Not Yet (21 page)

Landon turned around without acknowledging Ford and
grabbed Cammie. She pressed against him and they began to sway,
intimately, to the music.

“Drinks later, Emma? I’d love to fill you in on all
the good school gossip,” Ford whispered in my ear. Daringly, I
raised my eyes to see Landon still watching me. This was dangerous.
Neither one of us could stop seeking each other out. It had to
stop.

“I can’t, Ford. I have to get home. But thank you for
the help. You bailed me out, once again.”

A slow song began to play and Ford guided me closer
to the dance floor. “Pay me back with one quick dance?” Ford moved
my arms up and onto his shoulders, while lightly placing his hands
on my hips. We were the antithesis of how the rest of the student
body was dancing. It was very chaste and proper, yet I was
concerned. I didn’t want to dance with Ford. I didn’t want to dance
with anyone. Looking over Ford’s shoulder, Landon had maneuvered
Cammie so her back was to me and he could watch us freely. The look
of betrayal on his face was almost comical to me.

Except none of this was actually funny.

He could be as jealous or as mad at me as he wanted.
I hadn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t lie. I didn’t ask Ford to
dance. We no longer meant anything to one another. I broke away
from his angry scowl and peeked at Amy over my other shoulder. She
swayed to the song solo, but she gave me a thumbs up and a smile. I
needed to remember what she showed me. I should never turn down a
chance to dance.

The song ended and a loud rap song began beating out
over the crowd. Ford squeezed my shoulder and winked as he took
off, sauntering over to the other end of the gymnasium.

I was soon relieved of my gymnasium duties and began
the ever dreaded girls’ bathroom check. It was now my job to make
sure no girls fought, drank, smoked, or did drugs in the bathroom.
After spending a few minutes in the crowded room which reeked of
perfume and hairspray, I was content that there was only drama, and
not illegal paraphernalia inside. Exiting back into the hallway, I
ran straight into Landon’s sweaty chest.

Why was I always running into him? And he always
smelled so blessed good. My mom told me constantly as a child to
stop looking down at the ground while I walked. Now I saw that
shyness actually encouraged one to run into human walls.

“Oooh… sorry, Landon, I was just checking in there.”
I grabbed his forearm, as I stumbled back gawkily.

“I got you.” He steadied me and then looked at me
with irritation.

“Thanks.” I moved back several steps and smoothed
down my dress.
Distance and control.
Distance and control
were what I needed around him.

“What are you doing with Ford?” He spoke quietly but
with palpable disgust.

“I’m an adult. I’m allowed to talk to other adults.
Should I be asking what you’re doing with Cammie? Or should I ask
what aren’t you doing?” I whispered with equal disdain. His white
dress shirt was untucked and his tie loosened, no doubt the result
of Cammie’s hands.

“You don’t get to care,
MS
. Harris.” He
seethed as he emphasized the Ms. in an attempt to taunt me.

“And neither do you.” I turned away and walked down
the long hallway to my classroom to get my purse.

“Wait.” Landon grabbed my arm and I wheeled around,
pulling out of his grasp.

“Landon, please. Someone will see you. You have to
go. You have a date and I have responsibilities.” I started to
sweat as my panic rose, and he stood in front of me panting. Sweat
rolled down his face as he wiped it away.

“Emma, I just needed to tell you, nothing is
happening with Cammie. She wants to, but nothing is going on.” He
bent his knees, trying to make eye contact with me.

I looked away, refusing to listen. If I looked in
those eyes, my resolve would soften.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’m your
teacher, nothing more.”

I stomped back down the hall with Landon following me
closely.

“Believe me or not, she isn’t who I want,” he
murmured softly.

I turned to him, frowning, just as the DJ announced
the final song of the night.

“You’d better go dance with your girl. I don’t want
you to be left alone on Homecoming night, Mr. Washington. You’re
far too
popular
for that.” I shook my head as he walked past
me with a loud groan.

The last song had ended and students were leaving the
area. Cammie was wrapped around Landon’s arm, but Landon stopped by
the doors, noticing Amy with a smile. I tensed, wanting to run over
and protect her. Landon spoke quietly to her and she looked up to
him with a beaming smile. I moved behind a post as he and Cammie
left and then caught up with Amy as she walked to her mom’s
car.

“Amy, what did Landon Washington say? Was he being
rude to you?”

She looked down shyly at first, but then met my gaze
gleefully. “He said I was the prettiest girl in the room. My dress
was nicest!”

I smiled even as I felt my stomach drop. He was being
the good guy I had fallen for this summer. That was the Landon I
knew.

Why couldn’t he be in college? Why couldn’t we have
met at a different time? And why did life have to turn out so badly
sometimes???

***

I HELD MY hand up to knock on her door and
paused. Was I doing the right thing? She wanted me to leave her
alone. But this had to be said.

I knocked… and waited. If she looked out her
peephole, I was screwed.
Answer the damn door, Emma.

