Ruining You (23 page)

Reaching for the silver
locket he gave me, I think about putting it on but decide that I want Kane next
to my heart tonight. This evening is all about us. Smiling to myself, I turn to
go downstairs. As I step off the last step into the foyer, I hear a whistle.
Turning, I see he’s already arrived. He has on black jeans, a white t-shirt,
and a fitted black jacket. He’s beautifully lethal to my heart. I have no will
power when he looks like he does. Need is a stubborn, living, and breathing
monster that rises within me.

Sucking in my breath, I make
a decision for me and for him. Holding my hand up indicating that he should
freeze, I turn on my heel and walk towards the sunroom where my mother is
reading. She looks up from her book when I walk in, and a smile illuminates her
face.

“You are beautiful, Jay.”

I stop to stand in front of
her. “Thanks Mom, but we need to talk.” Sitting down, I grasp her hand, “I am
eighteen, almost nineteen, and an adult. I have survived hell, and I am about
to have to walk further into it with this trial. I’m trying my best for me and
for you and daddy. Tonight,” I pause, swallow, and start again, “I need
tonight.” I don’t want to talk about this with my mother, at all, but I need
her to understand, and I don’t want to break her trust.

Taking another deep breath,
I start again, “Kane and I made promises to you, but...” I don’t know how to
continue. How do you tell your mother that you’re about to combust from all the
sexual tension? This is so embarrassing. We should have just done it. Standing
up, I don’t want to continue this conversation, but she grabs my hand.

I see her eyes filled with
mirth. She is choking back laughter, barely able to say, “Wait Jay, don’t leave.
Ah, to be young again.” She regains her composure before continuing, “I made
you both make that promise for you, wanting you to not rush, but I see you
growing stronger mentally every day. Your father and I are so proud of how far
you have come. I watch how you and Kane are together, and yes, you can’t help
but feel the heat between you both.”

“Mom...,” I threaten.

“Sorry, I’m still a woman.
I’m not giving you my permission. You never needed that, but I’ll say have a
nice night and just text me to let me know where you are. Sound fair?”

Leaning down to kiss her
cheek, I smile and wink back, “Fair enough.”

I walk back to the foyer
where Kane is lounging against the wall. Marching directly up to him, I don’t
stop until my body merges with his. Our tongues entwine, and his breath is
mine. I run my hand up over his head, loving the soft feel of his buzzed hair.
I desperately want my hands all over him and his all over me, not stopping
until both of us are satisfied entirely.

Pulling back, he asks,
“Where did you go?”

Grinning back at him, I lean
my mouth to his and whisper, “To undo our deal with the devil. Happy
Valentine’s Day.”

The green of his eyes glows
with intensity. Putting his mouth to mine, he nips at my lips, wanting
entrance. Laughing, my body warms, not just with lust but with happiness. I’m
happy. I kiss him while I smile.

“What’s that about?”

“You make me happy. You make
me want to live for me, to have this forever. To have you forever.”

“God girl, you make me so
damn happy. I’ve waited,” he shakes his head, grabbing my arms and pulling me
closer, “too long to hear you say that.” Kissing me deep, he pulls back looking
around. “Let’s get out of here. We have dinner reservations.”

Oh, hell no. I don’t want to
eat, well, unless he is the main course or at least dessert. He grabs my jacket
off the foyer table, puts it on me, and carries my purse to the car. Opening my
door, he helps me in and goes around to his side. Once in, he leans over and
catches my mouth with his. Moving back, he stares into my eyes as if he’s
looking for something. I can tell the moment he finds it, because he smiles and
runs his thumb over my lips.

“You look perfect tonight.”

He turns on the radio and
backs out of the driveway. Ron Pope’s “A Drop in the Ocean” plays loudly. He
reaches for my hand, locking them together before bringing them to his mouth
and kissing the back of mine.

Once the song ends, I turn
the volume down and say, “Let’s go to your house. I’m not hungry for food.”

He grins and glances at me.
“We are, but first, food.”

I start to complain, but he
cuts me off.

“There is a reason for that,
Jay. Cole is going out for the night, but he isn’t leaving until later. Let’s
give him time to clear out.”

Pouting, I look away but
clearly hear him chuckle.

“I like when you pout for
me. It’s sexy as hell.”

Arriving at the restaurant,
the valet opens my door and I step out. Coming around the car, Kane reaches for
my hand, and I smile up at him.

“Damn, I love your smiles.”

Leaning up, I kiss his lips,
and together, we turn to walk into the restaurant. Either the food is really
good or everyone is celebrating Valentine’s early because the place is packed.
Kane gives the hostess his name, and she leaves to check our reservation. He
stands behind me, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

When the hostess returns,
she asks us to follow her. Kane reaches down for my hand, guiding me as we walk
to our table. I look around, checking out the decor of the new restaurant when
I suddenly stop, yanking Kane back with me. Across the restaurant sits Bruce
Branch and his wife. They have both already spotted me. He leans comfortably
back in his chair, almost daring me to come closer. He turns to his wife, and
my gaze follows. The malicious intent on her face makes me stumble back. Where
he looks the same, she looks frail. I don’t think I would have even recognized
her if she wouldn’t have been with him. I don’t want to cause a scene.

“What is it, Jay?”

“We have to leave. Now.” I
start tugging on his hands, trying to pull him the way we just came, but he
refuses.

“I don’t understand,” he
starts to say looking around and spotting him. I was hoping he wouldn’t
remember him, but obviously he does. “That fucking bastard,” he starts towards
him.

NOT AGAIN! My whole body
screams as I grab his arms to stop him.

