One or Two Things I Learned About Love (11 page)

I
couldn’t get to sleep for hours last night. I kept thinking of all the things that could go wrong with Dinner with the D’Angelos tonight. Like my mother makes something so spicy that everybody starts sweating and at least one person nearly chokes to death (probably Connor). Or Gus stays home just to annoy me and tells him about the time I got stuck on the roof. Or Zelda throws something at him (and possibly blinds him for life). Or my father calls him by somebody else’s name. Multitudes of things (all of which
have
happened, of course – I don’t have the imagination to make this stuff up). People always say that your family is there for you when other people aren’t. But if you ask me that’s probably because once they’ve met your family other people all run for safety. My only consolation was that Gran wouldn’t be here. Everything my dad knows about embarrassing his children he learned from her. And besides that, she thinks because she’s old she can do and say what she wants. She says it’s the advantage of age. It liberates you from having to be polite and follow the rules. And as we all know, she’s not just whistling “Dixie” here. This is a woman who knows no shame. Let’s not forget her one-woman sit-in at the bank. Anyway, when I finally did fall asleep I dreamed that I was locked out of the house in my underwear. Zelda was inside but she wouldn’t open the door because she didn’t feel like it. Woke up late and worried. Fortunately my Sidekick-of-the-Vegetable-Avenger costume (green footless tights, green skirt, green T-shirt) was all ready. Zelda made the hat (she really is very artistic) but the leaves are variegated because she doesn’t like plain green lettuce.

Couldn’t concentrate on anything today. Just thinking about supper rolling towards me like a runaway train. (Fortunately when you’re dressed as a head of lettuce it distracts people from the fact that you can’t count, can’t bag and can’t remember the price of anything.)

Connor arrived exactly on time with flowers and wine for my parents. They were really impressed. It’s not something they’re used to. (The only thing they ever got from any of Gus’s boyfriends was a broken mailbox.) Not only did my dad shake Connor’s hand and my mom thank him about six times, but when he gave Zelda a box of crayons you can use on fabric to make your own T-shirts and stuff, they both said, “Oh, isn’t that nice. What a terrific present.” (And not, “Are you out of your mind? It’s like giving a loaded gun to a chimp.” Which is what they would’ve said if I gave it to her.) Zelda was thrilled and begged Connor to sit next to her. (She was so well behaved you would’ve thought she was somebody else.) I was really nervous at first, naturally, but we got through the meal without one tiny scene of any kind. (There are such things as miracles!) We had pasta (no chillis) which Connor said was delicious, Zelda didn’t throw anything at anybody, Gus wasn’t there, and my father called Connor by the right name every time. Connor listened to my mom talk about socks as if all his life he’d hoped that some day he’d meet someone who knits mismatched socks out of recycled cotton. He asked my dad about the garage and told him all about his car breaking down the other day and even asked him some real questions about pistons and carburettors (which made my dad’s day, since the rest of us would only recognize a piston if it was wearing a name tag). He had Zelda show him a few hundred of her pictures and cartoons, and then he gave her a lesson in how to draw a dragon (which made her day, since the rest of us ignore her as much as we can). He wanted to know why there’s a purple dinosaur hanging from the light over the table, and when my mom said to teach the other dinosaurs a lesson, he said now he knew where I get my sense of humour from. Connor thinks I have a great sense of humour. I think he’s a great kisser. He said I’m not so bad myself. (Practice really does make perfect!)

He called me when he got home to say goodnight and to ask me to thank my parents again for having him over. I said he could ease off the clutch, they’d already said what good manners he has. So now if someone tells them he’s really the leader of a motorcycle gang and carries a knife in his boot they’ll never believe it. He said they made a good impression on him too. Maybe there is something to Nomi’s theory that if you think somebody’s OK it’s because you don’t know them well enough. (Except for Connor, of course.)

Connor’s folks are going out tomorrow night, so we can sit out on the deck and look at the stars together for real this time. (That is
really
sweet!)

Called Nomi to tell her how Dinner with the D’Angelos went. She couldn’t believe there wasn’t a single argument, tantrum or slamming door all evening. (She’s had dinner here.) I said me too. I was amazed nobody called the cops because it was so quiet they thought something horrible must’ve happened to us.

