Olivia (56 page)

“
How much does she weigh?” Mom asks
after he hangs up.

“
I don’t know,” Dad
says.

“
How long?”

“
Emi, I don’t know,” he laughs.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to ask.”

“
You act like you never had a
child, Jacks,” she says, only slightly frustrated. “I wonder who
she looks like.”

“
I don’t know. I hope she looks
like Kaydra. Stevie and Daniel got all Holland genes.”

“
Kaydra’s so pretty,” I jump in. “I
hope she looks like her, too.”

“
Liv, would you mind cleaning up
and watching your brother while we go to the hospital? You can stop
by and see them tomorrow after school.”

“
No, that’s fine, Dad.”

“
Jackson has some math homework,
too.”

“
Jon said he’d play catch with me!”
Trey starts to whine again.

“
Trey,” Mom says, looking at him in
disbelief. “Jon’s still going to play catch with you after
dinner.”

“
I thought he was going to leave,
too,” he says with a pout.

“
Jon can stay until curfew.
Nine-thirty,” Dad reminds us. “We’ll probably be home by then, but
if we’re not, Jon, can you make it back to campus?”

“
I’ll take a bus, yeah,” Jon
says.

As soon as my parents are finished eating, they
leave for the hospital and I send Jon and Trey out back to play
catch while I clean up the kitchen. I’m hoping Jon and I will have
a little time to ourselves after I put Trey to bed... and I’m
trying to figure out how I can convince him to get there before his
normal bedtime.

As soon as the dishes are done, I grab my dad’s mitt
and join Trey and Jon in the backyard. “Keep away!” I suggest.

“
From?” Jon asks.

“
Trey, of course,” I tell him, as
if it’s obvious.

“
That’s not fair!” my brother
says.

“
Your sister can’t catch, buddy,”
Jon says. “If you get the ball away, it’ll be her turn.”

“
Hey!” I say in defense. “My dad
made me play catch before he came along.”

“
And you’ve played how many times
since he was born?”

“
Hush,” I tell him, glaring at him
playfully as I catch the first ball he tosses my way. “See?” I
throw it back to him, and he has to run to catch the ball because
my aim’s off.

“
Oh, you can’t throw!” he taunts
me.

“
My hand’s not quite healed yet,” I
lie. Although there’s a little bit of lingering pain, it doesn’t
affect anything. The only thing I’d truly been worried about was
painting, and the act of holding the brush and making strokes was
actually part of my therapy. I was back to normal in no
time–physically, at least. Painting still doesn’t feel as natural
as it used to.

“
Excuses,” he says, shaking his
head. “Trey, do you ever play football?”

“
Sometimes.”

“
You watch it on TV?”

“
Yeah,” he says.

“
Do you know how to
tackle?”

“
Yeah!” my brother exclaims with a
jump.

“
Let’s get her!”

“
No!” I squeal, trying to find an
escape. They flank me from both sides, and Jon holds my arms as my
brother rams into my legs. I fall on purpose for Trey’s sake. He
pins me down, laughing hysterically.

“
You’re gonna regret that,” I tell
him, freeing myself from Jon’s grasp and rolling over to get my
brother off of me. I shove him into the grass gently and start
tickling just below his ribs.

“
Nooo!” he barely manages to say
through his laughter. “Jon, help!”

“
How dare you prey on the weak!”
Jon comes to my brother’s rescue, wrapping his arms around me and
pulling me up. “Get her behind the knees, Trey,” Jon says,
directing him to one of my most ticklish areas. This time, Jon
holds me against his body firmly, my back to his chest. Trying to
escape my brother, I fall to my knees, taking Jon with me. I try to
pry his hands loose, but he doesn’t relent. “Go grab the ball,
buddy,” he says. My brother starts across the lawn.

“
What are you going to do with
that?” I ask him. Jon glances at Trey quickly, then moves in next
to me swiftly, kissing me softly.

