Lessons of the Past (20 page)

He glanced at his watch. “After we finish, I want to take you somewhere,” he said, changing the subject. “My mom is dropping Caroline off around nine, but we have plenty of time.”

I swallowed a fry. “Where do you want to take me?”

“A surprise.”

We finished our meal in silence as my thoughts and feelings scattered in different directions. I wanted to hate him. Hate what he had put me through. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good being with him. Javier had always had a way to set my body on fire and make me feel at peace, all without touching me.

“Ready?” he asked as I downed the last of my margarita.

“Yeah, but don’t you need to pay the bill?”

“Up front.” He stood and held his hand out to me, hope shining in his eyes.

I eyed it for a moment, then took his hand and stood. Our bodies were so close, I could feel the heat radiating off Javier. We locked eyes for a moment and chills danced along my spine. His eyes were smoldering and I knew he wanted to kiss me.

I glanced back at the table, breaking the connection. “Got everything?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. His hand tightened around mine and we walked to the front to pay. Once the bill was paid, he led me back outside to the X5. I climbed inside and then he did after helping me.

We drove to another area of town not far from the restaurant and he parked the car in front of a brick building. I looked at the sign in the window, The Brick Café.

“Come on,” he insisted, opening his door. Shrugging, I got out and met him at the front of the car. He took my hand again and opened the door of the building, motioning for me to go inside first.

My stomach flipped as I walked inside and looked around. It was a coffee shop/bar just like The Underground. The walls were obviously brick and it was a little smaller, and had windows, but it was basically the same.

“Oh my gosh,” I whispered, then whipped my head back to Javier.

He shrugged and took my hand, leading me to the bar. I ordered an Italian Classico with Amaretto and he ordered a whiskey neat.

I found us a cozy corner with two wingback chairs and a table. “How the hell did you find this place?”

“Google.”

Not fighting the smile stretching across my face, I said, “I love it. It’s almost just like The Underground. Do you come here a lot?” I asked, looking around, taking the place in.

Javier nodded. “I do,” he said. “It reminds me of you. I’d do anything to be reminded of you.”

I sucked in a breath at his words. He could be so sweet and melt me into a puddle at times. It was almost easy to forget. Almost. “What made you file for divorce?”

“You.”

Shocked, I said, “Me?”

“Yeah. I wanted a life with you. I filed in May after going through a deep depression. Amy and I were fighting, and it wasn’t a healthy environment for Caroline. My sister, Mandy, talked me into it. Told me I had a chance to be happy, with you, but I needed to get a divorce. And she pointed out everything I had fought for—Caroline’s childhood—wasn’t happy anymore. So I filed.” He took a drink of his whiskey. “But it was all for nothing anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed. “From the night I left your apartment, I stalked you. Online, any chance I could see you on campus, I took it. You never posted much, but hell, I took what I could get. So, I was a little surprised when August rolled around and you were with
him
in the union…kissing.” He threw back the rest of his whiskey.

“Javier…” I trailed off, emotion clogging my throat. “I had to pick up the pieces and move on.” But had I really ever done that? No. I hadn’t. Otherwise, I might have been the wife Caleb deserved.

“I still checked your Facebook almost daily, trying to get my Alexandria fix, but the moment you posted your honeymoon pictures, I stopped.” He let his head fall back against the chair as he looked at me. “I knew my chance with you was over.”

I nodded, acknowledging our chance together was over. I took a sip of my coffee, trying to come up with something to say through my jumbled thoughts. “It is over,” I agreed, but my anger for him was fading. I was still hurt, but I needed to let go of the past. Anger wouldn’t do anything but hinder me from moving on. “And I’ll always feel pain and betrayal, but…maybe I can try not to have dreams of killing you,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. I cracked a smile.

Javier smiled, too. “I guess that’s better than nothing, right? More than I deserve.”

“Caleb and I are getting a divorce,” I blurted softly.

He continued to stare at me, an unnamed emotion flickering through his eyes—one I prayed wasn’t hope with my admission. “Good to know.” He turned his head away from me, landing on the bar. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” I replied. He got up, went to the bar, and I took the opportunity to breathe and check my phone.