Had
a message from Connor when I turned on my phone this morning:
Gd mrng! cn’t w8 2 c u 2nite!
(How cute is
that
?) Texted back:
Me 2!
My mom wanted to know why he texts me so much. I said, “You know…” She said she doesn’t. She said it would drive her crazy if my father didn’t give her any space. I said Connor gives me space. She said, “But he always seems to be in it.” Went to pottery. It’s been two weeks! I felt like I’d just got back from a long trip. Which I guess I have if you think about it. I’ve been in Connor Country, having such a good time that I never missed home. Until I walked into the studio. Everybody was really happy to see me. Mrs Chimurro said that they figured either I was sick or I’d been given an apprenticeship with a Japanese master and had abandoned them. So I told them that I’d started seeing someone and everything had got kind of caught up. They all said it was about time! (Romance lives in Mrs Chimurro’s Saturday class. Probably because Nomi Slevka isn’t in it.)

Cristina, Nomi, Maggie and I finally got a game of tennis in this afternoon. We started out being really serious as if we were playing at the Open or something, but eventually that all fell apart and we played like we usually do. Like the Marx brothers. It was hilarious. Nomi said the only thing that could’ve made it funnier was if Zelda’d come as ball girl (instead of putting the balls in the bucket she throws them at you). Went over to Cristina’s for a swim after that. Mrs Palacio was going to the mall so I figured I could get a ride with her and meet Connor so he didn’t have to come all the way to my house to pick me up. Then the others decided to come too, naturally. Connor says we’re like wolves – we only run in packs. I said we’re more like sheep. We don’t go far and we stop a lot to eat.

Connor and I sat on the deck and gazed at the stars and kissed and gazed at the stars and kissed and gazed at the stars and talked and talked and then we kissed some more. Now I know what people mean when they say they feel like they’re floating on a cloud. Nomi says you can get the same result from meditation. I said but I bet it’s not as much fun.

Nomi’s having everybody over tomorrow night. We’re going to start up the fire pit. It’s kind of like camping, only you get to go home and sleep in your own bed. Anyway, Connor can’t make it. I told him that it didn’t matter because he can meet everybody at Movie Club on Thursday. He said he’s an idiot. He forgot about Movie Club. There’s a game on Thursday. I said I thought the game was on Wednesday after work. He said it’s been changed to Thursday afternoon. Then we’re all going for pizza. He kept saying how sorry he was that he hadn’t told me. He said, “Do you forgive me, babe?” Babe! I said there was nothing to forgive.

Mike
says she knows it makes her life more exciting, but she can’t stand the suspense of not knowing which shift she’ll be doing from one week to the next. She likes to be able to plan ahead. So we’ve swapped days and now I do Saturdays instead of Thursdays. My mom wasn’t exactly overjoyed when I told her. She said, “I thought this was only temporary.” I said it was. She said, “And pottery? What about that? You’ve already paid for the summer.” I said I’d figure something out.

Gus wanted to know if it was Ely she saw dressed as a carrot drinking a soda in the diner this afternoon. I said probably.

Went over to Nomi’s for the fire pit. And there was Ely. For a second I actually thought ohmygod Nomi was serious about Ely and dumped Jax (and didn’t tell me!). But it was Louie who invited him. Apparently they spent the day driving around with Ely dressed as the Vegetable Avenger. I told him my sister saw him in the diner. He said she should’ve come in and said hello. Louie wanted to know where my boyfriend the invisible man was. I said his name’s Connor. Jax said he couldn’t believe Conan would pass up the opportunity to eat baked potatoes covered in soot. I said his name’s Connor. Grady said but you and Colin are coming on Thursday, right? It’s boys’ pick so he doesn’t have to worry about staying awake. (All the guys except Louie fell asleep during
Moonstruck
. Maggie tied Grady’s laces together so when he stood up he fell over. It was hilarious.) I said his name’s Connor. And then I explained about the game. Louie said, “You see? I don’t think this guy exists. Hildy’s making him up.” I said the truth is that he’s a superhero so there are a lot of claims on his time. Ely objected. He said, “This town isn’t big enough for two champions of truth, justice and the American Way.” I said it’s OK, he’s not a root vegetable.

