Incredible Sex (52 Brilliant Little Ideas) (7 page)

23.
   
Slippery when wet

Different ways to get both your genitals glowing. Don’t think prelude to penetration, savour it as the main event.

When we start a new relationship we spend a lot more time kissing, hugging and touching, and we should be able to indulge in this at any time without needing to go all the way. Play around a little and find out what gets each other off. Get your partner to talk dirty to you, moan more or indicate with their hands which spots feel good and, likewise, point him in the right direction. It could be that you just love having your toes sucked, your neck bitten or your bottom spanked, but the only way to find out is to have lots of practice. It’s actually more exciting if you get into the habit of playing around, with no pressure to reach orgasm or move on to penetrative sex; that way, each occasion keeps you both guessing. A lot of couples get into a kind of linear foreplay – first he feels your breasts, kisses you and then moves down south, and after approximately five minutes you assume the missionary position. Sex doesn’t have to be routine. Feel free to change the order in which you do things and to move from penetration to oral sex. Don’t be afraid to lend a hand and play with yourself in front of him, too.

Here’s an idea for you…

Hang a sheet up in the middle of a room (or from a coat hanger on your wardrobe door) and stand either side of it so that you can’t see each other. Naked, feel for each other through the sheet and rub lightly up against each other. What you think about during this, I’ll leave to you. The novelty of the experience should make you feel aroused more quickly.

On average we devote around twenty minutes to foreplay according to the Durex 2004 Global Sex Survey. If your partner rushes things, play around whilst you are still fully clothed. Rubbing yourself against his hard crotch through your jeans can feel magnificent, and when he touches your naked pussy it’ll feel better if you’re already hot. Before you get to naked genital contact, try kissing, light touches (with fingertips or feathers) and breast and neck play. He could try cupping your genitals with one hand whilst the other presses on your pubic bone. If you like oral sex, try it in different positions; for instance, receiving it whilst in the doggy position feels completely different to lying on your back. If your partner is licking/kissing you, he can also try varying from hot/cold temperatures or sucking a mint or cough lozenge, all of which will change how his tongue feels.

24.
   
Easy routes to faster orgasms for her

Quicker, harder, faster? How to come more easily.

Tweaking your usual lovemaking pattern can improve your sex life with a minimal amount of effort.

Squeezing

When you orgasm, your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles in the vagina contract rapidly. Tighten your PC muscles as he withdraws, and relax them as he enters. It’ll take a bit of practice but this is a recommendation from the queen of the female orgasm, Betty Dodson, who through her workshops and books has taught thousands of women how to come, and how to come better.

Squeezing will jump-start your own orgasmic contractions.

Pressing

Downward pressure on your pubic area before orgasm can increase the intensity of stimulation. Experiment with pressing down with your hand on your stomach just above your pubic bone while masturbating or using a vibrator. Then try this during intercourse. Another technique is to ‘bear down’. This is pushing out with your PC muscles, which may help force your G-spot closer to your vaginal opening so it’s likelier to get indirect stimulation from his penis.

Here’s an idea for you…

To increase your chances of simultaneous orgasm, let your partner know how excited you are and encourage the same feedback from him. If you want to minimise prosaic chat, whisper a number to your mate to let him know exactly where on a scale of 1 to 10 you are in terms of getting your rocks off. He can do the same.

Stretching

Stretching your legs flat on the bed and bringing them together while in the missionary position will increase clitoral stimulation. It works even better when you’re on top. Slide your thighs down so they are over his thighs rather than his hips. Arch your back so you’re bending backwards. Forming an arc means you’ll be putting maximum pressure on the clitoral area. Just be careful you don’t bend his penis back too far – you have all the control here and being a gent he might not want to interrupt your obvious pleasure to tell you that you’re in imminent danger of breaking it off. It’s also worth experimenting with other positions where you are on top and your feet are stretched down towards his feet. These tend to increase clitoral stimulation.

Hanging

Hang your head over the edge of the bed when you’re having sex. The rush of blood to the brain increases sensations.

25.
   
Alternative erogenous zones

The most obvious places may not be your top erogenous zones. Do you know what really turns you on?

In a long term relationship it’s useful to continue finding new areas to make meaningful to your lover, and anal play is something you could both potentially enjoy.

If you’d like to try anal play, get your partner to give you really good foreplay first and get you warmed up. It’s best to test the perineum first; if this feels nice being massaged, then you’ll probably want some anal touch too. Get your partner to use lots of lubricant (and maybe a glove if that makes you feel more comfortable) and to just use a finger to gently probe the area. You can also lick it too (known as rimming); use of dental dams over the area is optional. Some couples make anal play an extra feature of cunnilingus and gently tease just the outside of the anus.

For full penetration, start with a finger or small butt plug first. Use lots of lube and take it slow. At first it may feel strange, but after the initial opening, it quickly becomes accommodating and pleasurable. You can use butt plugs with regular vaginal sex to get used to the feeling.

Here’s an idea for you…

Place a vibrator or a plastic watch strap along your vagina and anus. Move it up and down and allow yourself to react to it. Does your anal area feel good when it’s touched? What about the perineum, the bit in the middle? And which is best, your vagina or your clitoris? Have a bowl of cold yoghurt and one of warm peas nearby and dip your bare feet into them. Does this add anything to your sensations?

