Lessons of the Past (17 page)

His hands scrubbed his face. “Yes and no. I let my desire for you cloud everything else—my morals, included.”

Tears began to pool in my eyes. “Go on,” I spat.

“If we get caught, I’ve fucked up three lives. Caroline’s, yours, and mine. You won’t graduate, I’ll lose my job, and maybe my marriage.”

I snorted. “Your marriage?” I asked slowly. “The marriage you claim isn’t real?”

“It’s not real to me, but it is to my daughter.”

“You do realize she will grow up one day and figure out the marriage is a sham, right? That you’re a fucking liar!” I was letting my anger get the best of me, but I didn’t care. He deserved every piece of it.

“I know. But she’ll be older and able to understand things better.”

I wrapped my arms around my body. “I don’t understand why you are doing this. I told my sister, that’s it.”

Javier placed his hands on his hips. “Don’t forget your friend,” he said dryly.

I wanted to slap him. I wanted to hate him. “I didn’t fucking tell him! He accidentally saw it. That isn’t my fault.”

“I’m not saying it is. I’m just saying I can’t risk it.”

I sat down on the couch. “I love you. You said you loved me, you can’t do this. I won’t let you.”

His breathing picked up and his lips twisted into a sick smirk. “I didn’t want to tell you this, but I’ve been sleeping with someone else.”

All the blood drained from my face and my heart completely shattered. “What?” I whispered.

“Yeah.” He closed his eyes, then opened them again. “The girl from your class, Mia, I’ve slept with her a couple times. She came on to me and I saw how easy it was to get away with it with you, so I fucked her.”

How? How could he do this? Did he not care about me at all? Was I just a game this entire time? Just someone to fuck with?

I put my face in my hands, a sob tearing through me. “Get out.”

I felt him sit down in front of me and take my hands. “Alexandria.”

“Don’t,” I shouted, pushing his hands off me. “Don’t you fucking touch me!” Rage pierced through my body, propelling me forward. I hit his chest, and screamed, “You fucking asshole! You’re nothing but a piece of worthless trash!” I stood, then shoved at his shoulders as he sat on the coffee table. “I hope you burn in hell.”

I stomped down the hallway, then turned and yanked the ring off my finger. I hated him so much in that moment. Taking the ring and throwing it at him, I yelled, “Get the fuck out of my apartment!”

“Wait!”

“Fuck you!”

Launching myself on the bed, I cried. I had to be the stupidest girl alive. Not only was he sleeping with me, but he’d been sleeping with someone else. It had been right in front of my face the entire time, yet I had believed him when he said he only wanted me.

I was a joke.

Opening my eyes, I saw Javier standing in the doorway of my room, looking broken. He had tears in his eyes and he was staring at me.
Why the fuck is he crying? I didn’t just break his damn heart.
“I told you to leave and I meant it.”

“I love you, Alexandria. Please know that.”

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.” I rolled over and grabbed the pillow next to me. I was hurting more than I ever thought possible. My heart was shattered and battered, bleeding.

“Okay,” he whispered.

Then, I heard his retreating footsteps, and finally the door opening and closing. A sob burst from my chest and I cried. Minutes, hours went by while I lay curled up on my bed letting everything out. Letting my love for him out, and my hatred fill the void. I had to, otherwise I would completely break. I’d been a game to him, a pawn to play with, and I was absolutely not going to let him win.

Feeling sick, I peeled myself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before my stomach revolted. Images of Javier and that girl flashed through my mind. Them in his office, on his car—everywhere. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to scrub them out of my mind. I had been such a stupid fool. An idiot. My stomach lurched again, my body quaking with hurt and regret. Regret that I had ever fallen for him. Once my entire stomach was empty, I cleaned myself the best I could with tears running down my face.

I only had one person I could call, but I knew he would be there for me.

I found my cell phone on the coffee table and right next to it sat my ring. Why would he give me that ring? Why would he tell me he loved me? Why not just sleep with me? I had no idea, but I knew I couldn’t be alone another moment.

I took a deep breath, unlocked the screen, and dialed.

“Hello?” he answered. I began sobbing again, just hearing his sweet voice.

