Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (21 page)

What Do You
Need
and
Want
in Life?

Right now, think ahead to when, within eighteen months (or perhaps just twelve), you are at the altar, marrying your Good Man. Visualize your future, the future of a hot, sexy Good Woman who knows exactly where she wants to be and what she wants. The secret I reveal to you here is that the Asian Geisha knows what she needs and wants out of life. An important part of Geisha Consciousness is that the geisha is aware of her needs and wants in a relationship. Whereas the Asian Geisha specifically does not want love and marriage (they would harm her business life), the American Geisha specifically does want love and marriage (they make her personal life so happy). The Asian Geisha would discourage men who wished to take the relationship unacceptably far, and the American Geisha would discourage even Good Men who did not want to at least consider the possibility of taking the relationship to love, commitment, marriage (perhaps), and children (possibly).

Think again about the list of things that I believe you require for a happy lifetime together with your Good Man. They are very important, yet so simple. First, assuming this is true for you, you want to be married, not just living together or dating, but married and with children. Second, you will only be happy in a strong, healthy love relationship, not in a marriage of convenience or “friendship,” but one of true, mutual, emotional love. Third, in proudly honoring your physical, animal desire for sexual as well as emo tional love, you want and need a relationship that has a strong sexual, chemical attraction. Lastly, and perhaps of greatest importance, you wish to have this lifetime commitment only with a man who is good for you, your Good Man for life.

Read the last paragraph again, please. Don’t these four requirements represent what you really want and need most out of a relationship? Aren’t they all reasonable to expect of the man you marry? And, with some effort from you, aren’t they all achievable? I hope you can answer all of my questions with an optimistic, confident “Yes!”

An important Asian Geisha secret that all women should know, understand, and use is that the Asian Geisha is a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and who can be very focused and determined to do what is necessary to achieve her goals. Don’t let the stereotype fool you; Asian women are not as passive and docile as many Americans may think. It is true that Asian Geisha are generally nonconfrontational with everyone, including their male clients. They don’t like arguing, fighting, shouting, screaming, or other types of negative, nasty personal interactions. Asian women generally are polite and well-mannered, but do not mistake this for passivity. An Asian Geisha is capable of pursuing what she wants with a quiet persistence and determination, an assertiveness that speaks up, softly, for what she needs in order to be happy.

Likewise, the American Geisha will reasonably discuss and negotiate many elements of her relationship with her Good Man, but she should re fuse to compromise on her basic principles or requirements, which I believe are represented by Your Four Fundamental Needs. If a man does not want to or cannot fulfill these needs, he is not the right Good Man for you, though he may be a good and fine person, and perhaps a good match for another woman who at a particular time, for instance, may not want love, marriage, or a baby as part of her relationship.

If you have any concerns about whether you can stand up for what you reasonably need and want, consider spending some of that money you made by selling your flat-screen TV to buy a self-help book on assertiveness, listen to a tape about standing up for yourself in a healthy manner, or get some short-term cognitive-behavioral therapy. Do whatever is necessary to transform yourself from a person who is passive and overly influenced or even dominated by others. You are a Good Woman with reasonable needs and wants. (If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have continued reading to this point in the book, I believe.) You deserve to live the life you desire. The American Geisha is kind and nonconfrontational as well as bold and assertive in pursuing what she needs and wants to be happy.

Stay Conscious of What You Need and Want

The Asian Geisha comes from an ancient culture that values contemplation, quiet time to escape the constant stimulation that seems to be so much a part of Western culture. It is during this quiet time that the Asian woman becomes aware of her deepest, most fundamental needs and desires.

Go to your quiet place, where you are alone and undisturbed in a re laxed situation, for thirty minutes minimum, with pen and paper. It could be in your home, at a coffee shop, in a library, somewhere in the woods, in a park, maybe at a bookstore. Do not be mindless, as I was. Instead, be thoughtful; gain an awareness of where you are now and of what you want for your future. Listen to your quiet self as you consider what your deepest needs are in a relationship with your Good Man. Write down your thoughts and feelings on a separate piece of paper. Fold the paper and keep it in this book for future reference. Return to that quiet place many times during the months ahead. Do some good thinking, contemplating, and experiencing of feelings. Write some of it down. Become conscious of what is important to you in a love relationship and marriage.

So many women think about their greatest relationship needs, then, in the heat of pursuit, they lose their focus and literally allow themselves to forget what they had earlier determined was important to them. That’s what I did with Neil. The American Geisha does not forget but rather remains persistently focused on what she requires in order for her and her Good Man to be a happy, enthusiastic couple. You make business plans; you plan vacations. You had better, or else the business may founder and the vacation may be a disaster. Now it is time to plan for love and marriage—or else your desire for those things may founder and turn into a disaster, too.

See if you agree with this statement: “Probably nothing in my life will be as important to my happiness as being truly in love and married.” I know it is true for me. If it is true for you, then doesn’t it make sense to do whatever thinking and planning you can to help you find true love with a man who wants to marry you? Please say, “Yes, Older Sister.”

