Learning to Dance Again (27 page)

‘Dad was so funny.’ Jamie said.

‘Yeah, he was,’ Julia replied, grateful that whatever Duncan had written had amused them.

‘I’m just going to drive over and see Cameron. Amy left one of her dolls behind.
’

‘OK, see you later.’

Julia pulled up outside Cameron’s house and got out of her car.
He came to the front door and opened it, looking a little sad and she wondered what was wrong. She held up the doll and smiled.

‘I found this and thought Amy might miss it.’

‘She’s at home now. I’ll take it over later.’

Julia handed him the doll and stood waiting for him to invite her in. He seemed distracted, so she turned to leave.

‘Aren’t you going to come in and have a coffee?’ Cameron said, as Julia reached the bottom step.

‘Sure!
’ Julia followed him inside and took a seat at the kitchen table. ‘What’s up? You don’t seem very happy this afternoon?’

‘There was a bit of a row with Laura
when I took Amy home this morning.’

‘I see.’

‘She’s thinking of moving to Aberdeen.’

‘What? Why? What about Amy?’

‘My thoughts exactly,’ Cameron replied, his face tense with anger.

‘Is she serious? She’s not just saying it to upset you?’

‘I’ve no idea. She just said she has nothing to stay in Shetland for. She’s fed up with not having anything to do.’

‘She should get a bloody job then.’

‘I don’t think that’s the kind of act
ivity she had in mind. She wants a better social life.’

‘But she can’t do much with a small child? She doesn’t have any family in Aberdeen, does she?’

‘No.’

‘Oh Christ. That is bad news;
I’m so sorry.’ Julia watched him moving slowly around the kitchen. He had his back to her while he made the coffee, his shoulders hunched over in misery.

‘Do you think you’ll end up moving there too?’ Julia said, working through the
consequences and realising she would be devastated if he moved away.

Cameron shrugged.

‘I don’t know. I could work in any city, but…’ He turned and set a mug of coffee in front of Julia then sat opposite her. He held his mug with two hands, as if he needed to warm his fingers. ‘I don’t want to move away,’ he said quietly. ‘But if Amy goes, I think I’ll have to. I know it sounds a bit melodramatic, but I just don’t trust Laura to look after her.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Do you remember what Amy said yesterday about Laura shouting at her?’

Julia nodded.

‘Well it seems like she does that a lot. She has no patience with Amy, and she’s also smacked her a few times. Now, I’m of the generation that doesn’t get too upset at the idea of smacking kids, within reason of course, but I’ve hardly ever raised my voice with Amy, let alone considered smacking her. She’s a really well behaved child, so I’m a bit concerned about Laura.’

‘That
doesn’t sound good. Have you spoken to Laura?’

‘She told me to mind my own fucking business.’

‘Right. Well, have you thought about trying to get custody yourself?’

‘I could try, but it would be quite a battle. All things being equal,
Laura’s likely to win, since I’m working all the time, and she’s
allegedly
the homemaker.’

‘But you might be able to stop her moving to Aberdeen.’

‘I don’t see how.’

‘I don’t know
much about the law myself, but if you were awarded joint-custody this might make it difficult for Laura to take her away.’

Cameron was silent for a moment.
Julia thought about the other reason she had stopped by to see Cameron.

‘Jamie told me about your offer of a cut-price apartment in Edinburgh. I wa
s going to ask you about that; but maybe now is not the right time.’

Cameron looked
at her blankly as if he had no idea what she was talking about. Then the fog lifted and he went to fetch his portfolio.

He showed Julia the plans for the building and showed her on a map where the apartment would be. He explained again his reasons for offering it to Jamie and told her how Duncan had wanted to buy the apartment for Bryden and Jamie.
He told her how much money he wanted for it.

‘But that’s so cheap compared with what you’d make on an open market.’

‘So what; who cares about money? I’m doing it for Duncan anyway. It was his dream to see his sons settled.’

‘That’s really good of you. We’ll sort something out, just as soon as Bryden finds out whether or not he gets Duncan’s
old job.’

Cameron put his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands.
‘How did we end up here?’

‘What do you mean?
’

‘You widowed;
me getting divorced
again
; Bryden getting Duncan’s job; Laura taking Amy away.’

‘I know. I never expected any of this.’

‘I feel sick. I really do. I have never hit anyone in my life, let alone a woman, but honestly I could kill the bitch; I really could.’

Julia recoiled a little at the venom in his voice. Cameron noticed and his face softened a little.

‘I’m sorry. You must think I’m a monster.’

Julia put down he
r coffee and stood up. She walked around the table until she stood beside Cameron. She put her arms around him, and to her horror he started to cry, although within seconds he had composed himself again. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palms and smiled grimly at Julia.

‘It’s OK;
I understand. I could kill the stupid bitch too. I don’t want you to leave Shetland. I would hate that.’

‘Would you?’

‘Of course I would! We’ll sort this out. Aberdeen isn’t so far away. If you have to sell your house in Shetland, you could buy a little place in Aberdeen. Maybe I could come and visit sometimes.’

Cameron smiled at her.

‘Thanks! Now you’re almost making me look forward to it.’

Julia grinned. She bent forward and kissed his cheek and then went to move away. He pulled her back towards
him, but she resisted.

‘No Cameron;
I can’t do this yet.’

‘Yet?’

‘You saw how Jamie reacted to the idea of me having a new man in my life.’

‘We could keep this a secret. Nobody needs to know.’

