Ruining You (25 page)

His words break me, tearing
at my soul, and I’m not sure what to say. Tears spring to my eyes, and I don’t
hold them back. A part of me wants him to know the effect he has on me. Leaning
forward in his seat, he reaches over and wipes the tears from my face.

“Do you love him? Is he what
you need, Jay?”

Through my tears, I softly
answer, “Yes.”

With one final look, he nods
his head and sits back in his chair. Placing his headset back on, he turns his
head away from me and never looks back
.

As the plane descends into
L.A., you can feel excitement come over the band. I listen as they talk about
the importance of their performance. Rhye still hasn’t spoken to me, but he
converses with everyone else. Once we land, I see him texting someone. The
pilot comes back, pulling me away to tell me that my dad thought ahead and has
a limo waiting for us. I hadn’t thought about transportation once we arrived. I
thank him.

“Excuse me guys,” I say as
the band turns to me. “I just found out that my dad has arranged a car. I can
drop you guys off where ever you need to.”

They all look at Rhye,
waiting for his response.

Rhye finally looks at me and
answers, “I just texted a friend. He is going to try and come meet us.”

Chris looks at him, saying,
“Dude, he could be hours getting here. We need to get there and get set up.
Let’s just go with Jay.”

Rhye doesn’t look happy, but
nods his head, “Yeah, hell.” He looks frustrated. “If you can drop us off, that
would be great.”

I nod my head, but my heart
is completely shredded. The guys grab their equipment, and I follow behind as
we disembark from the plane. As we load into the waiting Hummer limo, I make a
mental note to send my dad a text of thanks. Secretly glancing towards Rhye, I
can’t help but notice that I sit on one end, and he is on the other. He’s
pushing me away, and I need to let it happen.

When we arrive, the guys
exit the limo. Looking at Rhye, I say, “Text me when you’re finished, and the
car will be waiting out front.”

“Where are you going?”

“Sight-seeing and shopping.”
I try to keep my voice light, freeing it of emotion.

Sighing, he looks over his
shoulder out the door and back again, asking, “Why don’t you come back around
seven when we go on stage? I’ll leave your name at the door.”

Can I watch him play without
it tearing my soul out? I don’t think so, so I answer while looking down at my
feet. “That’s okay. I’ll just send the car back when you’re ready.”

“Look at me, Jay. Please be
here to watch us play. It would be nice for the guys to know someone is
supporting us.”

He doesn’t mention that he
wants me there, but the look on his face does.

“Ok, I’ll come back.”

He nods, grabs his guitar
case, and closes the door behind him when he gets out. Bringing my fingers to
my head, I rub my temples, trying to ease the onset of a headache. I direct the
driver to take me somewhere to shop and sit back. Grabbing my phone, I call
Kane. It rings several times before going to voicemail. Hanging up without leaving
a message, I send him a text.

Me – Hey...arrived safe and
sound. Call me later. :)

Why do I do this to myself
and the people I care about? Constantly putting myself into positions where
someone or everyone gets hurt seems to be a trend. I think I must love the pain
that it brings. Is it something that is broken inside me? It doesn’t seem fair
that, here I am years later, still hurting and suffering.

The driver drops me off
somewhere along Rodeo Drive. As I glance up and down the street, my phone
rings. I answer it without looking to see who it is, “Hello.”

“Believe it or not, before I
met you, I was carefree. I didn’t let things get to me, especially women, but
Jay, you’re not like any woman I’ve met before. I’m trying to remember that as
I sit here, thinking yet again, why do I put up with this shit?”

He knows who I am with, I
can tell by the tone of his voice.

“Who told you?”

“Not you,” he says angrily.

He has every right to be
upset. Eventually, he is going to stop putting up with my bullshit. Hopefully
today is not that day.

“I knew I could help him
out. I was feeling guilty for leading him on, knowing that it was you that I
wanted from the beginning. It’s not what you think, and he knows, now, that you
are the only one I want in my life.”

“Oh, so NOW he knows. Well,
we’ve been here before. What does that mean, Jay?”

People walk past me on the
sidewalk, so I move to the side and into the shade of one of the shops. “Kane,
I want you, and here I go again, messing things up in my life by coming here
without thinking it over.”

Sighing, he says, “Text me
before you leave, and I’ll be waiting when you get back.”

Sighing, I say, “Yeah, okay.
Bye.”

“Come home tonight, Jay.
Bye.”

Shaking my head as we hang
up, I can only speculate how that reunion is going to go. Happy Valentine’s Day
to me. Deciding to drown my sorrows in retail therapy, I hit the first shop I
come to, Agent Provocateur. I pick up some sexy panties and matching demi bras.
Moving onto Bebe, I find the perfect silver sequined shift dress with a round
neck and short sleeves. My personal shopper is able to find an anklet pump that
coordinates perfectly. Changing in the back, I don my new outfit and slip into
my new lingerie for Kane later. I let my hair down and apply light makeup.

