Learning to Dance Again (28 page)

But I will
still be with you. I’m in your DNA. I’m a part of you and always will be. You will see me in the mirror when you shave each morning. You will see me in your brother too. You will find yourself saying things that I said to you. The kind of things that made you lift your eyes to heaven in despair, yes indeed, you will say them too to your kids. You will become your old dad, and I hope you don’t mind. I hope I’m a part of your life for many more years. But if not, know this, I love you and always will do.

Whatever happens in your life, take your mother and brother with you. Don’t let my departure be a reason to fall out or grow apart.

There may be tough times ahead. I don’t want you and Bryden to be miserable on my account. I want you to be happy, to live life to the full, to take advantage of the good things you have going on.

I also want
your mother to be happy. She will need your support though. She is one tough independent cookie, but she is not the kind of person who should spend her life alone. I really don’t want her to end up like my mother, who was widowed when she was still young, but whose life seemed to end when my father’s did.

So even though it might hurt, I would appreciate it if you could encourage her to forge a new life for herself, and if that involves a new man, then you and Bryden will need to man-up and accept that.

Julia set the letter down for a moment, there was still a couple of pages left
, and a cursory scan showed they contained some amusing anecdotes of Jamie’s childhood. She couldn’t read any more though. She slumped on the sofa and shut her eyes, trying to think when Duncan had written the letters. She hadn’t been aware of him doing this, although he had told her during one of his later hospital appointments that he had. He had laughed and said it was just an insurance policy against the treatment not working. He said he had every intention of ripping them up as soon as he was cured.

Luckily he see
med to have forgotten the letters. They had obviously cheered up her sons a great deal, although she didn’t feel quite so cheerful herself.

20

Jamie and Bryden flew back to Edinburgh on 5th January. Julia drove them down to the airport and stayed to watch their plane taking off; soaring into the cold grey winter sky, containing everything she held dear to her. She drove home again, emotionally drained, and wishing she could keep them at home with her forever.

Bryden’s
job interview had taken place they day before, and a few days later Bryden rang her to say that he had got the job. He would be starting after the Easter holidays. Julia could not contain her happiness.

Over the next couple of weeks she had more meetings with social workers as part of the fostering assessment process. References had been sought from various friends and colleagues and she ha
d been told that the Panel would meet at the end of March to discuss her application, but without making a commitment, the social worker had hinted that it was pretty certain she would be accepted.

Julia set about the process of making her house child-fri
endly again. She redecorated two of the spare bedrooms, creating a warm, friendly and gender-neutral environment. After asking permission from Bryden, she also removed his remaining possessions from his old bedroom and moved them into his new house. She then bought new bedding and curtains for the room, ensuring it would be suitable for an older child or teenager. In the meantime it would also be the room that Tony would have when he came to stay.

These activities kept her so busy that she had not seen Came
ron since the Christmas holiday, but then he had also been busy with preparations for Up Helly Aa.

On the Saturday evening before Up Helly Aa
, he rang Julia, asking for a favour. He needed someone to look after Amy while the official squad photographs were taken on Sunday morning. Amy wanted to come and watch, but Laura had refused to take her.

‘Of course I will. I would lov
e to; shall I come over to your place tomorrow morning?’ Julia said.

‘Yes please. We’
re setting off early to get to the beach, so we have to be on the coach about 8.30. The weather forecast is not looking brilliant for later on tomorrow so we’re hoping we can get all the photographs taken before the storm.’

‘Ah yes;
I had better dress for the occasion then.’

‘Hmm, that’s what I said to Amy too, but she has a Viking
“princess” dress that she wants to wear. I don’t suppose I’ll be able to get her to put a coat over the top of it.’

‘She’ll be fine. I’ll make she doesn’t freeze.’

‘Thanks Jules. Are you sure you don’t mind?’

‘Don’t be silly. I would have been there to watch if Duncan…’

‘I know; that’s what I meant.’

‘I’ll be fine. I’m looking forward to it.’

Julia put the phone down and hurried upstairs to put out some clothes
ready for the early morning start. At the risk of looking like the Michelin man she decided on leggings to wear under her jeans, walking boots, a thermal vest, a long sleeve tee-shirt and her favourite Fair Isle jumper, gloves, hat and scarf. She knew that most of the other WAGs would be dressed up in their finest, as they would be posing for photographs with their men. However, Julia was not a wife or girlfriend of a squad member. She wouldn’t be appearing in any of the photographs.

