufficient inspiration to achieve your goals in the Lucky Seven areas. If you have, in fact, already achieved what you set out to do in each of these areas, your Older Sister wants to congratulate you enthusiastically. Yet I still give you advice similar to what I offer American Geisha in training who have not yet reached all of their goals:

• Stay aware of your progress in each of the Lucky Seven areas.
  
• Continue improving yourself in each area.
  
• Avoid carelessly backsliding from the progress you have attained.
  

The Lucky Seven Chart

Whether or not you’ve achieved the Lucky Seven ideals, you need to stay aware of and continue to work on each area, either to maintain or to strengthen your position. I want you to record in the following chart how you’re doing, both right now and again just before you enter the dating pool. Your awareness of where you are now and your taking responsibility for getting to where you want to be are critically important to being mar ried to your Good Man in the shortest time possible.

By now you’ve read nine full chapters, well over half of the book. So take a few minutes to think about your progress. Perhaps thumb back through the earlier chapters. If you’re keeping a journal, reread what you’ve written there. Then write down in the chart on the facing page a number be tween one (much work to do) and ten (achieved your ideal) for each area. Remember that when you have prepared yourself in these seven areas, the “luck” of your good preparation will help you to find and to marry your Good Man, soon.

Once you have assessed where you stand in the Lucky Seven develop ment areas, you have a baseline or starting point that you can compare against your later assessments. These assessments are not so much to grade you but rather to keep you aware of these important areas and, over time, to help you see your continuing progress in each area. What is most important about this chart is seeing for yourself that you are moving, no matter at what pace, toward your goals. As long as you are progressing toward your ideals in the Lucky Seven development areas, you are moving closer and closer to the day when you will marry your Good Man.

Notice that the second column is for a reassessment just as you are about to dive (or step cautiously) into the dating pool.

THE LUCKY SEVEN DEVELOPMENT AREAS

Use a 10-point rating scale, where 10 = “I’ve reached my goal/ideal” and 1 = “I still must work hard on reaching my ideal.” Be honest with, but not too hard on, yourself. Use the results to stay aware of and responsible for the goals you desire.

I want you to see progress between the far lefthand column (“Now”) and the second column (“Just before beginning to date”). Record additional assessments (and on going improvement) in the final columns three months after you begin dating and then again six months after you begin dating. When you reach your ideal in any area (a score of 10), the chart will help you see that you are maintaining it.

(All of the Lucky Seven areas are equally important whether you are married or single. For that reason I want my married American Geisha, and those in committed relationships, to record where you are when you first read this chapter, and again three, six, and nine months later. Accordingly, those readers can cross out the headings in the last three columns and write in “3 months later,” “6 months later,” and “9 months later.”)

To enhance your awareness of your status in each area, post a photo copy of this chart on your refrigerator, just to the right of your weight and exercise chart. Remember, do not be hard on yourself in your judgments. Just be sure you stay conscious of your progress by doing the three follow up assessments after your initial one. Your refrigerator will be happy to know that this is the last item I will ask you to post there, except for the monthly snapshots, which will continue forever (and which you can proudly spread all over the fridge).

Be Different from—and Better than—
Other Women

The Asian Geisha competes against hundreds of other geisha to win the business of her clients and to be asked back repeatedly to different tea houses and events. She does this by distinguishing herself from the other geisha as much as she can. She seeks to be somewhat different from and bet ter than the others. Perhaps more beautiful. A better conversationalist. A better dancer or musician. More humorous. More polite or daintier. More girlish. Smarter. Better dressed or made-up. A nicer smile. More personable. More effusive. Prettier and more interesting kimonos. She always wants to learn to do whatever might give greater pleasure to her clients than her competitors give.

In fact, she will probably continue her schooling and take various classes throughout her career, always trying to become a better geisha. Actu ally, the Asian Geisha doesn’t have to learn to do (dance, play music, conduct a tea ceremony, sing) as much as she has to learn to be. For much of her time as a geisha, she will be in the company of groups of men who actually may not interact very much with her. She may simply stand, sit, or kneel, be calm and attentive, appear happy, and be both beautiful and beautifully dressed. In summary, much of her time is spent not doing anything, but rather just being very feminine (there’s that word again). If she is seen as different from and better than other geisha at simply being very feminine, she will prob ably have happy clients and a long, successful career.

You, too, dear Younger Sister, must seek to be different from and better than your competition in the dating world, where there are lots of other women that a Good Man might ask out instead of you. It is a fact that you have lots of competition, especially for the relatively few really Good Men out there, one of whom might someday become your husband. That is why you must do all you can to distinguish yourself from the other women who are your competition.

Pardon me for reminding you, Younger Sister, but you are looking for a pretty incredible guy. I’ll bet the Good Man you seek is one with all or most of the characteristics I’ve encouraged you to seek, plus any more require ments you may have added to your list of the Four Core Characteristics. This man you want for a husband can himself be pretty choosy about whom he wishes to date and to marry. That’s the reality: He’s a good catch. For you to be the one who catches him, you have to be a pretty good (great!) catch, too. You need to be different from and better than all the other women that your potential Good Man is exposed to in his search for his po tential Good Woman, you! If you are to overcome all of the competition and win your incredible Good Man, it will be because you are an incredible Good Woman. Since the admission standards to your vagina and to mar riage with you are tougher than Harvard University’s entrance requirements, you must expect that you too should be of the highest possible quality.

Your Older Sister is not going to tell you specifically how and where to go to meet men. (But I will list some possible ways to meet them; see be low.) I do, however, wish to suggest that you do not want to meet just any men, but rather only appropriate men for you. I hope you did a little work back in Chapters 7 and 8, where we discussed requirements for someone to qualify as a Good Man for you. With that work done, you have a good idea of the type of man you seek.

In getting into the dating scene you want to meet a large number of possibly appropriate men, so that you have several (or many) men to choose from when deciding whom to date. If someone you meet is obviously or even intuitively not a Good Man for you (for whatever reason), do not date him. Try to get to know a man a little before you accept a date so that you do not inadvertently date an inappropriate man and wind up wasting your (and his) time.

Your Older Sister knows that it is often hard to ascertain a man’s ap propriateness before accepting a date with him. But sometimes you have enough information about him to cause your intuition to indicate either “possibly appropriate” or “probably inappropriate.” Listen to and trust your intuition. It is your subconscious trying to make you conscious of your deeper knowing about any given situation. You can also follow the ad vice I offer later in this chapter (in the section “The American Geisha Must Be Selective”) for helping you to determine whether to pursue a dating rela tionship with any particular man.

Now That You Are Dating

You are out there, dating, whether or not you are fully and ideally prepared. Congratulations, dear Younger Sister. You are making yourself available to potential Good Men who might see or hear of you and be attracted to you. I hope that you are feeling confident, positive, and optimistic about your journey to love and marriage. You are focused and aware of becoming more beautiful, feminine, and sexy every day. Your weight is changing for the bet ter (or staying near its best), and you exercise regularly. Your health is good or improving. You know you are a hot, sexy lady. Your wardrobe gets more attractive each month. Even your makeup and hairstyle are more flattering. You are an artist of the flesh who has created and sculpted a beautiful, feminine, and sexy woman of yourself. Now you proudly and happily and with a sense of fun set off on your twelve to eighteen-month journey to love and marriage.