Olivia (57 page)

There’s not a single room in the house for us to be
alone, and with two newborns, it’s impossible to find any peace and
quiet. While Lexi’s feeding her little boy, I try to rock Elizabeth
to sleep. Kaydra’s in my room, trying to get in a nap, too.

Jon’s sitting next to me, talking to Grandpa Holland
about the city planning class he just completed. I can tell my
grandfather is truly interested, and it’s always good to see my
boyfriend talking about things he’s passionate about. Jon’s pinky
finger never leaves my leg as it lightly scratches the skin above
my knee, sometimes making room for his whole hand. The gesture is
sweet. If I wasn’t holding a baby, I’d return the gentle
touches.

“
So you said Jacks is letting you
go with Jon to Utah?” Lexi asks, her voice barely above a
whisper.

“
Just for four days in July,” I
tell her. “Jon will be there longer.”

“
When’s he going?”

“
I think just a few days before
me,” I say softly. “We try not to talk about time we have to spend
apart.” I get sad just thinking about it.

“
You act like it’s a lifetime,” she
kids me. “A few days?” She laughs lightly.

“
Maybe you’re right.” Elizabeth
starts to get fussy.

“
Her pacifier’s right there,” Lexi
says, nodding to the object on the coffee table. Jon picks it up
and puts it up to her mouth. She takes it quickly and immediately
closes her eyes. He touches my cousin’s cheek with the back of his
hand before returning his fingers to my knee and getting back to
the conversation with Grandpa. I lean into him, and he makes room
for me by putting his arm around my shoulder. I shift my body,
angling my knee toward him, placing my head on his shoulder. His
hand plays with my hair, and at that very second, the entire house
goes quiet.

“
You’ve still got the touch,”
Grandma Hennigan says to me. “You were the only one to get Trey to
go to sleep some nights. Do you remember that?”

“
Because I was the only one
sleeping at night with the energy to try the next evening,” I tell
her. I look at Jon. “Trey made sure my parents never slept. For,
like, three years.”

“
He loved attention,” Grandma
Holland says.

“
Still does,” I remind
her.

“
But if I remember correctly, you
spent the first two years here sleeping tucked in between them in
their bed.”

“
I don’t think so,” I say with a
smile, knowing that I did. If I fell asleep somewhere else, I’d
make my way to their room in the middle of the night. Some nights,
though, they’d tuck me in with them. I was just as spoiled as
Trey.

“
Wanna hold her?” I ask
Jon.

“
I don’t want to wake her,” he
says.

“
Can you take Holland for a
second?” Lexi asks, standing up and holding out her swaddled baby
boy to Jon.

“
Sure,” he says, obviously
reluctant and pulling his arm from across my shoulders. Lexi sets
him down into Jon’s awkwardly cradled arms.

“
You won’t hurt him,” she assures
him.

Holland wakes up as soon as he realizes he’s with
someone else. “What are you looking at?” Jon asks him softly,
staring into the baby’s blue eyes. “Huh? Who’s that weird man
holding you? And where’s your daddy? Where’s your daddy?” he asks
again in a sweet voice, touching the tip of his finger to his nose.
I swear Holland smiles at him. My stomach flips, for the first time
truly seeing him as a father.

“
Grandma Holland? Can you take
her?” I say abruptly, moving away from the couch and handing off
the baby quickly. “I’ll, ummm... I’ll be back in a
minute.”

I go to the backyard, walking directly to the swing
in the corner. As much as we’ve talked about a future, it’s all
seemed hypothetical. It has never felt more real than it feels
right now. Is that what he wants? To settle down and have
babies?

Do
I
want that?

Feeling as if I’m hyperventilating, I put my head
between my knees, suddenly terrified. I love Jon more than
anything, but I don’t want that domestic life. Not now. Maybe not
even anywhere in the near future.

I hear the back door close. Jon walks toward me, his
hands raised in a defensive posture.

“
No babies for at least twenty
years,” he says with a sigh of relief.

“
Perfect,” I agree.

He starts laughing. “Your grandfather asked me when
we were going to give him grand-babies.”

“
Which one?”

“
Your mom’s stepdad.”

“
Good lord,” I sigh. “To be fair,
he’s a little senile.”

“
Well, then Grandma Hennigan told
me I reminded her of Jack with Trey. I couldn’t get rid of the baby
fast enough. And then I realized that must be what happened to
you.”

“
Exactly. But I didn’t need anyone
to verbalize it. My imagination scared the shit out of me
enough.”

Jon takes my hand in his as he sits down. “I want
children. I do
not
want children
soon.”

“
I don’t know when I’ll want
children,” I admit quickly.

“
That’s fine.”

“
Or if.”

He looks at me. “I think you’ll change your
mind.”

“
Jon–”

“
Olivia, we aren’t having this talk
right now. We’re not having that talk for years. We could both
change our minds a million times before that sort of decision needs
to be made. Okay?”

“
Okay.”

“
Okay.” He picks up our hands and
kisses the back of mine. “I just want you now. All to
myself.”

“
Okay,” I smile, leaning in to kiss
him.

“
So I hear your dad and uncle,
Chris, are pretty competitive with grilling.”

“
That’s an
understatement.”

“
Who’s the best?” he
asks.

“
Chris,” I tell him. “But I will
deny that I ever said that if you tell anyone.”

“
So you do still lie to
Dad
sometimes.”

“
He has a gentle ego,” I say to
Jon, who laughs.

“
I highly doubt that.”

“
Well, you can try your honesty
with him, but I think he might be more hurt by losing a grilling
competition to Chris than he was by me losing my
virginity.”

“
I highly doubt
that
, too,” Jon says, “but I’m not going to find
out.”

“
You’re a smart man.”

“
So the movie’s at eight. Do you
think we can make it?”