Rebecca: Where the fuck are you?

It was sent fifteen minutes ago, so I didn’t feel too horrible about making her worry.

Me: I went out to dinner. I’ll be home soon. Love you.

Javier came back with two small plates in his hand and I laughed. “You remembered?”

“Not much I forgot about you.” He handed me a plate with a chocolate croissant sitting in the middle.

I took the dish, my mouth watering, and bit in to the deliciousness. “So fucking good,” I moaned, licking the chocolate from my lips. I didn’t give a shit what I looked like, or that I probably looked like a pig for not using the fork he had given me.

I glanced at Javier and he had a wide smile on his face, watching me. “Don’t look at me. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had one of these? Months.”

“I still say the banana nut bread is better.” He grinned and took a bite.

I swallowed the food in my mouth. “I will agree they may be better at The Underground, but chocolate croissants still kick banana nut breads ass.”

He shook his head at me and finished his croissant. I hated to admit how much I loved being with him, but maybe this needed to happen. Maybe we needed to have one last good time together to finally get some closure. And even though I would never be one-hundred percent certain he didn’t cheat on me, it did ease the ache in my heart and my self-worth to hear him say he hadn’t.

Glancing at my watch, I finished off my croissant as well, and brushed my fingers over my lips. “It’s getting late. Could you take me back to my car?”

“Yeah,” he looked at his phone, “I need to get home anyway. Just in case Mom brings Caroline home early.”

“Do they get along well? Now that you live closer?” I asked, grabbing my purse.

“They do. My mom and Caroline hang out all the time, and my dad tries to spend as much time with her as he can, too. They just have less in common. It’s been nice being close, and great having a sitter.”

“I bet.” We walked out of the café and he helped me into the SUV again. As I watched him walk around the front of the vehicle, I couldn’t help but wonder about his and Amy’s divorce. He had said it had been a long divorce, but didn’t say much else. He opened the door and climbed in, his masculine scent crowding my senses.

Fuck, he still smells so good!

“Does Caroline live with you?” I blurted, even though it was none of my business.

“Yes. She spends every other weekend with Amy. Although, I don’t see that happening much longer. They don’t really get along.”

“That’s…” I paused, searching for the correct word, “sad.”

He nodded as he merged into traffic. “It is sad. Very sad. But I try to be there for her as much as I can possibly be—”

“You always have.”

Reaching over, he grabbed my hand and squeezed, a gracious smile on his lips. “Thank you.” I nodded, and he continued. “And my mom and my sister give her as much attention as possible. Take her to get pedicures and other shit I don’t think about.”

“That’s sweet.”

He didn’t say anything else and we both became lost in our thoughts on the way back to my car as The Lumineers’
Ho Hey
drifted from the speakers. I felt odd. On one hand, I couldn’t get out of his SUV fast enough and put him—
us
—in the past, but on the other, I wanted to stay and never leave.

He pulled into the parking garage and I directed him to my car on the third level. “Thank you. For tonight.”

I lifted my lips in a half smile. “You’re welcome,” I whispered, then grabbed his hand and squeezed. “Goodbye, Javier.”

And with that simple sentence, I got out of his vehicle and closed the door, along with his part in my life.

“I’m so glad you called,” Lane said, forking his lasagna into his mouth. “I love Courtney, but hell, I’m so tired of eating Thai food.”

“I understand. I thought about calling y’all to have dinner with Rebecca and me, but I knew she’d suggest that. And she doesn’t like the word no right now.”

He swallowed. “Tell me about it. But she’s really horny, so I put up with it.”

“TMI, Lane. TMI,” I said around a small laugh. “At least we know she isn’t normally like this.” Javier’s words about Amy’s bitchiness never going away sprang into my head. “I have to tell you something and you aren’t going to like it.”

Lane’s eyebrows pulled in consternation. “I’m listening.”

Clearing my throat, I said, “I had dinner with Javier a couple days ago.” I quickly popped some fettuccini in my mouth, not looking at him.

“You did what?” he asked. “Why the hell would you do that? Dealing with one cheating asshole right now not enough for you?”

