One or Two Things I Learned About Love (12 page)

I
said I’d mind Zelda while my folks went out, so Connor came over to hang with us. When he got here my dad said, “What? You again?” We watched a movie with Zelda. After she went to bed we sat on the couch and kissed and cuddled. It was really lovely. We didn’t mention last night. I think it’s better just to act like it never happened. (Like Gran always says, “If the bear’s asleep, don’t wake it up.”) Which of course is the exact opposite of my parents. They never let anything go. They’d wake up every bear in the woods. I swear, they’re still arguing about things that happened before they were born.

Gus came home while Connor was here. She was in a good mood (for a change) and pretended she didn’t know who Connor was. “Oh you must be Aidan— Oh no, not Aidan, Elwood— Oh no, not Elwood… Don’t tell me, don’t tell me, it’s right on the tip of my tongue…” When he didn’t exactly fall over laughing she grabbed his hand and shook it. She said, “Don’t look so worried, of course I know who you are. You’re Connor. You go to Priestly-Hamilton, you live out by the lake, and you nearly drowned my sister.” She hovered around for a while talking about school and boats and his job and stuff like that. Until she finally noticed that I was willing her to shut up and go away. And she shut up and went.

Connor wanted to know who those boys were. I said what boys? He said, “The ones your sister mentioned.” He said he thought I’d said that I’d never had a boyfriend before. I said I haven’t. Gus was just kidding. He said, “Oh. Kidding.” But it sounded like I’d just told him the moon is made of cheese.
Oh. Cheese.

Connor’s parents invited me to supper tomorrow. I wasn’t expecting that. I had to think about it for a second. Connor said, “What? You’re already busy?” I said not busy exactly. But I’d kind of promised Louie I’d help him with his editing tomorrow night. Connor said, “Oh. Right. Your friend Louie.” I felt really bad. I mean, what’s wrong with me? What are my priorities? I can help Louie any time. He lives across the road. I said, “It wasn’t really a promise. I just said I’d go if I wasn’t doing anything else. But now I am.”

Connor says he thinks it would be better if I didn’t bring all my friends with me when I come to see him at work any more. He doesn’t think his supervisor likes it. She made some crack about seagulls at the beach. I was incredulous. About
us
? He said, “Well you do make a lot of noise. Especially Maggie. She has that laugh.” Which I did think was a little harsh. Maggie’s laugh is a lot more like a crane than a seagull. All I can say is it’s a good thing we didn’t have Zelda with us.

He’s definitely a great kisser!

And I’m definitely getting better!!!!

When
I came out to breakfast this morning Zelda was standing on her head by the back door (she thinks it’ll make her hair grow faster), and Gus was finishing her coffee. I asked what she thought of Connor. She said he seemed OK. Not in a peach-silk-shirt way, but OK. And then she said, “He looks kind of familiar. His last name’s Bowden, right? Does he have a brother?” I thought I was going to fall over like an axed tree. Would I rather find out I was related to Godzilla than to a girl who dated Calvin Bowden? Yes, I would. I think I shrieked. “Oh please. Please tell me you didn’t go out with Cal!” Gus stuck up her thumbs. “Gotcha!” I thought she was going to gag, she was laughing so much. She came back into the kitchen before she left to get her lunch. I was reading a message on my phone. She wanted to know why Connor texts me all the time. I said because he’s my boyfriend. She said that isn’t actually the definition of the word
boyfriend
.

Ely asked if everything’s cool. I said, “What are we talking about?” He said, “Sunday night. You left the party pretty abruptly after Connor called.” I said, “It wasn’t a party. It was a fire pit.” Ely said, “So? Is everything cool?” I said if everything got any cooler I’d have frostbite. I said, “And anyway you’re going to see for yourself, ’cause he’s picking me up after work.” Ely wanted to know if he could take a picture to prove to Louie that Connor really exists. With that scalpel-like wit it’s amazing Ely’s never thought of being a comedian. No, it’s not just amazing. It’s criminal. With all the troubles in the world, people need to be able to laugh, and it might as well be at him. Ely said maybe we could do a double act. And that reminded him about Louie’s movie about the Vegetable Avenger. Ely figures it’d be even better if Lethal Lettuce was in it. We could do some street theatre. Raise awareness of the plight of the humble potato. Not to mention the struggling organic farmer with multinational food giants messing up his crops and threatening to sue him. I said I thought this was meant to be an advertising gimmick. You know, like Ronald McDonald. Ely said but it could be so much more.

