Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (30 page)

Situation 4. You’re engaged:

“I could only do that . . .

. . . after we were married.”

. . . if I were feeling totally secure about our relationship."

. . . when I feel totally intimate with you.”

Situation 5. You’re married:

Even with your husband there may be some limits as to what you are willing to do. Discuss ahead of time, while you are dating and engaged, what your limitations might be. If you are already married, perhaps some of your pro hibitions could be relaxed. It’s your choice. (Of course, I would never recommend that you agree to the last three on this list!)

“I could never . . .

. . . have a sexual threesome.”

. . . do drugs.” . . . have anal sex.”

. . . let you come in my mouth."

. . . swallow your cum.”

. . . do bondage (S & M).”

. . . stop masturbating.”

. . . give up my vibrator.”

. . . stop having ‘shooting’ orgasms.”

Let me close this chapter by returning to the analogy of the cow from Chapter 1. When you and your Good Man are dating, you give him enjoy able, milky sex. When his commitment includes the ring and a wedding date, you offer him wet, creamy sex. After his final commitment of mar riage, you enthusiastically smear hot, buttery sex and love all over him. Then your Good Man will experience all that it means for his wife to be a beauti ful, hot, sexy, feminine American

N
ow, Younger Sister, as you are nearing the end of this book and of your training with me, I wish to declare you an Apprentice American Geisha. In Japan, you would be known as a maiko, and your Older Sister, feeling that you were ready to go out into the world, would introduce you to many people at parties, meetings, and teahouses. You would be very active, attending events every night. I cannot do that for you.

I cannot be with you. You will introduce your self alone, of course. And you won’t be going to several functions every night. But perhaps you will attend several functions every week in pursuit of your goal of love and marriage. Since I cannot be with you to remind you of your training or to help and guide you when unforeseen circumstances arise, as an Older Sister Asian Geisha would, I want to offer some thoughts that you should keep with you on your way to finding your Good Man, falling in love, and marrying.

Have a Happy, Fun Time while Seeking
Love and Marriage

First, always remember that this is a happy and wonderful time for you. Re lax. If in my writing I have focused with laserlike intensity on reaching your goals within twelve to eighteen months, don’t you focus on that. Instead, fo cus on enjoying yourself, meeting people, and staying aware of your defini tion of a Good Man and Your Four Fundamental Needs. Always remember that you are a Good Woman who desires and deserves a Good Man. Stay in the present; enjoy the company of the man or group you are with. Be a happy, fun, relaxed person to spend time with, a woman whose presence re flects her inner confidence and positive optimism. Be an American Geisha.

You Are
Always
Sexy, Even if You're
Not
Always Sexual

If you focus on anything, focus on love. While in your training I have fo cused somewhat on sex and on being beautiful, feminine, hot, and sexy, I want to remind you again of a fundamental difference between the Asian SSA text Q4pc.qxd 9/26/2006 9:50 PM Page 189 Love Is More than Just Good Sex * 189 Geisha and the American Geisha. In Japan and Korea the Asian Geisha nei ther seeks nor even believes in love and marriage. By contrast, you, dear Younger Sister Apprentice American Geisha, probably have as a very high priority finding both love and marriage with your Good Man.

Remember, too, that the Asian Geisha, although very beautiful, femi nine, classy, hot, and sexy to the men who are her well-to-do clients, does not engage in sex very often with those clients. The Asian Geisha keeps her clients satisfied by entertaining them with song, musical instruments, and dance; by conversing intelligently on many topics; by offering her poetry; by serving them drink and food; and, most of all, simply by enchanting her clients with her beautiful and feminine presence at a party, meeting, or din ner. You, too, although beautiful, feminine, classy, hot, and sexy, will not be sexual with many of the men you attract in the course of your search for your Good Man. Instead, you will be an American Geisha version of the Asian Geisha, attracting and beguiling Good Men with your loveliness, charm, and presence until you find the right man for you, your one Good Man to marry. The fortunate few Good Men with whom you choose to en gage in a sexual relationship will find an incredible Good Woman who be comes even more sexually responsive and open as her Good Man commits more of himself to her.

I hope the animal sex you choose to have with your Good Man is hot, lusty, frequent, and leads you both to intense, loud, sweaty, fantastic or gasms. However, a really good fuck, or even 365 really good fucks, do not alone create a good, lifelong love relationship and marriage. (It sure can help to create that wonderful, happy marriage!)

