Lessons of the Past (15 page)

My phone buzzed.

Javier: I’m on my way. Sorry, I had a late meeting.

Me: That’s okay. See you in a bit. :)

After locking my apartment, I drove to the local grocery store to meet him. From there, I was to follow him home. In the back of my mind, I knew if I was sneaking around like a criminal, I was doing something shadier than I wanted to admit. But I loved him. He loved me. It wouldn’t always be like this…or, I hoped it wouldn’t. The truth was, we had never talked about the future.

I parked in the back of the lot and turned the radio up to drown my thoughts. I didn’t want to think about the future or wrongs and rights.

“What the hell are you listening to?” Javier asked, abruptly opening my door.

I looked at him for a minute, letting my mind catch up before looking at the radio. “I have no idea.”

“You ready?”

“Yeah,” I replied, wishing I could kiss him, but we were in public.

“Okay.” He grinned, radiating happiness. “Follow me.”

Javier got back inside his car parked next to mine, then drove away. I followed and realized we only lived about a mile down the beach from each other and a few blocks over. His neighborhood was quiet with new, moderately sized homes. He pulled into the drive of a white clapboard house with black shutters. The front porch gave it a welcoming feel and I became pea green with jealousy. I wanted to live in this home with him. I could almost see us living there together.

He pulled into the attached garage at the back of the house and I parked behind him. Once he gathered his belongings, he stepped out of the garage and helped me out of the car. He shut the door then backed me against it, pressing his body to mine. He kissed me deeply, tasting of mint, and I could feel him beginning to harden beneath his pants. Taking my hand and placing it over his cock, he said, “Feel that? That’s all you, baby. This weekend, I’m going to make sure you never forget it.”

I eyed him, taking in his beautiful blue eyes. “You do the same to me.” I took his hand and slid it between my lacy panties and yoga pants. “Do you feel
that
?”

“Your panties are soaked,” he growled, slamming his mouth back on mine while stroking me through my underwear. “I’ve fucked you on the hood of my car, I think it is only right to fuck you on the hood of yours now.”

Javier spun me around and pushed me over the side of the hood. He yanked down my pants, then I heard the clink of his belt buckle. A second later, he was filling me completely while massaging an ass cheek. “This is going to be fast, baby. I’ll take my time later.”

He pulled out, then slammed back into me—hard
.
I cried out at the feeling and pushed back against him. I needed this as much as he did. Maybe more.

My nipples hardened, almost painfully so, at the feeling of sliding over the metal of the car with each of his thrusts. “Mmm,” I mumbled, almost incoherently, letting all of my thoughts vanish.

I moved my hands from the hood and placed them on his hips to urge him on. He responded by wrapping a hand around my neck. It didn’t hurt, just enough pressure to cause my body to react to the other sensations coursing through it. I could feel the orgasm coming, and when he moved his hand to my clit, flicking it once, I went over the edge, crying out my release into the quiet backyard.

After all this time, he still shocked me with his sexual prowess. I had been with a few guys, but no one made me feel the way Javier does. It was like he knew my body and what I wanted,
needed
, better than I did.

“That’s right, baby. Now, it’s my turn.” He increased his pace and the pressure on my neck. It still didn’t hurt, but I could feel his cock thickening, being turned on further. “Fuck, Alex…” he shouted into the air, coming with a hard plunge.

His breathing was labored when he pulled out, then turned me back around. “Fuck, I love you.”

I stared into his eyes—eyes shining with love for me. I knew I had to tell him. “I love you, too.”

“God, I love hearing you say that.” He kissed me softly. “Say it again.”

I placed my hands on his cheeks, letting my thumbs brush back and forth. “I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”

His grin spread across his entire face. “Let me go shut the gate to be on the safe side, and then we’ll go inside.”

“Okay,” I answered, pulling my pants back on. I watched him fix his clothes then walk to the side of the house where the gate was located. He seemed carefree, and sexy as sin. His looks still sucker punched me sometimes. It was hard to fathom the fact that he wanted plain ole me.