Connor and I texted back and forth all day. Green Pick-up Guy came by when I was right in the middle of a sentence so he had to wait a few seconds while I finished. He said it made you wonder what people did before they had cell phones. Ely said, “They talked to the people they were with, not the people they weren’t with.”

And he gave me a present! Green Pick-up Guy, not Ely. He brought me a fan! I said what’s this for? He said because yours drowned. He just happened to see it and thought of me. I was really touched. He said to keep it away from my sister.

Connor’s parents aren’t anything like my parents. To start with, they’re very grown-up looking (he looks like a lawyer, which he is, and she looks like Meryl Streep, which she isn’t). They act pretty grown-up, too. You wouldn’t catch one of them hanging a plastic dinosaur from the kitchen light. I wasn’t really nervous till I saw them. And then I was nothing but exposed nerves that were being zapped by electricity. I was in my jeans and a T-shirt from work. I smelled like the herb basket on the stand. I couldn’t think of anything to say. Even though it was just a regular night, Mr Bowden was wearing slacks and a dress shirt with
cufflinks
and a tie (but loose) and Mrs Bowden had on this linen dress and gold jewellery that made her look as if she was going out to dinner at some fancy restaurant. My mother always has bits of yarn stuck to her clothes or her hair and my dad’s only tie is a string one with a lizard bolo. (And if he found a cufflink he’d think it was something that fell out of a car.) The only time they dress up is for major celebrations of happiness or grief. (They both own one suit.) But the Bowdens didn’t sniff the air and mutter, “Is that basil? Do I smell thyme?” Or ask me if I was going to change for dinner or anything like that. They were super polite and pleasant. But it was kind of like a house that looks really clean because everything’s been stuffed in the closet and under the couch. And it didn’t take long to see what Connor meant when he said they’re critical. Really. The two of them should be reviewing movies or something. He could hardly pick up his fork without one of them telling him he was doing it wrong. It was all
I don’t think so, Connor… That can’t be true, Connor… Connor, where did you ever hear that?
But by the time they got to the bottom of one of Mr Bowden’s bottles from his wine rack they’d started in on each other. Not yelling or anything like that. They were really calm and smiling (which is the other way they’re not like my parents). Whatever one said the other corrected.
I beg to differ, Natalie… I’m sorry, Porter, but I don’t think that’s quite right… Not blue, green. Not Thursday, Monday. Not Nantucket, Martha’s Vineyard.
If Mrs Bowden said she liked to drive, Mr Bowden would say it was too bad she never learned to park. And then he’d chuckle so we’d all know he was just teasing her. If Mr Bowden said he liked to cook Mrs Bowden would say no wonder since he only does it once every five years. And then she’d laugh so we’d all knew she was teasing
him
. That kind of thing. It was excruciating. No wonder they never argue. They’re in a constant state of war. Connor says he tries not to notice. It’s like not noticing that bombs are falling all over your yard.

After dinner Connor and I went down to the lake and walked along the shore. He told me how once when he was little they visited his uncle in Maryland and he and his dad and Cal went out on the uncle’s boat at night. The bay was filled with luminous fish. Connor thought the stars were falling from the sky and started to cry. (How completely adorable is
that
?)

Connor says I told him Ely’s funny-looking. I said, “No, I said Ely’s very tall and he’s funny, but I never said he’s funny-looking.” He said I
definitely
said funny-looking. Since I don’t think Ely
is
funny-looking (the Countess says he reminds her of the young Ronald Colman) I really don’t think I ever said that, but even if I did, I don’t see what it matters. Connor said he hates it when I don’t tell him the truth. I said I always tell him the truth. The only time Ely looks funny is when he’s playing the ukulele. Or is dressed as a carrot. I said it’s too bad he didn’t get a chance to talk to him because he’s a really interesting guy. Connor said, “I bet he is.”

Mrs Chimurro at the pottery studio said I could switch over to her Monday-night class for the rest of the summer if I want. Connor couldn’t understand why I wanted to change my classes. He said I thought you go on Saturdays. I said I used to go on Saturdays, but that was before I worked on Saturdays. I explained that besides not wanting to lose the money I paid, I have to finish the Masiados’ mugs before their anniversary. Which isn’t that far away now. Connor wanted to know if I’d started working Saturdays so I could work with Ely more. Because he’s so interesting and funny. I said no, Connor. I switched so I’d have Thursdays off with you. Connor said, “Oh.”