Ruining You (24 page)

My mind raced all night long
with thoughts of Kane. Last night was the second time that a date has ended
because of my past. He must really care for me, and God, I love him with
everything I am. I don’t know why he puts up with me and all my shit. I need to
talk to him and let him know he is right about everything.

The ringing of my phone
startles me, but instantly, I hope its Kane. Reaching for it, I answer without
looking at the I.D.

“Hey.” I answer.

“Jay, listen I don’t have
long. I need your help,” Rhye says on the other end of the line. I haven’t
heard from him since the night at the club. He’s been ignoring my calls.

“What’s up, Rhye?”

“I need you to see if your
parents are flying out to L.A. today. I’ve got a contact that can get The Mavs
into a music showcase tonight, but we need to get there with our own
equipment.” He pauses, clearing his voice, “For free.”

“That’s awesome. Let me call
my dad. No promises, Rhye.”

“I would owe you.”

“Let me call you right back.
Bye.”

“Jay, thanks for just
asking.”

Hanging up, I dial my dad’s
number, and he answers on the first ring.

“Is everything okay?” he
asks.

Why does everyone assume
something is wrong when I call? “Everything is fine. I need a favor.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“I need to charter a plane
to L.A. today.”

“For who?” he sounds pretty
annoyed.

“For me.”

“What’s in L.A.?”

“I have a group of friends
that need to get there today, Dad. Can you help me?”

“Who, Jay?” His tone
indicates this question is not an option.

Sighing, I really don’t want
to tell him who. I think he knows just enough about Rhye to be leery, but I’m
not lying to him either.

“I’m only going to ask one
more time. Who Jay?”

“Rhye and his band.”

“No, absolutely not. First
off, you need to stay away from him, and second, I don’t trust him or his
buddies in one of my planes.”

“Dad, I’ll hire someone else
if you don’t do it. So, if you don’t have any charters available, let me know.”
He doesn’t say anything. “Dad, I owe him.”

My father stays quiet a
second longer before replying, “Do you know how much the price of the fuel
alone would cost?”

“No, and I don’t care.” My
dad’s sister left me money years back. “I’m not asking you to do it for free.
You know I can afford it.”

“And I’m not asking you to
pay. What I’m trying to establish is.., ah hell, Jay. Hold on.”

I hear him speaking to
someone in the background. Finally, he comes back on the line. “Okay, here’s
the deal. Take it or leave it. The only charter I have left for today is the Hawker
700, which you know is my baby. I have a meeting I can’t miss this evening, and
your mother is at the hospital with your grandmother. So the only citation
single pilot I have left is Charles. He can’t charter the plane and watch your
friends to make sure they don’t destroy the cabin. So, that leaves me only one
choice. You are going with them. You fly out with them, and when they are
finished tonight, you fly back, making sure that my jet looks the same as when
it left. Got it?”

“Yes,” I answer surprised at
my dad’s idea. “How early can we fly out? They need to be there this evening.”

“Be here in an hour,” he
says in a huff. “And Jay, be careful. Okay?”

“Okay. Love you, Dad.”

“Love you.”

Hanging up, I’m a little
excited but dreading calling Kane. After the night at the bar and Rhye’s
serenade, he can’t even stand to hear his name. But following last night’s
events, it would be nice to get away for a day. I could do some shopping and
sight-seeing while waiting on Rhye. Oh, I forgot about Rhye; I need to call
him.

He answers on the first
ring. “I need some good news.”

“Yes, get everybody together
and meet me at the hanger in one hour. We are flying back as soon as it’s over.
Is that okay?”

“YES! Awesome. Thanks Jay. I
will owe you.”

“Let’s just call us… even,”
I say.

He doesn’t say anything at
first, but the words come soon enough. “Yeah, I’ll see you in an hour.”

Getting off the phone, I
jump in the shower and hurry to get out. I throw on some jeans, a red shirt
with matching scarf, and my leather boots. Brushing my hair out, I pull it back
and throw on some light makeup. I pack a light bag just in case, tossing in my
iPad so that I can catch up on some reading.

Rushing out, I make it with
about ten minutes to spare. Rhye and his band mates are not here yet, so I
wait. I say hello to the pilot and go over the itinerary. My Dad has already
left for his meeting, so I’m spared of him talking more about Rhye. Holding my
phone in my hand, I know I need to call Kane, but I’ve already committed to
this, and he is going to be pissed. After debating it, I dial his number. I
want this relationship to work, and acting like a child will not help anything.

“I was wondering if you
would call,” he answers.

“I’m sorry, Kane.” I want to
get it out of the way. I wish I would have said it last night so I could have
been with him. I’ve wasted too much of my life already.

“Kane?” I question after his
silence lasts longer than I expected.

“Give me a second. I wasn’t
ready for that. Listen, I’m the one that should be sorry. Pushing you, acting
like that, the same as...,” he doesn’t finish, but I know he’s talking about
JT.

“No, you’re right. I don’t
know if I can do it, but I’ll think about testifying.”

“Jay, can I come over or
even better, can you come here?”

I love the sound of his
hoarse voice and the scratchy low tone when he says my name. Remembering why I
am calling, I need to get this over with. “I can’t. I mean, I can come over,
but it might be late.”

Sighing, he says, “Are you
going to tell me? I can already tell by the tone of your voice that I’m not
going to like it. Am I?”