Javier came back around the house a moment later, his grin still in place. “The gate will prevent anyone from seeing your car.” He took my hand, kissing it. “Let’s go enjoy our weekend. Oh, and by the way, I’m not letting you go to tutoring tomorrow. I don’t want to give up that time. So, I’ll slip into professor mode for a couple hours and you’ll email Emily saying you won’t make it.”

“Okay.” I let him lead me into the house. It wasn’t massive, but it definitely wasn’t a small house either. The kitchen was outfitted in granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. “This is nice.”

He shrugged. “I bought it for Caroline. The backyard is pretty big, and the layout fits our lifestyle.”

“What?” I asked, not understanding.

He grabbed my hand. “Let me show you.” He led me through the kitchen and living room down a hallway. “This is my room,” he said, opening a door.

I walked inside a room that appeared to be an office. A dark wood desk sat in the corner with a bookshelf to the side. It was a plain office. I was puzzled how this “fit their lifestyle”.

“Go through that door,” he instructed, and I complied. Opening the door, I was surrounded by a hallway of clothes. Javier’s clothes, to be exact. I glanced around, then spotted another door at the other end of the long room. Turning to look at him, I silently asked if I was supposed to open the next door. He nodded.

As I stepped through his closet, I took in the scent of him. It was my favorite smell. I opened the other door and was standing in the doorway of a bedroom—his bedroom. It was small, but afforded the space for a king-size bed, chest, and nightstand.

Turning around, I said, “I still don’t quite understand.”

He swallowed and closed the space between us. “This is my bedroom. Out there is my office. Caroline has never seen this room, only the office. I have a monitor in her room so I can hear her. If she wakes up to come find me, I can easily wake up and go in the office, pretending to be working or that I fell asleep. Although, she only wakes in the middle of the night when she’s sick now. That’s how I get away with sleeping at your place.”

“Wow. You really have thought of everything.”

He rested his chin on my head. “I just want her to have a good life. My mom might be a lawyer, but she can’t be one hundred percent certain I would get custody. And I can’t trust Amy to take care of her.”

“What do you mean? You leave her alone all the time with her.”

“Not like that. I just worry that Caroline wouldn’t come first. Besides, I married Amy because I wanted Caroline to have a traditional home life.”

I pulled away and took in my surroundings. He didn’t require a lot at all. I flopped down on his bed and rolled to look at him. He was staring at me wide eyed, worried. “It’s a lot to take in. It’s one thing for you to tell me things, it’s another to see it. But seeing it does help. You really do live separately.”

“We really do,” he replied, coming to lay on me. He kissed my lips, once, twice, then trailed kisses to my ear and down my neck. Closing my eyes, I let my body feel his love for me. My hands wandered down his back, and I tilted my head to give him better access. Opening my eyes, I noticed something on the nightstand that made my breath falter.

“Javier…” I breathed, speechless.

“Yeah, baby?” He continued kissing me, making his way to the swell of my breast.

“You have a picture of us?” It was obviously a cell phone picture we had taken while laying on my bed.

He raised up, eyes wide. “I, um…well, most men have the woman they love in a picture on their desk at work or at least their home office. I can’t. This,” he grabbed the frame, “gets me through the hard days. Days when I want to check out and run.”

A smile bloomed on my face. “I get it. And I love it.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I said, and his eyes shined.

He rose to his feet. “Why don’t we eat some dinner? I’m starving.”

“Sure. Sounds good.” I took his hand and stood. “What do you want? I’m game for whatever.”

“Why don’t you get comfortable? Feel free to look around, and I’ll run to get us some food.” He placed a swift kiss on my lips. “Be right back.”

I lay back down on his bed, watching him leave the room. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to look around his house. He may not like Amy, but it was still
her
house, not mine, and that was an invasion of privacy. Honestly, I loved seeing his room and how he had made everything work, but I didn’t feel right being there. I felt dirty.

I’d make it work for the night, then tomorrow, I’d suggest we spend the weekend at my place. The place where our relationship belonged. A lone tear escaped my eye as I lay there, trying to fight my feelings.

I can’t be here.

In one second, I had my mind made up and I was gathering my bag. I hated hurting him, but I just couldn’t stay. Not even until he got back. I found a paper and pen on his office desk and wrote him a note.

