One or Two Things I Learned About Love (17 page)

So
Connor and I had a big talk tonight. He picked me up from the stand right after work. He pulled up at the kerb without even looking over at me. I said goodnight to Ely, put my bike on the rack and got into the car. We drove out to Captain’s Point where nobody ever goes unless they want to do something illegal or be really alone. It was so quiet in the car you could’ve heard a moth breathe. And so tense you could’ve used the air as a trampoline. When we finally parked, Connor just sat there, staring through the windscreen. I couldn’t stand the silence, so I made myself say I didn’t understand what he was so mad about. (You know, since I hadn’t done anything.) Connor said I didn’t tell him I was going bowling with Nomi, Maggie, Sara and Cristina. I said I explained that – we decided at the last minute. He said it drives him crazy, the idea that while he thought I was home with my family, I was out with them doing God knows what. I said, “We were bowling. You know, you have this ball and you roll it down the alley and maybe you knock over some pins?” He said, “Yeah.” I felt like we were talking two languages that sounded kind of the same but were really different. You know, like Spanish and Portuguese. I had to ask for a translation. And that’s when he said that he can’t help it but he worries when I go out with Nomi, Maggie, Sara and Cristina. I probably said, “You what?” Nomi, Maggie, Sara and Cristina? He said, “Especially Nomi.” I said you don’t want me to go out with my friends? He said it’s not that he doesn’t want me to go out with them, it’s just that he worries what could happen. Like being hit by a satellite? Shot at by escaping bowling-alley robbers? Abducted by aliens? He said, “No, Hildy, that’s not what I mean.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I knew he was serious. He looked really serious. You wouldn’t think he had an awesome smile; you wouldn’t think he could smile at all. But he
couldn’t
be serious. It was ridiculous. They’ve been my friends for ever. Especially Nomi. What did he think could happen? So I made another stab at lightening the atmosphere a little. I said I get it, this is because you know that they’re really vampires and you’re afraid that they might turn on me one night when they’re desperate for fresh blood? Connor said, “Kind of.” Which made me the only one who was laughing. I asked him what he meant by “kind of”. So he told me. Remember when Connor was surprised when I said I didn’t know any girls who are flirts? That’s because Nomi, Maggie, Sara and Cristina are all flirts. Infamous flirts. Especially Nomi. Nomi Slevka, math wizard, poet, pumpkin grower extraordinaire, feminist, ex-Christmas angel – and femme fatale. Flabbergasted isn’t one of my regular vocabulary words but I was truly flabbergasted. Big time. I said my friends aren’t flirts.
Especially not Nomi
. He said, “What about the way they were all over me at the mall that time? And the other night at Movie Club?” And he told me that last weekend they stopped by the café and I wasn’t even with them. What did I think that was about? I said maybe they were thirsty. He said every time he sees them it’s all
Ooh Connor this
and
Ooh Connor that
. I said, “They’re being friendly.” He gave me this pitying look. As if I was so dumb it was amazing I knew enough to get up in the morning. He said, “Is that what you call it?” I said yes, that is what I call it. They were trying to make him feel comfortable. He said he can tell the difference between flirting and friendly even if I can’t. I said, “But they’re my friends. They wouldn’t make a play for my guy.” He said, “That’s what you think.” I said that I may not be able to tell him who won the World Series in 1967 but I felt pretty confident about this. I pointed out that they all have boyfriends. He wanted to know what difference that was supposed to make. Apparently another thing I don’t know is that there are girls who wait till they have a boyfriend before they start running around with lots of guys. I said, “Isn’t that like waiting till you’ve eaten to go out for dinner?” He said no. I said I’m absolutely sure that my friends aren’t the kind of girls to cheat on their boyfriends. He said, “Not even Nomi?” I said, “Of course not.” He said that wasn’t what I told him before. I told him Nomi had her eye on Ely. I felt like I’d swallowed my heart. I did tell him that. Well, not
that