For my married Apprentice American Geisha, you almost certainly al ready know from your own experiences that love is a great deal more than just good sex. Keep in mind that we American Geisha need to stay con scious of all the ways we can strengthen our marriages and keep our Good Men attracted to us and satisfied.

Remember the Four Core Characteristics
of Your Good Man

First, although your Good Man’s values don’t have to align perfectly with yours, the fundamental value of honesty and integrity (with you and with others) should be a basic part of his psychological makeup.

Second, as a conscious and aware person yourself, you see that real love and long-term happiness are unlikely if your man does not seek to under stand the reality of any situation and then deal responsibly with it.

Third, if this book and my suggestions appeal to you enough for you to have read this far, then you must be a nice woman. There is nothing worse for a nice woman than to be treated unkindly by the man she loves and treats so well. Nice men are nice to everyone because they are nice peo ple. Your evaluation of how nice or not nice a man is will weigh heavily in your judgment of whether he is a Good Man for you.

Finally, make sure the men you date, especially those you choose to sleep with and the one you choose to marry, are happy people, because a marriage to an unhappy (or depressed) man will be an unhappy marriage, guaranteed.

Remember Your Four Fundamental Needs

You must remember that any man will be appropriate for you only if he is willing and able to help you fulfill Your Four Fundamental Needs: for mar riage and children (if applicable); for mutual love; for sexual passion; and all of this only with a Good Man, of course. If he does want marriage and children, if the two of you are mutually in love, and if there is a hot sexual chemistry between you, then this Good Man is a very strong candidate for walking down the aisle, saying “I do,” and becoming your husband!

Speak Up for Your Need to Be Married

As you move toward the agreement that the two of you want marriage (and children, if that is true for you), remember that you do not pressure or ma nipulate your Good Man into marrying you. Instead, as described in Chap ter 10, you honestly, fairly, and confidently assert and speak up for what you reasonably need in your life (marriage, kids, love, sex) as a strong, happy, American Geisha woman.

Remember
Your
Characteristics
as a Good Woman

Another reminder is about you. As you look for that right Good Man to marry, keep part of your focus inward. Stay conscious of yourself as a Good Woman. I’ve emphasized at some length the qualities you should look for in a Good Man while dealing more in summary with what makes you a Good Woman. Let your Good Man quickly sense that he is in the presence of an honest, conscious, nice, and happy woman. He’ll find this Good Woman reflected in the way that you pursue love and marriage. You are honest and conscious about your life goals. You totally refrain from ma nipulating him, in all phases of your relationship. He can count on dealing with a happy, positive, optimistic person, a woman of good intentions who will always do her best to treat him kindly, fairly, and well. This is a worthy woman. This is a desirable woman, a woman to be pursued, a woman he may want to marry and have bear his children, a Good Woman.

Avoid Aggressive Confrontation

The Asian Geisha tries very hard to avoid confrontation with her clients be cause of the bad feelings it can bring about and the negative effect it can have on her business relationships long into the future. She does her best to agree to the wishes of her client, unless the request is unreasonable. She is neither frustrated nor resentful that she cannot have her way. Rather, she understands that the nature of her relationship to the client means that she will make all reasonable attempts to comply with his wishes. The Asian Geisha’s role is to please and flatter her clients, and to do so both happily and enthusiastically.

Of course, your role in marriage is different. You may want to please and flatter your husband, but he, as a Good Man, should also want to please and flatter you. For your part—and perhaps you could teach him this—always remember that you want to have a positive effect on your rela tionship. Aggressive confrontation is never sexy; it is more yang than yin. It never brings the two of you closer together. Remember that part of your Geisha Femininity involves being a receptive, nurturing, peaceful woman, even in the middle of any necessary confrontation.

The feminist part of you that gives you backbone cannot always avoid confrontation, even in a great relationship with your Good Man. When it feels right to confront, follow the way of the Asian Geisha and do so calmly. Do not confront impulsively. Instead, plan the time and place so as to en courage a calm atmosphere. The Asian Geisha often deals with inebriated clients (little tea and much beer, sake, and whiskey get poured in the tea houses), and is famous for her absolute calm in the midst of chaos or inap propriate, alcohol-fueled behavior on the part of her clients.

Much as the Asian Geisha seeks a gentle resolution that avoids making her client look bad or wrong for his actions or words, your Geisha Calm, coupled with your determination to resolve the situation while allowing your Good Man to save face, can keep a confrontation from becoming an argument. In fact, your Geisha Calm can turn what would otherwise be a confrontation or argument into a discussion, which is actually quite yin (oh how we women love to discuss) and even sexy once you reach some agree ment.