Incredible Sex (52 Brilliant Little Ideas) (4 page)

   Circle, circle, flick, flick, flick. Circle, circle, flick, flick, flick.

   Very lazy circles around the clitoris, but not touching it. See how slow you can go. Doing this after a bit of a build-up can drive her mad with longing.

   Suck the clitoris very gently and flick your tongue over it. Or move your tongue slowly up-down, up-down.

   Make your tongue pointy and insert it into the hole rhythmically. (But note: don’t overdo tongue penetration unless specifically asked – assuming that their tongue should mimic their penis is the biggest technical mistake men make.)

Here’s an idea for you…

If he’s willing, but it’s just prod, prod, prod and doesn’t do anything for you, first of all ask him to go slowly. Really slowly. Slow and steady will eventually work for most women. (Men, if only they knew, don’t usually have to go fast until the very end, and even then not always.) The point is that it’s hard for him to prod slowly. It’s a kind of contradiction in terms and he might automatically then start using the flat-tongue action that’s more likely to work for you.

Try all of these. And at the end when she’s approaching orgasm, you’ll probably be doing some version of lapping at her clitoris up and down, firmly and rhythmically in a steady and purposeful manner. She’ll be bucking against you now. She might like you to hold on to her buttocks or hands tight as she approaches orgasm. It helps her concentrate. Don’t change what you’re doing at all except perhaps to go a little faster.

10.
   
Power to the people

The whip and the flesh, inside the world of S and M. The pleasure of pain and sweet submission.

Experimenting along the edges of your ‘shadow selves’ can lead to mind-opening experiences. Work out some details in advance, for example when and where the scene will take place, what roles will be adopted, limits (that is, what specific activities can or should not happen), what safe word to use (a code word that can be used to stop the action), whether or not there will be genital sex, what kind of birth control to use and so on. You could also write lists of things you definitely like, activities that are taboo, plus a list of maybes. Even people who have fantasised for a long time about an activity don’t know how they’ll actually feel about doing it until it happens. Always agree on everything first and initiate things slowly; it’s a bit like foreplay but with more options!

Things to try include tying someone up (bondage), tickling (with hand or feather), stroking, spanking, caning and whipping. Bondage adds an element of fantasy (it’s one of the most common ones for both men and women). Be wary about using makeshift household items like silk scarves; they are actually like wire in the wrong hands. Always pad areas that you want to bind first.

Here’s an idea for you…

The next time you are in the middle of foreplay, ask your partner to put their hands behind their head and close their eyes whilst you tickle them with something soft and silky. At any time they can open their eyes or release their hands, so there’s no pressure. If this works, you can progress on to more exciting things…

Adding a little pain to the proceedings is stimulating for some because it releases endorphins – the same feel-good chemicals we get when we exercise. Too much is a turn-off, though, and everyone has a different pain threshold. Always remember to warm up each part of the body first; before moving on to harder strokes, you could start with stroking, move on to tickling and progress to hand spanking then possibly using a different implement.

Most newbies will try being a bottom first, and in the ‘scene’ bottoms outnumber tops by ten to one! Although it might seem appealing to be dominant, in actual fact they are doing all the work… They are not doing whatever they want to someone, but working to a pre-agreed ‘script’ that should be mutually fulfilling. In addition, who is penetrated is not determined by the role they are playing. The submissive partner may be ‘made’ to use their mouth/penis on the other, and the dominant partner could accept or initiate sexual activity. The whole point is that it’s a game where you invent your own rules. Break free from conventional constraints and find out what really turns you on!

11.
   
Assume the position…

…but ring the changes

Working your way through the
Kamasutra
ain’t going to cut it with your average dual-income, too-busy-to-breathe couple. There are basically only four or five positions (no, we can’t be arsed to count them), and everything else is just a variation on a theme. However, most couples find one or two favourites and stick with these because they deliver. Some simple modifications can make these even better. Here are three ways.

