Learning to Dance Again (15 page)

Julia realised where this conversation was heading. She turned to give him her
full attention, noticing his shirt was still slightly damp from where she had hugged him earlier.

‘I woke up on my birthday on the Sunday morning, with a bit of a
hangover, so I was a little grumpy and out of sorts. I decided to order breakfast in the room, but Laura started whinging about the extra cost of it. It was expensive, but since I was paying and it was my birthday I really didn’t think she had the right to complain. We had a bit of an argument about it, and then I realised I was being a prat; so to try and calm things down I jokingly asked her where my present was. But she hadn’t bought me one yet. She claimed she was going to take me shopping later. I know it’s childish, but I was kind of upset about that. We had spent the whole of Saturday morning shopping in Grafton Street. Laura had spent a fortune on clothes for herself and Amy, and yet she hadn’t even thought about me.’

Julia reached over and put her hand on his arm. He smiled and patted
it.

‘I asked her when she thought she would have time to go shopping that day since we had planned to g
o to the rugby. She replied she didn’t really want to go to the match and that she would go shopping while I went to the game on my own. The fact the tickets had cost £120 each didn’t seem to matter to her.’

‘Jesus, what a bitch,’ Julia sa
id, and then looked embarrassed for voicing her criticism. ‘Did she really not go with you then?’

Cameron shook his head. ‘Oh, but it gets worse. Laura went to the bathroom
and I noticed she had left her phone charging on the dresser. It was on silent, but it lit up when she received a text. I saw John’s name flash up on the phone and immediately I thought something might have happened to Amy so I picked up the phone and read the text. It wasn’t about Amy, and it didn’t make any sense to me. But Laura has one of those Smart phones that mean you can scroll through all the messages to and from a person in one thread. And that’s when I realised they were having an affair.’

‘
Oh crumbs. So what did you do?’

‘I didn’t say anything to her about it. I just set off to the
Aviva stadium on my own. I sat and watched Scotland get hammered by Ireland, and everyone around me must have thought I was taking the game too much to heart. Some jolly Irish man slapped me on the back and said “cheer up Jock, it’s only a game.” I think he caught me wiping away tears.’

‘Oh God
, how awful. I didn’t realise it had all happened on your birthday. I’m so sorry.’

‘Wel
l I didn’t tell anyone at first; and then of course just a few weeks later, Duncan… Anyway, after the match I went back to the hotel and found Laura had gone. She’d left me a note saying she had gone to the airport. I hadn’t told her I read her text messages, but she probably guessed since I had deleted every last one of them and then deleted John’s mobile number from her phone and blocked it, just for good measure. I spent that night sitting in the hotel bar getting wasted. Not the best
day
of my life I can assure you, let alone birthday.’

Julia reached he
r hand out to stroke the velvet-soft petal of one of the white gerberas. She understood suddenly why Cameron had gone to so much trouble for her birthday. She turned to him and smiled sympathetically.

‘She’s a mad bitch to leave you. She’ll regret it
, that’s for sure.’

‘I think she already does. John’s a moody bastard. And he’s offshore for three weeks at a time
, so she’s on her own and bored out of her head while he’s away. Let’s face it Laura gets bored quicker than the average teenager. And when John comes home all he wants to do is sleep and do fuck-all. I think she’s fed up with him.’

‘Would you take her back; for Amy’s sake?’

‘No; not even for Amy. I don’t think I could ever trust her again. Maybe if it had been anyone other than my own brother. But Jesus, that’s sick. I lost my wife and my brother at the same time. Our whole family has been shattered by this; for what? Sex?’

‘How’
s Amy getting along now?’

‘Strangely enough she see
ms to be doing OK. I think she’s too young to understand what’s going on.’

‘T
hat’s a relief at least.’

‘Y
es it is. Anyway, we can’t sit around moping and being miserable all day. Let’s go out and have some fun.’

Julia stood up, ha
ving finished her breakfast, and carried her plate over to the sink. She turned round to see Cameron was staring at her, deep in thought.

‘Is that what you’re wearing?’

‘Um, well yes. Since I don’t know where you’re taking me I have no idea whether it’s appropriate or not. Maybe you could give me a clue. Scuba diving? Pony trekking? Mountaineering? You tell me and I’ll get changed.’

Cameron laughed, but Julia notice
d his face had twitched when she had said mountaineering. They were, after all, surrounded by mountains.

Cameron scratched the back of his head and looked down at her feet.

‘The dress is probably fine, but do you have any other shoes you could wear?’

‘At the risk of sounding a bit
lame, can I just point out a dress like this simply doesn’t go with walking boots? Shall I put jeans on?’

He nodded his approval and Julia shook her head with mock exasperation. Cameron brought his plate and cup ove
r to the sink. Julia was about to fill the sink to wash up.

‘L
eave that. I’ll do the dishes; you get changed.’

Julia turned away from the sink and collided with Cameron who was standing behind her.

‘Sorry,’ she said, automatically and tried to scoot past him. Cameron stepped out of her way, but as he did he touched her arm. She looked up at him and hesitated. She had known Cameron for as many years as she had known Duncan, and yet she had never been alone with him like this. He grinned at her, his blue eyes twinkling in amusement at her.

‘What?’ Julia said.

‘I feel like we’re playing hooky from school. Nobody knows where we are.’

Julia laughed. ‘God, I would give anything to go back to those days. What great times we used to have.’

‘They’ll be good times again. For all the bad luck we’ve both had, we still have lots of things to be grateful for. Our kids, our friends – our health.’

