Ruining You (30 page)

Glancing one more time into Kane’s eye,
I nod to acknowledge my understanding. “I’m fine, Dad,” I say, feeling a
stronghold over my life.

“Jay, I shouldn’t have left,” my mother
says, almost crying.

“Mom, the alarm worked. You can’t stay
here with me every second.” She comes over and lays her hand on top of the
blanket, making me realize one thing. I’m nude. “Uh, can everyone give me a
second to get dressed?”

“Sure,” my dad says and then adds,
“Agent Morris left a little while ago after the paramedics checked you over to
make sure you were fine. Tomorrow, she is coming back to ask a couple of
questions unless you remember anything tonight.”

He smiles as I shake my head. Grabbing
my mother’s hand, he walks out of the room. I watch as they speak quietly to
one another.

Leaning up and keeping the blanket
wrapped around me the best I can, I look at Kane. “They don’t want me to know
do they?”

“No, they’re just trying to protect you.
You know that right?”

I look over at Molly as she says, “Don’t
look at me. You know I agree with your parents. Sometimes this shit is just too
much to handle, and I don’t think you should be overwhelmed.”

She still worries over me, so I can’t be
mad when she acts like this. They all just need to understand that I’m not a
child anymore, and it’s been months. “Molly, I better not learn of you keeping
anything from me.”

“No promises, Jay. I’m going to always
do what I think is best for you, so get over it. I love you, chick.”

Wrapping her arms around me and my
blanket, she squeezes me tight. “Well, I’ll go help your mom and dad do
something so you two can have a moment alone.” She punches Kane in the arm as
she walks by. “You tell her too much.”

“You better always tell me,” I say, not
giving him a chance to change his mind. My arms fight their way out of the
cover that binds me. Securing the ends of the blanket around my chest, I sit up
on the bed and run my hands through the tangled knots in my hair. 

“Jay, your dad and I talked, and until
the trial next week, you are not allowed to be by yourself at any time.” He
looks unsure and as if he is afraid I’m going to blow up at him. Instead, I
lean forward to lightly kiss his lips.

“Fine with me,” I agree, for all the
times he has come to my rescue.

“I really never know what you are going
to do.” He moves back in to capture my lips with his, talking in-between
kisses. “When all the drama is over, I’m taking us on a vacation. I’m going to
take you away from all this, and we are going to act like normal people.”

“I’m in,” I tell him, letting him
continue to kiss me. I know we’ll have to stop soon with my parents downstairs,
so I enjoy soaking up every moment of him.

Pulling back, he kisses me one last
time. His eyes say so much as they look into mine.

“Get dressed. I’ll be downstairs.”
Walking out, he glances toward my bathroom door that has been removed. He balls
up his fist and shakes his head.

Completely unwrapping myself from the
blankets, I stand up and walk over to my dresser to retrieve some undies.
Throwing on some drawstring pajama pants and a t-shirt, I walk into my bathroom
to grab a hairbrush. Everything looks the same with the exception of the
missing door. Brushing the tangles out, I think about Kane’s words and my
feelings of revenge. I need to get my story out, not as a punishment, but as a
victory for truth. I need to let the telling be about healing instead of
hurting. I’ve never thought about it that way before. Maybe, just maybe, I can
do this.

Finishing, I walk downstairs to join
everyone. They sit silently in the kitchen, watching my mom and Molly cook
dinner. I really can’t handle the somber mood. After years of my own
downtrodden attitude, I don’t want to go back to this, “What did the boy
cantaloupe say to the girl cantaloupe?” Eli’s corny jokes are the only things
that come to mind. Everyone is looking at each other and me. I can tell they
are thinking I’ve finally lost it because they say nothing.

Glancing over at Kane, I say to him,
“Ask me what.”

“Uh?” he asks, looking puzzled and a
little scared.

Dear Lord, they really do think I’m
losing it. Maybe I am with quoting Eli’s jokes. “Say, what,” I say, holding my
hands up in agitation toward Kane.

Finally, I see the light bulb go off in
his head and he asks me, “What?”

Looking around the room, I answer, “We
are too young, we ‘can’t elope’!”

Nothing. They are speechless. My mom stands
over the stove with her mouth open, my dad and Molly look at each other, and
Kane, bless him, he knows what I’m doing. A smile starts to creep across his
face.

Well, I started it, so I might as well
go all in. Racking my brain over the millions of stupid jokes, I start again.
Directing the next one to Molly, I ask “Why shouldn’t you tell a pig a secret?”

Catching on, she asks, “Why?”

I wink and answer, “Because it will
squeal!”

She chuckles, “That is so bad, Jay.”

“Trust me, I know,” I answer, continuing
on with this crazy idea. I ask, “Where do bees come from?”

My mother pops up, “Where?”

I turn to her smiling face and smile
back, “Stingapore.”

My mom laughs loudly, and it sounds so
good. Deep down, it sounds so right. “Eli has created a monster,” she comments
through laughter.

