One or Two Things I Learned About Love (14 page)

Then I had to use the landline to call Nomi and tell her I can’t go bowling tomorrow night after all. Since Connor and I are back on track. She said she should’ve known it was like Santa Claus, too good to be true. I said that of course normally I would never break a date I’d made with my friends to go out with a boy, but it is Saturday. Nomi being Nomi, she wanted to know what the incommunicado phase was all about. She said, “Let me get this straight. He took you out with his friends and then he got mad because one of them talked to you?” I said he knows he was being a jerk and he apologized. I figure he has abandonment issues, you know, because he was sent away to live with his grandparents for a while when he was little. Nomi said it’s not like his mom ran off to Tasmania with a sea captain. She was sick. And he did go back home. And he was with his grandparents, not in an orphanage. She said he’s acting like a mini-monster and I’m defending him. I said besides that he’s been hurt in the past. Nomi said that if he was her boyfriend he’d be looking forward to being seriously injured in the future. I should’ve known she wouldn’t be swooning with sympathy. Her great-great-grandmother was a suffragette. There’s a framed newspaper clipping in the living room of when she was arrested.

About
an hour into my shift this morning Ely suddenly made this big deal of shaking my hand and practically bowing. Then he presented me with a bunch of scallions. “Hildegard D’Angelo, on behalf of every onion, sprig of parsley and jar of pickles assembled before you,” he boomed, “I want to officially welcome you back to the Eden Farm Vegetable Stand. We missed you.” I pointed out that I’d been there every day I was supposed to, just like always. Ely said, “In body only. Either you were looking at your phone or texting on your phone, and if for some reason you weren’t doing either of those things you were staring into space like you were waiting for the mother ship.” I said I was sorry, I’d been distracted. He said, “Distracted or disconnected?” And, in case this was something else I was unaware of, I was being about as pleasant as a splinter under a nail. I said I was sorry again. I had stuff on my mind. He said he liked it better when I was a carefree airhead. I whacked him with my scallions. “You forget who you’re dealing with,” said Ely. “I’m the Vegetable Avenger.” He picked up a carrot and started to fence me. We were jumping around the parking lot shouting “
Touché
!” and “
En garde!”
and laughing when out of the corner of my eye I saw this red car pull in. I thought it was Connor because his car’s red, and I totally froze. All I could think of was that he might get the wrong idea if he saw me fooling around with Ely. Since I wasn’t
en garde
any more, Ely whacked me so hard with the carrot that it broke. He wanted to know if he turned around was he really going to see the mother ship behind him. But it wasn’t the mother ship. Or Connor. It was Blue Eyeshadow Lady in her old Ford with the
Practise Random Acts of Kindness
bumper sticker.

Mr Bowden let Connor take the sailboat out tonight for a moonlight ride on the lake (on condition that he didn’t capsize it). When we got far enough out, we sat leaning together with our arms around each other like we were one person. But with two heads and extra legs and arms. There were lights all around the lake and in the hills and woods, but if you looked up all you could see were the endless, silent stars. As if we were the only ones on the planet. As if we were drifting through space. (Which technically we are, but not so’s you’d notice.) Connor said it was even better out on the lake than on the deck. (It was way better than me on our deck construction site and him in the bathroom!) We started talking about some day doing a trip together. Maybe even next summer. We could drive over to California. It wouldn’t cost that much money if we camped and made our own meals and stuff. Connor said think how cool it would be, just the two of us wandering around seeing the country. Like that song. I didn’t know what song he meant but I said yes. The painted desert. Sunset over the Gulf of Mexico. The Mississippi. The giant redwoods. The Grand Canyon. Stuff like that. I said it would be better than cool. It’d be magical. It’d be like living a dream. Connor said, “And every night we could lie with our heads sticking out of the tent and count shooting stars. That would really be like we were the only people on the planet.” Later he told me more about his old girlfriends and how he always caught them trying to get off with someone else. It had really cut him up. No wonder he gets so paranoid. Connor figures most girls are flirts. I guess you can’t blame him, if that’s the only kind of girl he’s gone out with. I said I didn’t know any girls who are flirts. He said, “Don’t you?” He said it like I did. You know, like I’d said I don’t have any sisters.
Don’t you? Then who are those two girls called D’Angelo who live in your house?
But then a fish jumped nearby and we got distracted and then we started kissing, so I never found out what he meant.

Called Nomi when I got home. They didn’t go bowling after all because word was out that Mr Kitosky was back so the lanes are a Louie-free zone again. Instead they all hung out at Cristina’s. Nomi said everything was normal – they were just sitting around talking and joking – till Mr Palacio decided to go for a moonlit swim, dove into the pool and lost his trunks. Nomi said you can imagine how out-of-control hilarious everyone thought that was. She said Jax was laughing so much he nearly fell in himself. After he said a few words that can’t be repeated, Mr Palacio shouted, “I’m warning you, Louis Masiado! If you so much as point a finger at your phone you’ll leave here in a box.” Then Mrs Palacio flapped out and herded them all into the kitchen till Mr Palacio was safely out of the water and clothed. But nobody wanted to go swimming after that. And who can blame them? Nomi says she kind of feels sorry for the Palacios. They aren’t exactly having the best summer. I said I bet they’re sorry they ever put in that pool.