‘Don’t be daft. This is Shetland. We cannot possibly get away with seeing each other in secret. All your neighbours know my car is parked on your drive today. If this happened a little more frequently it would be all over town. And you really wouldn’t want Laura to find out. She would find a way to make you pay; you know she would.’

‘You’re right; I’m sorry. It’s just that every time I see you now
, I think of Sicily.’

‘So do I.’

Julia reached for her handbag and turned to go.

‘
Come over again before the boys go back to Edinburgh,’ she said. She stood by the door and looked back at him, tempted to go back and kiss him properly. But she knew where that would lead, so she hurried out to her car, got in and slammed the door shut.

When Julia got home found the house was empty. She called for the boys but there was no reply. She looked around to see if they had left a note, but there was nothing. She was a bit put out, but then decided to check the garage. She found them inside playing snooker.

‘Here you are. I thought you’d both gone out.’

‘How? We don’t have a car.’

‘Good point.’

‘What are you doing?’

‘Well duh Ma,
we’re playing snooker. Have you been drinking or something?’ Bryden said.

‘Very funny? What I meant to say is what are we doing tonight? Do you want to stay in or shall we go visiting?’

Bryden and Jamie looked at each other questioningly.

‘Stay in?’ Jamie said. ‘Come and play snooker with us.’

‘Really?’ Julia said, flattered that they wanted her company. ‘Alright then, let me go and sort out some food and I will be back in a moment.

‘Turkey sandwiches!’ Bryden roared, lifting his snooker cue in triumph.

Julia grinned. ‘Is there enough beer in the fridge in here?’

Jamie opened the fridge door with a flourish; the fridge was completely full.

‘But you’d better get yourself a sweet sherry Mam.’

‘Cheeky
bastard!’

Julia hurried back to the kitchen and put together a tray of sandwiches and snacks. She went upstairs and changed out of her high heeled boots and put on a pair of trainers and grabbed her quilted body-warmer. She carried the food out to the garage feeling elated to be included in their game. She hadn’t played snooker with them for years. This was where they came to get away from her; she knew that. The garage had been a kind of youth club during their teenage years; full of young people hanging out and playing loud music, safe in the knowledge there were no neighbours to disturb. They had probably tried their first alcohol in this garage, not that Julia was proud of that fact; but she had always maintained it was probably better that her sons drank in her presence rather than somewhere else, where she couldn’t look after them.

Julia walked over to the ancient stereo and picked out a CD from the rack. It was Duncan’
s favourite band; Runrig. She put the music on and the garage filled with the cheerful sound of fiddles, guitars and drums.

‘Right, who am I going to thrash first?’ Julia said, standing with her hands on her hips.

‘Very funny Mam; unless you have been practicing while we’ve been away, I think it’s you that’s going to get thrashed.’

Julia picked up a cue and chalked the end of it. This is going to be a great evening she thought.

Julia put up a brave fight, but she was indeed thrashed by Jamie and Bryden. She gave up and took over as the party’s DJ, putting on the music and talking about Duncan. She drank beer, ate turkey sandwiches and
too many crisps and laughed at their tales of life in Edinburgh. It was close to being a perfect night.

After a while she excused herself and went back indoors. It had
been a very strange Boxing Day she thought, as she switched on the Christmas tree lights for the first time that day. She walked over to the candle she had lit for Duncan and re-lit the wicks. She looked out of the window and watched the moonlight bouncing on the sea. Then she looked down at the picture of Duncan that Cameron had given her that she had left on the window sill. Duncan looked so happy. If she shut her eyes she could imagine he was just outside in the garage with their sons. She could imagine him standing with a snooker cue in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other, trading banter with the boys. It was an image that both warmed her and cut to the quick.

She carried the photograph upstairs to her bedroom, mindful of the fact that all things to do with Up Helly Aa were
supposed to be a closely guarded secret until the day. She put the photograph on her chest of drawers and stood and admired it for a moment. It was such a lovely present; but then she thought of Cameron. She remembered how close she had come to kissing him again. This would not do, she thought. She could not get involved with him again. At least not until Jamie and Bryden were ready for her to move on; and for that matter, when she was ready to move on. The love of her life was the man in the photograph, and that would probably never change, despite the craziness that had happened in Sicily.

She went back downstairs to the lounge and turned on the television, needing to distract herself from thou
ghts of Cameron. As she sat on the sofa she noticed that Jamie and Bryden had left their letters from Duncan on the coffee table. She picked one up.

Dear Jamie

The day you were born was one of the happiest da
ys of my life, right up there with marrying your mother and the birth of your brother. If this cancer gets the better of me, I will still have been the luckiest man on earth. To some people it might seem like such a humdrum kind of life. Grow up, go to university, study maths, become a teacher, get married, build a house, have two boys. Nothing to set the world alight eh? But I didn’t need to set the world on fire. I love my world exactly as it is. 

I remember being so proud of you when you started school. You took it all so seriously, so determined to be the best at everything. I was never very competitive myself, so you surprised me.

Do you remember when you first talked about becoming a doctor? You decided at such a young age. We didn’t take you seriously, even though we both knew you had the brains to do whatever you wanted. But you stuck by your goal from the beginning and now here you are, as I write, just about to finish your medical degree. I could cry with joy.

Your future is assured. You will have a
great career. You will do well so I don’t need to worry about you. But it still hurts to leave. I want to share in your success. I want to stand by your mother’s side at your graduation and when you get married and start your own family. I want to be there, but there is a chance that I might not get to see all of that.