Lessons of the Past (24 page)

“No!” I cried, tears I didn’t know I had left falling from my eyes.

“Then what the hell was it? Tell me what to fucking do to make us better and I’ll do it.”

I sat up and crossed my legs. “Javier,” I said, looking at my hands, “I’m fucking hurt. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. You said you went through a depression? Well, so did I! I lost two people, you lost one.” As soon as I said it, I regretted it. The miscarriage I suffered over winter break was not something I had ever wanted him to know. I didn’t want to throw it in his face or make him feel guilty about it. He left me, not the baby.

“Two people?” he asked, brows furrowed and hands on his hips.

“Nothing. I just can’t get over the hurt, or trust you. You cheated on Amy very easily and without any thought. What if we go through a rough patch?” It was a real fear of mine, but I was also trying to change the conversation.

“No. Go back to the part where you lost two people and I lost one.” He took a step closer and cocked his head to the side. “I lost you, you lost me, who else did you lose?”

I had backed myself into a corner, and now, I had to answer him. “Our baby,” I whispered.

“No,” he gasped, horrified. “No,” he said again as he sat next to me. “You were pregnant? What…?”

“I had a miscarriage over winter break.”

“We had a baby? Why didn’t you tell me? I would have…”

I shrugged. “You would’ve done what? You left me. Convinced me I had been a game. At that point, even if the baby had lived, I wouldn’t have told you. Why the fuck would I want someone like that to be my child’s father?”

“I was the child’s father! But that is irrelevant. You went through something I should have been there for. I should have been there holding your hand and telling you it would be okay.” He shook his head and looked to the floor. “You sat in my class for weeks knowing you were pregnant and didn’t tell me?”

“No. I didn’t know until it was over. I woke up in the middle of the night cramping and bleeding. I figured it was just my period coming at a random time. By the next morning, I knew something was wrong, so Rebecca and I snuck to the ER. I didn’t file it on my insurance, so my parents never found out.”

“I should have been there!”

“It’s in the past, and I’ll be the first to admit the miscarriage was probably for the best. It hurt like hell when it happened, just another piece of you I had lost, but a baby would have been hard to raise alone.”

He cupped my face, placing his forehead against mine. “I would have been there. We would have raised the baby together. You and me.”

“We really shouldn’t rehash this.” I pulled away a fraction to see his eyes. “I’m sorry for leading you on last night. I knew you thought things were okay between us and we were going to figure things out. I didn’t tell you it wasn’t going to happen because…I wanted to savor one last time with you.”

“The day one of us dies will be the last time.” He lowered his lips against mine gently. “I’m
not
giving up on us. We can work through this. We have to. Don’t you feel it? The connection we have?”

I did feel our connection. That was why I was so confused. “What if we go through a rough patch and things get hard? Will you find another woman to fuck? Because I can’t…” I trailed off, words failing me.

“I will never cheat on you. Amy and I were never supposed to be together. We hated each other from the moment we got together. She loved my inheritance and she loved the big payoff I gave her to sign full custody of Caroline over to me in the divorce. That’s all we ever were to each other.” Moving his hands to my shoulders, he continued. “Us? I’d never be able to cheat on you. You’re everything to me. Every fucking thing. Do you understand? I would never cheat on you. Not even if it got really bad and you kicked me out and cheated. Never. You are it for me.”

I cupped his face, more tears spilling from the corner of my eyes. “Javier…I want this, I really do. I’ve dreamed of us getting back together every day since we broke up…I’m just really scared.”

“It’s okay to be scared. It’s not okay to run. We’ve made too many mistakes, now we need to start getting things right. And the only thing right for me and you, is
us
.”

I didn’t know what to say and I couldn’t fight our connection anymore. I may have been making the biggest mistake of my life, but I found myself whispering, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“You’re right,” I said, “we should be together. I can’t fight our connection any longer. I need you.”

“I need you too, baby.” Then, his mouth was on mine, owning me.

We kissed for a long while, soaking in the knowledge that we were finally together. After five long ass years, we were back where we should have been. I wasn’t stupid, he’d still have to earn my trust, but I wasn’t going to waste another second being apart.

“Javier,” I panted.

