Learning to Dance Again (20 page)

‘Shut u
p; let her talk!’ Marianne said, glaring at her husband.

‘Anyway, to say thanks for helping him get this new contract Cameron wanted to take me out for the day. And it was the day of my birthday, although I hadn’t reminded him. I didn’t want to make a big deal of it, but I heard him go out early in the morning and when I got up I saw he had left me a not
e saying he had to pop into town. I just assumed he needed to go to the bank or something. But he bought me a huge bouquet of flowers and some lovely pastries for breakfast.’

‘How sweet of him,’ Marianne said, smiling meaningfully at Brian.

‘He’d seen on Facebook it was my birthday.’ Julia closed her eyes for a moment. She could still see the flowers in her mind. She smiled at the memory.

‘So where did he take you for your day out?’ Maria
nne said. She stood up to help herself to more Limoncello.

‘We didn’t go anywhere…’

‘Why not?’

‘I don’t really want to say any more.’

‘Why? What happened?’ Marianne demanded.

‘What do you think?’ Julia said, holding her head and looking even more embarrassed.

‘I really ought to start buying more flowers,’ Brian said, grinning at Julia and Marianne.

‘No!’ Marianne shouted
, rushing back to the table. ‘You didn’t!’

‘We did.’

‘Oh my God. I can’t believe he tried it on with you,’ Brian said.

‘It wasn’t Cameron’s fault. But in my defence, I was feeling lonely. It was exactly six months after Duncan died, and I was kind of
demented. I just launched myself at him; poor man.’

‘Poor man; don’t give me that rubbish. I bet he didn’t try to resist.’ Marianne said sternly.

‘He did actually. He was really sweet.’

Marianne made another attempt to get Brian to leave the kitchen. She wanted to hear all the juicy details, but Brian refused to leave, and Julia felt her shame was so great it didn’t matter if one more person heard. It would save Marianne repeating
it to him later. She knew they didn’t keep any secrets from each other.

Julia told them about the few days she had spent with Cameron but then finished by saying she had barely heard from him since.

‘How do you feel now?’ Marianne said.

‘I just feel
guilty, and so stupid. And now he’s getting back together with Laura, I feel a bit shabby. Suppose he tells her?’

‘You’ve done nothing to feel guilty about,’ Brian said. ‘Do you really think Duncan would have wante
d you to be on your own forever?’

‘No;
but I don’t think he would have expected me to have a fling with someone in less than a year. Especially one of our friends. How would you feel Brian?’

Brian grinned at Marianne.
He reached over and squeezed his wife’s hand.

‘Marianne would
be checking out all the single men at my funeral.’

‘I would not! That’s a horrible
thing to say,’ Marianne replied seriously, but winking at Julia.

Brian laughed at her.

Julia reached for her handbag and took her phone out. She found a text message Cameron had sent her over two weeks ago and showed it to Marianne, who frowned with disappointment. Brian leaned in to look at it. He shrugged.

‘It doesn’t mean anything at all. Why do you women get so hung up on the small stuff?’

‘I don’t know; it just seems so formal. It’s like there was nothing between us.’

Marianne nodded sympathetically.

‘So do you want anything to happen?’

‘I don’t think so;
no. It’s too soon. I don’t know what I was thinking.’ Julia put her phone back in her bag and then covered her face with her hands and groaned out loud. ‘Oh God, I just don’t want to see him again for a while. I want to forget it ever happened.’

The kitchen door opened and Ivan popped his head in and looked at everyone.

‘Can we come in?’

‘Yes of course love. Is Rachel ready for something to eat now?’

Ivan opened the door wider and Rachel appeared behind him, carrying Charlie who was awake again.

Marianne jumped up from her chair and gestured for Rachel to sit down. Then she went over to the oven and took out a plate o
f food that had been kept warm, and set it down in front of Rachel and then fetched a glass of water with ice.

Julia watched Marianne
fussing around her daughter-in-law and smiled to herself. She was glad she had come over to see Marianne, even if it had led to her confessing her secret. The kitchen was warm and cosy and filled with the happy sounds of family life. Marianne had Charlie in her arms again and was cooing happily at him. Rachel was eating her dinner and Ivan and Brian had started talking about football. Sophie and Isobel wandered back to the kitchen and went to the freezer to find ice-creams and then stopped to look at their new nephew, teasing their brother about how the baby was too good looking to be his.

