Incredible Sex (52 Brilliant Little Ideas) (8 page)
Read Incredible Sex (52 Brilliant Little Ideas) Online
Authors: Marcelle Perks,Elisabeth Wilson
The first time you insert a sex toy, don’t feel a pressure to put it all in. You’re more sensitive on the outer third of your vagina, so some women like to just nudge and stimulate this area. If your partner is using a toy on you, he can start by performing cunnilingus and then inserting a finger or two until you’re ready, but always go slow and insert just a little. The time for shoving it in is when you’re screaming with pleasure!
Here’s an idea for you…
Masturbate with more than one sex toy. You can use a dildo/vibrator in your vagina and combine this with a vibrator tickling your clitoris (or Vielle’s finger gloves). If you really want to push the boat out, you can use an anal plug as well. You stand more chance of having better orgasms if you have more than one area being stimulated.
Specially curved toys also make it easier to find your G-spot. It’s easier to turn off your vibrator, or use a dildo to find it first (generally the other end will be designed to tickle your clitoris to give you double stimulation). G-toys are the most problematic to fit as the length of women’s vaginas varies. There are a lot of toys out there and you need to experiment to find out what works for you. Really every woman should have lots of different sex toys for different reasons, so start adding these to your Christmas list and build your own personal collection!
Delay orgasm – a.k.a. ‘peaking’ – and you’ll know the true meaning of ‘climb every mountain’.
Is there a woman alive who on approaching the big ‘O’ hasn’t muttered, ‘Don’t stop, for God’s sake don’t stop’? A woman’s biggest fear is that with the winning line in sight, he changes his stroke, everything goes pear-shaped and she doesn’t make it.
So when a woman feels herself on the edge of an orgasm she’ll rush her way there. It’s hard-earned and she wants it now. But here’s another way for her to do it. On the point of orgasm, she could slow down, relax, breathe deeply, wait a moment or so and then let the tension build again. Experiment with this (either with your partner or while masturbating) to discover how long you have to stop–start, stop–start to get the most explosive orgasms. When you do allow yourself to come, clenching buttocks and inner thighs, deep breathing and pressing down just above your pubic bone all increase blood flow, which keeps the sensation going.
Here’s an idea for you…
Play a game where you oil each other and try to give your mate an orgasm with a different part of your body from usual. (Boob job, anyone?)
Not just for the girls
Advocates of all ways Eastern recommend ‘injaculation’, a way that men can experience multiple orgasms by ‘coming’ without ejaculation. This means he can go again right away, experience multiple bliss and, of course, keep going longer.
How to do it? Business as usual until just before the point of ‘no return’. Then swiftly, either you or your partner applies circular (quite heavy) pressure to your perineum, the space midway between your anus and the root of your penis. This causes pressure on the urethra and will stop you ejaculating, although you should still experience a deeply pleasurable, not to say mind-boggling, sensation. And you should still be hard – ready to play again should the mood take you. And it will, of course.
Some men love this. Some don’t. One who doesn’t is Grant Stoddard, who is quoted in
The Big Bang
by Em & Lo: ‘The build up to the orgasm was momentarily more intense than usual. I realised I could go straight away again and did until I got bored and a bit depressed. The real shocker came when I went to the bathroom to find that my pee had more head on it than a pint of Guinness. In other words, I’d just come in my bladder. And that’s fucked up.’ But worth a go.
The idea of tantric sex is that instead of rushing towards an orgasm, you delay for as long as possible in order to merge with your lover in body, mind and spirit.
The Tantras are ancient Hindu and Buddhist scriptures that teach us, among other things, about meditation, sex and spiritual knowledge. In Tantric sex, the male and female energies become one, thus enhancing the whole experience for both of you.
The idea is that your sexuality is not just to do with sex, but it touches your whole being. The aim is to achieve a mind-blowing orgasm that propels you to heights you would otherwise not reach due to the bond between the two of you and the long build-up. It differs from western sex in that it is as much about the journey as arriving. At the very least it will slow you down, make you more aware of your reactions and those of your partner and this alone can lead to a more fulfilling experience.
Tantric sex gives a whole new meaning to the word foreplay. The whole idea is to let the lust build up and then subside, thus controlling the sexual feeling to then let it explode when you have reached the required union. In practice, this usually means slowing down the man. Here’s how:
Here’s an idea for you
Take turns to ‘spoon’ each other, lying side by side. Synchronise your breathing so you are inhaling and exhaling at the same time. This has an almost magical effect in bringing you closer to each other and getting you back on each other’s wavelength.
1. Pull down gently on the balls. When you climax they naturally rise, so if you pull them down, they can’t.
2. Visualise the sexual energy moving through each chakra rather than just the pelvis area.
3. Try the yab-yum position (yes that really is its name), where the man kneels or sits with his legs crossed and she straddles on top with her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck. They say that if a man’s spine is straight he can better control his orgasm. It also doesn’t give much stimulation to the man.
Even if you don’t go wholesale for the Tantric option, why not try some of the things it suggests, like slowing your lovemaking down, appreciating and respecting each other, looking into each other’s eyes. I like the exhortation to give a little bow to each other after sex. Very sweet.
Choosing the best vibrator material and shape for your needs.
Before you buy a vibrator it helps if you’re familiar with what gets you off best whilst masturbating. If you enjoy a lot of clitoral stimulation, pay close attention to the shape and vibe potential of the bunny ears. For women who love their G-spot being probed, the shape, angle and distance between the clitoral stimulator relative to the shaft are crucial measurements. Women who are extra sensitive just inside their vagina will want models that provide stronger pearl action friction. If you like to be tickled around the anal area at the same time, then there are models that pleasure all three zones at once.