He continued to rain kisses down my neck. “Yeah, baby?”

“I’m still married.”

Mood fucking killer.

“And when will that be final?” he asked after several seconds.

“Next month. It takes at least sixty days. We didn’t have kids or anything and we are splitting everything peacefully.”

He propped himself up on his arm to look at me. “Does this bother you? You still being married while being with me?”

“No. Not at all. I just wanted to point it out. I mean, Caleb is living with the girl he was sleeping with.”

“Then, I’m good.” He placed a swift kiss to my lips. “Actually, I’m not,” he grabbed my hand, placing it on his hard cock, “I need to take care of this very hard problem.”

I let my hand trail over his clothed erection and cupped his balls. “I think I can help you out with that.”

He peeled me out of my day old clothes and trailed kisses from my toes to thigh then back down the other leg. Once he stripped his clothes off, he held his cock in his hand. I grew wetter watching him. “I can’t get enough of you. Ever,” he growled, stroking his dick.

“Come here,” I whispered, watching him touch himself making me wetter by the second. It was fucking hot.

“Mmm.” He placed a knee between my legs and captured my lips. My hands went to his ass, urging him closer, and he entered me. We had fucked several times the night before, but this was different. This was making love. This was both of us feeling and knowing we belonged together.

I stared into his bright blue eyes and smiled. “I love you, Javier. So much.”

He pushed inside me, and stilled. “Say it again.”

“I love you, Javier Rodriguez.”

“Fucking love it,” he growled before moving again.

It wasn’t long before I was coming apart at the seams, screaming his name into his shoulder. I couldn’t breathe and my eyes pooled with more tears.

“Hey,” he said, “why the tears?” He bent to kiss the tears that began falling.

“Happy tears. I’m so happy.”

He smiled. “Good.” Then, he was driving himself toward oblivion and taking me with him—again.

Life was good in that moment. Really good. Perfect.

“I’m going to pick Caroline up early,” Javier said, our bodies tangled under the sheets. “I want you to meet her.”

“Are you sure that’s wise?”

“To have the two most important people in the world to me know each other? Yes, I’m positive it’s wise.”

I grinned against his chest. “Okay. I can’t wait to meet her. Tell me about her.”

I couldn’t see his face, but I could sense the smile in his voice. “She’s a typical ten-year-old. Sassy. Very sassy. But she’s hilarious too, and by some miracle, still thinks I hung the moon.”

“Not a miracle,” I interrupted. “You’re an amazing father.”

Javier kissed the top of my head. “Thank you. Caroline is into everything girly. Getting pedicures with my sister and mom. She’s starting to like boys, which drives me insane. Basically, stuff I have no idea about. My sister and mom help me out a lot.”

“What do the two of you do together?”

He was silent for a moment. “She loves to read. So…we go to The Brick Cafe every Sunday. Well, that she isn’t with Amy.”

I moved to look at him. “You go to The Brick Cafe?”

“Yeah. My place to remember you, and she reads and sips hot chocolate.”

“Javier?”

“Yeah, baby?” he answered, looking quizzical.

“I think I know the perfect way to introduce us.” I smiled, knowing my plan was brilliant.

He brushed my hair away from my face, radiating love and happiness. “And how is that?”

“We should go to The Underground. She would love it if she likes The Brick Cafe.”

“I think that is a perfect plan.” He stroked my cheek as he stared at me—into me. “I’m so fucking happy. For the first time in…ever, really. I was happy when I was with you before, but now, knowing we are together with nothing holding us back? Fucking bliss.”

“I still have to sign the divorce papers.”

“I’ll talk to Mom and make sure that happens as soon as possible.”

I laughed and shook my head. I felt pretty fucking blissful too. “Why don’t you come meet my sister?”

“We’ve met. Last night and this morning. She seems to have softened toward me.”

I pushed the sheet down and swung my legs out of bed. “That’s because she felt sorry for you.”

“Well, hey, waking up alone sucked ass, but I’m in this place with you right now, and I earned points with the family. I guess I can’t complain.” He stood and began getting dressed as I openly stared. He had the best body I had ever seen, hands down.

“If you keep staring, we’ll never make it out of this room.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll stop.” I pulled out a pair of black yoga pants and a purple tank top from my drawer.