This normal, noisy, busy kitchen, filled with people, was what Julia missed. She had missed her boys when they had
gone off to university, and that hole in her life had opened up to the size of a crater now Duncan had gone. She thought about her conversation with Tony, about what she was going to do next and she realised with a renewed sense of clarity it was the right choice for her.

‘I forgot to tell you my other news,’ Julia said to Marianne,
who looked up in surprise. ‘I’ve decided to apply to be a foster carer. I don’t want to go back to the care home after all. I want to look after children instead.’

‘Good for you;
you’d be a great foster mum,’ Brian said.

‘Really? Are you sure? It can be quite tough sometimes. Y
ou could get some really difficult children to look after. It can be very stressful,’ Marianne said.

‘I know;
but it can’t be more stressful than sitting with somebody’s granny or grandpa while they’re really poorly.’

Marianne shook her head doubtfully.

‘Well, anyway, I’m going to apply. It takes months to go through the process, and who knows, I might not be accepted. And I have plenty of time to change my mind.’

‘Of course they’ll accept you. You would be perfect. A nurse, professional carer, great mother, big family home
, a secure environment and you’re definitely not doing it just for the money.’

Julia smiled an acknowledgement. When Marianne put it like that, she realised she probably would be a suitable applicant. She looked at the people sitting around the large kitchen table and wondered whether she would
soon have this again in her own home.

16

Over the next few weeks Julia kept herself busy. She made an appointment with a social worker in the fostering and adoption team. She had never met the social worker before, as Miranda had only just moved up to Shetland from Manchester. However, Miranda
was very helpful and positive about Julia’s application. Her only reservation was connected to Julia’s recent bereavement. Miranda wondered whether it was too soon to make such a decision, but conceded the point the process would take a few months in any case.

Julia put a lot of energy into avoiding Cameron. She was hardly ever at home as she had decided to do up Alice’s old croft house
, now the tenants had moved out. It needed a thorough clean, and redecoration. She had given in to pressure from her sons not to sell the house, so she decided she would rent it out again and use the money to put towards helping the boys buy property in Edinburgh.

She employed two young men
, who had just finished their training at Shetland College, to help refit the kitchen and a new bathroom. They helped her paint the whole house inside and out. They sanded the floors and re-varnished them, and Julia bought new curtains, rugs and light fittings. Within a few weeks the house looked bright, fresh and welcoming.

Julia decided to wait until after Christ
mas before advertising it for rent. She wanted to show Jamie and Bryden what she had done to the house before anyone moved in. Christmas was just a couple of weeks away, and she wasn’t sure whether to look forward to it or to dread its arrival. She couldn’t wait to see the boys, who would be arriving home on the 22nd December; but she knew this would be a difficult first Christmas without their dad.

The day before they were due home,
she went to the supermarket late in the evening to avoid the crush of shoppers. She took a large trolley with the intention of stocking up for the holidays. The turkey and meat had been ordered from the butcher already, so she just needed fresh fruit and vegetables and other bits and pieces to spoil her sons.

She was pushing the trolley past t
he drinks aisle when she decided to buy some tins of beer for the boys. She had plenty of wine and spirits in the house, but they tended not to drink that. She was studying the packs of beer trying to remember what brand they drank, when she felt someone standing close to her. She looked round and saw Cameron.

‘Hello,’ he said
quietly, smiling at her.

‘Hi. How are you?’

‘Great. I see you’re getting the Christmas shopping in. Are Jamie and Bryden home yet?’

‘Tomorrow.’

‘That’s good. I bet you can’t wait.’

Julia smiled and nodded.
‘It will be a bit strange this year,’ she replied.

‘Yes it will. But at least you’ll all be together.’

‘What about you? I heard you and Laura are back together.’

Cameron shook his head and frowned.

‘No, wherever did you hear that?’

‘Um, well, Marianne said
Laura and John had split up, and that …’

Julia stopped, realising Marianne had never actually said anything
conclusive about them getting back together. It was just an assumption.