Julia smiled at him, acknowledging the truth in what he had said. She put her arms around him and hugged him. She had meant to pull away again and go off to get changed, but Cameron wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

It was the second time that morning Cameron had held her in his arms. Julia inhaled the smell of coffee mingled with Prada eau de toilette. She had noticed the bottle in his room and had wondered what it had smelt like. And now she knew, she wanted to breathe it in and savour it. Cameron was taller than Duncan had been, broader too, so he felt alien to her, and yet he felt so alive and comforting. He also made her miss her husband more than ever. She craved the touch of another human; a man. The last six months had been the longest and loneliest of her life, despite the love and support she had received from friends and family. It was hard to admit to herself, what she really wanted would not be considered appropriate for a newly widowed woman.

She realised with a jolt she had been holding on to Cameron for an excessively long time
, given the platonic nature of their friendship. She also realised Cameron seemed in no hurry to let go. In fact when she shifted a fraction she could feel something rather less than platonic pressed against her abdomen. Cameron pulled away from her but the devil in her pulled him back.

Cameron continued to cu
ddle her, but she could tell he was now rather nervous. His heartbeat had increased and his breathing was shallow. The muscles in his back and arms tensed.

Julia took a
deep breath; what she was about to do might destroy their friendship forever. It was insane. If she walked away right this minute there would be no harm done. It would just have been a rather more extended version of a friendly hug, but nothing more. She could recover from this moment with her dignity intact if she let go of him.

She could not let go
. She pulled him closer; making it obvious she knew he was turned on. She lifted her face and stared into his eyes. He held her gaze, not smiling, but staring intently back, as if he was trying to gauge what was going on in her head.

Julia reached up and touched his face
. He still did not smile, but did not let go of her either. She ran her hand through his hair and then gently pulled his head towards her. Cameron finally gave himself permission to act on his instincts. His mouth met hers and they kissed. Julia shut her eyes, trying to control the adrenaline rush. Hands trembling, she held his face to hers and kissed him back, forgetting all about the last time he had drunkenly tried to kiss her before, which had resulted in sharp words.

They pulled apart from each other. Julia opened her eyes and looked into his, trying to read h
is reaction. He smiled and kissed her again, this time with more intent. Julia had lost all sense of reason by now and she reached her hand down towards his waist. She hesitated for a moment, considering this was really crossing all lines of friendship now. There would be no return now. She reached for his belt buckle and started to undo it.

Cameron pulled
away sharply and frowned quizzically at her.

‘Are you sure Jules?’

She nodded and then to underline this assertion she kissed him again. This time Cameron did not hold back. She felt the gentle tug of the zip of her dress inching its way down her back. Cameron pushed aside the shoulder of the dress and nuzzled against her bare skin. Julia decided she didn’t want to continue this in the kitchen, and at the risk of killing the moment she pulled Cameron towards her bedroom. She held her dress around her shoulders until they were inside her room, then she shut the door and let the dress fall to the floor.

Cameron sat down on the edge of her bed and she walked towards him, inwardly stunned at her brazen be
haviour. She kicked off her sandals and then sat astride him and kissed him, only half concentrating on the kiss, as she could now feel his hands undoing her bra. He seemed in no hurry though. She arched her back in pleasure as he stroked her bare skin. His hands were warm, travelling confidently around her body as if he had every right to do so.

Julia giggl
ed suddenly; her nerves getting the better of her.

‘You OK?’ he said, holding her shoulders and leaning back to look her in the face.

‘Is this mad, what we’re doing?’

‘Possibly; but we can stop now. It’s OK; I won’t take it the wrong way.’

‘I don’t want to stop. Do you?’

‘Obviously not. But if you change your mind, at any moment, just
tell me. You can trust me Jules.’

‘I know I can. Maybe that’s why I want to do this. I
need
to do this!’

‘Need to do this? So you’re just using me then?’
Cameron grinned at her.

‘Do you have a problem with that
, boy?’

‘No!’

‘Good, so why have you still got all your clothes on? Come on, take them off; let’s see what you’ve got.’

Cameron laughed out loud and pushed Julia off his lap. She lifted up the sheet on the bed and climbed in
, and then watched Cameron undo his shirt and take it off.

‘Not bad,’ s
he said, nodding her head as she appraised his body. Although she was teasing him, in actual fact he did have a nice body. She had seen it before when he had been swimming, but this time when she looked at him, she saw him in a different light. She had never slept with anyone other than Duncan before. She was nervous, but at the same time she felt exhilarated; so much so she began to wonder what Cameron had put in her coffee.

Cameron
sat on the edge of the bed and undid his shoelaces. He turned to look at her and she pulled the sheet up; an involuntary gesture of shyness. Cameron winked at her and then took his shoes and socks off and put them under a chair. He turned to face her and undid his belt and took off his jeans and draped them over the chair.

He was wearing
navy cotton-jersey boxer shorts that clung to the curve of his hips and buttocks. Julia realised she was staring at his body, so she looked up at his face. He grinned at her, not arrogantly, but confident in himself. He really was rather fine to look at, Julia thought as he climbed into the bed beside her. He pulled her towards him and she cuddled up to him, feeling a complicated mix of nervousness, guilt and the anticipation of pleasure. She thought of Duncan, and her resolve wavered a little.

But then she felt Cameron half lifting, half guiding her to face him. She acquiesced and forgetting all about Duncan she found herself once more sitting astride Cameron.
Within seconds he had removed her bra and before she had time to feel any further remorse he was fondling her breasts, teasing her nipples with his lips.

It was as if he had flipped some invisible switch; suddenly Julia wanted to speed things up. She kissed him urgently, desperately, clinging to him, trying to hold back the moans of pure pleasure that threatened to erupt every time he moved his mouth or his hands to another erogenous zone on her body.