For full anal penetrative sex, forget what you see on porn videos. Use lots of lube (the anus has no natural lubrication) and unless you are fluid-bonded use special condoms designed for anal sex. The most difficult part is initially getting the penis in there. It’s best if you find a position where you can control entry with your hands (get him to push gently) so that he enters you at the right angle in some kind of comfort zone. It’s easier for you to be in the position for missionary style sex, or for you to be on top to achieve this. When it’s comfortable, he can increase the pace. Don’t forget to top up on lube as you go along and stop if it starts to hurt. In the throes of passion, you might not notice any discomfort so remember it’s how you feel
afterwards
that’s the real indicator of any soreness factors. Many women find it easier to come through anal penetration when they are are on top because it stimulates the clitoris. It’s also a different type of orgasm, so play around a little, and find your next big thing.

26.
   
Surprise!

Surprise your lover sexually every week for a year and you can bet you won’t be collecting any ‘boring in bed’ prizes.

A little bit of effort to surprise your lover with a new technique, seduction, outfit or behaviour reaps huge improvements. As long as it’s something unexpected, the surprise can be whatever you like. It can be filthy, funny, sweet and romantic or it can be more embarrassing than karaoke night down your local.

It takes both of you to commit to the idea. You will only want to put effort into thrilling your partner if you feel they’re going to make the same effort for you. The surprise element can’t be spontaneous, at least not at first. If we don’t plan, we just get lazy and don’t bother. You’re aiming to give your lover a ‘guaranteed surprise’. In other words, although they’ll be able to look forward to being surprised, they won’t know what they’re looking forward to. You can customise some of the following suggestions to get the ball rolling:

Here’s an idea for you…

Do something slightly different
every
time you make love. Throw in an element of surprise. Mixing it up will become second nature after a few weeks and the payoff will make it worthwhile.

For her

He’s in the shower. Wait until it’s good and steamy in there and then slip in beside him wearing your flimsiest, sheerest underwear. If there’s one thing more likely to turn him on than you naked, it’s wet, clinging wisps of material. (Blokes could try this, too, but it has to be silk boxers – soggy, cotton Y-fronts won’t cut it!)

On your next date, you can keep your coat on. Well, you don’t want the whole restaurant to know you’re naked underneath. Just him.

For him

Buy her a case of her favourite wine. Around the neck of each, place a sealed envelope containing details of where and when you’re going to drink it together. These are IOUs of pleasure. Let your imagination run riot.

One night when you’re getting amorous in a lovey-dovey sort of way, suddenly flip personality – change the whole atmosphere. From Dr Jekyll to Mr Hyde. Stop smiling. Get mean. Overcome her. Tie her wrists to the headboard and blindfold her. Now you can do whatever you like, but if you want to give her a night to remember (and especially if she’s still really pissed off with you), go down on her until she stops cursing and starts begging.

Spend an hour or so pleasuring her sensually, such as oral sex, washing her hair, painting her toenails, applying body lotion to every inch of her skin or holding her and stroking her hair until she falls asleep. Don’t allow her to do a thing for you in return.

27.
   
Short cuts to better orgasms

We’re coming over all PC.

If you’re a woman, especially one who’s had children, you’ll be tired of discussions about your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles. These are the muscles that take a lot of the strain when you’re pregnant and in labour, and so midwives and doctors stress the importance of exercising them every chance you get because without your PC muscles, to put it bluntly, you’ll need nappies for longer than the baby. Hats off to Dr Arnold Kegel, the man who first recommended these exercises to help bladder control following childbirth. But if doctors were to stress how much ‘doing Kegels’ can improve your love life (for both sexes), then a lot more of us would be doing them.

Here’s an idea for you…

Need motivation to do your Kegels? You should notice improvements within two weeks. And within six weeks, you should feel the difference in your love life. So get clenching.

Tensing and releasing these muscles increases blood flow to the genitals – and when you focus benign interest on your genitals, it tends to improve your sex life. But there’s more. These are the muscles that contract during orgasm. The stronger they are, the better the contraction and the more pleasure you feel.

For men, strengthening your PC muscles may help you experience multiple orgasms. By having strong PC muscles you can stop on the brink of ejaculating and experience orgasm without actually coming, so you can continue to make love for longer. Exercising your PC muscles will give you better orgasms, and this is A Good Thing for men whose orgasm often seems to be less encompassing than their partner’s orgasm.

Next time you pee, stop the stream of urine mid-flow. The muscles that you’re using to do that are the PC muscles. Make sure that you isolate them from the muscles surrounding the anus. Simply contract your PC muscles every time you remember – ten times for a couple of seconds each time. Don’t overdo it and don’t squeeze too hard. Aim for a steady, relaxed contraction. Once you’ve got the hang of that, ring the changes and contract twelve times at normal speed and twelve times at a faster speed. Do this twice a day – more if you remember – for the rest of your life. And if you’re really dedicated, aim for 100 Kegels a day.

28.
   
Toys R no fuss

Better orgasms mean more effort, and a buzzing vibrator and a drawer full of sex toys helps you go at it longer.

Sex toys are great tools for experimenting, and

are ideal for lazy days when you need a helping hand. There’s a mind-boggling range: vibrators, dildos, specific toys for the anus and G-spot, clitoral and vulva massagers, as well as novelty and waterproof versions. And a lot of us have them stuffed in our sock drawer, as according to Durex’s 2005 Global Survey, more than half of couples use some form of sex aid to spice up their sex life. Don’t worry about introducing them into sex games, you can do a lot more with them than just masturbation! Often men enjoy the tickle of a vibrator against their penis or testicles and you can use massagers and vibrators to stimulate each other’s erogenous zones into action.