Learning to Dance Again (25 page)

A few minutes later Cameron turned up, with Amy, which was a pleasant surprise for everyone.

‘You don’t mind do you? Laura said she was going to a party later. I thought it was best if she came with me. She’ll probably fall asleep soon; she’s been up since five.’

‘Of course I don’t mind. There’s plen
ty of food, and I’m sure she could have a little sleep in the downstairs bedroom, if she’s tired.’

C
ameron smiled his thanks and took Amy into the lounge where Bryden immediately engaged in conversation with her about what Santy had brought her for Christmas. Amy had brought along her new doll and she proceeded to show Bryden all of Barbie’s new outfits, much to the amusement of Jamie and Liam.

‘Santy bought me this new iPad. You can watch films on it. Do you want to have a look?’ Bryden said to Amy, deftly trying to change the subject from dolls.

He downloaded a Jessie J video and Amy sat entranced with the iPad on her lap.

Cameron followed Julia back to the kitchen as she was almost ready to start serving up.

‘I’ve got you a present,’ he said quietly, not wishing to be overheard.

‘Oh?’ Julia said, thinking quickly about what she could give him in return and failing to come up with anything. ‘I feel bad now, I didn’t get you anything.’

‘This is enough, just having me over for dinner,’ Cameron said, walking back to the hallway where he bent down to pick up a large flat box wrapped in gold paper. He handed it to Julia who wiped her hands on her apron before taking it. She looked up at him quizzically, wondering what it could be. Then she peeled away the sellotape and opened the box. Inside was a bubble-wrapped picture. She ripped off the bubble wrap and revealed a large framed photograph of Duncan, who looked like he was doing some woodwork in a workshop.

‘Where was this taken?’

‘It was the last time Duncan came along to the bunker. He designed the shields for the Jarl Squad and he helped carve some of the axe shafts.’

‘Really? I didn’t know he designed the shield.’

‘Well it’s top secret until Up Helly Aa isn’t it? You weren’t supposed to know anything about it. I shouldn’t really be giving you this picture yet.’

‘It’s a gre
at picture,’ Julia said, glued to the image of Duncan, who had clearly been enjoying himself at the time. On the worktop beside him was a bottle of beer and Duncan was holding a piece of wood that was obviously about to be turned into an axe shaft. On an open laptop next to the beer was a picture of an ornate Celtic pattern, and a diagram of an axe.

‘You can’t show this to anyone yet.’ Cameron said, pointing to the laptop in the picture.

‘Rubbish!’ Julia said, walking straight into the lounge. Cameron sighed dramatically and followed her.

‘Look at this lovely picture of your dad. It was taken at the Up Helly Aa bunker this year.’

Cameron and Bryden jumped up to see it. They took it in turns to hold it and both nodded in approval.

‘I told your mother it was supposed to be a secret until January, but she wouldn’t listen.’

‘Typical woman!’ Bryden said, grinning wickedly at Julia.

‘This is great, Cameron, thanks,’ Jamie said. ‘
Are there any more pictures of Dad at the bunker?’

‘Yeah, one of the squad has been taking photos and videos of all the work that has gone on
during the last year. You can have copies after Up Helly Aa is over.’

‘Cool!’ Bryden said, slapping Cameron on the back.

Julia took the photograph and placed it on the window sill beside the candle.

‘I’
ll take it upstairs later and put it in my room so nobody else sees it,’ she said to Cameron. She stood and admired the photograph for a moment and then turned on her heels and headed back to the kitchen, with a noticeable bounce in her walk.

‘Dinner will be on the table in a few minutes,’ she said, as she passed the sofa, pausing to ruffle Bryden’s hair.

‘Oh goodie,’ Amy said, leaping up from the sofa, almost knocking the iPad onto the floor. Bryden caught it and put it away in a wicker basket under the coffee table.

When Julia brought the plates of food into the dining room, she found everyone sitting there expectantly. Jamie was sitting at the head of the table, Julia noticed with a smile.
Julia sat down and then jumped up again immediately to fetch juice for Amy and the bottle of white wine that was still in the fridge.

‘I didn’t bother with starters,’ she said apolo
getically, as she took the only vacant seat between Jamie and Cameron

Jamie reached
for the gravy and laughed at her.

‘So you’re not counting the pringles, nuts and chocolates you ate earlier as a starter.’

‘Of course not!’ Julia said, prodding him in the ribs. ‘Come on everyone, help yourself to gravy, cranberry sauce; don’t be shy.’ She nodded at Liam, who was sitting back waiting for everyone else to start.

‘This looks great; t
hanks for inviting me,’ he said.

‘Thanks for coming along,
and you too, Amy and Cameron; this is a lovely having so many people for dinner.’

As everyone
start to tuck in to their food, Julia thought back to the previous Christmas. It had been a strange day. Duncan had been so tired he had slept for most of the afternoon, and had not been able to eat much of his dinner. A few days before the holiday he had been along to the hospital for tests, to see how successful his treatment had been and they were told they would not know the outcome until the New Year. It had felt like a lifetime to wait. The doctors had been fairly optimistic, but because Duncan was still feeling lethargic and had not bounced back to his normal self, it had been hard for them to share the optimism at the time.

Bryden and Jamie had come home, worn out from studying and the stress of worrying about their father. They had been quiet and anxious over the holiday
last year. Now they were sitting around the table loudly sparring with each other and Liam, and teasing Amy about her taste in pop music.

It was lovely, Julia thought, to sit here with family and friends, even if the weight of grief and sadness was still visible in the faces of her sons. They had aged a little over the last year, and she most certainly had
too.

She reached for her glass of water just as Cameron put his hand out to pass Amy
the dish of cranberry sauce. His hand brushed against hers and she flinched. She dropped her hand onto her lap, surprised at the tingling sensation she still felt where they had touched.