Told Nomi what Connor had said about all girls being flirts. She said, “Yeah, and we can’t read maps or parallel park either. It makes you wonder why God ever created something so useless and unreliable.” (The suffragette gene strikes again.) Then she wanted to know what’s wrong with Connor. I said there’s nothing wrong with him. He’s really sweet and smart and funny. It’s just that he’s had bad experiences with every girl he went out with before, that’s all. It’s going to take him a while being with me to realize that not all of us are the same. Nomi wanted to know if I could hear myself. Or had I also gone deaf?
Every
girl he’s gone out with’s been a flirt? Does he advertise for them?
Teenage boy only interested in girls who are interested in everybody else
? Or maybe there’s some store where you can get them.
Cheats R Us.
Nomi said, “Remember the time that chihuahua bit me? I didn’t go around saying all dogs bite after that. I didn’t even say all chihuahuas bite.”

My dad’s making progress on the deck. Gus says there’s a good chance it’ll be done in time for her wedding. I said I thought she never wanted to get married. She said by the time he’s finished she’ll probably have changed her mind.

Connor
and I were supposed to go to a barbecue at his friend’s tonight but I had such bad cramps that I couldn’t leave the house. All I wanted to do was lie on the couch and watch a movie. Mom and Gus both went out, and Louie came over to play chess with my dad, so it was me and Zelda on the couch. We watched one of those animations where famous stars do the voices. At least it took my mind off the pain for a while. Not because it was so good but because those kind of movies are so confusing. There you are, watching an aardvark or a toy soldier or whatever saving something (the planet, another toy…), but what you’re hearing is Angelina Jolie or Mel Gibson, so in your head that’s who you’re seeing, too. I always lose track of the story because I’m picturing Angelina Jolie digging a tunnel with a tiny teaspoon or Mel Gibson jumping off the dresser using a piece of tissue for a parachute. Anyway, me and Zel were watching that when all of a sudden the doorbell rings. My dad shouted from the kitchen, “If they’re selling something we don’t want it and if they’re collecting for something we already gave!” It was None of the Above. It was Connor. He’d brought me a bunch of flowers because I wasn’t feeling well and a box of doughnuts because he said there’s nothing that doughnuts can’t cure. (How cute is that?) We went into the kitchen to get a vase for the flowers and a plate for the doughnuts. I introduced Connor and Louie. It wasn’t exactly one of those made-in-heaven moments like when Watson met Holmes. Louie said, “Hey there. How’s it going?” Connor said, “Hi.” My dad wanted to know what kind of doughnuts he brought. I figured Connor would leave after the movie but he didn’t make a move. Zelda was too wired after the doughnuts to go to bed so we took her outside to look for shooting stars. Eventually that bored her into submission and I got her to go to her room with one of her talking books. The chess game was still going on in the kitchen so we went back outside. Connor thinks it’s weird that Louie comes over to play chess with my dad. I said it was my dad who taught Louie how to play. They’ve been doing it since Louie was six. Even though my dad stopped being able to beat him seven years ago. Connor said doesn’t Louie have friends his own age who play chess? I said sure, but they don’t live across the street. My mom came home. She came out to talk to us for a while. Then she went to bed. Gus came home. She waved at us through the window but she mimed being ready to crash and didn’t come out. I wasn’t in too much pain any more but I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open. Even with Connor’s arm around me. Which is really tired. Seriously, I could’ve fallen asleep on a bus full of squawking chickens that was freewheeling down a mountain. The only reason I’m still awake and writing this is because now I’m too tired to fall asleep. I didn’t feel like I could ask him to leave since he was sweet enough to come over but I kept yawning and saying things like, “Gee, I guess it’s getting pretty late,” only Connor never took the hint. Louie came out to say goodnight. He said, “Nice to meet you, Connor.” Connor said, “Yeah. Same here.” Then my dad came out. Just so you don’t think he’s been taking a crash course in diplomacy, my dad looked at Connor and said, “So are you two waiting for the dawn, or what?” Connor said he guessed he’d better go.

Connor
texted me first thing to see how I was feeling. I said I was much better. The doughnuts really did the trick. It’s amazing what a hit of oil and sugar can do. Maggie and Nomi wanted to know if I wanted to go shopping with them. I almost said yes. I feel like I haven’t been seeing very much of them lately. But then I remembered about not showing up at Café Olé! with my friends. So I said I was still paying the price for Eve eating that apple and better stay home. Then Mother D’Angelo noticed me lurking around the house and dumped Zelda (who was having one of her strike days from day camp) on me so she could get some work done. Realized I haven’t seen much of Gran lately either and took Zel over there. Gran said, “Long time no see.” I said I’ve been busy. She said she knew all about how busy I was. And with
whom
. And at the rate I’m going she’s going to be dead before I bring Connor over to meet her. I explained how he works at the coffee bar in the mall so he’s not around much. Gran said in her day a girl wouldn’t dream of dating someone her family hadn’t met. I said my family had met him. She said, “And what am I, chopped liver?”