“
Nothing. I just needed to do
that.”

“
Got it!” Trey says. I look at him
just in time to see him launching the ball directly at us. Somehow,
Jon swats the ball away just before it hits my head.

“
Whoa, Trey,” Jon says. “Hey, you
can’t throw the ball until someone’s ready to catch it. That could
have hurt.”

“
But you told me to get it!” he
whines, not liking being scolded. “I thought you were
ready.”

Jon stands up, picking up the ball on the way over
to my brother. “It’s okay,” Jon says. He kneels in front of Trey
and hands him the ball. “Don’t trip on that,” he says, flicking my
brother’s bottom lip gently with the back of his thumb. “Come on,
let’s get back to keep away.” Trey smiles as Jon walks behind me,
putting me in the middle.

“
Don’t hit me,” I say to my
brother.

“
I don’t think he inherited your
dad’s arm,” Jon says only loudly enough for me to hear. “If he had,
we’d be icing down your head right now.”

“
He’s got better aim than I do,” I
remind him, pretending to try to get the ball that my brother
throws to Jon.

“
True,” he says, throwing it back
to Trey. This continues for a few rounds, but this wasn’t my
purpose of playing with them. I’d wanted to wear my brother out,
and instead, I’m the one doing all the running.

“
Hey, why don’t you guys get back
to playing catch,” I suggest.

“
Doesn’t he have
homework?”

“
Oh, yeah.” I’d
forgotten.

“
Nooo!” Trey says. “I don’t want to
do my homework.”

“
It’s math?” I ask him.

“
Yeah.”

“
What would you rather do, Trey? Do
you want to do your homework, or do you want to get ready for bed
and watch a movie on my laptop before you go to sleep?”

“
Cars!” he exclaims.

“
What are you doing?” Jon
asks.

“
I guess I’m going to do a
seven-year-old’s math homework.”

“
Olivia,” Jon says with
disapproval.

“
He’s smart. He normally breezes
through it anyway.”

“
Then let him do it,” he
says.

I walk over to him to speak to him privately. “I
want some time alone with you.”

“
Baby, let’s get his homework down,
you can put him to bed, and maybe we’ll have some time after that.
It’s fine. We normally don’t get time to ourselves on Wednesdays
anyway.”

“
But we could tonight,” I plead
with him. “You don’t want to?”

“
Liv, they left us in charge of
him... let’s be responsible and do what they asked us to
do.”

I take the ball from Jon’s mitt and start toward the
house. “Come on, Trey. Jon says you have to do your homework.”

“
Liv,” Jon calls to me, but I don’t
turn around. I open the door and follow my brother
inside.

“
I don’t want to!” my brother
cries.

“
Too bad. Go get your book. But
hey,” I tell Trey, meeting Jon’s eyes across the kitchen. “Jon’s
gonna help. He apparently wants to spend time with you instead of
me.”

This makes Trey happy. It just pisses me off. I can
tell from Jon’s expression that he’s not thrilled with me,
either.

“
I’m going downstairs.”

“
Fine,” he answers as he takes a
seat at the dining room table.

“
Fine.”

When I get to my room, I consider doing some
painting, but I don’t feel up to it. I don’t like rejection, and I
am definitely feeling rejected tonight. After closing my door, a
few tears escape my eyes, but I pull myself together before I get
too upset. I get my headphones out of my night stand and my iPod
out of my bag and settle into bed, closing my eyes and escaping in
the music of my favorite band.

It’s like he had no intention of spending time with
me when he came over. From the time I met him at the door, it
seemed like he was trying to make plans with my brother.
Who cares what I want?

I look back into the night stand and take out the
sketch book that’s been stashed away for the better part of a year.
So much of this leather-bound book is about rejection that I’m sure
I’ll find something that speaks to me. I go from drawings to lyrics
to doodles and back again until I find something I’d never noticed
before.