The past months in school had been hell. My friends
were pricks. I had known this and it didn’t bother me before.
They’d just never picked on someone I cared about. And they
wouldn’t be picking on her now if they knew how I felt. It was the
ultimate mind fuck. I couldn’t say a goddamn word or they’d be
suspicious. So far, I’d kept Dean out of it. He knew my ‘summer
hook up,’ as he called it, was a girl named Emma. He never knew her
last name. And the guys only knew our economics teacher as Ms.
Harris. They didn’t know her first name. Not that I thought for a
minute that Dean would betray my trust if he did know. But I had to
do everything I possibly could to protect Emma and her family.

Watching her every day in that classroom was torture.
Her tight ass hidden in professional looking slacks, something no
one else would find sexy, but I knew what was under them. It was
her.
Her
. God, I wanted her. Sometimes, when she reached up
to pull some books off a high shelf, her shirt would raise ever so
slightly. A little bit of her soft skin would show and I’d throb. I
remembered how that skin felt when I rubbed it and how it tasted
when I licked it.

And, then, inevitably, the bell would ring and I be
forced to think about Aunt Agnes. Like the time she left the
bathroom with a trail of toilet paper attached to her elastic pants
waistband… and asked me to remove it for her… Yup. That did it. All
good here. Boner deflated.

I knocked again, a little louder this time, on the
door. I had to talk to her tonight. This couldn’t wait. I wanted to
tell her that I tried to get out of Homecoming. Told Dean I wasn’t
going. But as it was, Dean was getting suspicious. I wasn’t into
girls at all this year. Wasn’t hooking up. Wasn’t even thinking
about it. And that was… unheard of.

His slap on the back of my head when I told him I
wasn’t going to the dance pissed me off. But it did make me realize
that I couldn’t hide all year. It wasn’t like my parents wanted me
at home on a Saturday night to play board games with them. I had to
make an appearance at the dance or my friends were going to start
asking questions I didn’t want to answer.

So I went to the stupid dance and there she was. And
what was she wearing? She looked smoking hot in that skin tight
dress and ‘fuck me’ shoes. How could that be chaperone attire? Did
she really have no idea the effect she had on guys?

Cammie had been grinding against me like a stripper
working her pole, and I felt nothing. Nada. Then, I see Emma and
right in the middle of the gymnasium I was forced to picture Aunt
Agnes last Sunday when she forgot to draw on her left eyebrow. I
got a real good look as she came right at me for a big wet
smooch.

That was some scary shit.

And that asshole Ford? Was he really looking to get
himself knocked-the-fuck-out? He needed to remove himself from my
girl. Swear to Christ, I almost took that old bastard down.

As my rage was building from these thoughts, the
chain from the door unlocked, and I held my breath. The door opened
just a crack and those big green eyes met mine.

“What the hell, Landon?”

I pushed the door open and stepped in. “If you don’t
want people to know I’m here, don’t fight with me in the hall!”

As soon as I cleared the doorway, I pushed it shut
and took a step closer to her. She must have just taken a shower.
Her damp hair hung straight and the smell of vanilla emanated from
her body.

“Dammit. What are you doing here?” She whispered, to
keep Evie from waking up.

“I need to talk to you for five minutes, then I’m
gone.” I whispered into her ear and then pulled back with a sharp
gasp as I saw what she was wearing. “Sweet Jesus.” I couldn’t stop
myself. I put my hand on her neck and then ran my fingers down the
side of her body.

She shivered from my touch, but the realization of
what she was wearing lit up her face. I stared at her blush
colored, cotton nightgown. It had thin straps and stopped way above
her knees. Like, it just barely covered the motherland. She thought
she’d be alone tonight, but she wasn’t… and she looked naked.

“Landon, no…” She whispered so weakly that we both
knew she didn’t mean it. I pulled her against my body, so she could
feel my heart racing, feel just how much I enjoyed seeing her
again. Her chest heaved against me, and I knew I had only this
chance to get this out.

“I need you to know I am not with Cammie. Everyone
else went to the after-party and I made up an excuse. I’m serious,
Em. I would never go out with anyone else. I’m waiting for us.”

“Waiting for what, Landon?” She pulled away, frowning
with confusion.

“Us. You. Me. I’m not dating, I’m not fucking,
nothing—until I graduate and can have you.” I stroked her cheek and
leaned in to smell her again. I needed to soak up every second of
this time with her.

She closed her eyes for a moment and then shook her
head.

“Don’t be ridiculous. This is your senior year and
you rule that school. You need to date and have fun. It’s only
natural. You need to move on, Landon. I am.”

“You really have no idea, do you?” I stepped back and
pulled at my hair with a frustrated sigh. “You aren’t fooling me. I
got to know the real you this summer. I know you, and you ARE worth
waiting for. And I think you feel the same way. You’re just too
scared to admit it.” I put my hands on her shoulders and searched
her eyes, looking for acceptance and understanding.