“Lane…I need you. Please.”

Javier

(Present)

Almost five years later and I could still vividly remember watching Alexandria kiss him. I was in the student union, ordering my lunch, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. His arm was slung around her shoulder as they stood in another line, and he looked down at her with lust in his eyes as she reached up and kissed him. It had only been a peck, but it was enough for me to know she had moved on. I had wanted that, wanted her to be happy, but it still fucking killed me.

Mandy called, telling me I had to get down to the family law firm around nine forty-five, and I knew exactly why. Last week over dinner, she had casually mentioned someone from my past was getting divorced and just happened to be using Raymond and Raymond. She couldn’t legally give me a name, but I knew exactly who the person was.

My Alexandria.

The one person besides my daughter I had truly loved, and the one person I had shattered. I could still remember her face when I told her it was over. Five years later, it still haunted my dreams.

I texted Mandy to let her know I was parking. She texted she’d meet me in the lobby.

“Jav,” she greeted as she stepped out of the elevator. Mandy was my little sister and the one person I’d confided in about my relationship with Alexandria. She worked at the family law firm and had convinced me to divorce Amy four and a half years ago.

“Hey,” I said, giving her a quick hug.

“So, um, want to come up?” Her eyes were wide, trying to convey that my answer needed to be yes.

“She’s up there?”

“Any minute. She’s picking something up for someone else.”

I scrubbed my hand through my hair. It had been four years since I had seen Alexandria in person. For a year and a half, while she finished her college education, I had watched her from afar. Watched her date someone else. The same man I had watched her kiss that day in the union. The same man she eventually married. I won’t lie and say I didn’t stalk her online or on campus, but when she posted her wedding and honeymoon pictures, I was done. After that, I focused on my divorce and moving back to Houston. Of course, I’ve thought about her every damn day, but I tried not to look her up and see how happy she is.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

She pushed the elevator call button. “You mean, you. I’m not doing anything.”

The doors slid open and we stepped inside the car. “It’s been a long time, okay?” I sighed. “I broke her.”

“I’m sure she hates you, but you need to try.” She shrugged.

“Yeah.” The doors slid open on the twelfth floor and I heaved a deep breath.

We stepped out into the hallway and Mandy kissed my cheek. “I have to get back to work. Good luck.”

“Thanks.”
What the fuck am I doing? Alexandria doesn’t want to see me.
Why would she? I had stomped all over her, made her feel dirty and used.

My eyes swung to the glass doors of Raymond and Raymond and my heart stopped. Alexandria was sitting in a waiting chair. Her hair was still long and beautiful, her face as stunning as ever, and even though she was sitting and I couldn’t see her well from my location, her body looked as incredible as it had been five years ago.

Holly, the receptionist, came back to her desk. They exchanged a few words, then Holly made a call. I couldn’t miss the way Alexandria’s eyebrows scrunched together and her face morphed into worry…or something closely related.

I took a seat as my heart pounded out of my chest, knowing she’d be walking out into the foyer soon. Holly placed the phone down and they shared a few words. Alexandria turned to leave and I thought I might have a heart attack. She opened the door, and suddenly, we were in the same room.
God, what I wouldn’t give to feel her.
I almost could. I thought about her taste, smell, and touch so often, it was hardwired into my brain.

Knowing I had to say something or risk losing my chance, I blurted, “Alexandria? Is that you?”

She stood still for a moment before turning to me, her face stony. “Javier,” was her only reply.

“Oh my God,” I said, sounding like a complete asshat. “How are you?”

“I’m great,” she grated out, a fake smile on her face. The elevator arrived and she began to step inside. “I have to go, but it was great seeing you.”

She hated me, couldn’t get away from me fast enough, but I couldn’t let her go. This was my chance and I was taking it. “Wait!” I yelled. Sticking my hand out, I stopped the doors from closing and stepped inside. Her hazel eyes were sparkling with anger and in that moment, I knew I was still one hundred percent in love with her. “I, uh…I haven’t seen you in years.”

She arched an eyebrow. “And?”

I scrubbed my hand over my face. “You look great. Still as beautiful as ever.”