The next morning was as cold and windy as anticipated, but at least it was dry for the time being. Julia got dressed, without bothering to put on any make-up and had a quick cup of tea before setting off to pick up Amy.

Cameron
opened the door wearing jeans and a thick sweater. He had not shaved since Julia had seen him last and he had a thick red beard, flecked with grey, which made Julia smile; but she did not comment. It was funny seeing him looking so hairy and unkempt. He was always so neat and tidy.

‘We’re meeting at the bun
ker to get changed. But come in; Amy’s all ready to go.’

Amy ran out into the hallway, dressed in a long green velvet tunic
, trimmed with gold braid and fake fur, with black Ugg boots, black leggings, and a medieval style tiara on her head.

‘Look at me; I’m a princess,’ she shouted, jigging around in the manner of a child who has consumed too many E numbers.

‘Calm down Amy; you need to save your energy for later,’ Cameron said soothingly.

Julia laughed.
‘Calm down? Yeah, like that’s going to happen?’

‘That’s why I needed you to come too. One of the other mothers could probably look after her, but their own kids are likely to be just as over-excited.’

‘Good point. So; will we go in one car, or shall we meet you somewhere?’

‘It’s best if you come and
meet us in a little while. We’ll need to get suited and booted which will take a while. If you drive along to the bunker in about an hour, we’ll be ready to get on the coach then.’

‘OK then;
off you go. We’ll see you soon.’

Cameron touched Julia’s arm as he headed for the front door.

‘Thanks, I really appreciate this. Amy! You be good for Julia won’t you?’

Amy nodded vigorously, sending the tiara tumbling across the floor.

Julia picked it up.

‘Let’s get this fixed into place,’ she said, as Cameron smiled
at them and closed the front door.

Julia took Amy up to her bedroom and found a hairbrush and grips. She sat the little girl down at the dressing table and brushed her long brown hair. It was soft and silky from having just been washed, so it would be a struggle to keep the tiara in place.

‘I don’t suppose you have any hairspray,’ Julia asked, doubtfully.

‘No, my mummy does, but she doesn’t live here,’ Amy replied.

‘Alrighty, let’s see what we can do with your hair to make your tiara stay still. I’m not
very good at doing girls’ hair because I had two boys. But we’ll give it a try eh?’

Amy nodded confidently back at Julia through the mirror.

Julia decided to create two plaits around the crown of Amy’s head and then joined them together at the back with an elastic band. Then she anchored the ends of the tiara into the plaits at the side, and secured them with grips for added resilience against the wind. She spotted some fresh roses in a vase on Amy’s window sill and pulled out a tight pink rosebud. She snapped off the end and de-thorned it and then tucked it into the elastic band that held the plaits together.

‘There; how’s that for a princess hairdo?’ Julia said, pleased with the effect.

‘That’s magic. I will be the best princess today.’ Amy said, without a trace of humility.

Julia smiled, wishing she had some of Amy’s confidence
.

‘Right then, maybe you should use the bathroom before we go,’ Julia said, standing up and walking towards the door.

‘My daddy likes you,’ Amy said, as she stood up and turned to admire her hair once again.

‘Oh?
’ Julia said, turning to look at the child.

‘But my mummy doesn’t. They had an argument about you. Isn’t that funny, because I like you too, so I don’t know why mummy doesn’t. Did you have an argument with her?’

‘Er, no, I’ve never had an argument with your mummy.’

Julia headed downstairs quickly, not wanting to prolong the conversation about Laura’s opinion of her, although she was curious as to what had been said and why.

Julia waited for Amy to come downstairs from the bathroom. She heard the little girl singing and talking to her cat that had snuck into the bathroom with her. She heard the toilet flush and then the taps running.

Amy emerged from the bathroom and came downstairs looking rather dishevelled. Her tunic was caught up in her leggings at the back.

‘Come here darling, let me sort out your dress,’ Julia said, turning Amy around.

Julia crouched down
and tugged the end of the tunic away from where it was caught up in Amy’s leggings. As she did so she caught a glimpse of skin and a rather ugly bruise just above the waistband. Julia instinctively lifted the tunic to get a closer look and was alarmed at the extent of the purple bruising with its yellow core. It looked painful.

‘That looks like a nasty bruise you have on your back.’