“
Of course. I’m looking forward to
it. Did you find a bad movie?”

“
I did. We should be the only ones
there.”

“
Good.”

“
Yeah, I’ve got to make tonight
count, since you’re going to be spending tomorrow night with every
guy in your class.”

“
You make me sound so slutty!” I
tease him.

“
I still can’t believe your dad
trusts that lot of jerks over me.”

“
Um, remember. He and Kaydra’s
brother, Danny, are both chaperoning the lock-in.”

“
Of course I remember,” he says
with a smug smile. “It’s the only way I’d be okay with this stupid
all-night thing.”

“
You know I’ll probably be tucked
in a corner on the phone with you anyway.”

“
No. I won’t let you. You’ve known
these people all your life. Even if they aren’t your best friends,
they’re people you’ll miss in some way. Enjoy your last night as
kids.”

“
Okay, old man,” I say to him
sarcastically. “I grew apart from most of my friends when I skipped
tenth grade, remember?”

“
You’ll have fun,” he assures me
with a smile. “You’ve got Finn, at least,” he mutters, rolling his
eyes.

“
He’s no you,” I tell
him.

After spending the rest of the afternoon as far away
from the babies as we could get without being rude, we rejoin
everyone for dinner. Both Jon and I eat just enough to taste both
Holland steaks, but we’re quick to escape the party, wanting some
time away from the chaos.

“
You win, hands down, Dad,” I tell
my father.

“
Thanks, Contessa,” he says.
“Midnight?” he asks me before I leave.

“
One?” I counter. “I’ll be a high
school graduate tomorrow. One eensy-weensy little hour more.
Please?”

He considers it, glancing away briefly from the
grill. “Be home at twelve-thirty. Jon can stay until one... but he
has to find his own way home.”

“
Deal.” He leans down so I can kiss
his cheek. “Thanks, Daddy.”

“
See you at graduation tomorrow,
Jon,” my dad says to him, putting his tongs down to shake his
hand.

“
See you then,” Jon
says.

“
Sorry, Chris,” I tell my uncle,
giving him a hug and whispering in his ear. “Sorry I can’t give you
the credit you deserve. That was incredible.”

He’s grinning from ear to ear when I pull away.
“I’ll get him next time,” he says with a laugh.

Jon leads through the house on the way to my car,
and we tell my family members goodbye on the way. Even though my
grandparents will be sleeping at our house tonight, I’m still
excited that Jon and I get a little more time together.

“
So I was thinking, movie first,
then going and visiting my uncle at his bar to celebrate. Virgin
drinks, of course.”

“
You think it’s okay?”

“
I know it is. He invited us. He
said he’d save a booth in the back.”

“
Virgin drinks,” I say with a sigh,
getting into the passenger seat of my car. “Remember our first
date?”

“
Of course I do, baby.”

“
I was a different girl back
then.”

“
Yeah,” he says simply, still
smiling. “I love you, Olivia.”

“
Oh,” I say, caught off guard by
his sweet admission. “I love you too.” We lean over the console and
kiss before Jon pulls into the street. He takes my left hand in his
as he drives, his fingers fumbling with my ring.

“
Wish we could be alone,” he says,
contemplative.

“
Maybe I’ll have a lot more freedom
after tomorrow,” I suggest. “You never know. I’ll be doing
workshops weekday mornings, but I’ll be free most
afternoons.”

“
I hope you’ll be doing a lot more
painting.” I smile at him, feeling no pressure, and beginning to
feel more confident in my abilities again.

“
I hope so, too. And I hope they’ll
let me go to the loft to paint. I can’t imagine that they’re going
to keep me away from there.”

“
I can’t imagine that they’ll let
you go alone,” he says, shaking his head. “I don’t see that
happening.”

“
I think I’ll be able to
concentrate better over there. Something about that place truly is
inspiring. They want to encourage me, right?”

“
Right.” He glances to me and nods
his head. “I guess stranger things have happened.”

“
They may put an ankle monitor on
you, though,” I joke with him.

“
Probably won’t be necessary,” he
says, swallowing hard. “I don’t want to break his rules. I don’t
want to be a distraction, either. You’ve done so much in the past
month. Oh, I meant to tell you, I showed a picture of that abstract
landscape–the green one–to one of my professors, and he was
interested in buying it. He just needs to know how much. I got his
card. Remind me to give it to you later.”

“
Cool,” I say. “Maybe Dad doesn’t
need to find me a new agent. Maybe you’ve got a new career ahead of
you,” I tease him.

He hardly responds at all, keeping his eyes on the
traffic in front of us.

“
Jon? Are you all
right?”

“
No, I’m fine,” he says. “I’m just
thinking about things... this summer, next year.”

“
Oh, I told my dad that I’d
probably be staying at the loft on weekends next year.”

“
Really? How’d he take
that?”

“
I could tell he didn’t really want
to talk about it... about
you
, in that
scenario. He made me promise to be open to making
other
friends.” I see a distinct frown now. “Jon, I
could make a million friends, but they won’t keep me from you. If
we want to stay together at the loft once I turn eighteen, then
we’ll do that.”

“
Even if your parents hate the
idea? You’d go against them?”

“
Details,” I say, blowing off his
concern. “I’d do anything for you. We’ll figure it out,
Jon.”

“
Yeah, we will. Whatever comes our
way, Liv. We can overcome anything. Right?”

“
Of course,” I laugh, squeezing his
hand in assurance.

There are two girls watching the movie Jon had
picked out, but they’re sitting at least seven rows in front of us,
heckling the movie and paying no attention to us. It’s one of our
favorite theaters, where the arm rests can be moved out of the way.
We normally confine our activities to two seats, but sometimes a
foot or hand manages to occupy a third.