Lessons of the Past (18 page)

I stood and hugged my mother. Erica Raymond Rodriguez was the sweetest person you could ever meet, but get her inside a courtroom, and she was lethal. “I was going to stop by before I left. I was just talking to Mandy first.”

“Okay. Remember, I’m taking Caroline to see the
Nutcracker
on Wednesday night. I’ll just pick her up from school and take her home afterwards.”

“I haven’t forgotten. She’s been talking about it non-stop.”

“Good, good.” My mom sat down in the chair next to the one I had been sitting in. “What are you doing here in the middle of the day? Is something wrong?”

“No,” I replied. “I just had a free morning and came by to see Mandy,” I smiled, “and you, of course.”

“You are just like your father, always sucking up,” my mom said, chuckling.

I stood. “Well, I better be getting to work. Bills won’t pay themselves.” I kissed my mom’s cheek. “It was good seeing both of you.”

And with that, I left.

The entire way out of the building and the entire drive to the university, I couldn’t stop thinking about Alexandria. What should I do? How should I go about it? But most of all, how do I make her not hate me long enough to explain my actions? Make her see that I really did love her?

Because if one thing was true, it was that Alexandria Wilson was the love of my life. I couldn’t,
wouldn’t
, let her go again.

I’d figure out a way to get her back. I didn’t have any other option.

I rushed to my desk, my heart pounding as I raced off the elevator.

Holy shit.

Why the hell was life so cruel? Why, in a city the size of Houston, did I have to run into the one man who had crushed every single part of my being? He had used me, played with me, and then smashed me to dust.

My breathing was heavy as I unlocked my cell phone and made a call.

“Hello?”

“Becca, I just saw Javier,” I said into the phone.

She was silent for a moment. “The Javier? Holy shit. What happened?”

“I went downstairs to pick up some paperwork for my boss and he was there. He jumped on the elevator with me and wanted to…I don’t know, make small talk.”

“Huh.”

I sighed. “That’s all you got? I ran into fucking Javier.”

“I know. Shit. Did you tell him off? Slap him? Hit him? Please tell me you did something.”

“No,” I said. “I didn’t really do any of that. He asked me to have lunch with him and I basically snorted at him.”

“You pigged!” She giggled into the phone, referring to our long standing joke.

“Stop it. Yes, I pigged.”

“Is he still hot?”

“Shit yes. He looked tired, but he still…yes, he is still very attractive.” I hated to admit it, but even through my hate for him, he turned me on. I realized the connection I thought we’d shared hadn’t been real, but he still had a power over me physically.

“Did you mention anything about what happened after you broke up?”

I knew exactly what she was referring to. Something I had shoved to the very back of my mind—below every embarrassing thing that had ever happened to me and every nightmare I’d ever had. “No. Why would I? It doesn’t matter and nothing can be changed. Hell, he probably wouldn’t care.”

“Look. I’ve got to get back to work, but we will talk about this tonight when you get home.”

“Okay. Bye. Love you, sis.”

“Love you,” she said, and we disconnected the call.

Blowing out a breath, I tried to push thoughts of Javier to the back of my mind and concentrate on work, but it was hard. He kept wanting to crawl his way back to the front, just like he always had.

Javier had been my focus since the day I walked into his class and nothing had broken that—not his betrayal, not meeting Caleb six months later, not dating Caleb, or even our short engagement and marriage. Absolutely nothing had shoved Javier out of my thoughts.

And that was pathetic.

I knew it was wrong for me to let him own my soul, but I couldn’t seem to control it. That’s why I had deserved Caleb’s affair. And why I couldn’t be mad at him. He deserved happiness and love.

Before I realized it, I had worked through lunch and it was five o’clock. I usually stayed, but it was more out of filling time rather than being needed. Most everything I needed to do after five could be done on my phone or iPad.

After gathering my things, I left and drove to my sister’s cute rental house where I had been staying since separating from Caleb.

“I need details!” Rebecca yelled from the kitchen.

I tossed my keys in the small bowl on the entry table. “Give me a second,” I mumbled, taking my coat off and placing it in the closet.

“Did you know he’s on Facebook?”

“No, I didn’t,” I said, walking into the living room and flopping down on the couch.