‘It was a bit ouchy; I was playing trampolines on my bed.’

‘Oh dear, did you fall off?’

‘Yes, and then Mummy said I had to go to bed for being naughty.’ Amy sighed, as if the indignity of being sent to bed was still troubling her.

Julia pulled down the tunic and straightened it, removing some stray cat hairs from the velvet.

‘There, now you look gorgeous again,’ Julia said. She picked up Amy’s floral anorak, which earned a disapproving shake of her head.

‘I can’t wear that today; it’s not very princessy.’ Amy stood with her arms folded defiantly, looking every inch a bossy princess.

Julia looked around the room for inspiration. She could hardly take the child out in this weather, wearing just a velvet dress. She spotted a green tartan rug on the back of the sofa. She picked it up and showed Amy.

‘Did you know that Viking princesses used to wrap blankets around themselves when it was cold, because they didn’t have anoraks in those
days?’

‘Really?’ Amy said doubtfully.

‘Yes, they called them cloaks and they used to fasten them with a brooch, a bit like the one I have on my jumper.’ Julia pointed to the silver Celtic style brooch that Duncan had given her a few years ago.

‘That’s pretty. Can I wear it please?’

‘Yes you can; if you promise not to lose it.’

‘I won’t. I’m very good at not losing things. Um, though
, I did lose one of mummy’s rings the other day. It fell off my finger and went down the plughole. She got a bit cross with me.’

‘Oh dear, did she manage to find it again?’

‘Yes, she got the plumbing man to get it out. It was very smelly; but it was still OK. I’m not allowed to play with her jewellery box anymore.’

‘Never mind. One day when you’re big you will have your own jewellery box to play with.’

‘That’s just what daddy said.’

‘Anyway, we had better go and find your daddy now. They’ll be ready soon.’

‘I don’t like daddy’s new beard do you?’

‘Um, well, not really. I
don’t like beards much, but it’s just for Up Helly Aa. I expect he will shave it off soon.’

‘It’s all scratchy when he kisses me. Yu
ck!’ Amy said, pulling a face and rubbing her cheek with her hands, as if her father had only just kissed her.

Julia laughed. ‘Well I’
ll have to make sure I don’t kiss your daddy then.’

‘No, it’s
yucky!’

Julia drove Amy into Lerwick and they parked a short distance from the bunker. The coaches were waiting and there were quite a few people milling around outside waiting for the Jarl Squad to come out of the bunker.

‘Shall we go and watch or shall we wait in the car?’

‘I want to go and watch,’ Amy said, immediately undoing her seat belt in the back seat of the car. Julia grabbed the tartan rug and draped it around Amy’s shoulders, although she could tell that Amy would probably discard it in order to show off her outfit.

They hurried alon
g the street towards the bunker; the building that successive Jarl Squads used to build the galley ship, make the shields, torches, axes and costumes each year, in secret.

A ripple of applause from the waiting family members indicated that the squad were about to leave the building. The men emerged from the doorway and hurried to the waiting coach. Julia got there just as Cameron was about to board it. He grinned and waved at her and Amy.

Julia took Amy to the other
coach. She found a seat near the back with Amy and sat down.

‘Hi Julia; it’s a surprise to see you here.’

Julia looked around and saw Paula sitting behind her. Her heart sank; she had forgotten Paula would be there today. She hadn’t seen her since she had stolen her taxi at Marianne’s birthday party.

‘I’m just bring
ing Amy along to watch her dad.’

‘I can see that. Hi Amy!’

Amy turned to look at Paula and smiled.

‘I’m a princess! Julia made me a princess hairstyle. Do you like it?’

‘Yes, it’s lovely,’ Paula said, giving Julia a knowing look.

The coach started up, and the woman Paula was sitting next to starting spe
aking and Julia was relieved when Paula lost interest in her and Amy.

Julia had no idea where the coach
was going; it was all part of the secret ritual. Nobody was to know the venue for the photographs, although it was normally one of the picturesque beaches; which didn’t exactly narrow down the options, since most of Shetland’s beaches were beauty spots.

The coaches left Lerwick and then headed down the road towards Scalloway, before turning off towards
Trondra and Burra. Julia wondered whether they were heading for Meal Beach, the sheltered sandy bay which was a popular place to visit; although rather less so on a bitterly cold January morning, when it had only been light for a couple of hours.