“Lane—”

“Don’t Lane me. That asshole broke you. He’s the whole reason you moved on to the douche you married.” Lane had never been a fan of Caleb, and now he basically hated him.

“Don’t say that about Caleb. It’s not his fault things didn’t work out,” I told him, feeling the need to defend Caleb. “It’s my fault. My heart was never in our marriage.”

“Let me guess, because it was with the asshole you had dinner with the other day?” Lane was radiating anger. If it were anyone else, I’d be getting pissed.

I held up my hand. “Just stop, okay? It was just dinner. I’m not getting back together with him or anything.”

“Thank Christ.” He shook his head and shoveled in another bite of lasagna. After he swallowed, he asked, “What did the fucker want?”

“You know there was a time when you told me he wasn’t that bad.” I cracked a smile, but Lane just scowled. “He just wanted to apologize for how everything ended. He also said he didn’t sleep with that other girl.”

“And you believe him?”

I sipped on my Dr. Pepper. “I don’t know. He seemed sincere and I want to believe him, but I don’t know.”

“How’s his wife?”

“He’s divorced. Has been for a while.”

Lane snorted. “Well, isn’t that convenient? You’re getting a divorce and he already is. One would have to wonder what piece of rotted wood that termite climbed out from under.”

“Shit, Lane,” I said, “you don’t have to be so angry and rude. I told you I’m not getting back with him.”

“I should hope not.” He wiped his mouth and tossed his napkin on his empty plate. “I love you, Alex, but I swear, if you go back with him and he hurts you, I won’t be there this time.”

My jaw went slack and I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. “Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to.” I stood and pushed away from my chair. “Thanks for having lunch with me.” Then, I stomped out of the restaurant.

As soon as my feet hit the sidewalk, Lane was grabbing my shoulder, saying, “Wait.” He stepped in front of me. “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you get hurt time and time again. You deserve better than that.”

I closed my eyes and nodded, letting my anger melt. Lane loved me and was always looking out for me. “I know. And I’m sorry you’re the one I always call on. You have a wife and a baby on the way now.”

“You better continue to call on me.” He gathered me into a hug, people walking past us. “I’m your best friend, and I’ll always be your best friend. Even if you take that bastard back, I’ll still be here.”

It wasn’t going to happen, but I still found myself muttering, “Thank you.”

“I will never like him, though. And I will never be nice.”

I laughed. “I’m not taking him back. I just…wanted to hear what he had to say. And get some closure.”

“I can understand that.” He pulled back from me and tipped my chin to look into his eyes. “I have to get back to work, but you call if you need me.”

Nodding, I said, “I know. I love you. Tell Courtney I’ll stop by sometime next week.”

“Okay.” And with that, I went one direction and he went another.

I hated fighting with Lane. He’d always been my rock and it threw me for a loop every time we weren’t right. But I had to remember he was under a lot of stress adjusting to the idea of being a dad and I didn’t need to add my drama to that.

I could handle Javier on my own. And I wasn’t even sure I’d see him again anyway.

Jessica was at my desk as soon as I sat down. “You’re coming tonight, right?”

“Oh,” I said, not really wanting to go out with the girls from work. “I’m not sure. My sister may need my help tonight.” A small, white lie, but I really wasn’t in the right head space to go out.

She narrowed her eyes and leaned closer. “Who was the Adonis?”

“Huh?” I asked, not knowing what in the hell she was talking about.

“The sexy man you were talking to in the foyer on Wednesday. Amazing body, the right amount of facial scruff, dark skin.”

I really should have expected this question sooner. Office gossip was rampant. “He’s just an old friend.”

“Is he single? You should introduce us.”

Licking my dry lips, I said, “He’s seeing someone. It’s serious.” I hated to admit it, but the thought of Jessica digging her claws into Javier made me see red.

“Damn it! Whoever she is, she’s lucky.”

“I guess.” Then, I looked at my desk and sighed. “I better get back to work. I hate getting behind.”

“Okay. If something changes with your sister, call me.”

“I will,” I said, plastering on a fake smile. Jessica walked away and I tried to get back to work, but it was difficult. My mind kept thinking of Javier, and my closure was turning out to be anything but.