More than Just Sex (16 page)

BONUS TIP!

Do the exercise, but only squeeze your finger and thumb together when the good feeling is there. For the best effect, you have to set the anchor in peak state! Remember we want you in
the
right state not
a
right state.

EXTRA BONUS TIP!

If you have crashed and burned with the ladies more than once, then use this new powerful anchor to press the reset button and collapse all those old negative memories. I can’t stress enough just how important it is to do this now and start the next phase from a clean slate. Your brain is very simple. It has to make sense of every situation and likes to find best-fit patterns. So as soon as you find yourself in a situation that your brain recognizes (even from many years before), it will go and retrieve all that data in an instant so that it knows how to behave and what to do. If it goes and finds a stumbling, fumbling, embarrassing memory, it will bring all those unpleasant feelings right back to the present immediately. It doesn’t matter how much has changed in
your physical life; this is subconscious stuff, and because your brain is always trying to help you, it will do it faster than you might think.

To start from a clean slate, find three memories that you’d like to get rid of. We’re not going to erase them completely – this is not like in
Men in Black
– but we can take the emotional sting out of them. The first you can remember, the worst and the most recent are usually the best.

Close your eyes and go back to the first thing you can remember that you’d rather forget. Allow the image to come back, as well as any feelings that go with it. Then, as you get into the memory, quickly squeeze together that powerful thumb and finger anchor on your left hand and allow all the really good feelings to come flooding into your body. Take the new good images and make them big and bright and bold and play your favourite feel-good song at the level that makes you feel great.

What you are doing here is using the powerful new anchor that you’ve just created to collapse the old one. It’s a bit like pressing the reset or ‘restore factory settings’ button. You don’t need that old destructive and limiting programming any more. Repeat this process with the other two memories and then spend some time with your eyes closed, creating new positive neuro-pathways like this.

HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES!

You’ll no doubt have heard of sportsmen rehearsing the race or round or set in their head over and over again
before the big day. There are stories of when Larry Bird was shooting a soft drinks commercial back in his heyday, and I have heard the same story more recently about David Beckham and Wayne Rooney, that when the script called for them to miss, they had to shoot the scene over and over again, because they were just so conditioned that they were unable to miss. It’s time to spend some time in your head running positive outcomes of your own.

How much would you love to be that guy? So conditioned to success that scoring was inevitable when you set your mind to it. The trick is surprisingly simple, and believe it or not, you already have everything you need to know.

But first I want you to completely break the habit of making things outcome-dependent. I want you to stop piling on the pressure, and instead allow yourself to just be you in lots of situations.

Headwork

Pick three situations where you would usually attach some kind of pass mark to your performance. Best (for now) if we make it nothing at all to do with the opposite sex. For me, they might be: first, going for a run around my favourite local route; second, the amount of feedback I get from a TV appearance; and third, the benefit my clients get from a session with me.

It was actually in this third one that I learned just how counterproductive over-caring can be. Please don’t get me wrong here: I really do want to help everyone I work with, just as I really want to help you have the relationship
you’ve always wanted. But in the early days, before I knew better, I used to put so much pressure on myself to do well that I became worse at what I was doing. It wasn’t just with clients, either. When I used to run competitively, my coach joked that I had only two speeds: flat out… and flat out on the physio couch. I didn’t know any other way. You see my self-worth was so wrapped up in my performance that I had to try to set a new personal best every time I set foot on the track.

I know now that setting a new personal best every time is just not possible, but back then it seemed essential. So much so that I really dreaded training, and I dreaded racing even more. Even something at which I was really good and used to really enjoy quickly became a source of stress and anxiety.

Fast-forward 10 years and into the world of quick-fix therapy, and those same personality traits were right there again. (The more astute of you will notice the result of a change of environment but the same beliefs, skills and behaviours.) Who knew I was good at sorting out phobias? Certainly not me, until that’s exactly what I was doing. I was removing lifelong phobias in minutes, and proving it.

I took one client shopping after a session. No big deal, until you realize that she hadn’t left home for 14 years due to her crippling agoraphobia. I put a driving-phobic granny behind the wheel of a Ferrari and removed a food phobia from a guy who’d only eaten six foods… ever!

All pretty big stuff that attracted a lot of media interest, but to be honest it was easy. Until, that is, I started to make
it matter. There’s a competitive streak in me (identity), and once I was very sure of my skill and my ability to get the desired outcome, I started to put pressure on myself. Not just
if
I could solve the problem but
how quickly
. If the last spider phobia took an hour, this one must be quicker.