She stepped into the room, laptop in hand. “Well, he is. I mean, it’s mainly private, but his profile pictures and his cover picture are visible.”

“That’s great,” I replied, not really caring about his Facebook page. Okay, small lie, but I knew I shouldn’t care.

She sat down next to me. “You should look.”

“Why?” I asked, irritated. “Why in the hell would you want me to look at his pictures? This is the guy who cheated on his wife with me, then cheated on me with another student. He’s a fucking bastard.” Tears began welling in my eyes, the irritation mixing with the hurt surfacing.

“I don’t know. I just think…a guy who loves his child that much, maybe he’s not as heartless as you think.”

I stood up. “I know he’s heartless. He admitted it to me. It wasn’t like I just assumed or anything. He told me he cheated on me. I was a game.” I huffed. “I need wine.”

She shrugged. “I think you should see him. Maybe get some closure at the very least. Then maybe you’d be able to move on once and for all.”

I scowled at her then went into the kitchen. I hated to admit it, but maybe she was right. Maybe if I actually sat and had a polite conversation with him, asked the questions I needed to know, I’d be able to move on. I might not ever have a happily ever after with some nice man, but I could still have a great life.

Glass of wine poured, I walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch next to Rebecca. “You really think it might help?”

“I do.” She smirked. “Then you can fuck him and leave.”

I tried to remain straight-faced, but wound up giggling. “He does give good orgasms. I mean, the man was made to fuck.” But then, the bitterness came out, “Fuck and use you, then toss you to the side.”

“Alex…” she trailed off and barking came from the back door.

“I’m fine,” I assured her, but I was lying. Seeing Javier had totally messed with me. And I still had Caleb and the divorce to deal with. “I better get Buster.”

My cute little mutt, Buster, had been my solace. He loved me for me, no matter what. I never had to worry about him leaving me for someone else. I let him inside then took my spot on the couch for the third time, Buster jumping on my lap.

“Let’s talk about something else,” I prompted as my sister stared at her laptop.

“Okay,” she agreed. “I think you need to do something this weekend besides sit on the couch watching TV.”

“Why are you on my case? I’m perfectly happy watching TV and vegging. And it’s only Monday, I have plenty of time to decide what I’m doing this weekend.”

“It’s never too early to plan some fun,” she replied.

I downed my wine. “What do you suggest? Jessica invited me to go out with the single girls from work, but honestly, I’d rather sit at home and paint my toenails.”

Rebecca sighed. “You are just a big ball of fun.”

I shrugged and petted Buster. His little face stared at me like I was the most precious thing in the world to him. Smiling, I said, “You want me to stay home, don’t you? Don’t you?”

“Quit talking to him. You’re talking to me.”

“He’s still really sexy,” I blurted.

“Who?” she asked, confused. “Javier? Did you expect him to go downhill and get fat?”

“I had hoped.”

“I’m looking at his pictures and yeah, I agree. He’s definitely still got the hot thing going.”

I rolled my eyes, but moved her laptop so I could see. The picture she had clicked on was one of Javier and an older Caroline holding a fish while standing on a boat, the blue ocean behind them. He was smiling and looked genuinely happy, but his expressive eyes were covered by sunglasses. He had on a sleeveless shirt and board shorts, and basically looked edible.

“Fucking prick,” I muttered.

“What?”

“Why does he have to look like,” I pointed to the screen, “that? He needs to be ugly. He
deserves
to be ugly.”

“You’re not bitter or anything.”

I looked at my sister, my mouth open. “I think I have a right to be bitter.”

She stood up and stretched. “I’m hungry. What do you want?”

“Is Max coming over?” I asked, referring to her boyfriend.

“I don’t know. He said he might have to work late.” Her eyes lit up. “Why don’t you call Courtney and Lane and see if they want to meet us somewhere? Courtney is great about getting your mind off things.”

I pursed my lips, thinking it over. Although I was very happy my two best friends were happily in love, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see it. I just wasn’t in the mood to watch them hug and kiss and look at each other with adoring eyes. “No. If we invite them, we’ll have to eat Thai, and I don’t want that.”

She arched an eyebrow. “You could always tell her you don’t want to eat that.”