Call Mom
. A note he left to
himself. I wonder why he needed to call her. I wonder if she
brought him the kind of comfort she always brought me. I wish she
was still around to talk to. If she was, though, is this stupid
fight what I’d choose to talk to her about?

No. Because it’s a stupid fight. I doubt Nate ever
went to Granna to talk about fights he had with Mom. Did they
fight? When they realized they were in love, did one of them ever
walk out on the other? I wonder whose side Granna would take. I saw
how loyal she was to my mother. I bet she’d take her side. The idea
makes me smile.

I realize, though, she wouldn’t take my side in
this. Jon misses his brothers.
Livvy, you’re
being selfish.
I can actually hear Granna telling me this.
And like always, I know she’s honest and I know she’s right.

I roll my eyes, recognizing that I’m totally in the
wrong. I put the book back in my drawer, and am startled to hear
his footsteps after I take my headphones off.

“
Hey,” I say to him.

“
I’m going to go. Trey’s upstairs
watching TV. His homework’s done.”

“
Thanks.”

“
Yeah,” he says, turning to
leave.

“
Jon, I’m sorry.” He takes two more
steps before stopping. I can see his shoulders rise and fall as he
sighs. Running his hand through his hair, he turns
around.

“
Livvy, remember how you said we
needed to make the most out of the time we have
together?”

“
I know,” I say
remorsefully.

“
We should take advantage of nights
like this... and enjoy whatever we have to do, even if we can’t be
alone.”

“
I know,” I repeat. “I was a brat
tonight, and I’m really sorry.”

“
I miss my brothers, baby. I miss
being a big brother to them. I like spending time with Trey because
he lets me be that again.”

“
You’ll always be their big
brother, Jon.”

“
I don’t ever want to forget how to
be what they need.”

“
You can’t. That’s not something
you forget. It’s innate. When you see them this summer, after a few
hours, it will be like they never left... and it’ll be just as hard
to leave them. It will be like no time has passed. And hey, I’m
sure if you wanted them to come visit you for a week or two over
the summer, they could stay here with us.”

He smiles as his eyes shift to the floor and his
hands tuck into the front pockets of his jeans. “Yeah. I’m sure
they could. Thanks.”

“
I’m serious, Jon. I’ll talk to my
parents.”

“
That’s not necessary. They won’t
be coming up here.”

“
It’s just something to think
about. And it wouldn’t be a handout if Dad lets me go with you to
Utah. It would be a trade,” I reason with him.

“
Okay.” His smile is still sad.
“I’m going to head out.”

“
But we still have an hour,” I say,
surprised that he’s still thinking of leaving. “I’m sorry, Jon,
really. Stay until curfew?”

“
Promise we won’t have to fight? I
really don’t want that.”

“
I promise. Should we go watch Cars
with Trey?”

He nods and holds his hand out for me to take it. I
do, and we go upstairs, cuddling together on the couch and reciting
the words to a movie we’d both seen way too many times.

Over the last few weeks of school, it seemed like
Jon was determined to take advantage of every minute we were
together. He was affectionate and attentive. He helped me study for
finals and gave me back rubs when I got stressed. He came over
every opportunity he had, and we’d kept up our normal Saturday
dates. We’d managed to go back to the hotel in West Harrison one
Saturday afternoon with some money he had left over and some money
I’d put aside. Although he did make love to me, the majority of our
time was spent talking to one another about the future. It was much
easier for me to talk about it this time, having been through what
we had after Spring Break.

A part of me wishes we could go again today, but all
of my grandparents are in the city for tomorrow’s graduation, and
Dad has planned a big barbecue at our house tonight. Jon and I are
still able to leave later to go to the theater after dinner, but
there’s no way we can make it to the hotel and back in that amount
of time.

Before the grilling begins, my uncles, some of my
cousins and my Dad all head to Central park to play some touch
football. Jon’s invited, but he’s the only man to stay behind,
aside from Dad’s father and Mom’s stepdad.