Alexandria tilted her head to the side. “What are you doing?”

She hadn’t lost her attitude over the years. I smiled. “Trying to talk to you.”

“You want to talk to me? What could we possibly have to say to each other?” she said indignantly, a scowl on her face.

“You could tell me how you are. What you’ve been up to. Anything, really.” I was rambling, but fuck, I still wanted her. I wanted to shove her up against the elevator wall and kiss her. Then hike that tight skirt up those legs and fuck her senseless.

She snorted. “You want to know what I’ve been up to? How I’ve been?” She paused. “I’ve been living my life. That’s what I’ve been up to. And it’s been fucking fantastic.”

I nodded. “Have lunch with me.”
Spend the rest of your life with me.

Her eyebrows bunched. “Have lunch with you?” she scoffed. The elevator car stopped and the doors opened. “I have to get to work. It was nice seeing you.”

She stepped out of the car and my eyes stayed on her until the doors shut. I stood rooted to the spot as the elevator started making its way down.

Alexandria hadn’t lost her…spunk over the years, that was for sure. She was pissed and probably hated me, but what could I expect after crushing her? And she was going through a divorce. Maybe now hadn’t been the best time to show up in her life, but I sure as hell didn’t want to waste any time like I had in the past.

Lessons of the past, I should teach a course on that. Lesson number one: don’t marry a bitch because you
think
it’s the right thing to do. Lesson number two: don’t walk away from the woman you love. Hold on tight and never let go.

The elevator stopped on several floors, people shuffling in and stepping off. I finally checked my watch. It was ten-twenty and I didn’t have to teach a class until one. I had time to swing by my sister’s office and talk.

I waited until the car arrived at the ground floor before punching the number for twelve to take me back up to the law firm. Two men and a woman joined me, talking about an important meeting they were on their way to attend, while I replayed my encounter with Alexandria.

I still fucking love her.

The doors opened on the twelfth floor, and I stepped out, heading toward Mandy’s office. “Hi, Holly,” I greeted the receptionist. “How are you?”

She beamed. “Javier, it’s about time. You need to come by here more often.” She paused and glanced down the hallway toward the offices. “I’m good. Great now that I get to see your pretty face.”

“Does my sister have anyone in her office?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

I grinned. “Well, you would know. I think you know more than anyone around here.” I began walking toward Mandy’s closed door. “You take care.”

“You, too, handsome.”

I laughed and knocked on the door. “Come in.”

Opening the door slightly, I peeked my head inside. Mandy sat at her desk, fingers on her keyboard, black, shiny hair hanging around her face. “You busy?”

She tossed her glasses on the desk. “Nope. Just waiting on your ass to get back down here.”

I opened the door completely and walked inside, promptly shutting it. Then, I sat down and sighed. “She fucking hates me.”

“Of course she does. What the hell did you expect?”

I propped an ankle over my knee. “It’s one thing to know it, it’s another to experience it.” I paused, running a hand through my hair. “Fuck. I don’t know what to do. She’s getting a divorce, she doesn’t need me screwing with her life.”

Mandy smiled sweetly. “Or you could not be a bastard for once and make her life better instead of screwing with it.”

“How? How the fuck can I do that?”

“Be persistent. But not annoying. Remind her of the good times and show her even better ones. But above all else, be her damn friend.”

I still had no clue how to do that when Alexandria didn’t want anything to do with me. It hurt like hell knowing the love of my life hated me, but I had done it to myself. On purpose.

“So, where the fuck do I start?” I questioned. I knew I was beginning to be an ass, but my sister was use to my shit.

“Ask her to have lunch? Dinner? Do you know where she works?”

“You do.”

Mandy rolled her dark brown eyes. “I can’t give you information like that and you know it. You should’ve joined the family business instead of teaching boring math.”

“She works at some energy company. I saw it on the wall of the floor she stopped at.” I sighed. “Ask her to dinner? Even though she ran from me?”

“Don’t be a stalker or anything, just let her know you still care.”

A knock sounded at the door and in stepped our mother. “Javier, what are you doing here? And you didn’t even come by to say hello?”