“Then she’ll remind
all of us
how she is five months pregnant. Even Lane is tired of being reminded.”

“Good point,” she replied, nodding her head. “Let’s just go to…”

“Taco Bell!” we both shouted in unison.

Taco Bell was our go to spot anytime we were hungry and couldn’t decide what we wanted. “I’ll drive,” she said as she grabbed her purse.

“Okay. Let’s roll.”

***

A short drive later, we were munching on our favorite food. “I can’t believe you pigged,” Rebecca said, breaking the silence.

I stopped mid-chew and glared at her. After a few seconds, I chewed and swallowed. “You would have, too! He acted like we were long lost friends who needed to catch up.” I took a drink. “But it was typical of him. Javier could be such an ass and then act like it never happened.”

“But something about a man being an ass is kinda sexy.” I rolled my eyes, and she clarified, “I mean, as long as he is still loving. I don’t mean emotional and mental abuse.”

“Oh, I know what you mean. And I agree. I hate that I agree, but I do. Even today, he still had the ability to make me…to turn me on.”

She bit into her burrito. “I can only imagine. Being locked in an enclosed space with him…”

“Stop talking. I don’t want to talk about him anymore. With any luck, I’ll never see him again.” I took a swig of my drink. “Let’s talk about you and Max.”

“What about us? We’re boring.”

“What the fuck ever! I was passed out asleep last night and your shouting woke me up. ‘Oh, Max, harder!’ It was kinda hard to go back to sleep while listening to my sister have sex.” If she was going to put me on the spot, I was putting her on the spot, too.

“He’s good.” Her eyes rounded. “I mean
good.
”

I barked out a laugh at her dreamy face. “Maybe we should get you home, let him come over.”

“He just texted that he’s leaving work in fifteen minutes and heading over. Remind me to order something for him before we leave.”

I tilted my head and looked at my little sister. She was in such a happy place, and I loved that Max had helped get her there. As crazy as it might sound, even though I had been cheated on twice, I never questioned whether good guys existed like some women in my position. Lane and Max proved that to me. Even Caleb. I really didn’t have any harsh feelings toward him. I loved him and wanted to see him happy. I knew he never meant to hurt me.

“I know you and Max are at that spot…I know y’all are talking about moving in together. He knows I’m just temporary, right?”

“We are
not
at that spot. Besides, if we ever do get to that spot, it’s a two bedroom house. He can still move in and you can stay as long as you want. I don’t see any rush for you to leave.”

“Really?”

“Really.” She eyed my food. “Are you finished?”

“Yep. Let’s go. I have some work to do and emails to answer.”

Rebecca ordered Max’s food and we drove home listening to a classic radio station, belting out the tunes as loud as we possibly could.

Tuesday passed in a blur. I didn’t have a lot of time to think about Javier, but I had looked over my shoulder a lot more than usual. I wasn’t exactly sure what I would’ve done if I saw him, but a part of me wanted to find out.

My desk phone rang and I picked it up as I closed a spreadsheet. “Mr. Bradford’s office. Alex Collins speaking.”

“Hi, Alex. It’s Sabrina at reception. I have a Javier Rodriguez here to see you.”

My stomach tumbled and my throat dried. He was at my damn work? What the hell was I supposed to do? I cleared my throat, swallowing the lump that had formed. “Okay. I’ll be right there.”

I sat at my desk for a couple seconds and tried to get a hold of my thoughts and feelings, but I couldn’t. He was at my work! Standing, I smoothed my gray pencil skirt with my hands and took a shaky step toward reception. My mind reeled the entire time, wondering what he could possibly want to say, here, where anyone could listen.

I rounded the corner and my breath caught. He was dressed almost identical to the way he was when I first saw him—dark suit and blue shirt, both tailor-made to fit his body perfectly.

Why the fuck does he have to be so handsome? So utterly sexy?

My clacking heels alerted him to my approach and his eyes snapped in my direction. His throat worked as he swallowed, then his lips parted. I hoped that meant I was having the same effect on him. Not that I wanted anything to happen, but I still liked knowing he found me attractive.

“Alexandria…”

“Javier. What are you doing here?” I asked, coming to a stop in front of him, but not too close.