Ruining You (22 page)

“It was sordid… and creepy.”

“You’re so overly dramatic.
I know you are going to have sex.”

“Mom, STOP IT!” I yell,
slamming my water bottle down as the clear fluid splashes all over the table.

“I just want it to be about
a desire of the heart and not a meaningless void you think you need to fill”
she says, wiping up the water.

“Mom, I care for him deeply.
Don’t worry.” She starts to speak, but I hold up my hand to silence her. “I
will do as you ask for one month, but cut me a little slack around here.”

“Fair enough,” she replies.

Kane joins me in the
kitchen, not saying anything about our argument. We all have dinner, and the
day’s eventful conversation isn’t invited. Afterwards, my mom rents a new
action movie and we watch it together. My dad comes home, catching the end of
the movie. Once it’s over, I excuse myself to go to the restroom. When I
return, my dad and Kane are discussing the upcoming baseball season. I can tell
my dad really likes him. How different my life is from a year ago. I have a
life and many reasons to live it.

My mother yawns as she
stands up and grabs my father’s hand, pulling him with her, “Night, kiddos.”
She leans down, kisses my cheek and then Kane’s.

“Night,” we both say.

Alone at last, we turn to face
each other on the couch. Bringing the back of my hand up, I rub it across the
stubble on his cheek. His eyes slowly close as he leans into my touch. I pat
his cheek hard twice, and his eyes pop open.

“Ow...what was that for?”

Smiling, I answer, “Love taps.”

“Oh really,” he says before
grabbing my waist and pushing me back against the couch. Coming over me, he
reaches under my shirt and tickles my ribs, making my shake with laughter as I
struggle to push him away.

He finally stops and stares
down into my eyes. Slowly, his mouth lowers. His lips brush against mine, drift
to the tip of my nose, slide over my eyelids, and fall back to my mouth. Still
grasping my waist, his fingers press deep into my flesh.

“Can I take you out to
dinner on Valentine’s Day?” he asks between light kisses.

“Yes.”

“I’m going to go before I do
something incredibly stupid like make-out with you on your parents’ couch.”

Nodding my head, I really
want to say that I don’t care, but I don’t even want to even think about my dad
catching us. He stands up and kisses me one more time on the lips.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.
Okay?”

I just stare at his lips,
hoping tomorrow gets here soon. With a laugh, he leaves. He knows he has me.

On the day before
Valentine’s Day, I take my morning run before getting ready for class. I am
really enjoying the college courses, and I’m looking forward to picking up a
full schedule next semester. After that, my core classes will be complete and
I’ll have to decide where to go from there. I have a future of endless
possibilities, and I’m starting to like deciding which path to choose. It’s
exciting, especially with paths that lead me to Kane. We mercifully tease each
other, but we never go past first base, right now at least. We are relearning
all there is to know about one another. It’s stimulating to take my time and
actually get to know his body and him mine without feeling like we have to rush
our explorations.

As I run, my pulse races
just thinking about him. Placing my fingers to my neck to check my heart rate,
I suddenly have the sense of being watched again. Turning down my street, I see
the unmarked police car at the stop sign. Agent Morris rolls down the window
and motions me over.

“Good Morning, Jay. I was
hoping I would catch you before class.” She smiles at me.

“Oh? why?”

“Can you take a drive with
me, Jay?”

Looking down at my jogging
clothes, I reply, “I’m really not dressed to go anywhere.”

“You’re fine. Get in. We are
just going to take a short drive,” she says.

Going around the car, I slip
into the passenger seat and click my seatbelt in as she drives off. I send my
mother a text message letting her know where I am so she doesn’t worry.

“Where are we going?”

“Jay, in little over a
month, your case is going to trial. We have scoured hundreds of phone records,
spoken to over two hundred people at your school, and followed every lead
reported to no avail. District Attorney Reeves and I have believed your story
from the beginning. We know that your testimony rings true, but without it, our
case fails. We fail without a conviction.”

Looking out the window, I
watch familiar landmarks pass by. Turning onto one of the main roads, I know
where this road trip is leading us. I’ve taken the long way around and used
back roads to detour myself from ever coming this way. The anxiety climbs up my
chest, gripping my heart and stomach. I am overcome by nausea. Ahead, I see the
four-way intersection where JT died. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Why
did she bring me here?

Gripping the door handle
tightly, I struggle to control my breathing. She pulls to the side of the road
by the field -- the field where I found his body and where Cal had lain,
fighting for his life. As I stare out the windshield, my mind flashes back to
that night. I remember the empty vehicles; I can still see the tangled heap of
metal on the side of the road, bent, twisted, and unrecognizable. People
crying. Screaming. The sirens blaring in the distance. It’s all so clear. It’s
all so fresh.

My stomach churns because I
remember the suffocating smell of gasoline rising from the pavement. Pushing
the door open, I get out and fall to my knees, retching. I remember seeing the
blood poor from the man inside the dump truck, and I remember the relief I felt
that it wasn’t JT.

