One or Two Things I Learned About Love (24 page)

The Countess stopped by the stand today. She said seeing me dancing on the silver clouds of love reminded her of her youth. (Didn’t say it seemed more like the rusty trampoline of love to me right now.) She had her wedding photos to show me in this big old album with wedding bells on the cover (in silver, like the clouds). She mentions her husband a lot (his name was Larry and he sold carpets) but I’d never seen a picture of him before. Larry was kind of geeky-looking, even in his tux (the short, skinny, glasses type who you guess is good at math but who probably isn’t). But the Countess – who now looks like a regular old lady except for the plum-coloured hair and the occasional tiara – was genuine drop-in-your-tracks gorgeous. Like Gus. Even Ely said so. He said she must’ve bruised a few hearts. The Countess said, “Yes, I had my admirers.” Men used to follow her down the street. She had songs and poems written about her and posed for two famous artists. I said Larry must’ve had a hard time with that. She said he wasn’t the one who had to stand for hours in a cold studio wearing only a slip. I said no, I meant he must’ve been jealous with all those other guys after her. She said no. She said, “We loved each other the way a bird loves the sky. What did he have to be jealous about?”

The Slashers have another game tomorrow so Connor took me to the Firemens’ Fair over in Little Hollow tonight. He called it Just Like When We Were Little Night! And it was! I haven’t been to a fair like that since I was twelve and was sick on the roller coaster. We had hot dogs and corn on the cob. We tossed coins and picked numbers and threw hoops and I walked into a guy rope and spilled my soda. (Connor says I’m the most accident-prone girl he’s ever known. I nearly said I didn’t use to be.) We had a bad moment when he wanted to borrow my phone to take our picture because his battery was really low. Naturally, I didn’t have my cell with me. I know it’s silly and mean but I really don’t like him checking my contacts and texts and stuff so it’s easier just not to bring it when I’m with him. I said I forgot it. He said, “Again?” He said I’m always forgetting my phone. Somehow he didn’t make it sound like that was because I have the memory of a goldfish. He made it sound like there was some deep, dark reason for it. I said it’s only that I don’t need it when I’m with you. He said are you sure that’s why? You sure it’s not because you’re afraid of who might call you? I said you mean my mother? That made him laugh. Crisis averted. (Even if I’m not really sure what the crisis would have been about.) And then Connor actually won something playing darts. He said if you could call it winning. It’s this doll that looks like it would kill all your other dolls if you left her alone with them. We couldn’t stop laughing about her. We went on all the cool, scary rides and held onto each other and screamed. It was immense! We left the doll on the Cyclone. All the way home Connor kept teasing me that the doll was following us. I don’t think I’ve ever had more fun. It was much better than when we were little.

Nomi
asked me to go shopping for school stuff with her today. Mainly I said yes because I wanted to get something for the Masiados for their anniversary since I never finished the mugs (they can be their Christmas present). But even though I knew Connor was over in Farley playing ball it made me jiggy being in the mall. I was worried I might run into somebody who knows him. Just because I haven’t met most of his friends doesn’t mean they wouldn’t recognize me from his Facebook page. He has tons of pictures of me and us on it. I kept waiting for someone to suddenly loom in front of me saying, “Aren’t you Connor Bowden’s girlfriend?” I couldn’t say no if they did. In case he found out. And I couldn’t very well ask whoever it was not to tell him they saw me. How weird would that sound? Especially with Nomi next to me. It’s not the kind of thing she’d be likely to ignore. So I was a little preoccupied. If I thought I saw someone looking over at me I’d step behind Nomi. “Good grief, Hildegard!” she snapped. “I can feel your hot breath on my neck.” Or I’d stepped on her heel. Or I was going to knock her over. When I saw a girl coming towards me smiling like she was going to say,
Aren’t you Hildy D’Angelo? I’m a friend of Connor’s!
I ducked into a changing room. It took about two seconds before Nomi was shouting, “Hildy! Hildy!” loud enough to call the hogs. “I’m here,” I hissed. She stuck her head around the corner of the entrance. “Now what are you doing? You don’t even have anything to try on!” And then (naturally) I saw Mrs Bowden! I mean, who else? I don’t know why she wasn’t at work. Like she should’ve been. She was talking to a saleswoman. The saleswoman was nodding. And then she raised her hand and pointed at Nomi. Not really at Nomi – in Nomi’s direction. Panic jumped me like a monkey. (Yes, again. Guilt and panic, my new good buddies.) There wasn’t much I could do short of being beamed up or throwing myself on the floor. So I stuck my head in a rack of raincoats. I don’t know how long I stayed like that but eventually Nomi’s face appeared on the other side. She wanted to know if there was any point in asking what I was doing. I said I was looking at something. She said if the something I was looking at had anything to do with the blonde woman who looked a little like Meryl Streep, she was gone. I said of course it didn’t and stepped back. Then Nomi wanted to know what was wrong with me. I said, “Nothing.” She said I was skitterier than a cat on the Fourth of July. I said I didn’t know what she meant. She said that she meant I was acting like I expected a hundred firecrackers to go off any minute. I said she was imagining things. I was as calm as a tree. She said oh really? Was she imagining that I just tried to hide in a bunch of trench coats? And was she imagining me running into the changing room? Ducking behind her? Breathing down her neck? I said she was misinterpreting. She said and anyway, she didn’t just mean now. Was she imagining what happened at the beach? Was she imagining that she found me taking a picture of myself in her hall closet the other night? How did she misinterpret that? I groaned so loudly a couple of people looked over at us. But really. How many times do I have to explain about the pictures? “Because he wants to feel like he’s with you?” She made it sound really dumb, like I’d said I think the world’s flat and made out of pancake batter. How was a picture of me leaning against a box of Christmas decorations going to make him feel like he was with me? He wasn’t with me. He couldn’t have squeezed into the closet beside me even if he was. He would’ve been knocked out cold by an avalanche of old hats and boots if he’d tried. I said I would never expect her to understand. Maybe it’s because of her feminist genes, but she really has about as much romance in her as a can of creamed corn. I said whereas Connor pretty much has the soul of a poet. And then I made the mistake of telling her how he just showed up at my gran’s on Monday because he was worried about me. She said and you think that’s romantic? I said well what do you think it is? Nomi said, “Creepy. It’s like he’s a private detective, not a boyfriend.” She said she’s amazed he hasn’t thought of having me electronically tagged. Then he’d know where I was every minute of the day. Nomi said, “Or maybe that’s going to be your back-to-school present.” I said I don’t think she really gets love. Not love like Connor feels. She looked like I was trying to sell her a bottle of water from the Fountain of Youth. Nomi said, “So explain it to me.” I said true love is all-consuming. Connor wants to be with me and to know what I’m doing and thinking every minute of the day. I’m always on his mind. And when we’re not together he worries about what’s happening to me and what could happen to me and what I’m doing or what I could be doing. That’s why he needs to be reassured all the time. Nomi said somebody was confusing love with a fascist dictatorship.