Sound familiar? Of course the clients loved it, but for me the pressure to deliver just built and built, until one day I woke up and didn’t want to do it any more. I had paralysed myself with my own thinking. I was just too highly emotionally invested in the outcome. Not just for them, for me.

You have probably already made a similar mistake yourself. The thinking pattern that is some version of ‘if I can just get that then I’ll be OK’.

Stop making your life outcome-dependent. Letting go actually makes the outcome far more likely.

The winning formula – no matter what you are doing – is happy AND successful, not happy because you are successful. Happy AND with the hot girl on your arm, not happy because of the hot girl on your arm.

Stop keeping score. Go for a run without a watch just to enjoy it, play golf without a scorecard just for fun, do whatever you do without keeping any measure at all and start breaking the habit of making things outcome-dependent. What if ‘how much fun was that?’ was the only measure you needed; or if ‘I wish I could do it again’ was the only score? Those are the ONLY measures you need right now and the only things you can actually control anyway.

The part of that equation over which you have control and influence is the ‘happy AND…’ The part after that is out of your control anyway, but trust me when I say that once you get the first half right, the second half is almost inevitable.

RECAP!

Once you have your personal brand perfectly externalized for all to see, every single girl in the room can quickly form an accurate impression of who and what you are all about – an accurate impression that you can substantiate easily. No need to worry about trade descriptions here, you are the real deal, and a good one, too!

You know how to spot the early warning ‘sex sleuth signals’ that she is into you, perhaps even before she knows it herself. You know where the fish are hungry for your worm and finally, now you have no fear of approach. You have a winning, confident but not arrogant way with which to stay out of your own way and have her wanting you for a change.

Next we’ll go in for a bit of MAN-ipulation…

Now I hope you can be trusted with this. In the next section I am going to give you some proven psychological ‘lady-killer’ techniques to make sure that first interaction is stacked well in your favour. If you end up messing up a great relationship with her by leaving your socks on the floor and the toilet seat up, that’s your own problem and fault. But for now, let me help you get into the relationship in the first place…

This is the first of the psychological techniques to influence ‘both’ your thinking.

There have been hundreds of thousands of words written in recent years on the art, craft and science of picking up the opposite sex, but if we were to distil them all down, they basically fall into three simple categories.

1. THE ‘CHARM AND FLATTERY’ SEDUCTION TECHNIQUE

Almost everybody over the age of 12 should be familiar with this first method. For generations, men have been led to believe that this is the most effective way to get the girl.

Just in case you are not familiar with the technique it goes a little something like this. You flatter and compliment a girl from the beginning of the conversation, and offer to wine and dine her, take her places and, in general, spend
a lot of attention and money on her in the hope that she will return your favours with some ‘favours’ of her own.

In my humble but considered opinion, this is by far the weakest and least effective seduction technique that any man can use on any modern woman. Sure, it might have worked for your dad, but the modern woman doesn’t need your flattery, gifts and money. She more than likely has plenty of self-confidence and cash of her own, thank you very much.

But, perhaps more importantly, this approach tells a woman that you have nothing of ‘real’ value to offer her besides your ‘resources’, and if you’re not in the right income bracket, your money isn’t going to hold much value with a beautiful woman anyway.

Oh and please, please do not ever get into the trap of chasing her with cash that you don’t have and can’t afford. You’re not going to impress or keep anyone like that, and she’ll tear your heart out through your wallet and not even know she is doing it.

2. THE PUA

Next is the new game in town, the PUA, ‘speed seduction’ or ‘mind manipulation’ approach. Now, while I am a huge fan of NLP and hypnosis, I am not really into manipulating anyone into doing something that they don’t want to do. Yes I could teach you how to nest loops and embed commands (that’s ‘embed’ not ‘in-bed’) to get exactly what you want in a particular moment, but I know that’s not what you want.
What you want is everything – the whole package, not just a few fun minutes on a Saturday night. You want a great girl, great sex and a great big smile on your face when you head home to her at night. If that’s the goal, then we need you to stay firmly on the right side of what is ethical.

The majority of PUA books will include a variety of patterns and scripts, which are designed to get women to experience feelings of sexual excitement, attraction and just about anything else that you want her to experience. That is one of the strengths of hypnosis and NLP, but only if used in the right way.