Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (11 page)

I must anticipate that you may find some of your Older Sister’s sugges tions a bit bizarre. For instance, I suggest perhaps spending less time with friends and family. I do not mean to devalue either friends (especially your wonderful girlfriends) or family, but only to suggest that sometimes we women can make the mistake of spending inordinate amounts of time hanging out with friends and family when we say we want love and mar riage. In effect we are substituting friends or family (or both) for working on ourselves—on increasing our beauty and femininity—and we risk aban doning our highest priority (love and marriage).

As you examine and add to these lists, your Older Sister would simply ask you to consider whether different parts of your current routine really serve you well in pursuing your highest priorities. Keep those activities that give you good feelings, that bring you wholeness, and that make you a con fident, relaxed, well-rounded person. See if you can eliminate or cut back on time-wasting activities.

To save time:

• Get a less-demanding job. (I’m serious. If sexuality, love, and mar riage to a Good Man are your
  highest priority for happiness,
  do not let an overly demanding job or career take your focus, time, and energy to the extent that it gets in the way of achieving those goals. Don’t let work substitute for love.)
  
• Spend less time cooking and eating. (Gourmet meals are not a good substitute for love either.)
  
• Spend less time sleeping (eight hours maximum).
  
• Spend less time with friends/family.
  
• Spend less time on dates with inappropriate men. (Spend time with Good Men instead.)
  
• Spend less time on the phone. (Even unplug the phone at times.)
  
• Get rid of your cell phone. (Or turn it off frequently, and check messages later.)
  
• Unplug or (better) sell your TV. (I
  know
  you watch more than just PBS.)
  
• Cut back on reading. (
  After
  you finish this book.)
  
• Don’t seek overtime work.
  
• Don’t work on weekends. (Weekends are for your
  personal
  life.)
  
• Say no to unsatisfying or unreasonable requests for your time.
  

To save or make money:

• Get a smaller, cheaper apartment. (Your Good Man cares
  not at all
  that you might live in a two-bedroom apartment rather than in a one-bedroom or studio apartment. And he doesn’t care what your job is either, even if you do care what his is.)
  
• Get a smaller, cheaper car. (Just make sure it is reliable and safe.)
  
• Buy less food.
  
• Hold a yard sale.
  
• Use coupons.
  
• Drink black coffee. (Not a triple-double latte soy frappe with goat’s milk.)
  
• Don’t vacation.
  
• Ask Mom and Dad for (some of) your wedding-expense money up front. (Then pay for your own wedding.)
  
• Ask for a raise. (It’s time!)
  
• Refinance your home and take some of the equity as cash.
  

Now that you have saved this time and money, consider
spending
it on your beauty and sexy femininity, as well as on your health.

To spend time and money on your highest priorities:

• Date appropriate men.
  
• Exercise, take up a sport, join a gym.
  
• Have skin treatments, get a massage, spend a day at the spa.
  
• Wake up ten minutes earlier to style your hair (no cost).
  
• Get a makeup makeover.
  
• Get a fashion makeover or consultation.
  
• Go out alone (often).
  
• Go out with others (sometimes).
  
• Pick a night to stay in, do your nails (fingers and toes), and apply a mud mask.
  
• Plan and keep daily charts (no cost; more in Chapter 9).
  
• Relax (no cost).
  
• Meditate (no cost).
  
• Feel and look happy, positive, and optimistic (no cost).
  
• Participate in singles groups or events.
  
• Buy accessories and jewelry.
  
• Spend time every day accessorizing your outfit.
  
• Buy good clothes.
  
• Get healthy.
  
• Sleep enough (no cost).
  
• Date through the Internet.
  
• Get your hair styled or colored.
  
• Soak in a bathtub (no cost).
  
• Take one tiny step each day toward becoming more beautiful.
  
• Become more feminine each day (no cost).
  
• Dance.
  
• Exfoliate your skin in the shower (no cost).
  
• Get a pedicure.
  
• Get a manicure.
  
• Buy perfume.
  
• Buy sexy underwear.
  
• Engage in a hobby.
  
• Be creative (no cost).
  
• Experiment with dressing more sexily.
  
• Masturbate (no cost).
  
• Buy sex toys and videos.
  
• Smile (almost always! No cost).
  
• Reread
  Sex Secrets of an American Geisha
  (no additional cost).
  