exactly. But something that probably sounded a lot like that. Something about her saying she thought Ely was cool. He said girls like that only go to bowling alleys and tennis courts and yoga and the mall because they want to pick up guys. I laughed. I had to. I said none of them are that strong. Not even Sara and she’s got serious muscles because she’s a drummer. He didn’t say anything, he just glared at me. I said I was sorry for being sarcastic, but I’ve never seen any of my friends pick up anybody ever. When we go to the mall, they shop. When we go bowling, they bowl. When we play tennis, they lob the ball over the net and run around the court. There’s only one male person in our yoga class and he’s a grandfather. And then he said, “You picked me up.” I couldn’t have been more surprised if he’d suddenly pulled a dead fish out of the glove compartment and smacked me in the face with it. Did I? I really didn’t remember that part. “Or maybe you were just being friendly.” But I was being friendly. I mean I thought he was cute and everything but I wasn’t
flirting
. (Nomi said he was flirting, but I figured telling him what Nomi said right then ranked up there with the nuclear bomb for really bad ideas.) Connor said I kept giving him the eye. I said, “But you were looking at me, too.” He said, “Because you were looking at
me
, Hildy. I am flesh and blood, you know. Of course I looked back.” I felt like I’d opened my front door and walked into somebody else’s house. I was speechless. But Connor wasn’t. He said that I not only picked him up, I’m always looking at other guys when I’m with him. I said I’m not. He has two eyes and 20/20 vision. He knows what he sees. Everywhere we go. I can’t walk down the street without eyeing up every guy who goes by. How many times has he been talking to me and I’m looking at somebody else? None? Hundreds! I said, “I don’t care how good your eyesight is, you’re not seeing straight. I only look at other guys to make sure I don’t walk into them.” And what about the other night when we stopped at the Snack Shack before Movie Club? What about then? I kept staring at the table behind him.
That
I did remember. There was a girl at the table that I thought I knew. She was older and heavier and her hair didn’t used to be blonde but I was pretty sure it was Karel Wyst from the pottery class I used to do in middle school. Connor said he hadn’t seen any girls behind him, it was all guys. I said, “No, it wasn’t. There were three guys and two girls.” He said, “Isn’t it funny how you know exactly how many guys there were?” He said for all he knows I’m just like my sister. I couldn’t stop myself. I said, “Zelda?” Still no laugh. He said I’m always saying what a flirt Gus is. I said it’s just a family joke. She’s not really a flirt. It’s just because she looks like she does that guys are always flocking around her. That’s why we joke about her. She may be a serial dater, but she’s not a flirt. He gave me another pitying look. Pitying and disdainful. He said, “A rose by any other name, Hildy.” I said you mean you can call it waste material but it’s still poo? He said, “Don’t you think it’s weird that Gus is in her twenties and doesn’t have a steady boyfriend?” I said, “No. She doesn’t want to be tied down till she’s established her career.” He said, “And what’s that, modelling?” I said, “No, she’s going to be a paediatrician.” He thought I was kidding. It all went into overdrive after that. I don’t remember most of it. Or maybe I just don’t want to. It ended with me practically hyperventilating and both of us crying. (The only time I’ve ever seen a boy cry was Louie and he was seven and fell out of a tree.) Connor said he was sorry but he can’t help it. He thinks about me all the time. I’m so important to him and we have something really special and he’d rather die than lose it. I said I thought we had something special and I didn’t want to lose it either. And then he said, “I know it sounds crazy, but I think I’m—You know—” I didn’t know. Having a nervous breakdown? Delusional? Suffering from toxic shock? He was staring at his hands. He said, “I think I must love you or something.” Then he said that’s why sometimes maybe he gets a little carried away. Because it’s so scary. LOVE! Connor Bowden said he loves me! I was so surprised a gnat could’ve knocked me over. I never really thought it would ever happen to me. Somebody loves me! How amazing is that? I said I love him, too.

