Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (8 page)

My husband helped me to learn this about men when he called me to the TV to have me watch a commercial that he said was definitely aimed at a male audience. I don’t even remember what the advertised product was. But as I recall, the commercial showed a well-dressed businessman of about thirty-five walking along a New York sidewalk on his way to work. He drops some papers on the sidewalk and they blow around a bit. As he bends to recover them, a passing taxi splashes him with rainwater from the gutter. Now standing with an exasperated look on his face and damp papers in his hand, he notices a limo pass by slowly, and he catches a glimpse through the lowered window of a beautiful, feminine woman sitting alone in the back seat. They make eye contact. As her driver continues down the avenue, the man—his whole being changed by those few seconds—smiles broadly to ward the camera and says, “Sweet!”

Again, Younger Sister, men are so simple and so visual. And they love our feminine beauty so much.

The Asian Geisha works, first, on the beauty of her total body, literally from head to foot. The naked skin of the ankle above her tiny white socks in her wooden shoes is seen by men as quite sexy because she shows so little naked skin. Second, of course, she also works on the beauty of her clothes . Many kimonos cost fifty thousand dollars or more. Third and fourth, she knows that part of her visual presentation to men is how she presents her self as sexy and feminine.

The Asian Geisha never lets her clients or potential clients see her when she is not at her most beautiful and feminine. Very few men actually live or work in the Asian Geisha areas, arriving there only in the evening. By 6:00 P.M. the geisha have transformed themselves into the stunning women that their clients expect to see in the teahouses and throughout the geisha district.

The Asian Geisha works consciously at always becoming more beautiful, more sexy, and more feminine, even if only by implementing the tiniest of changes. She makes enhancing her appearance and mannerisms a high prior ity so that she may continue to be thought of as attractive by her male clients and thus remain in demand for her companionship services. Since she is in the business of being a geisha, we can look at her efforts as similar to those of an entrepreneur wanting to make a conscious effort to maintain and to improve the quality of her product, which is herself, so as to main tain her clients’ satisfaction and their loyalty to her.

If she rests on her laurels and fails to maintain and improve her attrac tiveness, perhaps a younger, prettier apprentice geisha will steal her clients and also attract other gentlemen who might have been the older geisha’s new clients. The world of the Asian Geisha is extremely competitive, and beauty and a sexy femininity (as well as entertainment and conversational skills) are critically important to each geisha’s success.

You know, don’t you, dear Younger Sister, that the world of the Ameri can Geisha is also extremely competitive, especially when you desire love and marriage with a (relatively rare) Good Man. I needed help to compete, to build my beauty, and to develop my femininity. I’ll bet you might be able to use some help, too. Be ready to invest in your beauty and femininity by doing what is necessary to compete for a Good Man. As my readers who are already married know, even after the wedding music has faded, you continue to have competition, not necessarily from other women, but from the inattention that relationships can suffer. Continue to compete strongly by staying focused on your relationship, and by remaining both feminine and beautiful throughout your marriage.

What Makes a Woman Sexy and Feminine?

Can any of us (you, dear Younger Sister American Geisha, or me) be as beautiful as a model? Perhaps yes. Perhaps no. But this is my point: Can all of us be more beautiful, sexy, and feminine tomorrow than we are today? An swer that one with me, please, by saying a confident, “Yes, I can be more at tractive tomorrow than I am today. I just need to make it a high priority in my life to be more beautiful, sexy, and feminine every day.”

As part of my research, I asked both men and women what makes a woman feminine and sexy. Here are some of their responses:

“She is receptive to a man’s suggestions and plans.”

“She has a way of carrying herself.”

“She drips with sexuality.”

“She smells good, looks good, and sounds good.”

“She is appreciative of whatever I do.”

“She has a loving personality.”

“It’s her way of talking to you or looking at you.”

“It’s her smile.”

“She uses her eyes to connect to you.”

“She shows her emotions.”

“She has poise.”

“She laughs freely and loudly and enjoys life.”

“She satisfies her man’s fantasies.”

“She accepts me for who I am.”

“She doesn’t take life too seriously.”

“She respects her man.”

“She sees me as her hero.”

“She makes me feel like a man.”

“She’s a little bit playful.”

“She is confident in her beauty.”

“She’s kind.”

“She is not confrontational.”

“She is positive about herself.”

“She is beautiful and exciting to look at.”

“She is a ferocious feline in bed.”

“She tells me what she likes [sexually].”

“She screams [during sex].”

“She gets excited [sexually].”

“She never pushes me away [sexually].”

“She never uses sex for power.”

“She is gentle and graceful.”

“She is shy and naïve outside; inside, she has a huge sexual desire.”

“She is sexual, sensual, and erotic.”

“It’s in the way she carries herself.”

“She knows how to dress.”

“She knows how to use her body.”

“She can use her eyes to smile.”

“It’s in her way of talking to and looking at people.”

“She moves and acts in a subtle and flirtatious way.”

“Her clothing slightly reveals some of her body.”

“She gives a hint of what lies underneath her clothes.”

“She is smolderingly sexy, but always classy, in public.”

“She is responsive to the slightest touch.”

“She easily reaches multiple orgasms.”

“She is extremely oral, both giving and receiving.”