Day
18! Connor says he feels like time has jumped a jet. He must’ve texted me two dozen times today. Just because he could. Once we’re back in school it’ll be a couple first thing in the morning and maybe a couple at lunch and then that’ll be it till the end of the day, because once more we’ll be the prisoners of bureaucratic rules. Ely’s given up making snide comments but he did take my phone when I left it on the counter to wait on someone and started juggling it with a couple of summer squash. To show you just how weird people are, even me, I had a second when I almost wished he’d drop it.

Didn’t dress as Lethal Lettuce today because tonight was Moonlight Walk On The Lake Shore and then crabcakes at the Snack Shack (it’ll be closing next weekend till the spring and it is OUR place) and Connor was picking me up from work. He doesn’t like me in leaves. Ely wanted to know why I wasn’t in costume. I said there was a major meltdown at Casa D’Angelo this morning and I totally forgot. Nose nudging towards Australia. But then Ely said but we’re still doing the filming on Sunday, right?
This
Sunday?
That
I really had forgotten. Anyway because I was taken by surprise, and because I felt guilty that I was already lying, I said of course. I’m praying hard for rain. Connor said he was glad to see I’d stopped wearing that stupid costume. I said me too. Nose edging towards western tip of Indonesia.

The moonlight walk was awesome. Romantic. Magical. We saw bats. And heard an owl. And kept stopping to kiss. Connor stumbled a couple of times because it was pretty dark and it isn’t like there’s a sidewalk, but since I’m used to not being able to see where I’m going I did OK. There were a few minutes of terror and anxiety when we thought we saw a bear. Rustling leaves. Large dark shape in the water. (Connor pushed me behind him! How cool is that? I wonder if Jax would do that for Nomi?) Only it turned out to be a St Bernard named Arnold. And to continue our perfect evening, the Snack Shack wasn’t too crowded tonight. And everybody was a couple! It was bliss.

Tonight
we had our first double date! It was with Albie and the girl he’s started seeing whose name is Genie (yes, that’s really how she spells it). It made me feel really grown-up, double-dating. Especially since this was only Albie and Genie’s third date, so Connor and I were like an old married couple practically. I knew he’d get extra pepperoni on his pizza. He knew I’d want a slice of lemon in my cola. We had stories of stuff we’d done together to tell them (including how he nearly drowned me on our first date and how I walked into the guy rope at the fair and soaked that poor woman in lemonade). Stuff like that. We were the laughingest table in the restaurant. And the really great thing was I didn’t have to worry about being bored or looking like I was staring at Albie or anything like that, and ruining the evening, because he and Connor talked about tomorrow’s play-off while Genie and I talked about movies and sisters (she has two, too). When he took me home Connor asked what I’m doing tomorrow while he’s running around a dusty field. I said I’m going over to my grandmother’s. He said was I planning to forget my phone? I said yes, because last time she took it away from me.

One and a half lies. Nose resting on Madagascar. Guilt squeezing my heart.