Improve…The missionary

A great position, much maligned. Here’s an alternative for when you both want to be on the bottom. She lies with her left leg flat on the bed and the right one bent at the knee and can lean on her elbows or prop herself up with cushions. He lies at right angles to her on his left side, supporting himself on his left arm while his lower (left leg) passes under her left thigh so he lifts up her pelvis enough to enter. She hooks her right leg over his ribcage. This should form a sort of open-scissors arrangement, which allows free access for both parties to her clitoris and means you can both gaze soulfully into each other’s eyes even if you’re too far away for a kiss. Movement is limited, but this is a good position for when you’re feeling lazy – great for when you both have a hangover.

Here’s an idea for you…

The simplest, but very effective modification of the missionary position is an ancient Eastern technique: she stuffs a couple of pillows under her hips to raise her pelvis, which improves clitoral stimulation.

Improve…Her on top

Very popular position with women. Very popular with men for that matter. She gets on top and squats on him then gently swivels round so that she’s facing his feet. She may have to bend forward a bit and use his ankles or calves to hold on to. He gets a superlative view of her bottom as opposed to her breasts. Also, if she lifts herself up between thrusts, he gets a great view of his penis entering her – probably the closest view you can get of penetration, short of a porn movie. Perhaps that’s the reason this position was voted the one most men would like to try in a
Cosmopolitan
survey. And if she wriggles about, she’ll get good stimulation of the area around her G-spot, plus few positions will give her so much scope to fantasise.

Improve…The 69

Great fun in theory, but as orgasm approaches it gets harder to concentrate on giving pleasure. One partner loses concentration, and bang, the show’s over for the other one, which is one reason why couples tend to stop doing 69s once their honeymoon period is over. Remember, it’s easier if you lie on your side leaning on the inside of your lover’s thigh for support. You can also pass a vibrator between you so that if one of you is approaching orgasm, he or she can stop tongue action and stimulate with the vibrator instead so that your lover stays revved up while bringing you off.

12.
   
Compromise positions

Quickie sex in half the time – and ways to satisfy each other when you don’t have time to go all the way.

It’s all very well waxing lyrical about leisurely techniques, but sometimes we just don’t have time to put them into practice. A lot of us would rather catch up on shut-eye instead. However, sleepy lovers can improvise to speed things along. To get you warmed up, try starting foreplay earlier whilst you are watching TV and then you can finish off in the bedroom. If one of you showers at night join them and have sex right there in the shower – one of the best positions for couples in a hurry is to do it standing up, and this way there’s no need to clean up afterwards. If he’s not up to penetrating you, you can buy a dildo to stick on the shower wall for you to ride on and give him a full view.

Here’s an idea for you…

If you don’t feel like it right now, kiss your partner passionately and talk about the hot things you’re going to do to each other next time you’ve got the opportunity for a long, passionate lovemaking session, and fix up the date!

Other tricks involve making use of new technology to get you aroused quicker. The Tantra Beam massager (
tantrabeam.com
) is an electric pulse device you wear on your wrist like a watch; the strap slips over your finger. You’re still touching your partner with the feel of your own skin, but when you switch on the machine it literally electrifies your touch which makes for a quick thrill. (To really push the boat out, he can wear this around his waist and turn his penis into a vibrator.) It’s also good as a relaxing massager if you just want a bit of touchy-feely. In your regular lovemaking sessions make a mental list of things that turn each other on and discover positions that make you come quicker for maximum effect (both men and women generally find it easier to come on top).

Also reinvent the quickie. Rather than thinking of it as compromise sex, keep such sessions extra special by restricting certain positions and predilections that you love just to these times. You don’t need to fit a quick one in just before bed, you could ravish your partner ten minutes before you’re due to meet friends when you’re already dressed up, or take advantage of a quiet strip of sand at the beach. An optimal time for sex is first thing in the morning (men wake up with an erection) and if you’re not feeling particularly fresh, keep a strip of chewing gum for instant invigoration by the bed.