“Yoga pants? You’re killing me.”

I scrunched my nose. “What’s wrong with yoga pants?” I asked, even though I was fairly certain I knew the reason.

“You’re amazing ass is what. I won’t be able to talk to your sister because I’ll be looking at your ass.”

I shrugged and got dressed. “Meet you out front. I’ll make some coffee.”

After shutting the door, I almost skipped into the living room where my sister was sitting on the couch with a mug in her hand.

“Afternoon, sunshine,” she sang, smiling from ear to ear. “I take it y’all—I would say kissed, but that isn’t accurate—fucked and made up?”

“Yes, we did.” I grabbed two cups from the cabinet and poured the coffee. “I think it would be wise to give him a second chance.”

“Because you’re miserable without him?”

“Yep,” I replied, then sat down beside her. “How’s Max?”

Rebecca shrugged. “He’s fine.”

Javier walked into the room, a grin across his face. “Coffee is on the counter.”

“Thanks, babe.” He made his way into the kitchen and picked up the mug. “I’m starving. I’ll cook if y’all have food.”

“Yes, please!” Rebecca shouted and I shrugged.

“Breakfast okay if you have it?”

“I love waffles. And sausage,” I replied, grabbing a blanket to snuggle into, feeling content for the first time in years.

I heard a cabinet open and a second later, “Shit yeah, you have Nutella! I fucking love Nutella!”

Thirty minutes later, the three of us were chowing down on eggs, sausage, and waffles.

“So, you teach at the University of Houston? Math, right?” Rebecca asked.

“Yeah. I have for a few years now,” Javier replied, shoveling toast covered with Nutella into his mouth.

I swallowed. “He sucks as a teacher. I was sleeping with the professor and barely scraped by with a C.”

“Maybe if you had paid better attention during class and tutoring sessions, you would have gotten a better grade,” Javier shot back playfully.

I shrugged. “Math is fucking boring.”

Rebecca looked between us. “I think the two of you use ‘fuck’ more than any other people I know. Maybe y’all are meant for each other.”

“It’s a good, versatile word.”

“And we are meant for each other,” Javier said. “It just took us a while to get there.”

My sister’s eyes rounded. “You could say that again.”

“Shut it. What are you doing today?” I asked, changing the subject.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I might see if Max is available. If not, I’ll probably go shopping or maybe just veg on the couch.”

“Sounds fun.” I rose from the couch and collected her and Javier’s empty plates. “I am going to meet Caroline.”

“That’ll be fun. Go research boy bands and you’ll have plenty to talk to her about.”

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Javier agreed.

“I work better on the fly.”

***

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. In fact, I could barely put my eyeliner on because my hands were shaking so badly. Javier had left an hour and a half ago to get Caroline. It was too late to drive to Beach Center, so we decided to take her to dinner tonight and drive to The Underground the next day.

Fuck, what if she doesn’t like me? Maybe in this case I won’t work well on the fly.

With a sigh, I shook my head and tried to rid myself of negative thoughts. Glancing at my dresser, a small grin lit my face. I reached into the back of my sock drawer and pulled out a small black box. Opening the box, my grin grew to a face splitting smile at the sight of the beautiful ring Javier had given me. I hadn’t looked at it since the day we broke up. I slid it on my right hand, then closed the box. I knew, deep down, I wouldn’t need that box again. I would be wearing this ring for the rest of my life.

I admired the ring and went in the living room to await their arrival.

“Calm down,” Rebecca said from the couch, watching me pace the floor.

“What if she hates me? Then what?”

“You work it out. Just because she doesn’t like you from the get go doesn’t mean it’s over.”

I bit my thumbnail, thinking over her words. I knew running wasn’t an option—Javier wouldn’t let me, but… “What if she never likes me? What happens then?”

Rebecca shrugged as the doorbell rang. “You become the evil stepmom. You won’t be the first or the last.”

“You are no help,” I told her as I walked to the door. I opened it and Javier and an older Caroline stood on the other side. She looked the same, beautiful, only older. Her long, dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her eyes were just like her father’s. “Hi. You must be Caroline. I’m Alex.” I stuck my hand out to her.