So now it all makes total sense. You know, when he overreacts or gets a little paranoid. Of course he does. It is scary being in love. Especially for someone like Connor. Because of his history with girls. He probably feels like he’s sitting on the railroad tracks waiting to be hit by a train.

Woke
up thinking something’s different. For a couple of seconds I couldn’t remember what it was. And then I did. Connor said the L word. And I said it back. Unless I dreamt it. But I didn’t. My dreams are never that good.

Connor called in sick so we could spend the whole day together. Just the two of us. (How romantic is that?) He was going to take me to his secret beach where no one ever goes so we’d have it all to ourselves. Connor said the world of hot and cold beverages (and muffins, croissants, panini and hand-baked cookies) was just going to have to get on without him today. He said we needed some serious US time. I was about as likely to argue with that as a mouse is likely to jump into the cat’s supper dish. I know we have a couple of little problems, but who doesn’t? I figure it’s only because we’re new to each other. Everything has problems at the beginning. It’s like when my dad got his new computer at the garage. At first it was totally useless. It was like it hated him and had a special mission to ruin his business. He called it The Terminator. Dad threatened to get an abacus and a fountain pen and throw the computer off the roof. But eventually he calmed down and stopped menacing it, and he figured out how to use it. Now he says he’d rather lose the tow truck than the computer. So I was really cranked up about me and Connor being all alone for the whole day. I couldn’t eat breakfast. I couldn’t sit still. I kept checking the time in case it decided to suddenly stop. When the bell rang I picked up my beach bag and went running to the door with a big smile on my face. It wasn’t Connor. But I was so surprised that it wasn’t Connor that I stood there for a few seconds just staring at his T-shirt (
Be Kind to Chickens – Eat Vegetables
) and the old bike that was leaning against the railing behind him, trying to figure out who it was. He wanted to know if I was going to ask him in. And my brain finally resumed normal operations. I said, “Ely. What are you doing here?” He said he was being chased by a flock of zombie pigs controlled by the agricultural lobby who wanted retribution for his tireless work to defend the organic vegetables of the world and was seeking sanctuary. I repeated my question. He said he wanted to talk to me. I said, “
Now
?” Ely said he’d called me last night but I never answered my phone or returned his calls. I said I couldn’t talk now. I was on my way out. Ely said he only needed a couple of minutes. I said he didn’t understand. Connor and I were going to the beach. He was due any minute. Ely said, “
And
?” Well what could I say? I couldn’t say
and
Connor wouldn’t exactly be thrilled if he found Ely here. Or that it would ruin everything. I said I’d promised I’d be ready to go as soon as he pulled up. We had a big day planned. Ely said, “Five minutes, Hildy. Maybe less.” I told him to bring the bike in with him in case somebody stole it. He half smiled. “You’re kidding, right? There are four houses on this road.” I didn’t say anything. He brought the bike in. Ely said he was worried about me, that’s why he tried to call me last night. He said the only person he’s ever seen as miserable as I was yesterday was Uncle John when Aunt Mimi died. I was most of the negative “D” words. Distant. Depressed. Distracted. Despondent. Distraught. Dissociable. Dispirited. I said, “What about ‘down in the dumps’?” He said, “That, too.” He said the only reason he didn’t assume that someone close to me had passed on was because he figured someone would’ve mentioned that. He wanted to know what did happen. I said did he mean on the planet, on that reality TV show everybody watches or just in Redbank? He said he meant in the tiny, weird but wonderful world known as Hildy D’Angelo. All the while Ely was talking I had one eye on the living-room window. Which is how I saw Connor’s car even before it stopped in front of the house. I said, “I’m really sorry, Ely, but I have to go.” I was already leaving. “We’ll talk tomorrow,” I promised. “I’ll stop by the stand. We’ll talk then.” And then I really ran! Out of the door, over Mrs Claws, down the steps and into the car. Connor laughed. He said he was glad to see me, too. ”Hurry!” I ordered. “Zelda wants to come with us. My mom’s holding her back.” We pulled away like Bonnie and Clyde making a getaway. Neither of us looked back.

Connor’s secret beach is a private one up the coast. He says that whoever owns it is hardly ever there. It doesn’t look like they came at all this summer because the house is still boarded up. We stopped at a deli on the way and got some stuff for lunch. There was a young guy behind the counter so I let Connor do the ordering and kept my eyes on the salads in the chill counter. Connor was really sweet and all boyfriendy, asking if I wanted potato or macaroni salad and if I wanted mustard on my sandwich. We stayed on the beach the whole day. We rubbed sunblock on each other and made a sandhouse that we pretended we were going to move into. We went for a couple of swims and took a walk along the shore looking for shells and bits of driftwood. It was about as romantic as you can get without moonlight and a bunch of guys following you around playing violins. Connor said wasn’t it cool to have the beach to ourselves? No one screaming or kids crying and kicking sand on you or anything like that. And the best part was I could wear the two scraps of material I had on without every lame-o and his brother staring at me and drooling. He looked at me like I was one of those pictures with another picture hidden in it. He said, “You wouldn’t wear that suit if the beach was full of people, would you?” We were having such a great time. I didn’t want another argument. So I said, “No, of course I wouldn’t.” I lied and said the only time I wore this suit was when it was just us girls at the Palacios’ pool. He said, “That’s my Hildy!” (How cute is that?) It was almost sunset before we packed up to go. Connor said it was a perfect day. It was. It was totally perfect. And to think Ely could’ve ruined it!