“Jay?” Agent Morris’s voice
calls to me, snapping me out of the past.

Holding my hand up to stop
her from talking, I shake my head. My voice is hoarse as I ask, “Why did you
bring me here?”

“The sequence of events that
happened that night was a direct result of Bruce Branch. So many lives
affected: students who can’t get over what they saw that night and families who
lost loved ones because of the tragedy. Not just JT’s. The driver of the other
vehicle had a family with small children. A young man will never walk again.” She
pauses, taking a breath, “And then we come to you. You, and only you, hold the
key to have justice served for all of them, but most all, for yourself. What
are your fears, Jay? Talk to me.”

Shaking my head, I stand and
stumble as I make my way to the small clearing. It’s still early, and a light
fog drifts low, blanketing the ground. Cars drive by, and the hum of their
motors fades into the background. Dropping to my knees, I look around. I
remember Reed’s tear-stained face as he tried to usher me away from the sight
of JT’s lifeless eyes. I dig my fingernails into the damp earth, feeling the
cool soil on my hands. I’m still here. I’m alive, and I’m glad. I’m thankful I
didn’t die.

 “Jay, are you okay?”

Looking up at her, I
sarcastically ask, “Do I look okay?”

I make my way back to the
car, open the passenger door, and slide in. She slips in and starts the car to
drive away.

“We all have choices to
make. Sometimes we make them for ourselves, and sometime we sacrifice for the
greater good. Nobody can make you testify.”

“Well you sure as hell are
trying,” I snap at her, looking out the window.

We say nothing on the drive
back to my house. As soon as she stops the car in my driveway, I open the door
to get out.

“Jay, if he doesn’t go to
jail, I’m worried about you. Watch yourself.”

I turn to her with a million
questions in my mind, but she doesn’t say anything else. I shake my head in
disgust. Her scare tactics aren’t going to work. Walking inside, I run up to my
bathroom and turn on the shower. Stripping my clothes off, I walk into the hot
spray and let the water warm me from the outside in. I look at my dirt-stained
hands as the water washes them clean. The red clay drips to the shower floor as
I scrub the residue from underneath my finger nails.

Standing under the hot
stream, I close my eyes and envision myself in a courtroom. I’m sitting on the
stand, staring at him and his smiling face because he loves what he has done to
me. He’s always loved looking at me, and knowing our secret gets him off. I saw
it then, and it would be no different that day. He’s already claimed his prize
and stripped me of mine. They’ll ask me to explain what happened and want to
know about every moment in anguishing detail, ripping me open and leaving me
bleeding and bare. No, I can’t. I’m moving on, living, letting the dead die,
and the open wounds mend. Everyone will have to understand. I wash my hair,
turn off the water, and step out.

 I hear my cell phone ring
as I’m getting dressed. Picking it up, I see that it’s Kane.

“Hey you,” I answer with a
smile in my voice.

“Hey baby. Can we do dinner
tonight? Cole wants to take my mom out tomorrow night for Valentine’s.”

“Sure. What time should I be
ready?”

“Be ready at six, and wear
something sexy. There is a new place downtown that I want to take you.”

“I’ll be ready,” I say in a
sultry voice.

He laughs, “So will I.”

I laugh with him then hit
disconnect. I can’t help myself, and I send him a text.

Me – Just remember who
agreed to the one month.

Kane – Damn :(

Me – I won’t tell if you
won’t. It could be our little secret. Shhh....

Kane – Hot Damn :)

Kane – Shit...I couldn’t do
that to your mom. I have a guilty face.

Me – What exactly does “in
between” mean?

Kane – 1
^st
to 3
^rd
base

Me – Well then, I’ll make
sure to wear a 3
^rd
base outfit then and throw something on for a
possible steal to home.

Kane – You are going to get
me into trouble......

I actually make it to class
on time, and the rest of the day is drama-free. I’ve made friends with a girl
in my course who graduated from Jackson Heights last year. We talk about our
Valentine’s Day plans and schedule to have lunch together next week.

After class, I go shopping
for a new dress and shoes. Driving by my hairdresser’s, I make an impulse
decision to stop, hoping she can work me in. I’m in luck, and she gives me mini
make over. My new outside matches the girl emerging from within. Several hours
later, I walk out with my hair about five inches shorter. It still falls below
my shoulders, but it now sports a trendy ombre look. My roots remain my natural
dark hue, but the color fades toward the ends. Thick curls cascade around my
face and down my back.

When I arrive home, I rush
upstairs to get ready. My mini dress is a dark forest green high neck halter
that has a deep V cut in the back. The skirt is banded, and I scrunch it up to
hit about mid-thigh. My shoes are a pair of black satin Pinup Couture pumps
with a four and a half inch heel and large satin bow at the back. The dress is
ultra-sexy, and the shoes are too cute. It’s a perfect pairing for my sweet and
sexy look. I feel good, and a little bad.