We spend the next hour eating dinner and
telling the worst jokes we’ve ever heard. My dad even joins in, trying to
lighten the situation. We try to live, beating the enemy the best way we know
how, by not letting it get us down and tear us apart. I’m learning, little by
little, each day how to live this life. I’m growing into a woman that I like,
one that, I hope, is a better daughter, a better friend, and as I look directly
at Kane, a better person, because he deserves the best.

That night, Kane speaks with my father
about staying over. Respectfully, he agrees to sleep in the guest room. He
doesn’t want to leave, and he has worked it out with Cole to be off for the
next week. I try to talk him out of it, telling him I’m fine and that I can
handle this, but he won’t listen, and well, having him sleeping down the
hallway works for me.

He borrows a pair of my dad’s gym shorts
and a shirt for the night. Once my parents go to bed, we lounge on the couch
with me in front of him. His arm is wrapped securely around my waist, and our
legs are tangled together. My fingers glide back and forth over his arms as
they surround me, and I try to concentrate on what is on T.V. opposed to the
feeling of him pressed against me.

We watch some tattoo reality show to
numb our minds from the day. At some point, I hear him lightly snoring behind
me, and I can’t bring myself to wake him or move from the feel of his arms.
Closing my eyes, I drift to sleep with him holding onto me for dear life.

At the sound of laughter, I turn my head
to see JT leaning against the wall. I’m still on the couch, but Kane is not
with me. JT looks like he did when we were fifteen, or how I remember him at
that age anyway. His blue eyes shine with mirth. He looks happy, the way he
looked when he had his future stretched out in front of him.

“Do you remember that time we went snow
skiing with my parents?” he asks as his voice squeaks like it did when it was
changing.

Sitting up, I pull my knees into me and
wrap my arms tightly around them. “Yes,” I answer, resting my chin on my knees.

“And do you remember what I told you
when you were scared to death of that first bunny slope?”

“You said, ‘Put your big girl panties on
Jay, and just do it,’” I answer back. Looking up to stare into those eyes, I
realize how much it still hurts to see him here in my dreams.

“And then I pushed and pushed until I
had you skiing like Lindsey Vonn that weekend.”

He’s right. I whined and begged to go
inside to sit by the fire in the lodge, but he wouldn’t let me. I smile just
thinking about it.

“Next week, when you face him, you know
what you have to do?”

I pause. I know what he is going to say,
but I want to hear it from him again.

“Put your big girl panties back on, and
just do it.”

Nodding my head, I agree, but there is
so much more I need to say to him. “I’ve been thinking about you more lately
with your birthday coming up next week. I’ve missed it for two years, and now,
I’ll never get to see another one. I wish you were alive and still in my life
as my friend. I miss you, JT.”

Walking towards me, he sits down on the
couch and puts his arm around my shoulders. I lay my head against him.

~~~~~~~

Something flutters against my cheek, and
not wanting to wake from my sleep, I swat it away with my hand. Seconds later,
I feel it again, tickling against my neck. Swiping my hand at it, I have no
desire to open my eyes just yet. A masculine chuckle invades my sleepy
consciences, bringing me awake. Slowly, my eyes open and two green orbs stare
into mine. He lowers his mouth to feather kisses on my forehead, cheeks, and
neck. We are still on the couch, but now, we face each other and everything is
lit with the morning light that shines through the windows.

“Morning,” I say, my voice scratchy from
sleep.

“Mmmm,” he sounds against my neck as he
continues to kiss me.

Our legs are intertwined, our bodies
sidled up against one another, and I can feel how much he craves me. Forgetting
exactly where we are, I slightly reposition my hips so that he is now in the
cradle between my thighs. Oh yeah…. that feels, well, I need to take a deep
breath or maybe a couple little ones. Thinking as one, he presses his hardness
into me, and I wish we weren’t fully clothed.

Hazy with desire, I stare into eyes as
he makes things me more sensitive down below. I raise my hips up to meet his,
and he lets out a hiss. Pulling back, he shakes his head as he looks around,
realizing exactly where we are. Damn. I don’t want to make out on my parents
couch either, but just two more seconds and...

His husky voice asks in my ear, “How are
you this morning, Jay?”

I want him to look into my eyes to see
how he affects me as I say, “Dripping.”

Pressing his forehead against mine, he
lets out a slow laugh, “You are so bad.”

“You like it.”

“Hell yeah, I do.”

“Now get up before your Dad comes in
here. That will not be fun for any of us.”

He’s right, so I sit up, righting my
clothes, and he does the same.

“I’m going to head upstairs to take a
shower. We’ll decide what to do today together, okay?”

“K,” I say. Until I talk to Agent
Morris, I’ll stick close to everyone. Kane heads upstairs, and I walk to the
kitchen to grab some orange juice.

“Good Morning, Jay,” my dad says,
startling me. He and my mom are sitting at the table, dressed and sipping on
coffee.