“No, you’re not, but I
called anyway because I want us to work. So think about that before you get
upset at where I am and what I’m doing. Just know that I coming home to you.”

“Jaaaayyyy,” he says, drawing
out my name. “Are you safe, and do your parents know where you are?”

Maybe it was a blessing that
my dad said what he did because I honestly answer, “It was my father’s idea.”

“Okay, come home to me
tonight.”

“Well, it might be more like
morning.”

I hear him breathing, deeper
than normal. “Where are you?”

Sighing, I hesitate before
saying, “Getting on a jet to Los Angeles.”

“Tell me what I’m supposed
to say or do? You make my head spin. I don’t know where I stand with you, Jay.”

“Just don’t give up on me,”
I say with meaning.

“You’ve always made it so
damn hard to be with, but here I am, still here. Still waiting on you.”

The pilot is motioning me
over, so I reply, “Please wait a little longer. Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll call
you when we touchdown in L.A.”

“Call me,” he says
disconnecting.

Well, that went a lot better
than I expected. Of course, he still doesn’t realize who I’m going with.
Walking over to see why I’m needed, I look down at my watch and realize that
it’s almost time, and Rhye is still not here.

Minutes before we are
supposed to leave, I see Chris’s van pull into the parking lot. The guys get
out, opening the back to grab their equipment and bags. Rhye begins walking my
way his guitar case in hand. My stomach clenches with need. What the hell? Why
does he affect me like this, this instant attraction? There is a reason. I’ve
done this. I put him through Hell, and he still stood by me. He does know me
like no other, but it’s not forever I want with him, and using him for a “right
now” would only destroy us both.

Smiling, I wave at them and
say, “Hey guys. We can go ahead and board.” Walking up the steps, I enter the
mid-sized jet and slightly duck my head as I step inside the cabin. Once in, I
walk towards the back and grab a seat. All the members of Rhye’s band talk to
me and thank me for the transportation while settling in themselves. Rhye grabs
a seat across from me, looking at me the entire time.

“I can’t believe you pulled
this off,” he says shaking his head.

“Well, some things I can
give you,” I say looking into his eyes. I want to be straight with him. I
finish saying, “and some I never was going to be able to.”

Nodding his head, he looks
away and says, “That’s what I was afraid you were going to say.” I see him put
his Beats headphones on and turn his music up. He closes his eyes as he leans
back into the leather seat.

After take-off, I settle
back and grab my iPad to keep me occupied. My eyes keep floating over to Rhye,
but he’s either sleeping or ignoring me. Probably both. The other band members
talk amongst themselves, not looking back at us. I put in my ear buds, and turn
my music on. Florence and The Machine takes my thoughts away.

Half-way through our flight,
my neck feels a little stiff so I turn my head to stretch when I see Rhye
staring at me. His brown eyes are squinted, looking for something. His
headphones rest around his neck while he’s stretched back in his seat, and his
hands are folded on his lap.

“You know what I finally
realized?”

I hear his question through
the music, but I pull out my ear buds anyway. I look to see his band members
sleeping, so I turn back to him and ask, “What?”

“In my head, we work, but in
real life we are so damn dysfunctional. You’re like my drug of choice, and like
any drug, you’re so fucking bad for me. You mess with my head, but the worst
part is that I let you, so I must like it.”

“I’m sorry, Rhye. Everything
is so mixed up for me. I’m trying to live this life, but I fall back on old
habits. I wish you would move on.”

He lets out a sarcastic
little laugh. “Shit, well, if wishes were pennies, Jay.” Still staring at me,
he asks, “How did you talk your dad into getting us the free ride? I don’t see
anyone else, so it must have been chartered just for us.”

For some reason, I don’t
want to answer him, so I look away. Placing everything back into my bag, I busy
myself to avoid responding.

Another bitter laugh sounds
from his mouth. “Oh, I get it. Is this my going away present? So when you tell
me to kiss off, I’ll have to be grateful?”

Not denying his words, I
allow my eyes to travel back to his. I chew on my lip, letting my nerves get to
me. The truth is that he gets to me too. I want to be committed to Kane, but
Rhye sitting in front of me, is almost more than I can bear.

His stare goes to my bottom
lip as I worry it with my teeth, and he utters, “Fuck me. Can you please quit
doing that?” Placing his head into his hands, he rubs them over his hair and
blows out. “Why do your eyes lie, Jay? They promise me pleasure, but they only
ever bring me pain,” he says, standing up in the aisle and walking to the
lavatory.

This is crazy. How can I
keep hurting the two guys in my life that have done nothing but care about me?
It’s like I can’t stop, and I can’t stay away. I thought I was helping Rhye
today by setting this up, but he’s right. It was guilt from me knowing I can’t
give him what he wants. It’s the same thing I want, but I can’t have. It would
cost me Kane. There. That’s the truth. I want them both, but I want Kane more.
Rhye is right though; even if Kane wasn’t in my life, we would still be bad for
each other. We’d burn each other out with lust and then have nothing at all.

The door to the bathroom
opens, and Rhye comes out. Walking back, his eyes never leave mine, and I can’t
tear mine from his. Sitting back down, he looks weary and hurt.

“It’s crazy when we’re not
together how much you stay with me, and how much it hurts me when I’m finally
with you.” Looking at me with a tear in his eye, he says, “I don’t want to hate
you. I don’t know if I even can. You’re under my skin, in my blood, and your
pain cemented that.”