Javier,

I’m sorry. It just feels wrong

for me to be here.

I just can’t.

Love,

Alex

I placed it on the kitchen island and left.

I had been home for maybe ten minutes before my phone began ringing.

“Hi,” I whispered.

“What the hell? You left!”

A tear leaked from my eyes and I wiped it away. “I’m sorry. I just…I can’t be there. I can’t do it.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.” The line went dead and I tossed the phone on the bed beside my head. I heaved a deep breath then got up to fix myself a glass of wine. I’d need wine to deal with him when he arrived.

I poured a glass then threw it back in one large gulp. It still didn’t seem like it would be enough, so I poured another glass.

The deadbolt clicked and I caught sight of Javier entering, anger radiating from him. He tossed his overnight bag on the floor then carried a brown sack into the kitchen. Not saying anything, he placed the bag on the counter then walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer. He popped it open and chugged.

Even after he finished, he didn’t say anything for a long minute. “I honestly don’t know what to say. I’m terrified right now. And mad. So fucking mad.”

“You have no right to be mad,” I hissed, going to sit on the couch.

“Oh, I have a right.” He followed me to the living room and stood in front of me, hands on his hips. “You couldn’t have waited a few minutes and talked to me face to face? You took the coward’s way out and ran.”

Rolling my eyes, I replied, “I didn’t take the coward’s way out. I left a note. You know where I live. I just couldn’t be in another woman’s home any longer. It’s fucking wrong.”

“It’s not her house. It’s mine.”

“Does she live there?”

Now, he was rolling his eyes. “Your point?”

“It’s her house. My dad pays for this apartment, but it’s considered mine.”

“Well, hell,” he said, crossing his arms, “I probably shouldn’t disrespect your father by sleeping with his daughter in the apartment he pays for. You are being illogical! Maybe if Amy thought we had a real relationship, it would be different, but she knows better. Hell, she’s probably out fucking someone right now, and I don’t give a shit!”

He scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair, then came to sit on the table in front of me. “If you don’t feel comfortable there, fine. You know how things are and hopefully you won’t have any more worries. You see that you aren’t breaking a marriage up or anything like that.” He paused, taking my hand. “Can we please just enjoy our weekend together? I’ve been looking forward to it all week.”

I nodded and bit my lip. “Yes. That sounds nice.”

“I have dinner. Let’s eat.” Javier stood and strolled to the kitchen.

I let out a deep breath and followed him. “What did you get?”

“Mexican. Beef enchiladas.” He dug out a couple food containers. “Can you get some bowls out for the queso and salsa?”

“You remembered my favorite,” I said sweetly, grabbing two bowls.

“Kinda hard to forget when you talk about it all the time. I believe I get a text once a week about you wanting it.”

Playfully, I said, “I have the best boyfriend.” Then, I smacked a kiss on his cheek.

***

We rinsed the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher after devouring our meal. I had no idea what he had planned now that I had ruined his original plans.

A pair of muscled arms wrapped around me and Javier’s lips found my neck. “Come with me,” he instructed, spinning me around.

“Okay,” I agreed, taking his hand and letting him lead me to the bedroom.

“Why don’t you take off those clothes and lay down?”

I eyed him for a second. “Slick. I’m not sure I can resist.”

He rolled his eyes. “Just do it and stop being a smartass.”

I narrowed my eyes, then began to strip. I reached down to the hem of my shirt and slowly began to lift it up over my stomach, breasts, then finally, my shoulders and head.

“I know what you are doing,” he rasped, taking his shirt off just as slowly. His dark skin glistening, showing off each and every muscle.

I swallowed, my mouth dry. “I’m taking my clothes off like you demanded.”

“I didn’t demand. And if you’d just do what I
asked
, you might find that you like what I have planned.” Javier’s eyes took a wicked gleam. “Maybe I should just fuck that incredible ass of yours. I bet you’d stop.”

I froze. “What?”

“You’d like that. I know you would. Can see it in your eyes.” He came closer, placing his fingers under the shoulder strap of my bra. He fingered it for a moment, then whispered, “I’ll give you anything you want. You just have to ask. Even fuck that tight ass of yours.”