Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (27 page)

I am so happy if you are leaving your home two or three evenings a week to open yourself up to the possibility of meeting appropriate men. Don’t think that I want you out there seven days a week, doggedly pursuing your Good Man. Wouldn’t that seem a bit desperate? I think so. You want to be relaxed, happy, and having fun, not so focused on men that there is nothing else in your life.

In fact, I want to suggest two things, Younger Sister, that should remain in your life both now, as you date, and later, after you are married. The two are hobbies and girlfriends. A hobby or an interest (or interests that change over time) gives you outlets for your passion. Do not give up all your hobbies to pursue your Good Man. Let him know that you have other interests. Mine are (or were) papermaking, collage, beading, writing poetry, candle making, scrapbooking, knitting, soapmaking, gardening, furniture painting, rubber stamping, hand bookmaking, and writing articles for magazines.

Find your own interests and pursue them while dating and after mar riage so that both you and your man know that you have a life beyond the relationship. You want to present yourself as a whole woman, as someone with interests in the outside world, not as a woman solely focused on men and relationships. You are more interesting (more attractive) to a man when he senses your depth and distinct personality. This makes you different from (and better than) so many other women with narrow focuses.

Always maintain active relationships with your girlfriends, if for no other reason than to give your partner a little relief from being the only one you talk to. The men in your life will appreciate that your girlfriends con tribute to making you happy in ways that a male simply cannot. And every Good Man knows that a happy wife is going to make him happy, and that when both of you are happy, you will have a happy relationship.

Where to Meet Potential Good Men

I wrote earlier that I would not recommend specific ways to meet men. But I do want to encourage you to consider exactly how you might put yourself in a situation where you could meet or run into an appropriate man, a potential Good Man, a possible future husband. Here is a long but not totally inclusive list to stimulate you to consider how many different ways are open to you. Of course, you’ll think of even more.

• Through a family member
  
• Through a friend
  
• At a singles party or event
  
• At school
  
• At a reunion party
  
• At work
  
• At the supermarket
  
• At the gas station
  
• At the beach or lake
  
• At your gym
  
• On a hike
  
• On an airplane
  
• At an airport
  
• At a dance
  
• While jogging or walking
  
• While biking or roller-blading
  
• While skiing or snowboarding
  
• On vacation
  
• On a cruise
  On a bus
  
• While walking your dog
  
• In a coffee shop
  
• In a donut shop
  
• In a bar In a karaoke bar
  
• In the library In a bookstore
  
• At a street fair
  
• At a networking event
  
• At an alumni event
  
• At a garage sale
  
• At the laundromat
  
• While visiting a client
  
• At a business-training event
  
• At a conference
  
• In a business meeting
  
• At the annual company picnic or holiday party
  
• At a job site
  
• At breakfast, lunch, or dinner
  
• In the company or school cafeteria
  
• At your condo or townhouse homeowners’ meeting
  
• At your apartment swimming pool
  
• In an elevator
  
• Walking in your neighborhood
  
• At a religious event
  
• Through politics
  
• At a book-signing event
  
• At a Toastmasters group or other club
  
• Through a public-service project
  
• At a fundraising event
  
• At volunteer organizations
  
• On the Internet
  
• Through a dating service
  
• On a blind date
  
• At a holiday event (e.g., fireworks on July 4th)
  
• At a wedding or reception
  
• At a sporting event
  
• On a company-sponsored sports team
  
• At a car wash
  
• In a bank or movie line
  
• Inside the movie theater
  
• While speed-dating
  
• Through a personal ad in a local weekly newspaper
  
• At a computer (or other) class
  
• On a golf course
  
• At a bowling alley or tennis court
  
• At a comedy club
  
• At a music concert
  
• At an art gallery opening
  
• At a museum event
  
• At a play, during intermission
  
• In the rain or snow
  
• While window shopping
  
• While shopping at a mall
  
• At a hobby shop (shared interest)
  
• At an open-mike night
  
• At a farmers’ market
  
• At a nightclub
  
• At a restaurant (especially a buffet)
  
• At a wine tasting In a fast-food line
  

I’d like to know where you met your Good Man. Please e-mail me.

The American Geisha Must Be Selective

The Asian Geisha may meet a potential new client by being approached di rectly by an individual or an organization wishing to have her attend a pri vate function. Or, more commonly, she may be approached through her own okiya (geisha house) or through the geisha-booking service in her dis trict. In each case she has final say as to whether she chooses to attend any given function. If she attends inappropriate functions (for instance, at a less respected, less prestigious teahouse), other potential good clients may by pass her because of her tarnished image. Thus, the Asian Geisha has to be selective about which events she chooses to attend.