“She has highly responsive nipples.”

“She has bones like rubber, no matter her age.”

“She likes to bite and suck my lower lip.”

“The flirting, the teasing, the suggestion.”

“She is comfortable being sexually provocative in her appearance.”

“She falls in love with me after she has a huge orgasm.”

“She is outrageous and sexy on the outside and inside.”

“She isn’t afraid of public affection.”

“She has a voyeuristic side to her.”

“She uses a few explicit words in the heat of passion.”

“She knows what pleases a man and herself.”

When I collected this information, I did not refer at all to geisha. I sim ply asked respondents what they felt made a woman feminine and sexy. However, if you eliminate all of the explicitly sex-related responses, you’ll find upon rereading the list that most of these qualities describe the Asian Geisha in her relationship with her clients.

Likewise, all of these elements of femininity or sexiness give you op tions and choices in terms of your relationship with your Good Man. You, dear Younger Sister, should consider expressing your feminine, sexy self in some of these ways to the prospective Good Men that come into your life.

Although not all psychologists agree, the research of David M. Buss, as reported in his 1994 book, The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating, suggests that men are attracted to youthfulness or the look of youthfulness in women and to healthy-looking women. Specific elements of a woman’s appearance that were found particularly attractive included full lips; clear, smooth skin; clear eyes; shiny, full hair; good muscle tone; a bouncy, youth ful walk; an animated face; and a high energy level. As to body type, men did not tend to prefer very thin women, though men were conscious of wanting to obtain a high-status, attractive wife, because such a wife in creases a man’s standing.

First Be Yourself, Then Be Feminine

I need to pause for a moment and assure you, dear Younger Sister, that I do not suggest that all women become some idealized stereotype of “feminine.” Even to have such a thought reminds me of The Stepford Wives, which was a novel and a movie in the 1970s and was remade as a movie in 2004. All of the wives in the town of Stepford are incredibly feminine (they do aerobics in high heels, for instance), but also incredibly passive and domi nated by their husbands. As two new arrivals to town (Nicole Kidman and Bette Midler in the 2004 version) eventually learn, all the other “wives” are, in fact, robotic clones created at the husbands’ request to replace their as sertive wives. In contrast, I want your femininity to be an individual, unique expression of who you really are, a femininity that represents you being more of yourself, not less, not a homogenized, soulless, robotic slave that devotes yourself totally to your Stepford husband. No Good Woman American Geisha would want to be that type of robotic woman; nor would any truly Good Man want to be with a woman who is not her own real, happy, individual self.

You’ll express your femininity differently as a working woman, as a stay-at-home mom, as a student, as an office worker, as a salesperson, as a rock-climber, as a bookstore lover, as a teacher, as a musician, as a clerk, as a jogger, or as a business owner. Your options about how you identify yourself are, of course, almost limitless; so, too, are the ways to express your femi ninity within these many possible identities. “Be yourself ” ( your self) is good advice. Be real to the men (and to anyone else) you meet. Uncover for yourself and then share proudly with the world your best, truest, most womanly self.

As you read this book, continually think about and ask yourself, “What is my real self ? Who am I? And how does ‘being more feminine’ apply to me?” Record some of your thoughts and associated feelings in a journal.

Be Your Most Beautiful, Sexy, and
Feminine Self, Always

Models and a few other lucky women are born so naturally beautiful that they look good under any circumstances. The rest of us, Asian Geisha or American Geisha, must work to create or enhance our beauty and sexy femi ninity. Then we must carefully display ourselves so that we always look our best to the men we wish to attract. And, unlike the Asian Geisha, we in the Western world can’t wait until after 6:00 P.M. to be beautiful, sexy, and femi nine. You need to be at your best and most attractive nearly always, for who can say when you might meet your potential Mr. Right, your Good Man?

In seeking out your Good Man and in the initial stages of your rela tionship with him, you should accept happily that you will always need to be your most beautiful and feminine self. That’s a sexy secret you, as an American Geisha, want to learn from your Asian Geisha sister. You want to attract the attention of lots of appropriate men to allow yourself to have the greatest number to choose from in order to find the one Good Man who is right for you to date or to marry. You need to develop your Geisha Attractiveness, a combination of a beautiful you, the right clothes, sexiness, and femininity. Both the Asian Geisha and the American Geisha initially need to attract men to them. The Asian Geisha’s success begins with being able to attract the attention of men who could, after getting to know her better, become her regular clients. So, too, your success as an American Geisha in finding love and marriage begins with attracting men to you, one of whom, after getting to know you better, may become your Good Man and husband.

I want you to consider how important beauty and sexy femininity are to you at this moment in your life, as you seek to find the right man to marry. Or if you are an already-married Younger Sister, think about how boosting these aspects of yourself will enhance both your husband’s and your happi ness in the marriage. Probably most of us women—single or married— would like to be more beautiful or at least somewhat beautiful. But how many of us are making our beauty one of our highest priorities? I suspect, again, that it may be politically incorrect to say, “I have as a high priority to make myself more beautiful, sexy, and feminine every day.” The P.C. policeand some feminists might see such a goal as self-absorbed, shallow, and self ish, or, again, as too “submissive” or “surrendering” to what a man likes to see in a woman.