If you already have a vibe, you’ll have more of an idea of what shape and size suits you. The different materials Rabbits are made from give a different feel: there’s latex, silicone, jelly, metal and PVC. PVC, jelly and silicone are good at conducting vibrations, but jelly toys are more porous and harder to clean and can contain potentially harmful chemicals called phthalates. Silicone is easier to clean and medical grade silicone is hypoallergenic, but some women prefer the gentler, more realistic feel provided by softer materials.
Noise is an important factor if you don’t want everyone to know what you are up to! The most important consideration is the frequency of the various vibes, so you need to go to a sex shop and test out the models on offer.
Here’s an idea for you…
Choose a female-friendly specialist store that is well-lit and has properly trained staff to test out vibes. Ask if you can test out a model that you like the look of with some batteries. Rather than testing it on your nose, put it on your hip bone just on the inside or on the muscle between the shoulder blade and the spine, because those are areas that will relax you. To feel both vibe actions, cup your hand and place the bunny ears on the fleshy skin between your finger and thumb whilst your hand grips the shaft.
Most people prefer to buy their vibes from sex shops. It’s really essential to be able to see, touch, feel and smell any toy you want to buy. If you are buying something for use with your partner, then you should
both
go. Gita Selli, Ann Summers’ vibe expert, says, ‘I normally tell couples to come in together because then the woman can actually look at the toys and decide whether she feels comfortable with it.’ Men invariably assume the best vibe is the longest and the thickest phallic-shaped object they can find, but for most women the clit action is the real deal. Don’t get too distracted by the frenetic movement of the pearl beads in the Rabbit model’s shaft; you’ll feel more on the clitoral area, so pay particular attention to the bunny ears.
Bringing your partner off with your hand is a staple of a good sex life and for men an essential skill to develop as this is the only way many women can come during intercourse.
Using different techniques to reach orgasm can teach you a lot about your sexual response and can result in deeper orgasms. Experiment with the following techniques when you’re masturbating – once you’ve got the hang of them, share your new knowledge with your partner. Remember, if you’re the one doing the stimulating, don’t chop and change between techniques too much in one session, as it’s distracting, especially when your partner’s approaching orgasm.
Different for girls
After rubbing the clitoral area with fingers, moving on to a palm provides an intense pressure and an intense orgasm. Using the heel of the palm to grind against the clitoris while the fingers are free to play around with the vagina, perineum and labia gives strong contractions, especially if you press down just above the pubic bone at the same time with your other hand.
Here’s an idea for you…
Lots of manual work can lead to chafing, so lubricate, lubricate, lubricate. Then lubricate some more.
The wishbone, sometimes known as ‘the V’, uses the whole of the clitoris and not just the little nub that we call the clitoris – that’s just the bit we see. Spreading outwards and downwards from the clitoris nub, on either side of the vagina and under the skin are the arms of the clitoris. Place your index and middle fingers pointed downwards towards the vagina, one on each side of the labia with the junction of the V on your clitoris nub. Massage the clitoral arms and the clitoris with the V, keeping up constant pressure on all parts of the clitoris. The orgasm from this technique takes time, but that builds tension and gives most women a more diffuse orgasm that’s more of a whole body experience.
Insert the index finger of one hand into the vagina and pull down very gently (if you’re masturbating, reaching from behind with your hand might be easier). With the other finger rub up and down on the clitoral hood. The stretching will feel great.
Men only
After some preliminary strokes to get things hotted up, hold the penis with one hand and place the palm of the other hand across the head. For every up movement and down movement, circle the other hand over the head. As one hand comes up you circle over. As the hand goes down you circle again. The hands come close together on the up stroke. Get into a rhythm.
Clasp both hands around the penis with fingers interlaced and move up and down.
Here’s one to practise as he’s approaching orgasm. Clasp both hands around the head of his penis and squeeze, hold for a second, let go and squeeze again. You’re trying to mimic the rhythm of his pulse and it can heighten the orgasm if done while he’s ejaculating.
Why every couple needs some.
Think about the best holiday you’ve ever had together. Those shared memories can’t help but make you smile. And no one else would understand them but you two. This is about the sex equivalent of the perfect holiday.
Here’s an idea for you…
Create new sexual secrets. Talk about old ones that you’ve shared. On no account share the sexual secrets you had with another partner. That’s missing the point.
What you’re aiming to do is create a stronger bond between you in the simplest way possible. You know something about your partner that no one else knows. Oh, OK, you two have secrets already – you know hundreds of things about your partner that no one else knows. But, by sharing sexual secrets, you become even closer. That’s because you underline the uniqueness of your relationship –
no one else
but you two knows these secrets. And, of course, creating the secrets is bloody good fun.
A good example of creating a sexual secret is to shave off each other’s pubic hair. This is still mildly shocking, though God knows why with the ubiquity of the Brazilian wax where both sexes let total strangers loose on them. Whatever. Besides the frisson of naughtiness, there’s a practical reason to try shaving. Being hairless increases sensations, especially during oral sex. Plus, in a crowded room, you’ll be the only one who knows why they’re squirming about so much in their seat when the hair starts to regrow. But despite the itch, it’s well worth trying at least once because it really redefines the meaning of ‘intimacy’. First trim with small nail scissors (you see why this is so intimate), then bathe and then lather up with hair conditioner. Next, apply liberal amounts of shaving gel, and use disposable razors to carefully shave off the hair. Use your hand to smooth down areas like the labia to get a good line. Women, ask your man for advice – they know more about this than you do. You could experiment with heart shapes or trimming initials if you don’t want to go the whole way. Apply hypoallergenic lotion afterwards to soothe it all down, which also helps when the hair’s growing back.