‘No, we’re not back together. That’s definitely not going to happen,’ Cameron said.

A couple with an overfilled trolley tried to squeeze past them in the aisle and Cameron stepped closer to Julia to get out of their way. He pushed Julia’s trolley to the side and held on to the edge, effectively trapping her, against the shelves.

‘You look great,’ he said, after a fraction of
time that was just beginning to feel like an awkward silence.

‘I’ve been busy doing up Alice’s old house,’ Julia said, not knowi
ng how to respond to his compliment. She looked at Cameron. Under his bulky winter jacket, he was wearing a navy Aran jumper and dark jeans. His hair was freshly cut, shorter than normal, which made him look quite youthful.

‘Is everything alright?
’ Cameron looked directly into Julia’s eyes. ‘I haven’t heard much from you since…’

‘Yes of course. I just didn’t know what to say to you, especially when I heard about La
ura. I mean, we never…’

Cameron leaned in closer
.

‘This isn’t the best place to talk.’

‘No, it’s not,’ Julia agreed.

Cameron looked at his watch and frowned.

‘It’s a bit late now, otherwise I would suggest going for a drink, but you probably want to get home.’

Jul
ia nodded and looked down at her full trolley.

‘I’m driving down to the airport tomorrow afternoon. I could
drop by on my way.’

‘Yes;
do that,’ Cameron said, his eyes lighting up with pleasure. ‘Come along in the morning if you like. I’ll make us some lunch, and I can tell you all the news about the Sicilian project. I’m still at my mum’s old house.’

Julia smiled and nodded.

‘See you tomorrow then.’

Julia watched him walk away in the direction of the check-outs. She turned her attention back to the beer and put two slabs of
lager into the trolley.

Later that evening she poured herself a glass of red wine, carried it into the lounge and switched on the Christmas tree lights. The solid fuel burner in the corner of the room was still glowing, but the warmth had diminished so she opened the door and threw in some lumps of dried peat and shut the door. The house was cosy and smelt of Christmas, thanks to the real tree, and the mulled wine scented candles she had bought a few days ago.

She sat down on the sofa without switching the television on. Th
e fire crackled and a large old-fashioned carriage clock ticked on the bookcase. Rain lashed against the window and the wind was picking up.

Julia thought about Cameron. It had been less awkward seeing him than she had imagined. She felt rather foolis
h for avoiding him for so long, and realised she had built the whole episode into a much bigger drama than perhaps it warranted.

She thought back to the crazy conversation she had had with Tony when she had tried mapping out her future as if she was the heroine of a novel. She tried to imagine Tony narrating the story of what had happened to her since she had left Sicily, but
gave up when she realised it was too dull to be included in a book. He really would have killed her off a few chapters ago, and even the detective trying to solve the murder mystery would have had trouble remembering her name. She remembered the female character they had invented, Rebecca Sherry, the mountain rescue worker. She sounded much more glamorous and exciting. She wouldn’t have wasted a moment worrying about what people thought of her, dithering about what to do with the rest of her life, and full of self-pity. She would have been too busy rescuing people, and was probably a bit of an eco-warrior in her spare time, campaigning for the reintroduction of wolves into Scotland. Julia imagined a beautiful young woman sitting in a mountain lodge, wearing jeans, walking boots and a chunky fleece, having a pint with some of her rescue team after a successful mission. The men in Rebecca’s team were young and hunky and they all adored her; although Rebecca was happily married to a helicopter pilot. Julia wanted to be Rebecca Sherry.

She finished her glass of wine, and deci
ded against having another, since she was clearing losing the plot. Imagining she was a fictional heroine was ridiculous. Then again, maybe she could learn something from this. She still had time to change the direction of her life. She might not be able to take up mountain rescue, not least because there were no mountains in Shetland, but she could start to become more of a star in her own life story.

She would start by making this a brilliant Christmas for her sons. They would rise above the sadness and have a great time. It was what Duncan would have wanted. It had always been his favourite
time of year.

Julia went to bed thinking about what she could do to spoil her sons. She had already bought them presents, which were sitting under the tree, but she planned to
do something else too; maybe organise a party so they could invite their friends round. She was so busy thinking about that, she didn’t give any more thought to seeing Cameron again.