‘So what have you been
doing today?’ Cameron asked the table as a whole.

‘Scrabble marathon and drinking whisky for the most part,’ Jamie replied.

‘Picking up the pieces of some people’s overindulgence in alcohol,’ Liam said, raising his glass of wine like a toast, and taking a sip. ‘Cheers!’

‘I
got roller-skates,’ Amy said, ‘and I fell over and banged my knee. Mummy got cross with me.’ Amy picked up a roast potato with her fingers and took a bite out of it. Julia saw Cameron frown at his daughter and silently gesture to her to use her fork. Amy grinned and picked up her cutlery again, and carried on eating. Cameron turned and raised his eyebrows at Julia, suggesting he was a little anxious about his daughter.

Julia watched Amy picking at her food. She clearly wasn’t very hungry but she seeme
d to relish the attention. She constantly looked at her dad for reassurance, and Julia noticed him wink at Amy and pull a funny face that made her laugh.

‘Why haven’t you got any crackers?’ Amy said to Julia. ‘We had crackers, and a hat.’

‘Do you know something, Amy, I completely forgot about crackers.’

‘Waste of money anyway,’ Bryden said.

‘I like your flowers. They have an architectural quality to them,’ Amy said, making Julia choke with surprise.

Jamie burst out laughing and Amy looked around at the adults,
not understanding what was so amusing.

‘What’s funny
, Daddy? You said that to the lady in the flower shop and she didn’t laugh.’

‘Nothing’s funny, we just thought you were being very clever
, sweetie,’ Cameron said.’

Julia wondered
who Cameron had been buying flowers for and hated herself for feeling jealous. She had no right.

They finished their dinner. Amy started to wilt and said no to pudding, so Bryden took her to the lounge and put on a cartoon for her. Julia brought out a tray with a large homemade Black Forest Gateau and set it in the middle of the table. Bryden and Jamie looked perplexed.

‘Didn’t you make Christmas pudding this year?’ Jamie said, almost sulkily.

‘Not this year. I decided to make your dad’s favourite cake instead. We had this on our very first date.’

‘Very retro,’
Cameron said. ‘I think all first dates involved Black Forest Gateau back in the day.’

Julia rewarded him with a warm smile of gratitude. They lingered over coffee and cake
, talking about Duncan. Cameron recounted stories about their school days, for the benefit of Bryden and Jamie.  Then he excused himself to check on Amy and came back to report she was fast asleep.

‘Perhaps I had better call a taxi and take her home.’

‘Oh no, it’s way too early.’ Bryden said. ‘Why don’t you put Amy in the spare room; I expect she’s out for the count now.’

Cameron
looked at Julia, who nodded.

‘Please stay, this has been so nic
e. Come on; you carry Amy and I’ll show you to the room.’

Cameron followed her to the lounge, stopping to pick Amy up who remained zonked out as he carried her through to the bedroom. Julia pulled back the
duvet and held it while he laid Amy down on the bed. He bent down to take off her shoes, and a plastic bracelet she had on her wrist. Julia covered up the sleeping child, and wondered how long it would be before she would be doing this again for a foster child. She felt a rush of excitement that having children staying in her house might be part of her future. She looked at Cameron and smiled at him and then switched on a dim lamp in the corner of the room in case Amy woke up.

As they stood by the bedroom door, Cameron put his arm around Julia’s shoulder and pulled her towards him in a brief hug. He kissed her cheek.

‘Thanks again,’ he said, before standing back to let her out of the room.

Julia hurried out, flummoxed by the sudden affection that
threatened to open the floodgates on her memories of Sicily. She felt the tumble of butterflies as an image of him naked in her bed entered her thoughts. She waved her hand in the air, subconsciously batting away the idea as she walked back to the dining room, where her sons and Liam were still sitting amid the detritus of the meal.

‘Anyone want some mo
re wine or coffee?’ Julia said, picking up her glass and draining it, as she stood waiting for a response.

‘Nah, I’m good. Shall we go and sit in the lounge?’ Jamie said to Liam and Bryden.

‘What about clearing the table?’ Liam said, standing and picking up his plate.

‘No, no; leave it to me. You go
on, all of you; it won’t take me five minutes to load the dishwasher,’ Julia said.

Without any protest,
the young men left the room, and Julia sat down heavily on her chair and reached for the bottle of wine and refilled her glass. She took a sip and shut her eyes for a moment. She had boxed up the memories of Sicily and packed them away in her head, marked “never to be opened.” Cameron’s, relatively innocent kiss had undone the box in such a way the memories might not fit back in.

She could
n’t understand why she felt so confused. In theory at least, she was a single woman, free to love whoever she wanted to; and in a way, Cameron was single again too, albeit with an estranged wife and a young child. But in reality she didn’t think the people closest to her would consider her ready to move on from Duncan. She imagined her sons would be horrified if they knew what had happened in Sicily.

It had been less than a year since Duncan died; a little over eight months in fact. She didn’t know how long she would need to wait before it would be acceptable to take up with another man, but it most certainly wouldn’t be before the first anniversary.

‘You OK?’ Cameron asked, startling her.

He sat down in the chair Jamie had vacated. He c
rossed his arms, signalling he didn’t intend to touch her, but he smiled warmly at her.

Julia felt her eyes water.

‘I don’t know. Really, I just don’t know how I feel.’ She brushed the tears away with the back of her wrist and stared down at the table cloth. ‘One minute my heart is breaking for Duncan; the next I’m making plans for the future. I feel angry, then I’m sad, then like today I felt something close to happiness again. And now I’m back to sad. Why did he have to die?’

‘I don’t know. I wish he hadn’t. I wish lots of things, but most of all I wish he was still here.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘What for?’