Connor texted me during lulls in whatever it was he was doing. It didn’t take long for everybody to catch on. “
Love Finds Andy Hardy
,” muttered Louie, “no matter where she goes.” Nomi groaned as if she just missed the train. “What does he think’ll happen if he doesn’t hear from you every half hour?” I said well maybe he misses me. Grady said, “But you haven’t gone anywhere.” Maggie rolled her eyes at him. She said she figures I found the only boy with a grain of romance in him this side of the Atlantic. Cristina said if I could clone him I’d make a fortune. But every time I got another message there were a lot of squeals and sighs and Jax in this high, squeaky voice saying, “Be still my quivering heart!” Followed by hysterical laughter (even from the romantics). Anyway the potatoes finally looked like lumps of coal so we got all involved in eating, and then because there’s no way of stopping them Kruger and Jax got out their guitars (and Sara got out a couple of Mrs Slevka’s pots) so I stopped answering Connor’s texts. When I suddenly got a call I didn’t even check to see who it was. I just answered automatically. I figured it was one of my parents and there was some emergency at home. It was Connor. He thought there was some emergency with
me
. Because I wasn’t answering his texts. The music was pretty loud but Louie was louder. “Is it lover boy?” he yelled. Connor wanted to know what that noise was. I said it was nothing. “It is!” Louie screamed. “It’s lover boy!” I tried to kick him but he moved out of my way. I was trying not to talk too loudly because I didn’t want everybody else to stop singing and talking to listen to me. Connor kept saying, “What? What? I can’t hear you, Hildy.” I said I’d call him back when I got home. He didn’t hear me. I said it again. He still didn’t hear me. Ely and Louie both shouted, “She’ll call you back when she gets home!” My phone went dead. Well, it didn’t go dead – he ended the call. I couldn’t enjoy myself after that so I left early. Connor was a little cool when I got him. All monosyllabic and lively as road kill. Yes. No. OK. You’d think I was his mother questioning him about how his night was. I asked him what was wrong. He said, “Nothing”. I said it didn’t feel like nothing. It felt like he was mad at me. He said he wasn’t mad exactly. But that I wasn’t straight with him. He hates that. I didn’t know what he was talking about. He said I’d told him we were having a fire pit not a party. I’d never said anything about going to a party. I said that’s because I didn’t go to a party. We had a fire pit. But, you know, it wasn’t the kind where you take a vow of silence. He said maybe I thought I was being funny but it sounded like a party to him. He heard music. I said you heard Jax and Kruger on guitar and Sara playing a soup pot and two saucepans. It was only a party if you call a bunch of people sitting around a pit with a fire in it talking and singing along to songs that nobody really knows the words to a party. He said I didn’t have to be sarcastic. He only called because he was afraid something had happened to me. I said like what? That I fell into the fire? He said things like that happen all the time. I didn’t know what to say to that (DO THEY?) so I didn’t say anything. (And it is sweet that he cares about me so much. The time I got stuck on the roof and called my dad, he didn’t exactly rush home to get me down.) Connor said that was why he was a little annoyed, because I wouldn’t even talk to him and he was so worried. I said, “I couldn’t hear you. You might as well’ve been talking through a tin can and a piece of string.” He said I could’ve moved away from the noise. Why didn’t I just go up by the house? I felt awful. I felt the way I did the time I accidentally killed my goldfish. How could I be so stupid? Why didn’t I think of that? And I
was
being sarcastic. When all he was doing was being concerned. I said I was really sorry. I didn’t mean to upset him. He said he knows that – he knows I’m not like that. But some girls are. Some girls don’t think about anybody but themselves. They don’t give a false eyelash who they hurt. He said he didn’t want to fight with me. Fighting’s another thing he hates. And I don’t? Do I look like Muhammad Ali? Connor laughed and said, “Nothing like him. You’re much thinner.” So everything was OK in the end. Phew! I couldn’t stand it when I thought he was mad at me. It made me want to get into that hole in the ground and never come out.