Olivia (58 page)

Halfway through the movie, Jon’s hand moves beneath
my skirt and up my leg. I’d let him do this a few times, but I
normally am so afraid we’ll get caught that I can’t really enjoy
anything.

“
No, Jon,” I whisper, moving his
hand back down to my knee.

“
Please,” he breathes. “I need you,
Olivia.” His lips spread kisses over my neck and
collarbone.

“
Well, you can’t have me
here
,” I tell him.

“
Then where?” His hand moves to my
side, clutching me firmly beneath my ribs. His eyes convey his
desire before his lips press hard against mine again. I sit up
straight, scooting closer to him and returning his desperate
kiss.

“
I don’t know,” I sigh when we
break away. “I take it Fred’s in your dorm room?”

“
Yeah. Maybe we could get a hotel
room... here.”

“
Are you kidding me?” I ask him,
pushing him away. “In Manhattan?”

“
I’m not thinking
clearly.”

“
I can see that.” I settle into my
seat, straightening out my skirt and crossing my arms in
frustration. The second my eyes focus on the screen, he puts his
fingers on my cheek and makes me look at him.

“
Livvy, this is the last Saturday
we’ve got together for awhile.”

I stare at him, confused. “What? Why?”

“
Can we talk about it
after?”

“
After what? The movie we’re not
even watching? After you take me? Here?
Now?
” I ask sarcastically, my voice louder.

“
Shhh...” he says. I glance at the
two girls in front of us. They’re both looking back. “Let’s get out
of here.” I follow him as he swiftly leaves the theater.

“
Did you get a job?” I ask when we
get to the lobby. “And I mean, it’s not a big deal. We’ll have
every
other
night, right?” I laugh
lightly. He’s not even smiling. “Or we’ll have a few other
nights... right?”

“
I’m leaving Wednesday for
Utah.”

“
You’re what?” I ask him, not
believing what I’m hearing.

“
I’m going to spend the summer with
my family.” I stare hard, waiting for the punchline. Facing me, he
runs his hand down my arm and links his fingers with my pinky, his
gaze never leaving mine.

“
No, you’re not,” I tell him,
pulling my hand free and walking out the front door.

“
Livvy, wait,” he says as he
follows me. I turn around and slap him across the face. Stunned, he
puts his hand on his cheek. “What the hell?”

“
When were you planning on telling
me this?” I yell.

“
Tonight,” he says.

“
After you got
laid
, though. Right? That was your plan.”

“
Liv, there are peop–”

“
I don’t care!” I holler even
louder. “Was that your plan?”

“
I just told you. So, no, it wasn’t
my plan. I just wanted tonight to be special. I still want it to
be, Olivia. Just calm down.”

“
I’m not gonna calm down! I...
I...” I don’t even know where to begin. “Give me my key,” I tell
him, holding out my hand.

“
No.”

“
Give me the damn key!”

“
Can we go somewhere and talk about
this? Please?”

“
What, are you going to convince me
that this is okay with me? No. You’re not. We’ve been talking about
this summer for almost two years, Jon!”

He takes my elbow in his hand and starts to walk me
down the sidewalk. When I turn around, I see a small group of
people who had gathered to watch us fight. I hear one of them
whisper my name. Another one snaps a picture of us with her cell
phone.

“
This is a private fight,” I
seethe, directing my anger at her.

“
It’s a public place,” she says,
taking another picture. Jon has to physically pull me to go with
him, because I just want to take that stupid phone out of her hands
and throw it into traffic.

“
Come on,” he says. “Put your head
down, and come with me.”

“
I don’t care that people think I’m
mad at you Jon,” I tell him. “I’m furious!”

“
Well, I don’t want to make a
scene. This
is
private. I’d like to
discuss it with you in private.” I put my head down like he asked,
pulling my long hair in front of my shoulders to shield my face. He
takes me into a café, pushing through the crowd up front who’s
watching a folk singer and walking to the back hallway near the
bathrooms.

“
How long have you known
this?”

“
I...” he stutters. “A month, I
don’t know.”

I pull away from him as hard as I can, finally
freeing myself. I put my hand down the front left pocket of his
jeans to get the key to my Audi. I clasp it in my hand, but he
holds my wrist hard, attempting to pry the key away with his other
hand. “Don’t try to go, Livvy. We aren’t finished.”

“
Don’t go?! You’re telling me not
to go? I just want to go home, Jon. I’m not moving to freaking
Utah! If we can’t have a conversation about
that
decision, I shouldn’t have to ask your permission
to go home.”

“
It’s just for the summer, Liv. A
matter of weeks–”

“
Months!” I correct him. “And I
can’t be without you for months,” I whine.

“
Olivia,” he says sternly. “You
can. It’s not like I’m breaking up. We’re still together, just not
living near one another. We’re strong enough to do
this.”

“
What, do you expect me to just sit
here alone and wait? That’s not fair!”

“
Yeah, that’s what I’d expect,” he
says angrily. “I’m not thinking of being with anyone else, and I
can’t wait to come back to you at the end of the summer, but this
is something that I have to do for my family. Period. It’s not your
decision to make. It’s mine.”

“
This is our life!” I plead, my
tears streaming at this point. “I thought you wanted to be with
me!”

“
We’re apparently going to be
spending every freaking minute together once school starts anyway!”
He looks stunned after he says it.

“
Is that a problem with you?” Taken
aback at his admission, I relax my muscles just enough at this
statement that he proceeds to take the key from me, stuffing it
back in his pocket. I can barely move, much less fight again for my
key. “Well?”