“What the fuck are you
smiling about?” Kane yells to him in front of the entire restaurant. “You are
piece of shit,” he says pointing at him. By this time, we have drawn a crowd of
onlookers. A large man in a black suit comes up to us and asks Kane to leave.
Kane looks at him and says, “Do you know what trash you are serving here?
Fucking rapist.”

I wince at his words and
give up because this is one battle I’ve already fought and lost. Letting go of
him, I turn and run out of the building, not caring if he follows me or not. I
bust through the front doors and look rapidly left and right. I don’t know
where to go, and I don’t care. I just need to go. My shoes violently slap the
pavement. With my feet aching, I slow down.

“Jay, slow down.” I hear him
yell behind me. “Jay, stop.”

I don’t turn around. I
listen to the pound of his feet on the ground as he catches up to me. Feeling
his hands on my shoulders, I shrug away and keep walking.

“Stop, please. I lost my
head.” He comes to stand in front of me, blocking my way.

I don’t look at his face as
he pleads with me.

“He should be the one to
leave, Jay. All we needed to do was tell the owner and make him leave.”

He doesn’t even know what he
is talking about. Stopping, I place my hands on my hips and stare up at him.
“That’s not how it works, Kane. Legally, it’s my responsibility to leave.”

He mimics my stance, asking,
“What do you mean it’s
your
responsibility to leave?”

“It’s the type of bond that
he is out on. If he’s out somewhere, I have to leave and vice-versa. Other than
that, he can’t have contact with me. He’s innocent until proven guilty.” A
sharp pain stabs my stomach as I say those last words.

“That’s bullshit! Did you
not see the way he was smiling at you? He knows doesn’t he? He knows you are
not going to testify, and the smug bastard knows he is getting away with this
shit.” Raising his hands, he rubs the back of his head as he walks in circles.
Stopping, he looks at me and asks, “Has this happened before?”

I don’t want to answer him
because I don’t want to lie; however, my silence speaks for me.

“Damn.” His eyes shine a
little crazed as he asks, “He’s talked to you, hasn’t he?”

At first, I don’t say
anything, but then I answer, “It was nothing.”

“Do you not see how fucked
up this is? So he gets to have dinner with his wife, and the young girl he
completely destroyed has to leave,” he says, banging his fist against his other
hand.

“Legally, it was my
responsibility to leave.”

“Well, that says a lot about
our judicial system.” Shaking his head, he turns to me with a look of defeat in
his eyes. “How can you just allow him to walk away? Don’t you want him to
suffer for what he did? For everything he has caused? I just don’t understand
how you can sit back and not fight. You are letting him win.” He turns away,
but I still hear his last words. “I don’t know if I can handle this.”

“You don’t have to,” I say.

“Look at me, Jay,” he says
spinning me around. “You have to fight. You can’t allow him to sit there and
smile, knowing he has won. You can only pretend for so long until shit like
this pops up. What about when he’s free and he doesn’t have to leave wherever
you are at? Are you going to spend your life walking away?” Pausing, he looks
deep into my eyes, “It will eventually ruin you, me, and everything.”

We stare at each other for
several minutes.

“Come on. It’s freezing out
here” he says, reaching for my hand.

I pull back, unsure how to
respond and not wanting to. I want to tell him that I’ll find my own way home,
but I left my purse in his car. I have to let him drive me back. As we near the
restaurant, his car is waiting in the main drive. He must have requested it
before coming after me.

Once we are back on the
road, he asks me, “Do you want to come back to my house? I have something I
want to give you.”

Not looking at him, I shake
my head. I want to go home. My head and heart hurt. Just when we get to a place
of happiness, we are pulled back. It’s almost like our relationship is doomed.
I don’t understand how to make anyone see how painful testifying would be for
me. They act like it’s nothing, but it’s everything. It’s an accumulation of
the shame and power he has had over me for the last two years. People want to
talk about it being “the right thing to do”, but what about the right thing for
me? Can’t one damn person just think about me for a change?

When we are almost to my
house, he finally speaks, “I’m sorry I lost it like that in the restaurant.
That was unfair to you. I didn’t think about how it would make you feel until
now. I’m sorry, Jay. I didn’t mean what I said. I lost it.”

Looking out the window, I
hear him, but tonight, I just want to get into my own bed and be by myself.

When he pulls into the
driveway, I start to open the door when he says, “Stop. Please don’t get out of
the car mad. Tonight wasn’t supposed to end like this. I fucked up.”

“Kane, I need some space
tonight,” I say as I get out, not looking back.

He doesn’t get out to stop
me, and that is probably for the best. We both need time to cool down. I need
time to let the sting of his words settle in my soul. I need the burn to stop.
Walking into the house, my mom comes into the foyer as I shut the door behind
me.

“Well, I didn’t expect
you.... What’s wrong, Jay?” She rushes forward, wrapping her arms around me,
and I let my anguish go.

Laying my head on her
shoulder, I tell her what happened as I bawl my eyes out. After I finish, she
pulls me into the living room to the couch.

“He loves you, Jay, but you
have to remember that he is human too. We all are. If I ran into that bastard,
I would probably lose it also.”

“Nobody thinks about how
testifying will affect me,” I whine.

“Have you thought about how
not testifying will affect you?” my mother softly asks.

I think about what she is
asking, and maybe she is right, but right now, I just want go to bed. Leaning
over I hug her saying, “Thanks for listening.”

“Anytime, Jay. Oh, remember
that I’m leaving early tomorrow to take your grandmother to have her foot
surgery.”

I forgot all about my mother
telling me that. “Do you need me to go with you?”

She shakes her head, “No,
it’s outpatient. I’ll be back tomorrow evening. Love you, Jay.”

I kiss her cheek and say,
“Love you, too.”

Heading up to bed, I disrobe
and fling myself across my bed. I don’t want to think about anything. I try to
force myself to sleep, but slumber eludes me
.