• Give blood. (You’re nice. No cost.)
  
• Volunteer somewhere (no cost).
  
• Have a full life. (You’re worth it!)
  

When You Increase Your Options, You Are Making Progress

By my count, in this chapter I have thrown in front of you a total of over one hundred items in five different lists. Perhaps that may seem like too much to deal with. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed because of the sheer number of items. Try to reframe it. I hope you will look at these lists in a positive way. Each list offers so many different things that you might be able to do. Each item offers you an option or a choice:

• Shall I look for a smaller apartment? Or not?
  
• Shall I put that great dress on my credit card? Or not?
  
• Shall I start drinking my coffee black to lose weight and to save money? Or not?
  
• Shall I save time and raise money by selling my TV? Or not? Shall I whiten my teeth? Or not?
  

Options and choices are empowering, dear Younger Sister, because it is
you
who gets to decide which option to choose. You can choose the option that may help you to reach your goal of love and marriage to a Good Man, or another option that doesn’t help you to reach that goal. It’s your choice
.
Very empowering.

When you feel like you have no options, things are bound to stay the same, since an option implies change from how things are at the moment. As to my earlier heavy weight, for instance, I believed for the longest time that I had no options. I thought that I had been born with a body structure and shape that were genetically determined and unchangeable. There was nothing I could do about my height (four feet nine inches) or weight. I was stuck with this body type: short and squat. I lied to myself by telling myself this was true. I also thought that weight loss was “just too hard. I can’t do it.” Both of those beliefs kept me in a rut for years. No options meant no change. I stayed the same: short and squat and powerless to do anything about my situation.

I want you, dear Younger Sister, to realize much more quickly than I did that you
do
have options. In fact, many options, including the more than one hundred items I’ve suggested in the five lists. This is truly progress, because until you realize that you
have
options, you cannot choose one or more of those options; thus, you cannot change. Options empower you; they put you in control since it is up to you to decide (choose) which option to take (including the option of not changing). The more options you are aware of, the more progress you are making toward fulfillment of your goal, whatever it is.

Many Asian Geisha are quite proud of the independence that the geisha life affords them. The Asian Geisha is a self-sufficient business woman who makes her own decisions. She depends on no one else. In fact, many people depend on her for their living: the geisha house owner, the tea house managers, the maids and servants, her male dressers. Even all of the tradespeople in the geisha district depend for their livelihoods on the suc cess of the geisha in attracting and satisfying her clients. Without the Asian Geisha herself, of course, there is no geisha world. She is powerful, aware and proud of her important position in her world.

You, too, as an American Geisha, should be proud of your power to make your own decisions, to choose the options in your life that are right for you. If you want to find a Good Man, fall in love, and get married, you need no one’s permission, approval, or agreement. It is
your
decision. You are powerful. Recognize and be proud of that truth. Be happy that you have choices and that you are aware of them. If you are already married to or liv ing with your Good Man, dear Younger Sister, you still have many options open to you as an individual. You can decide to work on your relationship or on your body, for instance. Happily, when you two are already a commit ted couple, you also have many options open to you, such as jointly working on your relationship or on your bodies.

I want you to reread each of the five lists right now: the correlation be tween weight and the beauty of different body areas; improving the beauty of each area; saving time; saving money; and spending time and money. As you reread, add to each list whatever further options come to your mind. Remember, with each additional option you think of, you are making progress toward your dual goals of greater beauty and sexy femininity
and
love and marriage to your Good Man. Of course, if you are already in a committed relationship (or if you have children), you may need to add and subtract items from my lists (e.g., a husband or child might rebel at selling the big-screen TV to raise money to buy your hundred-dollar eye cream). Stop reading right here. Go back and add your thoughts to each of those lists, right now. Then come back here and we’ll carry on.

You are a Good Woman. You are becoming more beautiful, more femi nine, and sexier. And you are doing all of this with a proper sense of class. You are displaying your Geisha Attractiveness to appropriate men. More and more, you are becoming an American Geisha.

CHAPTER NOTES

1. Leslie Downer,
   Women of the Pleasure Quarters
   (New York: Broadway Books, 2002), 227–228.
   
2. Mineko Iwasaki,
   Geisha: A Life
   (New York: Atria Books, 2002), 57–58.
   
3. Iwasaki, 140.
   
4. Iwasaki, 140.