“
I can’t take this anymore. I
promised your dad I’d let you make this decision, but I can’t keep
this in. I feel smothered already. I need space. I need room to
breathe. I know Jack thinks I want you to come to Columbia with me,
but all I want is for you to find yourself again. I want you to
have a life independent of mine.”

“
You don’t want me to come to
Columbia?”

He doesn’t answer me, and I try to think back to all
of our conversations about college. I never realized he felt this
way.

“
Wait, what does my dad have to do
with this?”

“‘
Don’t limit her choices, Jon,’”
he says, making his voice deeper to mock my father. “’Let her make
the decision,’ he said. After all these months! After the way he’s
treated me, I still did what he asked! Even though it wasn’t what I
wanted.”

“
That’s not true!” I argue,
starting to cry.

“
It
is
true.” He’s genuinely upset with me. “I have my own life to live.
And it’s not that I don’t want you to come with me, Liv. It’s that
I don’t want you to miss out on better opportunities. You don’t
belong at Columbia.”

I shake my head, still not wanting to believe him.
Of course it’s true, though. Dad had pleaded with me to make the
decision on my own. And I did. I’d felt supported by Jon until
tonight. I thought we both wanted the same thing. “He told you not
to interfere?” I ask for clarification.

“
Yeah.” He looks so angry right now
that it’s hard to maintain eye contact.

“
And when were you ever going to
tell me
that
?”

“
Never,” he says. “Because I’m not
that selfish, but tonight, you’ve pushed me too far, so let’s just
get it all out in the open.”

“
So,
are
you breaking up with me?” I ask him, swiping at tears.

“
I hadn’t planned on it, but is
that what you want?”

“
That’s what it feels like already!
You’re choosing to leave me behind for months without giving me any
warning!?”

“
So then, yes? Because I
always
give you what you want, Livvy,” he
says sarcastically.

“
No!” I answer him, moving out of
the way for a patron.

“
Then why did you even bring it
up?”

“
Because it feels like that’s what
you want.”

“
I don’t want it, Olivia,” he says,
“I just want some perspective. For both of us.”

“
I don’t even know what that’s
supposed to mean! Does perspective mean time apart? Is this you
taking the easy way out? ”

“
Oh, my god, Livvy, that is
not
what this is. Look at who you are.
Look at what you’ve become.”

“
I’ve become the girl you wanted me
to be. The
woman
you made me.”

“
All I ever wanted was for you to
be
you
. Be Livvy Holland. Be the girl with
the wild imagination and the independence to do whatever
she
wanted; to
be
whoever she wanted. Not what
I
wanted.”

He looks at me with disdain. Producing the key from
his pocket, he hands it to me and starts toward the exit. I follow
him quickly, continuing our conversation when we get outside as he
starts to walk in the direction opposite the parking garage.

“
Why did you wait a month to tell
me this?”

He doesn’t stop walking or even turn around when he
answers. “Because I knew this is exactly how it would turn out, and
I wanted as much time with you as I could possibly have.”

“
I thought you weren’t that
selfish
,” I reiterate, trying to hurt
him.

“
Taxi!” he calls out, standing on
the curb and waving down a cab.

“
Fine.” I walk in front of his cab
into the street, stopping to wait for the traffic to
clear.

“
Livvy, shit!” I hear the cab door
slam as I have another clear lane to cross.
Three
lanes to go
. “Livvy!” he calls from the curb, yelling over
the horns honking at me. He catches up to me before I can finish
crossing the street, putting himself in between me and oncoming
traffic and eventually getting me across the street. We both start
walking toward the parking garage, me a step ahead of him. “Livvy,
you need to calm down before you drive home.”

“
Don’t tell me what to do,” I spit
at him. “You want me to be Livvy Holland? And do what
I
want to do? Fine. I’m leaving, so can you just get
out of my way and go back to that wretched college that I don’t
belong at?”

“
You’ve just proven to me that you
can’t cross a street like you have any respect for your own life–or
mine
–so no.”

“
You don’t want me
anyway.”

“
C’mon, Liv. That’s not what I
said, or even implied.”

That’s
exactly
what I
heard, though. I start to sob, obscuring my face as best as I can
while still making my way to my car. Jon’s footsteps cease when I
make it into the garage, but I don’t stop or tell him goodbye. The
sounds of my heartache echo off the walls of the building. I wonder
if he’s watching me, or if he’s just decided to leave.

I get into my car, starting it quickly and checking
behind me before backing out. My head hits the steering wheel with
force and a loud bang. Cloudy, it takes me a few seconds to realize
what’s happened. I stop the car, discovering I’d put it into drive
instead of reverse, hitting the concrete wall in front of me.
“Shit!” I cry, putting my head in my hands.

“
Open the door,” I hear Jon through
the glass.

“
Go away,” I sob, looking up, but
not at him.

“
God damn it, open the door, Liv,
you’re hurt.”

“
I am not!” Anxious to get away, I
shift the gear again, this time correctly, and back out of the
spot. I’m thankful my car still works, although I have no idea what
kind of damage I’ve done.

“
Livvy!” I hear him yell once more
as I drive away.

Half of my family is waiting out front when I pull
up. Only my mom and dad come to the driver’s side, waiting for me
to get out. I glance out the front window, watching Matty and my
grandfather inspect the damage.

“
Is it bad?” I ask, getting
out.

“
My god, Livvy, honey, your head,”
Mom says.

“
It’s fine.”

“
There’s a huge bump, Tessa,” Dad
says, putting his thumb to it.

“
Ow! Don’t touch it!”

“
What happened?”

“
I hit a wall in the parking
garage.” I try to step past my parents to see my car, but my dad
shifts to block my passage.