While in your quiet space, please consider adopting Your Four Fundamental Needs as consciously chosen goals for your pursuit of the happy life you want. Of course, you may choose to adapt the Four Fundamental Needs, changing them so that they more perfectly support your own goals. As you contemplate your needs during different periods of your life, you may re move one or more goals from this list and add different ones of your own choosing. This is fine.

Find quiet time, lots of it. Think through what your most basic, non negotiable desires and needs are. Choose the fundamentals that reflect your true, unique self. Lastly, stay conscious of Your Four Fundamental Needs so that they serve as a vision to shape your actions as you move persistently toward your goals. To help you to stay conscious of Your Four Fundamental Needs, post them on the refrigerator, just to the right of the Four Core Characteristics of a Good Man.

Clarity of Purpose

Your hot, sexy, beautiful, feminine self must get organized in your pursuit of your Good Man. Developing a simple plan will transform the dreams and hopes you hold of love and marriage into goals that you can actually achieve, step-by-step, over the next year and a half or less. I know as your Older Sister how easy it is just to read this book without investing the time and effort to actually stop and write down a plan for attaining the happy, loving relationship you want. After all, I wasted eight long years without a plan. But, as your Older Sister, I have to tell you that by not having an explicit, written plan, you make it much more unlikely that my advice will lead you to love and marriage in a short time. Listen to me, please. I had no plan with Scott and Neil and wasted all those years. Then, while looking for the man who would become my husband, I had a plan, and it ended in my happy marriage twenty-one months after I began implementing it.

I promise I won’t overdo it with my planning suggestions, but it is extremely practical and important to know what your priorities are and what you should do at different stages during your pursuit of love and marriage. Without a plan and goals, where would you wind up in eighteen months? I’ll tell you where you’d wind up: in some un planned situation, and probably not in a loving marriage with a Good Man, perhaps not even on your way toward that loving marriage. Let Older Sister Py help you put together Your American Geisha Love and Marriage Plan.

On the other hand, if you have a plan, I promise that you will either have achieved your goals within eighteen months or that at the very least you’ll be en route to those wonderful goals, perhaps just a little behind schedule. When you combine ongoing awareness with clearly stated goals, you make the world sit up and listen to you; you make things happen in your favor, according to your plans
.
You get what you want and need out of life by consciously and persistently pursuing whatever it is you desire. This clarity of purpose is key to the success of both the Asian Geisha in her pursuit of business and the American Geisha in her pursuit of love and marriage.

You need to spend a few minutes writing down your plan now (you can change it later, of course) in order to save you months or years of unfocused, wasted time in the future.

Characteristics of
Your
Good Man

In Chapter 7, we looked at the basics of what makes a Good Man. I hope you agree with me that the man you love and marry must have the following Four Core Characteristics:

1. He has good values.
   
2. He is aware and responsible.
   
3. He treats you well and is kind.
   
4. He is a happy person.
   

If you disagree with me about these four basic characteristics of a Good Man, now is the time to assert yourself. After all, this is your life, your Good Man, your plan.

Examine the list again. Cross out or change those characteristics you disagree with or do not consider absolutely necessary. Then, add to the list whatever additional absolutes you definitely must have as characteristics of your Good Man. Let me suggest the types of things you might consider adding:

• Age
  
• Height, weight
  
• Education level
  
• Income level
  
• Race preference
  
• Religious preference
  
• Type of job
  
• Has never been married
  
• Has no kids of his own
  
• _________________ (other)
  
• _________________ (other)
  

Let me add a caveat: I suggested in Chapter 7 that you keep your “absolutes” to a minimum, that you list only the most important, fundamental characteristics of a Good Man. I want to reemphasize that point here. Otherwise you could miss out on a really great guy simply because, for instance, he drives an old car. (My wonderful husband had no car when I met him, then he bought a 1970 [! ] VW Bug shortly afterward.) So, try to be flexible about less important qualities such as income level and height; demand of your potential Good Man only the essential character traits that make him a good human being.

That said, if other characteristics are beyond your ability to compro mise about, then add them to your list. You want to be practical, not merely theoretical, as you develop your plan. None of us—not you, not me—is perfect or perfectly accepting, so if your Good Man must meet certain standards of height or weight or intellect or religion or whatever, then go ahead and add those requirements. Try to keep your additional list short, but if he must, for instance, follow a certain religion, then write that down so that in your twelve-to-eighteen-month quest for love and marriage you don’t “accidentally” wind up dating a man for a few days, weeks, months, or (ouch!) years whom, by your own definition, you could never marry.

Here are a few other qualities to consider (but you will probably not want to make these core requirements):

• Rich?
  
• Homeowner?
  
• Lives nearby?
  
• Sensitive?
  
• Good communicator?
  
• Good sense of humor?
  
• Handsome?
  
• Healthy?
  
• Sports nut?
  
• Loner?
  
• Gregarious?
  
• Family-oriented?
  
• Job-oriented (or not)?
  
• _________________ (other)
  
• _________________ (other)
  
• _________________ (other)
  

If you have revised your Four Core Characteristics of a Good Man replace the list that is posted on your refrigerator with your updated list. (Your Four Fundamental Needs are posted just to the right of your defini tion of a Good Man for you.)