I call the driver to pick me
up, and we head back to the music showcase venue. Giving my name at the front,
I skip the lines and head into the large room. The walls are draped in black
fabric, and tables are scattered throughout. A large stage sits at the front, laden
with equipment. People are starting to file in, so I grab a seat and wait. I
converse only with the waitress when she takes my drink order.

Once the room seems full, a
young girl takes the stage with a guitar and sings a couple songs. Her voice is
soothing as she covers songs from popular genres. I watch several people in
front of me talk amongst themselves and take notes. After she finishes, she
receives some applause before another artist takes her place.

Several acts go on before
The Mavs are introduced. When Rhye steps out onto the stage, he commands it.
His charisma shines through, and when he smiles, his presence is felt around
the room. He introduces his band as they begin to play several of their
original songs. Gripping the edge of the table with nervous energy, my heart
beats harder and faster, and butterflies swarm my stomach. I want him to play
wonderfully, so he can have this future. We both have so much to look forward
to.

For the last song, he covers
John Mayer’s “Edge of Desire,” and my heart weeps from the words. I know deep
down within that he is singing every verse to me and letting his heart bleed
out onstage for us. Every chord that they strum and every beat the drummer
plays grabs my soul and the souls of those around me. The enrapt faces that
surround me attest to that.

When they finish, the entire
room stands in ovation, including myself. This boy and his band are about to go
somewhere because they just wrung hearts and captured them with their music. I
notice a guy up front signal for someone on the side of stage as he speaks in
hushed tones.

I sit through a couple more
bands and individual artists before I get a text message from Rhye to meet him
out front. Taking one last sip of my soda, I stand and make my way out. As I
walk to the exit, I see him standing at the door, by himself. His hands are in
his jean pockets, and his button up plaid shirt covers his black t-shirt. His
dark soulful eyes look at me, and they are filled with happiness. My heart
lights up when I actually see a smile appear.

“Rhye, that was awesome,” I
gush like a fan, because that’s what I am.

“You weren’t the only one
that thought that.” He reaches out, catching me around the waist and twirling
me around. My head spins, and l let out a yelp of surprise.

“We did it, Jay. We got a
record deal. A top label executive was here tonight, and he just offered it to
the band. We sign everything in the morning.” His voice is laced with such
happiness and joy that, before I can stop him, he leans down and kisses me on the
mouth. Pulling back, he says desperately, “Stay here with me. There is nothing
back in Georgia but hell waiting for you. You can wait the trial out here. I’ll
take care of everything, Jay. I just want you to stay with me.”

For a second, the thought
runs through my mind. Not facing everything that the trial will bring is
tempting, but then one thought flashes through my mind, reminding me that there
are reasons I need to fight for my life. Kane. Blinking through the tears, I
look at him, “Rhye, I am so happy for you. God, y’all are going to blow the
music scene up, but I can’t stay here. I can’t stay with you.”

He lets go, breaking away
from me as he should have done a long time ago. I know in my heart that this is
it, and I panic. My only thought is to ask, “What about school?”

Shaking his head, probably
knowing exactly what is going on in my crazy mind as he always does, he
replies, “I really don’t give a fuck, Jay. I’ll get my G.E.D. more than likely.
Is that all you are worried about?”

“Rhye, you know I’ll miss
you. Hell, I will probably regret this moment for the rest of my life, but
right now, I know that not going home to Kane would be a much bigger regret.”

“Well, that’s that then,” he
says, placing his hands back into his pockets, almost as if he has to contain
them from touching me. Watching me, he huffs and says, “Damn it.” Leaning down
he swiftly kisses my cheek, “I love you, and I hate that I do. If you ever need
me, come to me. Don’t think twice about it.” He sniffs his nose, continuing,
“And Jay?”

Glancing into his eyes, I
answer, “What?”

“Don’t forget about me.”

“Never, Rhye. You’re more in
my heart than you’ll ever know.”

He nods his head, turning to
walk away.

Not moving until he turns
the corner, I let one tear seep out and fall. I wipe it away and wish things
were different for me and about me.

Calling the driver, I have
him pick me up and take me back to the airstrip. On the way, I call the pilot
so he can be ready to take off when I arrive. Not wanting to talk to anyone
just yet, I text Kane and my Dad, letting them know I’m on my way home.

Gazing out the window, I
know I made the right decision, not just for me, but for Rhye. His life is
about to change immensely. Kane is who I want to be with, but why do I have a
lump in my throat and an ache in my heart? Rubbing my hand against my chest, I
try to assuage the pain. Tears threaten to freely fall, but I hold them back,
seeing that we have arrived.

Boarding the jet, I hear my
phone buzz with returning text messages.

Dad – My plane better be in
the same shape it left. Love you.