The next morning Julia woke up with a great sense of excitement, the way she always did when her boys were coming home. She leapt out of bed and headed for the bathroom, pausing only to touch the photograph of Duncan she had hung on the wall above her chest of drawers.

‘Good morning,’ she said, smiling at the photograph. ‘Big day ahead of us today.’

Julia put on a new dress she had bought in Lerwick. It was made of wool jersey with a dark paisley print and it was perfect for getting into the festive spirit. It looked fabulous with her new long black boots.

When she arrived at Cameron’s house she got out of the car, and felt the first ripple of nervous anticipation. She opened the front door to the vestibule and hesitated before knocking on the inner door. She heard footsteps running down the stairs, child-sized footsteps, accompanied by a girlish shriek of excitement.

The door was op
ened by Amy who seemed disappointed to see Julia; she was clearly expecting someone else. Amy ran back inside the house calling for her dad, who appeared from the kitchen and smiled a welcome to her.

‘Come in, I’
m just making some lunch. Amy is expecting one of her cousins to come round to play in a while.’

‘Oh that explains why she looked so disappointed to see me.’

‘Hah! Well I’m pleased to see you.’

Julia took off her coat and hung it over the bannister and followed Camero
n into the kitchen. The floor had been dusted with flour and Amy’s cat, Jessie J, stalked through the flour and left paw-prints trailing into the hallway.

‘As you can see, I’
ve had some help with the cooking today. We made pizzas.’

‘They smell nice.’

‘They’re nearly done, so I’d better clear up the kitchen before Lucy comes round, or the whole house will be covered in flour before too long.’

‘Let me give you a hand. Where’s the mop?’

Cameron looked at the floor, then back at Julia; he scratched his head and sighed.

‘If you wouldn’t m
ind? The mop’s in the pantry,’ he replied.

Julia made quick work of the kitchen floor while Cameron finished put
ting together the salad and took the pizzas out of the oven and set them in the middle of the table. He fetched plates, cutlery and glasses and he was just putting out some juice when they heard Amy running out to the front door, and judging by the shrieks coming from hall Julia could tell her cousin had finally arrived.

Julia put the mop away, and
picked up the dishcloth to clean a corner of the table that still had a trace of flour spilt on it. She took the cloth back to the sink to wash it out and turned when she heard someone come in and say hello. It was Cameron’s sister Heather, who nodded at Julia, but did not smile. She seemed distracted and stressed out.

‘I’ll pick Lucy up about six if that’s OK?’

‘If you’re busy I could bring her home; I have to take Amy back to Laura’s later.’

‘No, best not; John’s coming over.’

Cameron shrugged, his face clouding over with annoyance.

When Heather had gone Cameron went
to find the girls and there were a chaotic few moments of serving up pizza, imploring them to try some salad and pouring out juice. The girls sat at the kitchen table, talking at each other non-stop. Jessie J jumped up onto the window sill and meowed to go out which made Lucy jump up to try to catch the cat. It evaded her grasp much to Lucy’s disgust and to Amy’s loud amusement.

‘
Why don’t we go in the lounge and wait until they have finished eating. I’ll put our pizza in the oven when it’s safe to go back to the kitchen,’ Cameron suggested.

‘Good idea!’

Cameron led the way and took a seat on the sofa. The floor of the lounge was covered in colouring books, crayons and the contents from an ornate doll’s house that stood under the window.

‘I see Amy’
s been busy this morning.’

‘Yeah, Laura dropped her off early; she was going off to do her Christmas shopping.’

‘What are you doing over Christmas? Will Amy be coming to stay?’

‘I’m n
ot sure yet. Laura’s being a bit funny at the moment. She seems to think I had a hand in her splitting up with John; so now I only get to see Amy when it suits her.’

‘Well, that’s not very good. Can’t you talk to your lawyer?’

‘We haven’t been to see a lawyer yet. I really don’t want things to escalate. At the moment she has the house and enough money to keep her going. If we start to formalise everything, it might get ugly. If she doesn’t get all her own way I can see her leaving Shetland and taking Amy with her. It’s not like she has a job here to make her want to stay.’