You, dear Younger Sister, must also choose carefully from among the men you attract. You waste time dating a man who has little or no potential to be a Good Man for you. Not only that, but your image may suffer from dating inappropriate men, perhaps discouraging other men from getting to know you, possibly including a man who may have been right for you.

No matter how you’ve met a man, the first thing you want to do is try to ascertain whether he has the potential to be a Good Man for you. If he seems to have that potential, you certainly would be open to seeing him fur ther. If he seems not to have that potential, it is best not to see him further, unless seeing him further would open good social networking opportunities for you. Remember always to be frank and honest and nonmanipulative and kind to the men you encounter while dating. Don’t lead on an inappropriate man once you realize he is not a candidate for a longer-term relationship with you.

Let’s say that a man you meet at a bookstore coffee shop asks you out for dinner. According to whether or not he seems to have some Good Man potential, you could answer him in one of several ways.

SITUATION 1: NO POTENTIAL If you judge quickly (or after a forty-five-minute chat) that there is either no potential or so little potential that you do not want to invest any further time, you want to discourage him. You might respond, “Thank you, that’s sweet of you. But I can’t.” If he persists (which he probably won’t), say truthfully, “I’m just not available right now. It’s been nice to meet and to talk with you.” Do not touch him and do not be your most fun, likable self. After all, you want to discourage him.

SITUATION 2: POSSIBLE POTENTIAL If you sense some potential but are unsure, you want to be somewhat neu tral. You might say, “Thank you, that’s nice of you. But why don’t we just have coffee again? Maybe on Friday, right here. How’s that for now?” After your second chat over coffee, perhaps you’ll know more clearly whether to end this budding relationship or to allow it to proceed to a real date (lunch or dinner). Maybe touch his arm or body in some casual way. Let him see some of your warmth.

SITUATION 3: DEFINITE POTENTIAL

When you sense that he has some real potential to be a Good Man for you, you want to encourage him. Accept his invitation. Perhaps say, “Thank you. That sounds lovely/wonderful/nice/like fun. I’d love to/like to.” As you plan the details of your date, be sure to consider your physical safety by arranging to meet in a public place with you driving your own car. Lunch rather than dinner may feel more comfortable. As you sense this potential (and before he asks you out), touch him, lean toward him, sit closer. Let him get a good sense of your happy self. These actions encourage him. Un broken eye-to-eye contact also shows your interest.

In your first meeting it is usually inappropriate to bring up any part of your life plans and goals (including marriage or kids). Consider getting into this subject area during your second get-together, whether it is over coffee or a ”real” date. This is not to put immediate pressure on the man but to honestly show him who you are while also asking him about his own life plans.

Whenever you talk to a date or boyfriend (a man who is not yet your fi ancé) about such things as marriage or kids, do not pressure him by saying, “If I marry you. . . ,” or, “If we had kids. . . .” Avoid using him as the ex ample. Simply let him know your general, long-range plans. Say, “I plan to marry in the future,” or, “I’ll have kids someday.”

You’ve Decided to Date Him. Now What?

You have decided that a man who has shown you some attention should be encouraged because he seems to be a Good Man based on what you know of him. Though who can be sure until you date him for a while?

One of your goals is to meet and date Good Men, so you are likely to be receptive to any suggestion he might propose, such as lunch or dinner or coffee or a drink or a ride home or a shared taxi or even a suggestion that “we should do something sometime.” Perhaps you had interest in him be fore he did in you, and you put yourself in positions where you saw or spoke to each other. Your confident belief in your Geisha Attractiveness lets you know that you have made yourself very appealing. There is a good chance he’ll be attracted to you if he is simply in your presence often enough to notice you. Once noticed, you have a confidence that all you need to do is “be,” and he’ll “do” what is necessary to move the relationship forward. You have done what was necessary to get him to notice you (oh so feminine), but you don’t pursue him by approaching him or by asking him SSA text Q4pc.qxd 9/26/2006 9:50 PM Page 173 Advance from Dating to Setting a Date * 173 out. You arrange things so that he can be direct (oh so masculine) and approach you first.

If there is no one of any particular interest to you at the moment, then you need to do the things that get you into the presence of potential Good Men. You must commit to leaving your home fairly frequently to enhance your chances of meeting someone. This is a critically important step in the meet-date-marry process. You can’t meet someone if you’re at home in your bathrobe, idly watching TV, half-interestedly stroking your vulval lips through your panties while you think about what you’ll wear to work to morrow.

An Asian Geisha would starve if she stayed home all night since her business hours are from 6:00 P.M. to 2:00 A.M. Although she may have clients with whom she has ongoing relationships, she also attends functions that are somewhat like blind dates since she may have little idea of what to expect from a new client or a new teahouse until she actually shows up for the event.